DitT: Old Men

On a bright hot day in the busy city of Toronto, the smell of hot dogs cooking on the good old barbecue awake me from my sleep. I'm now up in my underwear, walking to the kitchen. A old guy wearing some jean shorts, plaid shirt and some brown sneakers looks into my window from the sidewalk.

What are you looking at grandpa?!

The old guy walks off as I head to the refrigerator. I open it up and I get some mustard. Dave walks in with some freshly cooked Schneider hot dogs.

You're up now? It's about time. I was getting hungry. I heard you yelling, what was that about?

Some creepy old man looking at me in my underwear through the window. If he didn't walk away, I would have went out there and knocked him out.

I take the mustard and drew a happy face on my hot dog. I put a bun under it and take a bite. Dave looks at me like I'm a little kid drawing faces on my food.

What's that face for? Is something wrong with you?

That face on the hot dog looks like Philip Schneider. Now you're eating him it.

You know it's a Schneider hot dog. So you have to make it realistic... you know.

I finish my hot dog, and go into my room to start packing for Down In The Treme in New Orleans. I go into the closet to get my pants and my shirts, as I hear Dave leave the house. I start to get dressed as sparks fly in the backyard. I look out and see Dave working with wood and leather. I ignore it and went in the living room. The old man is back with a friend. That's it, I hate old men.

What are you old men looking at? Get off my lawn!

The old men seem to be taunting me as I get on some shoes and exit the house. I am furious now. They don't want to respect my lawn and now I have to teach them a lesson.

Get off my lawn! I gave you a choice, and you picked the wrong answer!

We're not trying to get into some trouble Mister. We're just trying to find our buddy Dave. Do you know where he is?

Do I know where Dave is? Of course I do, but he is not here. He is at the bowling alley across town. Now if you come looking through my windows again, I'm going to pop you in the face.

Okay, thank you Mister. Have a nice day.

Have a nice day? That's not what he meant. He was probably thinking of the home. Anyway, Dave came back in when they left. He was carrying a fake title belt with "King Of Deathmatch" written on the wood and WFWF written on the leather.

What's that? It looks like a fake title.

That's because it is a fake title. It is your title, because you are the King Of The Deathmatch. It took time and hard work but I finished it Today.

That was nice. Now I have a question for you. Do you know two old men that walk around town?

Yeah, why were they here? Did they tell you about me owing them.

No they didn't talk about... Wait, what? Why do you owe them?

At this point, it wasn't the oldies that were annoying. It was Dave, he shouldn't have kept stuff like this from me. Who does he think he is.

It's a long story, I'll tell you sometime later. It's time for me to go, I have to go bowling.

Fine, I will speak to you later. Have a nice time.

Now that's Dave is gone, I guess it's time to resume packing for New Orleans.





To: WFWF
From: Randel Benjamin
Subject: Philip Schneider

So my next opponent on the Benjamin Hit-List is Philip Schneider. He is the man that can't be defeated, the man that is the best and the man that can beat anybody. Well his luck has just changed because I am going to end his streak. I am ready to win. I will use the tables, ladders, chairs, chains and the fire to my advantage! You better be ready because in New Orleans, Philip Schneider and Randel Benjamin go to WAR!

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Randel Benjamin
Dave Demento
Old Man