Fury
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Joined on: Jan 21, 2007 21:19:09 GMT -5
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Post by Fury on Nov 25, 2011 1:27:43 GMT -5
Michael Furrey had it all, the good looks, the women, the money, the brains and the talent. He was touted as the next star second baseman having all the talent in the world. But underneath this perfect exterior was a troubled individual filled with rage that was covered up by artificial things. When he came up to bat as the final out in order to send his team to the championship series and struck out he didn’t know how to take it, he had never failed before. He decided to retire from baseball and seemingly the whole world turned on him. He decided to become a cop in Ravenholme just like his father was, but what he quickly learnt was that the law enforcement was turning a blind eye, the streets weren’t becoming clean, they took bribes and let anything go by. That’s when he decided he had had enough, filled with a rage and a desire to clean the streets, he donned a lycra suit, grabbed a baseball bat and proceeded to become Fury. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Catch the new comic series Fury. Issue #1 to hit stores tomorrow
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Fury
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Joined on: Jan 21, 2007 21:19:09 GMT -5
Posts: 4,257
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Post by Fury on Nov 25, 2011 1:28:04 GMT -5
Introduction: This is a diary based on the new Ryland game, Comic Book Hero where I will be taking my character through the game from unknown to elite. Hope you enjoy. BiographyCharacter Class: Human Gender: Male Age: 22 Personality: Suspicious, Extremely Intellectual, Extremely Reactive, Approachable, Highly Strung, Pessimistic, Extremely Attractive Powers/TechniquesBaseball Bat Superman Punch RelationshipsThe Frat Boys - Hostile The Avenue P Militia - Hostile IssuesIssue #1 - Cleaning up the StreetsIssue #2 - The Fear of Defeat
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2011 2:31:13 GMT -5
Non- Wrestling GTFO... only joking. I really like the idea and I can't wait to see the first comic.
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Fury
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Joined on: Jan 21, 2007 21:19:09 GMT -5
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Post by Fury on Nov 25, 2011 4:06:51 GMT -5
Fury Issue #1 - Cleaning up the StreetsAlso StarringStabby Joe Cut-Throat and The Frat Boys “Sorry about the inconvenience, you’re free to go boys” the Ravenholme police chief James Gianetti said to the group of frat boys. Sorry about the inconvenience. Michael Furrey sat on his desk thinking to himself, these three punks had mugged and beaten a hotdog stand owner and the fact that they were actually apprehended and turned over was some inconvenience. The true inconvenience here was the fact that as soon as they were in jail their daddies showed up to the police station had a joke about the incident with the chief. Then these punks were released straight out into the streets to do as they want. Justice was not existent in this scum hole, but now there would be justice. Michael was going to take this into his own hands, justice would be served in the form of Fury. Fury sat in the shadows watching, C.J Henderson the leader was in the diamond knit t-shirt cracking some jokes, Kevin O’Connell was sporting the jacket and Garrett Pinzer was wearing the striped shirt, chugging down a can of beer. Fury had trailed them from the police station, he was waiting for them to be alone so he could serve his own dose of justice to them. The group of frat boys walked into a courtyard behind one of the many gothic buildings in Ravenholme. A couple of the frat boys friends came out and exchanged high fives, “yeah so anyway that punk vendor totally got what was coming to him, teach him to tell us off for cutting a line, we do what we want bro” Fury overheard C.J saying to one of the other boys. A cellphone then began to ring and C.J answered his IPhone “Hey babe” C.J said “yeah I’m fine babe, those pigs who took us in will get disciplined, it totally wasn’t my fault.” Fury had heard enough and decided now was a time to teach these punks a lesson, he grabbed his baseball bat and walked towards the group and smacked the phone out of his hands. “Hey what the hell bro?” C.J asked Fury. “That was my girlfriend, the head cheerleader, she needs to know where to find me, so you better explain yourself” C.J continued with a rant, he was really getting on Fury's nerves. “I’ll call her later and tell her to meet you at the hospital, it’s time for you punks to feel the sweet taste of justice, your daddy ain‘t going to bail you out this time” what a cool wit I have Fury thought to himself, meanwhile the group of frat boys had started cracking up. “Is this guy real?” Kevin continued laughing “yeah dude forget to return your Halloween costume” Garrett poked fun at Fury, Fury then took a swipe at Garret knocking him on his ass. “What the hell? Alright boys lets teach this freak a lesson” C.J ordered the group. Fury then raised his bat in the air and prepared to fight before a bald dude carrying a knife and a crazy looking guy with spiked hair carrying a machete came running into the courtyard “what the hell do you think you’re doing?” the crazy guy asked. “Stabby Joe & Cut-throat nice of you two to finally show up” C.J said seemingly more excited “you know the deal kid” Cut-Throat, the machete wielding one said. Fury now had to take on not only the frat boys but now 2 maniacs wielding sharp weapons. The Frat Boys pounced and started beating on Fury, Cut-Throat sliced Fury’s arm with the machete and Stabby Joe knicked Fury’s leg with his knife, Fury was cut open and knew he had to act fast. He swung his bat right into Cut-Throat’s sternum, intent on taking out the guy with the machete first. Stabby Joe then began to taunt Fury “I’m going to slice you up real good kid”. A wicked smile on their face, the Frat Boys again jumped Fury from behind landing kicks and punches repeatedly, there was just too many of them, maybe he had gotten in over his head. But he wasn’t giving up he swung another shot at Cut-Throat “son of a bitch” Cut-Throat let out an aching yelp. Cut-Throat then retaliated with another slash of his machete, opening another cut on his arm. Stabby Joe then walked forward a crazy look on his face and attempted to stab Fury right in the chest looking to end the fight, Fury jumped out of the way and Stabby Joe stumbled over himself. Fury took the chance to again attack Cut-Throat another shot to the sternum, Cut-Throat was beginning to look worn down. Stabby Joe came from behind and stuck a knife into Fury’s leg “Ahhhhhh” a blood curling scream was let out by Fury. That’s my blood that’s a lot of my blood Fury thought to himself wishing perhaps he decided to stay with his baseball career. He wasn’t giving up though and somehow raised to his feet he swung his bat again directed at Cut-Throats head this time SMACK! It knocked Cut-Throat out, he swung another shot this time at Stabby Joe, again knocking him down. There was some hope. The Frat Boys swarmed Fury again delivering blow after blow to his skull, Fury began to black out but not before muttering “ ing wimps“ to the frat boys. “Come on boys let’s leave this freak, we’ve got a kegger to get to” were the last words Fury heard as C.J Henderson walked off with his friends and Stabby Joe. Cut-Throat lay knocked out beside him but it was still a battle lost. Michael Furrey had tasted defeat for only the second time, this one felt much worse. As he was blacking out he realised he could pack up his bag again just like he did on his baseball career or he could get up, train and clean up this city. Something needed to be done to these punks who thought they were running the city and he realised he was just the man to do it. He was prepared to face his fears and prepared to unleash the fury.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2011 4:34:53 GMT -5
This was really fun, but the constant grammar issues almost killed it for me.
A really fun idea, and was a fun read, but you really need to work on your grammar.
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Post by Red Dragon on Nov 25, 2011 12:44:32 GMT -5
This is a really cool concept, previous super hero diaries haven't gone on for too long but I hope you can keep this running. The story itself is good, maybe a bit strange when the two guys come out of nowhere with knives but it makes it seem very video game-ish which is good. Like Kve said there is some mistakes which I'm suprised about since you've always been a great writer. Looking forward to reading more of this, hopefully you can keep this developing until Fury becomes a big super hero. Good luck and keep this up.
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Fury
Main Eventer
Joined on: Jan 21, 2007 21:19:09 GMT -5
Posts: 4,257
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Post by Fury on Nov 25, 2011 20:41:47 GMT -5
Yeah I rushed that first entry a bit too much as I wanted it up by last night and didn't proofread it, I fixed the major mistakes though so it should be readable. I also need to figure out how I want to write the fight sequences as that may be the area in most need of improvement. Also Dragon this is all based on a sim so it's not like I could help being jumped by those 2 whilst tracking the feats anyway thanks for the feedback guys, this will need some kinks before it is how I want it to be though and any constructive criticism helps
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Fury
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Joined on: Jan 21, 2007 21:19:09 GMT -5
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Post by Fury on Nov 27, 2011 18:23:48 GMT -5
Fury Issue #2 - The Fear of DefeatAlso StarringThe Avenue P Militia Michael Furrey’s Apartment, Ravenholme - Monday 28 November 8:15AMMichael Furrey sat up on his bed, he had been recuperating for a couple of days from the injuries he sustained during the fight with the Frat Boys, Stabby Joe and Cut-Throat. During this down time he contemplated what he would do next, how maybe he should save the crime fighting to the real heroes, after all he could still return to Ravenholme Wildcats and restore his baseball career. The conflicting thoughts were running wild through his head as he approached his costume hanging in the closet, the holes patched up and the blood now removed. He really wanted to get back at the Frat Boys, the rage filling up inside him just thinking about them. However he also hadn’t came back from defeat, he had been so successful in life that he didn’t know how to deal with it and it was getting inside his head. Putting his Fury suit in his bag and getting dressed in his officers uniform, he decided it was time to head off for his first day back on the job, he’d deal with the superhero thing at a later time. Corner Avenues P & Q, Ravenholme - Monday 28 November 1:02PM“Officer, officer” a high pitched feminine voice called out. The woman came running up to Furrey she was panting and pointing in no particular direction. “Yes ma‘am” Furrey replied towards her. He had been having a rather uneventful day up until now, with nothing of interest occurring during his patrol of the nearby streets. “You’ve got to help, these … thugs are rampaging down Avenue P … my sister” Furrey could barely make out what she was saying as she was breathing heavily whilst talking. “I’ll get on it” Furrey replied giving a thumbs up gesture in the process. He began jogging down the street in the direction the woman had pointed him towards. This was the moment of truth, he had two paths he could take, well technically three but the third option of calling it in to his superiors and dealing with it as a regular cop wouldn’t really cut it. He could take path number one, which would involve him just walking away, give up this whole hero thing. Or he could take path number two where he would duck down that side alley on the left, put on his superhero costume and attempt to save the day. As he proceeded further down the street he caught sight of the thugs the women were talking about. The Avenue P Militia, another one of the many gangs that infested Ravenholme. This group contained what would best be described as $$$$$s. They sported jean shorts, tank tops and wore their baseball caps backward. Four of them had been causing chaos along the street, smashing windows, mugging people, throwing stuff into the streets. Furrey spotted Minkowski & Hodges, two of the crooked cops sitting outside a doughnut shop right by where The Avenue P Militia were causing chaos, sipping their coffee and eating their doughnuts seemingly not caring about the mayhem being caused around. He knew that if he walked away right now he wouldn’t be able to live with himself, he’d be just like Minkowski & Hodges. So he ducked into a back alley put on his Fury suit and proceeded out to the street towards The Avenue P Militia. “STOP!” Fury shouted at the gang, one of them now had a blonde woman up against wall whilst grabbing her breast. “Yo, who here is dis dawg?” one them asked. “Well dawg, I’m the guy who’s going to take you to the pound” Fury retorted. “Is this foo’ serious, D-Sizzle?” another one said to the Militia member wearing the basketball jersey and sipping cherry soda. “Yo I say we teach dis foo’ right here a lesson” the group then stopped what they were doing and proceeded to surround Fury. The Avenue P Militia then pounced on Fury and landed a couple of solid punches to his abdomen. Fury escaped the huddle though temporarily and readied his baseball bat, one of them came charging towards him with a smirk on his face that was right before Fury blasted the bat right to the side of his face knocking him down on the ground, that was one down three to go. One of the other guys then grabbed him from behind, locking his arms up in a full nelson. He signalled to his team mate the one wearing the eye patch to attack, Fury stomped on the foot of the guy who was holding him and broke his grip, the punch was delivered straight to the face of the other Avenue P Militia member. “Yo you idiot you hit me right in muh face” he screamed at his team mate. The guy who got hit then ran towards Fury charging with a determined look in his face, Fury then swung his bat right at his knee knocking him over. “Ah my motha ing leg” he screamed, Fury then took his bat and delivered two straight blows to the guys chest, he began to cough up a bit of blood. Two down, two to go. The guy wearing the basketball jersey talked Fury to the ground, he and his partner then began to land some shots to Fury’s, this was beginning to seem a bit familiar. But he wasn’t going to let that stop him he kicked off basketball jersey guy and threw the other guy over his shoulder. His baseball bat had now been dropped it rolled to the side, Fury realised he wouldn’t have time to grab it right now. He then leaped towards the guy with the basketball jersey and delivered a superman punch right under his jaw knocking him out instantly. Three down, one to go. That left just one guy, the one sporting an eye patch over his left eye. He was down on his knees “wait I surrender” he pleaded towards Fury. A giant smirk then grew on Fury’s face that was hidden behind his mask. He walked over and picked up his baseball bat and walked over towards the last standing Militia member. “Show some compassion” the guy continued to get Fury to stop “guys like you don’t deserve compassion and guys like me don’t show it, just be lucky I’ll leave you seeing out of one eye” Fury said with a confident, non-compassionate tone in his voice. He then swung his bat and knocked down the last Avenue P Militia member. A small crowd had began to gather around the fight and began cheering Fury, it didn’t really matter either way for him, he tied up the four Militia members and proceeded towards the Ravenholme Police Station, he decided he was going to put a stop to this for good. Ravenholme Police Station - Monday 28 November 1:37PMFury had dragged all four members to the police station, rope tied around their hands, he was making sure these punks would be off the streets for a while and he had a message to deliver to the police chief. He stormed right towards James Gianetti’s office walking passed several stunned onlookers. He forced open the door and threw the Avenue P Militia on the ground. He pulled out his baseball bat and walked straight towards Gianetti, “what the hell do ….” a shocked Gianneti began to say before Fury grabbed him by the collar and pinned him up against the wall with his baseball bat pushing up against Gianneti’s throat. “From now on you’re going to do your job right, these thugs here were causing a rampage it’s time they get locked up for a while. If I or anyone else hands over a criminal to you they shall be given the correct treatment. If I’m forced to come back here, I’ll finish what I started on you and I’ll inform the governor of how you are running this system, DO YOU UNDERSTAND” Fury sternly informed the police chief of his intentions. Gianetti quickly nodded whilst gasping for air. Fury dropped his bat and somewhat smugly walked off, as he walking out of the police station he saw Gianetti yelling at another officer to lock these guys up, his job now done.
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Post by Red Dragon on Nov 30, 2011 13:08:37 GMT -5
Good update. Seems better all round, from layout to the way it flows. It can get bogged down in text a little so maybe you need to find a way to break it up and make it a bit more intresting. The story itself is good, I'm glad you didn't just go right after the attackers. I'm sure the police wouldn't act so scared if a guy in tights threatened them in thier own police depatment but it works since its comic book style. Personally I'd like more about the man behind the mask, give him more emotion than just disapointment, make him a character the reader can relate to. Keep this up.
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Fury
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Joined on: Jan 21, 2007 21:19:09 GMT -5
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Post by Fury on Dec 2, 2011 3:51:02 GMT -5
Fury Issue #3 - Allied PowersAlso StarringStabby Joe The Demolishers The Chelsea Crew And Scott Valor as City Sweeper Ravenholme Police Station - Wednesday 30 November 10:51AMMichael Furrey was sitting at his desk, thinking about how his father would be proud of him what he was doing. Peter Furrey was a detective for the Ravenholme Police Department in the 80’s & 90’s. He wanted to ensure the streets of Ravenholme were clean and he was considered the best at his job, the long line of Furreys’ working in law enforcement had gone all the way back to John Furrey in the 1800’s working as a marshal in the old west. Michael was happy that he could continue this tradition and happy that he was contributing to the cleaning of the streets. Michaels father died when he was only 11 whilst looking to shut down a crime syndicate in 1999. He and his partner Louis Gabbert were investigating a factory that was apparently a front for the largest drug ring at the time when they got involved in a shootout and were both killed. Peter had always wanted his son to be join the Ravenholme police department like the rest of his family but Michael had gotten away from that, his father had brought a lottery ticket the week of his death and it went off later that night, Furrey partied hard with that money, did a lot of drugs and had a lot of sex all whilst developing an overconfident demeanour, but now that had all changed. Michael looked around the department, besides the chief running around looking stressed out not much had changed. Minkowski was counting out a handful of bills that he likely took as a bribe. Hodges was wearing a watch that he was sure he saw in evidence the day before. Michael then looked into the Chief of Police’s office where he was screaming into a phone, the room was sound proof so what he was saying couldn’t be made out, but he did look like he was fuming. “Attention, attention” the PA system over the department caught the guard of several officers. “Rampage on Broadway, civilians in danger” Furrey heard a few laughs among the other officers “good luck to them I say” Minkowski bellowed whilst cracking up. The rest of the unit pretty much ignored the response except for Furrey who got up with a smile on his face, he had a surprise for the thugs rampaging. As he was walking out of the police station Officer Hodges deliberately bumped into Furrey and began to laugh “typical for you to go out there Golden Boy, you’ll just choke like you did in the ‘CS” Hodges taunted Furrey with a large amount of condescension in his voice. “Well someone has to do their job around here Hodges” Furrey retorted with a smirk on his face. “There’s no point trying to fight the good fight kid, you gotta be dirty to get anywhere ‘round these parts” Hodges exclaimed with probably the most friendly thing he’d ever said to Furrey since he got here. Meanwhile a figure wearing an all black suit smiled from the shadows across the room. Broadway - Wednesday 30 November 11:02AMFury had arrived at the scene, he surveyed the damage that had been caused. There were flipped over cars, smashed windows and fire hydrants spouting out water, these guys were out for carnage. Fury ran up to where the commotion was now centred. “Hey!” Fury called our towards the group, he noticed the group were wearing hard hats, along with singlets. “You guys just really bad at construction or just plain scum” Fury condescendingly said towards the group. “Oh a wise guy hey, come on boys let’s send a message to this joke” one of the construction workers grunted towards some people, apparently the crew dressed in construction workers garb weren’t alone as another group dressed in sweatshirts and beanies, which seemed a bit weird given the weather, were also there and they were all carrying crowbars, also at the scene was a character Fury had encountered before in Stabby Joe. “I thought you would’ve had enough the last time” Stabby Joe mocked Fury. “Nice to see you again Joe” Fury replied. He looked around at his foes remembering his first where he was outnumbered and defeated. Well now he was outnumbered even more, he thought about backing down but luckily for him help arrived in the form of a man wearing khaki and carrying a rifle, he had an extremely intense look on his face as he approached the scene, his name was City Sweeper. “Oh look your boyfriend showed up to help you, that’s fine we’ll just humiliate him as well” Stabby Joe again mocked the now two heroes. “I got bullets with each of your names written on them” City Sweeper said to the group, The Demolishers, Chelsea Crew and Stabby Joe each began to crack up laughing. Sweeper then shot a bullet right into one of the Demolisher members legs and he let out a blood curling scream. “Bloody ’ell, I say we beat these two ’ere up real nice” one of the Chelsea Crew members informed the other villains. Fury went after Stabby Joe as City Sweeper was firing shots at the two gangs. Stabby Joe had an evil smirk on his face as he squared off with Fury and lunged at him with his knife just nicking the side of his leg. Fury then retaliated with a baseball shot directed at Stabby Joe’s sternum. Fury moved in on Stabby Joe before two members of the Chelsea Crew jumped on Fury and began to beat him. One of them then held Fury up and asked “you wanna finish this one off ’ere?” towards Stabby Joe and Joe nodded with a wicked smile on his face. City Sweeper then came over and slashed at Stabby Joe with a hunter’s knife “you ing piece of shit” Stabby Joe screamed with agony towards Sweeper. Fury then broke out of the Chelsea Crew’s hold and moved towards Stabby Joe “payback is a bitch” Fury exclaimed before violently swinging his baseball bat into Stabby Joe. Joe fell to the ground with a tooth flying out of his mouth and blood gushing out of it. The fight was hardly over though as the two gangs surrounded Fury and Sweeper. “Let’s get ’em kid” Sweeper smiled at Fury. Fury began swinging his baseball bat into members of the Chelsea Crew, before one of them knocked the bat out of his hand. “Well well well you’re in a right spot of both now aren’t ya mate” one of them said in a thick cockney accent. Fury leapt at him with a punch but missed and received a shot with a crowbar to the gut, he then received two more to the back whilst screaming in pain whilst falling to the ground. Fury tried to get up as he saw Stabby Joe now limping away from the action and the group of attackers surrounding Sweeper but he couldn’t get up. Sweeper looked done for before he heard him shout out “IS THAT ALL YOU SCUM HAVE GOT” and threw a fire bomb right at the Chelsea Crew setting two of them on fire. Both of them patted down the fire and ran “bleedin’ ‘ell let’s get out of ‘ere” one of them said to the rest of the Chelsea Crew members as the whole group got out of the way leaving Sweeper with the Demolishers. One of them swung a lead pipe at Sweeper but he ducked and rolled through before firing a shot right into the attackers arm, he then fired two more shots into the remaining two Demolishers leaving them all on the ground with bullet wounds in them. Sweeper then came over to Fury and held his to help him get up “come on Batman” he uttered towards him “I’m not ing Batman” Fury quickly retorted. Sweeper let out a sly smile “leave the fighting to the professionals kid” he snarled at Fury “I would’ve been fine taking them down if you didn’t show up” Fury again retorted and Sweeper snickered. “I like you kid, the names City Sweeper” he held out his hand and Fury shook it “it’s about time people done something to help fix the chaos this once beautiful city is now in” Sweeper said whilst staring into the distance “I’m going to take these punks in” he continued motioning towards The Demolishers “I’m sure we’ll cross paths at some point again kid” Sweeper now took off and walked over towards The Demolishers and tied them all up giving a curt nod towards Fury as he left down the street.
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Post by Red Dragon on Dec 5, 2011 12:51:26 GMT -5
Good entry. Your writing is much improved from the first. It's nice and easy to read. Theres still the odd grammar mistake but nothing much. The whole storyline progressed well. I got the comic book feel to it and it makes this very different. The addition of City Sweeper is good, I'm glad he didn't become a sidekick. Although, his name is awful but I guess thats the game. It will make an intresting side story. As does the story with Stabby Joe. Good luck and keep this up.
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