|
|
Post by " The Chosen One" Jeff Relling on Oct 16, 2010 22:07:39 GMT -5
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. ~Bertrand Russell Lightning stands across of a marble tombstone. A tear starts to develop on his face. He reaches in his pocket and pulls a photo of him and his brother who passed away. He sets the photo near a dead flower. Rain pours down from the sky as the sky itself was crying. The rain disguises the tears of the WFWF superstar. Drop after of drop of rain strikes the tombstone. Lightning walks away to his car with no emotion on his face.
He slams the door on his black car. He starts the car and drives away.
An hour later.
Lightning is geared for his match a couple hours early and stares at the floor beneath him. A knock on the door echoes in the dim lighted locker room. Come in. Johnny Albright enters the room with a smile on his face. He drops his bag of his attire and belongings. He grabs a cold steel chair and sits near Lightning. You ok.No. I'm not. What's a matter? Nothing.You sure.Lightning lifts his head and gives Albright a thumbs up. Lightning then gets up from his chair and walks out of the locker room. He walks down the bright lighted hallway. He bumps into Jack Boulder. Yo, Jeff. Hi.I'm going to be gone for a while. I need you to do me a favor.Sure, Pipes Alot. Lead the Horsemen. There just rookies, they need to be watched ok. Sure. Whatever. Boulder leaves. Jeff sits in that hallway, processing thoughts inside his mind. I can't live with this today. Nothing put getting hurt and offended by newcomers and has-beens. This business is like a needle, the holes won't last long but more will show and I'll remember everything. But today, this business will change. A change that no one except me can stop. I posses power of two men and myself. For now one these horsemen turns into a king. That horsemen is the Chosen One. My first step to kingdom is the National Title. Yes, It will be MINE |
|
|
|
Post by " The Chosen One" Jeff Relling on Oct 22, 2010 22:49:00 GMT -5
Ok, I'll admit...it sucks. I kinda rushed due to some school stuff. So sorry for no 100% effort.
|
|
Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
|
Post by Revvie® on Oct 26, 2010 23:02:38 GMT -5
Well as long as you can admit it. Seriously though this rp wasnt horrible. I mean thing only thing I really liked was the quote at the beginning and the little promo at the end. Other then that the conversations were absolutely pointless and the description had no content. The beginning was a little over done on the "deep and dark" side of things. But for a newbie that would be ok because even I started there. Take a little more time on your rps and take a look at the way your rping. I see a spark of talent in your ending speech but the rest is just fluff in this case and brings little or nothing to the whole. Revvie  |
|
B-Radimus Prime
Main Eventer
R.I.P. Luna :(
Joined on: Jun 20, 2006 21:37:05 GMT -5
Posts: 2,572
|
Post by B-Radimus Prime on Oct 27, 2010 0:14:29 GMT -5
I will say that you've come a ways since your first RP's here, so that's a plus.
Just keep with it. As Rev said, take your time. And also, keep reading the RP's around here. Get a true feel for your character and make sure you know exactly what you want to accomplish here and in your work, in general.
|
|
|
|
Post by sonstuds on Oct 27, 2010 1:58:14 GMT -5
Well as long as you can admit it. Seriously though this rp wasnt horrible. I mean thing only thing I really liked was the quote at the beginning and the little promo at the end. Other then that the conversations were absolutely pointless and the description had no content. The beginning was a little over done on the "deep and dark" side of things. But for a newbie that would be ok because even I started there. Take a little more time on your rps and take a look at the way your rping. I see a spark of talent in your ending speech but the rest is just fluff in this case and brings little or nothing to the whole. Revvie  |
|
|
|
Post by " The Chosen One" Jeff Relling on Oct 27, 2010 16:45:47 GMT -5
Well as long as you can admit it. Seriously though this rp wasnt horrible. I mean thing only thing I really liked was the quote at the beginning and the little promo at the end. Other then that the conversations were absolutely pointless and the description had no content. The beginning was a little over done on the "deep and dark" side of things. But for a newbie that would be ok because even I started there. Take a little more time on your rps and take a look at the way your rping. I see a spark of talent in your ending speech but the rest is just fluff in this case and brings little or nothing to the whole. Revvie Thank you so for all you help. Especially the legend himself, Revvie. |
|
