12/23/10 - James Brown's Funky Christmas Results

[/color] Hey Matty, you know what'd be grand?


Matthew Werner:[/color] Another match!?


Matt Steel:[/color] Yes.


Making his debut in singles competition, AJ King impressively made short work of former National Champion Jon O’Deeves. A double axe-handle smash from the top rope was followed up with his effective finisher “The Encore”. How effective was it? Effective enough to get the victory, I tell you what.[/color]


Keri Thames:[/color] Your winner of the match ... AJ King!


Matthew Werner:[/color] Good for him.


Matt Steel:[/color] Mmhmm.[/center]


[/color]


King Kraig:[/color] I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the way it is.


The camera pans, revealing Jason Jadoa standing in front of King Kraig as the crowd boos.[/color]


King Kraig:[/color] Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your actions. Alex Sean is a thorn in my side just as much as anyone. Did you know he drives an SUV? It’s everybody’s planet!


Kraig collects himself as he adjusts his tie.[/color]


King Kraig:[/color] But I digress ... I don’t want you interfering in Alex Sean’s match tonight. I want Alex Sean to lose. I want Alex Sean to lose decisively. But ... I want him to lose legitimately. I don’t want what happened against Thunder to happen tonight. No, I don’t want Alex Sean to lose but then to argue that doing an Alex Sean impersonation which just sounds like a standard white guy[/color] “I was never actually pinned, Kraig”.


He looks at Jason Jadoa who has remained silent the entire time, his arms crossed.[/color]


King Kraig:[/color] Simply put, I just don’t want him to be able to make any excuses. But after the match? Well ...


Devilishly, he grins.[/color]


King Kraig:[/color] I really can’t dictate other people’s actions, now can I?


He begins to laugh as Jason Jadoa simply walks away.


Back to the broadcast booth.[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] Well that doesn't sound good for Alex Sean.


Matt Steel:[/color] What are you talking about? King Kraig just told Jason Jadoa not to attack Alex Sean. If anything that's very good news for him.


Matthew Werner:[/color] But what about after the match?


Matt Steel:[/color] Live in the now, Matthew. Worry about the future when it happens.


Matthew Werner:[/color] ... Hrm ... Moving on ...


In a battle for number one contendership to the recently stolen National title, Ace Bennett was for all intents and purposes the only one who showed up (see what I did there?). Aware of the reward in a victory, Ace Bennett put on arguably his best performance in a WFWF ring. As Bennett was going for a Pump Handle Slam Lawrence Cage was able to slide out the back door, landing on the ring apron to be exact. Not remotely fazed, Ace Bennett used the assistance of the middle rope to perform an innovative but certainly effective Shining Wizard to knock Lawrence Cage to the mats below. This left just Bennett and Chris Jackal, who was straddled on the top rope when he went for the Shooting Star Press but was crotched by Lawrence Cage moments earlier. Unfortunately for Jackal, Ace Bennett’s best move happens to be from that position and he connected with the Syracuse Drop to not only pick up the victory, but a shot at the National Championship in the process.[/color]


Keri Thames:[/color] Your winner of the match ... Ace Bennett!


Matt Steel:[/color] Nice to see someone who worked hard get rewarded.


Matthew Werner:[/color] That was nice of you.


Matt Steel:[/color] Yeah I thought so.


With this act of kindness from Matt Steel, we head to commercial.[/color]


Coming soon ...





Indiana Jones V: Curse of the Wrestling Figs Wrestling Federation


Only on Pay-Per-View![/center]

[/color] Well folks, we have a holiday treat for you.


Matt Steel:[/color] 3-D TVs for the audience!... Just kidding! Aha! We're actually nearing bankruptcy.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Coming up right now, a special interview with our Tag Team Champions EBR & DGX.


EBR and DGX appear from the backstage, sitting in chairs to a pop from the crowd.[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] First off, thank you for joining us tonight.


EBR:[/COLOR] Our pleasure.


Matthew Werner:[/color] So I take it you two are in Miami or Anaheim or somewhere else?


DGX:[/COLOR] We’re in the backstage area, Matthew.


The camera pans out to show them sitting in their locker room.[/color]


EBR:[/COLOR] We just felt like if we talked to Stacy Grey there was an outside chance we’d get interrupted by King Kraig. That was rude.


DGX:[/COLOR] Yes, and I don’t allow myself to be interviewed by women unless I fornicate with them.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Aha ... he’s just joking, ladies.


DGX:[/COLOR] Who are you to tell me what I believe in?


Matthew Werner:[/color] Right. Back on topic, as announced at Hater’s Gonna Hate two weeks ago – EBR & DGX vs. Jason Jadoa & CBT for the Tag Team Titles at Indiana Jones V.


EBR:[/COLOR] Yes.


There’s a silence.[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] Well, I can only presume you’ve been notified of this match?


DGX:[/COLOR] News involving us travels fast, one could say ...


EBR:[/COLOR] Looking at DGX[/color] Yeah ... plus we were at the show so ... you know ...


Matthew Werner:[/color] Of course –


Matt Steel:[/color] Hey guys, Matt Steel here.


EBR:[/COLOR] Hey.


DGX:[/COLOR] ‘Sup?


Werner looks at Matt Steel.[/color]


Matt Steel:[/color] What? ... Carry on.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Thanks.


EBR:[/COLOR] To be honest with you Matthew? We’re only doing this interview because King Kraig told us he wanted us to promote that very same match. So yes, we are quite aware of its existence.


DGX:[/COLOR] Truth.


Matthew Werner:[/color] While I appreciate you being forthcoming, you must be aware how big of a match this is on paper.


DGX:[/COLOR] We’ve been crackin’ skulls for months now. Business as usual, really. But you’re exactly right; on paper. We’re the Tag Team Champions. No one has been able to even challenge us so far. We’re supposed to be frightened because we’re facing two guys who haven’t teamed together in years?


EBR:[/COLOR] One of who, at last we all checked, was dead.


DGX nods.[/color]


DGX:[/COLOR] Truth.


Matthew Werner:[/color] That actually ties into my next question, one which was posed by several WFWF fans when this match was announced. Despite involving four Hall of Famers -


Matt Steel:[/color] Congrats on that by the way, D.


DGX:[/COLOR] Thanks, bro.


Matthew Werner:[/color] The biggest question, concern actually – is CBT in fact dead?


EBR:[/COLOR] Well, I’m not a doctor, Matthew.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Of course.


EBR:[/COLOR] We can only go on what we’ve heard, and what we’ve both been aware of for quite some time is that CBT died of rabies two years ago.


DGX:[/COLOR] It was a great tragedy.


RIP kid.[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] That ties into my next question rather well then; how, exactly, is the match going to commence if one of the participants is dead?


EBR:[/COLOR] Honestly, when I was told of the match I just assumed we’d be facing Jason Jadoa and zombie CBT.


DGX:[/COLOR] ZomBT.


Matthew Werner:[/color] He’s joking, folks.


EBR:[/COLOR] ... Yeah ... joking ... looks away[/color]


DGX:[/COLOR] Here’s the deal, Matthew. Whether he’s dead or alive it doesn’t make much of a difference. We’re just going to continue doing what we do. Look, we’re not naive enough to think this is just like every other match we’ve had. We know who Jason Jadoa is. We know who CBT is. But while the opponents my change one thing remains the same; they’re facing us. And whether it’s the Headcrushers, whether it’s Shawn Malakai & Cameron Stone, whether it’s Jason Jadoa, whether CBT is alive and is going to make his return or whether he’s dead and walks to the ring as a zombie set to feast on our brains – we are DGX & EBR. And all we do, my friend, is win.


EBR:[/COLOR] Why else would our theme by “Champions” by Ron Artest?


DGX:[/COLOR] Point is, the best chance anyone has of taking our Tag Team titles is to do exactly that and just steal them like it seems every other title is stolen.


EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah that appears to be all the rage these days.


DGX:[/COLOR] I think the odds are still very much in our favor.


Matthew Werner:[/color] According to Vegas you’re 2:1 favourites.


DGX:[/COLOR] Thinking about[/color] Sounds about right.


EBR:[/COLOR] Yeah seems pretty fair.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Despite looking dominant over these last several months, if there have been any kinks it would appear to be your discipline, EBR. At “Consequences Will Never Be The Same” Shawn Malakai appeared to get into your head, and at “Hips Don’t Lie” you seemed distracted. Do you believe these are legitimate issues that could impact you when you face Jason Jadoa and the possibly still alive CBT?


EBR:[/COLOR] Last I checked we still won those matches.


DGX:[/COLOR] That is correct, yes.


EBR:[/COLOR] I’mma gonna go hard today. Can’t worry about the past cause that was yesterday.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Now you’re just quoting Fabolous lyrics.


EBR:[/COLOR] Point is, matches I didn’t even wrestle all that well in we still won.


DGX:[/COLOR] Not every match can be great, Matthew. I’m sure you’ve had days where your commentary wasn’t exactly up to par.


Matt Steel:[/color] I’d say.


DGX:[/COLOR] And hey, there may one day be a match in which I don’t have my best performance and it’ll be up to E to take over and win for us. Will that day ever happen? I seriously doubt it, but hey, you never know right?


EBR nods.[/color]


EBR:[/COLOR] Wait, what?


DGX:[/COLOR] I’ll speak for EBR when I say we’ll both be more then prepared and we’ll put on a performance that’s too be expected out of two wrestlers of our caliber. And do you know what that means, Matthew?


Matthew Werner:[/color] I can only imagine.


Reaching out of screen for something, DGX reveals his half of the Tag Team Championship with a smirk on his face.[/color]


DGX:[/COLOR] Moment of the silence for the champions.


EBR:[/COLOR] Word.


With that, we end.


Or actually just go on to our next match.[/color]


The lights in the arena dim, “Mama Said Knock You Out” by Matt Humpreys hits over the P/A system. The lights immediately come back up and begin to flash in the entrance way, corner man Percy Jackson making his way through the curtain carrying a small bucket with a few bottles of water in it. Following shortly behind him in the exact same t-shirt as Jackson is another man, carrying a banner, then one more dressed identically. Finally closing off the train is the star of the show, Phillip Schneider, wearing the exact same walk out shirt as the rest of his entourage, a long flowing boxing robe covered in sponsorships over it. Schneider throws a few ghost punches in route to the ring. At ringside, he removes his robe, handing it to the escort who wasn’t doing anything, then peeling off the walk out shirt. A quick mug for the camera, but Phillip isn’t ready to compete, instead requesting the microphone. For fear of physical violence, the Keri Thames gives it up.[/color]


Phillip Schneider:[/color] Last week, I was using my own camera and had to hack the broadcast feed to get time on this program, so this week I’m going to use my television time wisely. This isn’t your typical nostalgic return. This isn’t “oh, I’m a former champion. Hi”. This isn’t what you expect. Expect the unexpected. And unexpect that of which you are expecting. Because this is a new day in the WFWF, a new dawn, a new era. But for something new to fully flourish, one has to sever the ties to the past, to destroy precious memories. To grow, one must suffer. Trace Demon, I want to help you grow. I want to teach you. I want to help you.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Really? Trace? Why?


Matt Steel:[/color] Well can it for a few minutes and he’ll probably tell us. When have you ever known him to hold his feelings back?


Phillip Schneider:[/color] A few years ago Trace, you took something from me. Something that, at the time, was very important to me. You took a championship from me. I’ve built a bit of a reputation of violence, a legacy of macabre. After all, they do call me the King of Gore. And when my time to cement this legacy in the WFWF, the Hardcore X title.. What should have been an easy match with scrubs like Jake Slash.. You took it from me Trace. You took the win and you took the championship. And despite my resume, despite a run down of accomplishments that would make most people green with envy, I wanted that. And now, a few years later.. The Hardcore X title is gone. You took that opportunity from me and now it’s gone forever. But not just that title did you take from me, but also my grand slam championship. WFWF World Heavyweight championship. WFWF Ham Shank International championship. WFWF Tag Team championships. THAT CHAMPIONSHIP WAS ALL I NEEDED TO BE A GRAND SLAM CHAMPION TRACE AND YOU TOOK IT FROM ME! YOU ROBBED ME OF THAT ACCOMPLISHMENT! We can’t change the past, but we can learn from it. We can use it to teach us..


Schneider’s tirade is cut short as Turn The Page by Shaman's Harvest (female vocals edition) plays, Lightning enters the stage as red, blue, black, and gold lights flicker in the arena. Lightning stands at the ramp and raises his arms into a pose. Lightning walks down the ramp and after he enters the ring, he runs to the turnbuckle and screams "Hardcore or Nothing“. Unfortunately for him, he gets his wish with hardcore, as Phillip Schneider whacks him in the back of the head with the microphone.[/color]


Matt Steel:[/color] BAZINGA!


Matthew Werner:[/color] Even Stevie Wonder could’ve seen that coming ...


Phillip lays the boots to Lightning momentarily as he nurses the now sliced open wound on the back of his head. [/color]


Phillip Schneider:[/color] Tell me, humor me.. Who the HELL do you think you are? You insignificant little crusty spunk rag, this is MY time! I’ve been putting asses in seats since before you could tie your shoes, and you want to interrupt ME?! Ringsprecher, Ton der glocke.TON DER GLOCKE! Ring the bell you uneducated abortion of life!


Matthew Werner:[/color] Note to self, add German for Dummies to my Christmas list ...


The bell sounds and the match is under way. Cornerman Percy Jackson hops to the apron with a mouth piece and water bottle in hand, but Phillip is having none of it, instead mounting Lightning with the microphone still in hand and smashing the blunt metal end into the fleshy forehead, immediately ripping the flesh. Phillip raises the microphone, now stained with crimson, to his mouth.[/color]


Phillip Schneider:[/color] This is my television time. This is my time to shine. It was this type of disrespect and poor management that led to my departure almost three years ago. I thought management had things under control now, but apparently the inmates still run the asylum. With anarchy rules however, I can manipulate the system to my advantage. So I’ll make my thoughts as brief as possible.


Lightning, blood now flowing like a waterfall from his forehead and to the mat, has risen to his knees. Schneider rushes at him, screaming as he does so “HARDCORE OR NOTHING!” before nearly beheading Lightning with a soccer kick to the face. A violent whiplash of the neck later and Lightning is back to the canvas.[/color]


Phillip Schneider:[/color] Trace Demon. You’ve paraded around here for the last three years, building a reputation for yourself as the king of this throne. I divorced this slut of a federation, but like an opportunist, you rushed in and remarried. Well, daddy’s home Trace. Pack your -


Matt Steel:[/color] BEEEP.


Phillip Schneider:[/color] And go.


Matthew Werner:[/color] What was that?


Matt Steel:[/color] It’s part of my job title now. Director in charge of censorship. King Kraig heard Schneider may be getting a live mic again this week and couldn’t risk the fines.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Couldn’t you get a sound effect?


Matt Steel:[/color] I’m working on it!


Lightning has risen to his feet, shaky due to blood loss, but at a vertical base regardless. With Schneider distracted with disposing of the microphone, Lightning takes the match advantage. He approaches Schneider, spinning the King of Gore around and giving him a quick and sudden Codebreaker. Schneider down on the mat, Lightning going for the pin.[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] MAKE YOURSELF FAMOUS KID!


... 1[/color] ...


... 2[/color] ...


And a kick out at two. Lightning is shocked (see what I did there?). He mounts Schneider and slaps him a few times. This however is a mistake. Schneider grabs a hand of Lightning, whipping him up and over and trapping him in a deep arm bar. Lightning is in the ropes, referee calling for a break. Schneider verbally berates Lightning, proclaiming that a break is entirely possible. Lightning screams in horror as the referee tries to the best of his authority to get Schneider to release the hold, 1.…..2.…..3.….4.…. Count of five and a disqualification would happen, but Schneider breaks at four and the match continues.[/color]


Matt Steel:[/color] I’m actually a bit shocked that Schneider broke the hold as anti-authority as he’s already proven himself to be.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Shocked ... Lightning ... That’s a good one.


Matt Steel:[/color] Actually used that joke in the dialog box, Matthew.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Shhhhh ...


Schneider to a vertical base. He awaits Lightning to get up. Lightning eventually does so. Phillip rushes at him going for a running palm strike, but Lightning ducks it. Lightning with a standing moonsault into a kick to the head, but misses Schneider’s head by about three inches and lands flat on his face.[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] Smooth ...


Schneider gathers up Lightning, putting him in a piledriver position. He raises Lightning in the air, turning him over and dropping him right on his dome with the Beverly Kills 90210.[/color]


Matt Steel:[/color] BEVERLY KILLS 90210!


Schneider with a cover and its clear Lightning isn’t responding to a count, be it three or three hundred. The bell sounds, Schneider taking the referee’s hand raising then exiting the ring with his camp, celebrating his way to the back.[/color]


Keri Thames:[/color] Uh ... your winner of the match by knockout, Phillip Schneider!


Backstage, Braden Munroe is talking with Valorie Evans, Munroe still holding Evans' title.


Braden Munroe:[/color] So...Ace Bennett, huh? He's pretty good. Not as good as you though, but still, don't take him lightly.


Valorie Evans:[/color] Braden, be straight with me. What are you doing here?


Braden Munroe:[/color] I'm here to give you your title back. You see, Tabitha stole it last week out of rage. Well...she had to run back to the hotel today after she got here...apparently the Toficken's poisoned and she won't be able to compete for a while. I told her it was karma catching up to her and she practically threw the title at me and told me to return it. So...here.


Braden goes to give her the title, but is dropped by Braden as he's hit with a monster chair shot from Ace Bennett. In the shuffle, Evans loses her footing and smacks her head of the table behind her. Bennett throws the chair at Evans and smiles as he picks up the WFWF National Championship and puts it around his waist and walks away.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Title stealing...


Matt Steel:[/color] It's apparently all the rage these days.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Silly kids and their trends. It's about as bad as that number thing on Facebook.


Matt Steel:[/color] Seriously. If I see another one of those, I'm going to disembowel a random person on that persons friends list. Tempt me, Facebook. I dare you.


What's the best cure for cold feet? Find out after the break.[/color][/center]

[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] It's time for our main event.


Matt Steel:[/color] We probably shouldn't waste any more time then.


Matthew Werner:[/color] No we shouldn't.


Matt Steel:[/color] Alright then you ready?


Matthew Werner:[/color] I am. How about you?


Matt Steel:[/color] I believe so.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Okay so we should be good to go.


Matt Steel:[/color] That's good.


Matthew Werner:[/color] It is.


In the main event of the evening, former Heavyweight Champion Alex Sean squared off with former Heavyweight Champion Trace Demon. While Alex Sean had everything to gain, Trace Demon took pride in his role as spoiler as the early goings of the match were even with neither man able to gain a distinct advantage. After roughly six minutes of this back and forth action Alex Sean was able to drop Trace Demon onto his head with the Brain-Buster, but his attention was averted towards Jason Jadoa who made his way to the ringside area. Exiting the ring to discuss wtf is going on, Jadoa simply stood with his arms crossed, allowing Alex Sean to be attacked from behind by Trace Demon who rammed his left shoulder into the ring post. From there, Trace Demon continued to work on Alex Sean’s shoulder for the duration of the match, and at one point looked to have the match won when he applied a Fujiwara Arm-Bar until Alex Sean was able to make one last lunge at the ring rope and force it to be broken up. In the end, Trace Demon had Alex Sean slowly rising to his feet as he waited patiently behind him. When Alex Sean rose Demon charged and looked to Yakuza Kick Alex Sean in the injured joint but Sean jerked himself out of the way at the last moment. Immediately thereafter, Alex Sean connected with the Lariat to send Trace Demon crashing into the canvas. Due to the Lariat being performed with his left arm Alex Sean was clearly in excruciating pain as he made the pin attempt, but it proved to be worth it as he recorded the victory, all while under the watchful eye of Jadoa.[/color]


Keri Thames:[/color] Your winner of the match ... Alex Sean!


Alex Sean rests on his knees, grasping at his shoulder as his theme begins to play. And for the record we’re back to present tense. Just want to make that clear.[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] Alex Sean gets the title shot! Alex Sean is going to Indiana Jones V!


Alex Sean is all happy and stuff, completely unaware that Jason Jadoa is standing behind with a steel chair.[/color]


Matt Steel:[/color] Damn he got in the ring all undetected and sh*t.


Just as it looks like Jason Jadoa is going to put the finishing touches on the already injured Alex Sean, his apparent savouring of the moment is shown to be ill-advised as EBR and DGX are able to slide into the ring, engaging in a stare down with Jason Jadoa. As Alex Sean finally shows an awareness to the happenings behind him (because his shoulder is f*cked and probably really hurts), Jadoa stares at all three men before he gently drops the chair and exits the ring, keeping his eyes on the three former members of the Anointed the entire time.[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] Thank God for EBR & DGX. Who knows what Jadoa would have done to Alex Sean.


Matt Steel:[/color] Really? Seemed pretty obvious to me.


Matthew Werner:[/color] Well I was speaking in rhetoric but yeah, might not have been the best choice.


Jadoa continues up the ramp, engaging in more stank eye business until he exits to the back. Meanwhile, in the ring DGX and EBR congratulate Alex Sean on winning a title shot. How formal.[/color]


Matthew Werner:[/color] I tell you one person who's definitely not pleased about this; King Kraig. You have to wonder what his reaction to this is going to be.


Matt Steel:[/color] Aha! Cliff hanger!


Matthew Werner:[/color] Thank you for joining us tonight. I'm Matthew, that's Matt, take care!


With that, the WFWF logo flashes across as we take one final shot of the victorious Alex Sean as the crowd cheers and we slowly fade out.[/color][/center]

I was completely decimated by Phillip Schneider. Ouch.

I love these results. Always funny.

-gasp- i-i won, i won, I WON! HOLY HELL I ACTUALLY ONE! you guys must like me! you really really like me! :')

Hey. Your RP was a vast improvement from the norm. Still needs some tweaking as I'm sure you know, but see what happens when you take the advice of others?

Awesome show. =)

Know what happens when you write a match at three AM and don't proofread it? You forget to write an actual pin fall. Oops. Way to cover for it though, EBR or Horror. Good looking out.

I'll be perfectly honest. I only read the match/segment involving my character and Trace Demon's for obvious reasons by my own match. So congratulations to the winners. Whoever you are.