SmackDown 1-9-09 | Wrestlingfigs.com WWE Figure Forums

STF-U
Jobber

Joined on: Jun 1, 2009 20:45:24 GMT -5
Posts: 40

SmackDown 1-9-09 Jun 2, 2009 11:28:11 GMT -5

Post by STF-U on Jun 2, 2009 11:28:11 GMT -5

WWE SmackDown Preview

Tonight, on SmackDown we’re having a Beat the Clock Sprint to determine No.1 Contender for WWE Champion Jeff Hardy’s Title
Undertaker vs. The Miz
Triple H vs. John Morrison
Rey Mysterio vs. M.V.P.
Big Show vs Great Khali

SmackDown!
Ladies and Gentlemen, we welcome you to an exciting edition of SmackDown we’re having our return for the Beat the Clock sprint almost 3 weeks from the Royal Rumble

Our first match is, M.V.P vs. Rey Mysterio and it’s for the Beat the Clock Sprint. This match was actually a good one it went for 8:58 and Rey Mysterio won with the 619 but, still it was nice.
Just 18 minutes, into the show, “The Gold Standard” Shelton Benjamin complains about being the greatest athlete in the world, the yet, he’s not in the Beat the Clock! He said he’d all these losers in 3 minutes. I am…..Teddy Long stops him and says, “Hold up playa, now since you think you’re all that, then how about this, if you can beat, WWE Champion, Jeff Hardy, then I’ll let you face the winner for the No.1 Contendership!
We head to a quick commercial
Our next was OK, it was a “Battle of the Goliaths” or Great Khali vs. The Big Show. The Great Khali got some momentum with his big boots. It came down to the wire as The Big Show got his knockout punch and Khali got his Khali Chop. Both men fell on the ropes, as they met in the middle of the ring, Khali nailed a Khali Bomb to end it, 1-2-3 the time was, 9:28

The Royal Rumble, history, and eliminations, and records promo is shown.
Kane comes on the screen every WWE Superstar is in the backstage with orange fire and Kane gives his disturbing 2 minute speech on how they all better watch out cause they will be decimated if they get in his way.
We cut, to backstage as we see Carlito talking to Teddy Long. He says, “Teddy, how come I’m not in the Rumble?” Teddy comes back, “Don’t get me wrong, Carlito your one of my top dogs, but SmackDown’s Rumble Slots are full. The Miz barges it and yells, “WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA PUTTING ME IN NUMBER 1 IN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!” Teddy says “I was a random entry. Miz tells Teddy “You better re random in then. Teddy says, ‘’Well, if you don’t want it, I’ll give it to Carlito. And you’ll be facing off against Finlay next week, win you go up to 10. Lose, you’ll be going 1 on 3 vs. Brothers of Destruction and Great Khali!
Our, next Beat the Clock Sprint Match was, John Morrison vs. Triple H. John Morrison did some pretty athletic moves included the STO Backbreaker, Starship Pain, and Shooting Star Press (standing) he held his own vs. Triple H for like 7 minutes, Morrison tried a Moonlight Drive but Triple H countered into a Pedigree in 7:51
Up Next, The Miz vs The Undertaker
WWE Royal Rumble Commercial
The Miz comes to the ring with all boos then came The Undertaker with a gong! He got the best ovation of the night! The Miz snuck threw the crowd and behind The Undertaker attacking him from behind. He stomped all on the Undertaker. He demolished him they got to the ring. Miz got his finisher twice. Undertaker sat up with 7:29 on the clock and hadn’t got in any offense then Miz tried a Cutter, but Taker caught his legs for a Tombstone Piledriver at 7:46 and 1-2-3! (The buzzer goes off) Undertaker is happy he beat the buzzer by 26 ticks of a second! Out of nowhere, Shelton Benjamin nails a Paydirt on the Undertaker leaving him out cold in the middle of the ring. This would affect him at the Royal Rumble
Jeff Hardy came out with the 2nd biggest pop but, he got a standing ovation. He ran to save Undertaker as the match started. It took 3 commercials and went on for 23 minutes! Benjamin looked very impressive in this back and forth match. Hardy even jumped over the steel steps outside the ring but, he was caught with a Paydirt in midair. Benjamin was tired at 22:21 as he tried a Paydirt he fell and Hardy capitalized with a scoop slam, a Twist of Fate, and a Swanton Bomb 1-2-3 to win it. The Undertaker capitalized with a Chokeslam to shut up Benjamin up and Hardy and Taker celebrate, they will fight at Royal Rumble

WCWA Online
WF Legend

Helter Skelter has arrived in the fantasy booking board.

Joined on: May 4, 2008 15:29:02 GMT -5
Posts: 6,111

SmackDown 1-9-09 Jun 2, 2009 12:42:24 GMT -5

Post by WCWA Online on Jun 2, 2009 12:42:24 GMT -5

Jun 2, 2009 9:41:42 GMT -5 WCWA Online said:

watch the run on sentences! proper punctuaction is the key to really capturing the feel, especially for spoken word. I'd suggest reading back over your stuff to make sure it makes sense. It'd hopefully catch the run on sentences, and a few times when the wrong word was used. It'd probably also help the overall detailing, because you'd catch stuff you want to add.

I'd also try a little harder to capture the feel of the type of show you're presenting. Generally speaking, this show was awfully short for an episode of Raw, and light on the promos. Commercials also seemed a little irregular. I'd also work on building your storylines. this first show focused a lot on the tournament, and that's fine, but from your next show on, you really need to get it on with the storylines, especially with your Rumble now just 3 shows away

In addition:

Slow down! You've posted three shows in one day! Quality over quanity is the quota around here. Instead of posting three less than stellar shows, post one REALLY good show. Don't post anything until you are 100% satisfied with it. Example.. The Koslov match. You can't be happy with that. Sure, it's a squash match, but all that really did was make Gavin look bad, because you didn't describe anything that Koslov did, so it didn't really make Koslov look GOOD. It didn't put over the force and reckless abandon of his moves or just how dominating he is. He beat a jobber in 3 minutes.

I'd suggest proper spacing, a more complete feel to the shows, and just take your time. Also, I'd suggest cutting WAY back. WWE can't get everyone over to everyone that actually watches the show with a team of writers, so there's no chance in Hell you'll be able to with just writing. I'd suggest cutting back to just one brand for your series.

I've put my other two reviews of your shows here as well, because they still apply. See, this is the problem with posting shows as fast as you have, because there's no way to improve from show to show, because you're not getting feedback from show to show. This Smackdown honestly feels the most rushed of them all, and has the read span of the ECW. Not a good thing.

Work on establishing your characters. Work on getting everything that you do over as well as possible. Also, make something that will make people want to come back and read more of your shows. With a direct clone of WWE, you're going to have a hard time getting repeat viewers, unless you really mix things up. Try to make your writing good and your storylines better. You're writing to an audiance here. make them want to read more.

You do show potential and I love the drive that you have to produce three shows in one day, but instead of going completely overboard with three shows, make one show as good as possible. I suggest reading around the board a little bit and checking out a few different serieses that are posted on here. Erik Erna's Underground Entertainment, ICW's ICW, and my own WCWA are all good starts to really get down the premise and execution of fantasy booking. You'll only get better with time if you soak in your surroundings.

Also, as a footnote, anything other than shows do not go on the main board, but rather the sub board at the top of the page. But slow down on those too!

Hurricane
WF Icon

Micro Stop art/wrestling forum!

Joined on: Nov 22, 2004 18:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 10,664

SmackDown 1-9-09 Jun 19, 2009 5:40:06 GMT -5

Post by Hurricane on Jun 19, 2009 5:40:06 GMT -5

Hmm.. agreed here. Seems very rushed and very blocky. Break it apart more, give it some headings and a neater layout. Also find some logos from google and use them to help. Just take your time, plan it ahead and try to come up with some good material. I'd also recommend just sticking with one brand, because its hard to remember three totally different shows from one person.

Click to view my MS Paint pixel art drawings! Give my page a like!