Bob Bob Bobelow
Main Eventer
Joined on: Jul 10, 2008 19:32:38 GMT -5
Posts: 2,203
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Post by Bob Bob Bobelow on Dec 21, 2010 6:01:26 GMT -5
This isn't really a POV. Take a look at Matt's Pillman POV or some others to see how a POV truly operates. Your just doing matches and one sentence twitter updates. I would like to see some backstage stuff, words from Ryder as if he is writing a diary of his life. Add more detail to this. Its kind of boring otherwise.
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Post by Rated R on Dec 21, 2010 8:22:34 GMT -5
As has been said there is a lot more you should include to make this a true POV but I'm enjoying it none the less. The twitter updates are pure gold, I'm actually enjoying them more than the matches right now. You've got a decent base here but it needs some work, maybe add some more backstage stuff in.
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Post by Mike Bockwinkel on Dec 21, 2010 12:02:09 GMT -5
I agree with the above, not doing this as a proper POV hurts it, but not so much that its a bad diary, its far from it. See if you can change that up a bit, and keep it up, and it will be a great diary. !
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Post by TheNinthCloud on Dec 21, 2010 13:13:20 GMT -5
Good to know why the hell Ryder is angry. Sounds like a PPV match here. Nice he gets actual RAW time. He seems as if he's a real badass heel here. Looking forward to more installments. I guess it isn't a REAL POV, but it seems more third person POV. Those tweets were funny, though.
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Post by Red Dragon on Dec 23, 2010 3:58:55 GMT -5
This is getting better, I had my doubts when I read at first but your taking on critisism and improving well, I'm not really a fan of the twitter updates the way they are I'd rather them relate to the ring like how peed off he is at Bourne but thats just my personal taste as I see others like it, the mini-feud with Bourne is a good way to start off, I felt the interview could have been written up in full, the matches although short reflect the shortness of Ryder's actual matches so good, I will say though I feel like your not really putting enough effort into this I might be wrong but your only knocking out short paragraphs and one line twitter sentences, I feel there could be a drastic improvment if you start writing about outside the ring whether that be in character or out of character, good luck I hope you stick with this.
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