Post by Boss Bread on Oct 26, 2010 16:15:22 GMT -5
The WFWF National Championship and Valorie Evans were the cutest couple in the history of professional wrestling. The moment they first touched one another a magic sparked between them, and ever since, they have had many candle-lit dinners at many almost-expensive restaurants, like Red Robin (yum!). They would share personal secrets with one another, like how the WFWF National Championship was so pleased that he didn't have to hug the waist of Lawrence Cage (he wasn't fond of his obsession with protecting women, he felt it would distract from their relationship) and how abusive his relationship with Jon O'Deeves was. The championship was a broken man, and needed someone to help mend his wounds, and Valorie Evans? Valorie Evans was that person just for that job. She too, had her own secrets, like how Valorie felt the need to give inanimate objects their own silly personalities. That wasn't crazy right? Sometimes a pencil sharpener needs the personality of a charismatic dictator to motivate all his pencil minions. How else would they feel the need to be sharpened? Seriously. Regardless, their relationship blossomed to something only rivaled by Rose and Jack, Valorie knew that the moment she was an old lady, she look back at her relationship with the WFWF Championship and reminiscence about their time on the SOS WFWF, and how her most sincere love fell to the depths of the cold, and evil ocean.
Together, they were now standing in front of a red brick wall of their local Wal*Mart, ready to cut the most fantastic promo of their young careers. The camera zooming away from the gold, revealed a confident Valorie Evans smiling from cheek to cheek as she looked down at her championship and then at the camera. "Pretty bitchin', huh?" She was holding a blue plastic bag in her opposite hand as her right patted the gold around her waist. "We were just picking up some quick goods at Wally World, and low and behold, we ran into the camera guy in line! Like all camera men, he had his camera, otherwise they wouldn't be ready to catch every waking moment of our lives, so seeing it as an opportune moment, we decided to just do our promo on the fly." She then looked down at her championship and smiled while nodding her head. "Look at this beautiful man. Look at how he shines underneath these parking lot lights. Look at how he hugs my waist so perfectly, how he holds me every so lovingly, ready to protect me from any wrongs that just may happen. He loves me. He adores me. He'll never let me go." Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath and then spreads out her arms, like she was basking under the summer sun. "This title and I? We were meant to be together, our love in genuine for one another, you wouldn't believe the pain and torment he went through while he was with Jon O'Deeves. He never took him to Toys R Us! He never took him to dinner! He never took him to bed! He never..." Valorie pauses and bites her lower lip to shut herself up. "Okay, you're right, I shouldn't reveal our intimate moments. That's between you and I."
Refocusing herself, she stares back at the camera. The feeling of uneasiness transcending through the camera. "If you think for just a moment that people like Lawrence Cage, and Luke Collins are going to get away with threatening our love for each other, then I'm afraid to tell you this, but you're absolutely and horrendously wrong. Wrong. W-R-O-N-G. We're righteously omitting nay-sayers gabble. WRONG." Putting down her plastic baggy of goods, she then unbuckles her championship around her waist and holds it up towards the camera. "I'm so happy that Chris Jackal is going to help us fight for our love. You have no idea how glad I am to know that someone out there believes in us. How someone out there doesn't look down upon us and call our relationship a freak show. It's not my fault we fell in love. It's not my fault that love found us. Praise the lord of creating Chris Jackal." An evil undertone then gets into her voice as she continues, "Curse the devil for creating Luke Collins and Lawrence Cage. In fact..." Placing her championship on her shoulder she bends down to grab an item out of her Wal*Mart bag. "...you can have this can of Spam." Holding it in front of the camera, so this travesty of food can be seen clearly on screen, "It was the last can on the aisle, and I wanted to rid of it's loneliness, but ever since I bought it's been annoying my loaf of Wonder bread. Just like you two are annoying me with the rest of the god damn world. So, I know that this, and you two will get along just fine with one another. Together you can convey your stupid pointless annoying messages." Tossing the can on the floor, she then rolls her championship off her shoulder, and into her hands. Bringing the championship towards her face, she stares at her National championship for a loving minute before giving it one passionate kiss as the scene fades away.
(OOC: You have no idea how fun this was to write once I finally got an idea in my head. XD)
