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Post by Suckasays on Nov 4, 2013 18:24:44 GMT -5
This happens to everyone. It's just part of getting older. It honestly only gets worse. When everyone in your social group starts working, dating, getting married etc you'll find that you'll have two or three friends who still find time to hang with one another. Others will drift in different directions. They probably just think you are too busy to bother. I grew apart from a few of my high school/college friends when I started working and even more so when I got married. Mainly because I was so busy and most of the time when they would invite me, I would have to turn them down because I had work or other obligations. It's always a little odd to go from your high school days of seeing those folks every day to once per week. Then when you have a kid, it goes to once every 3 or 4 months. It's just part of life.
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Post by IRS on Nov 4, 2013 18:25:48 GMT -5
Well, since no one else has gotten to it...
RKO them, RKO them all!
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Post by JC Motors on Nov 4, 2013 18:40:31 GMT -5
Ball Straight Call. Seriously try asking them when they are available so they might be able to revolve around your schedule
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MonsoonMan
Main Eventer
SE Wisconsin, NE Illinois figure hunter.
Joined on: Jan 1, 2012 22:47:05 GMT -5
Posts: 2,451
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Post by MonsoonMan on Nov 4, 2013 18:58:15 GMT -5
im going through a similar situation.
ive had the same core friends for well over 10 years now, and i barely hear from any of them. i was always the guy who had to call them to see what was going on. they would rarely call me and say-so and so is having a bonfire, everyone is going to be here, we would like you to stop by and join the fun. they would never ask if i wanted to do anything, i constantly felt like the "third wheel", like i was always tagging along with them. we all enjoyed the same activities, we all shared the same humor, we all like to party and whatnot, i guess i just got phased out or something.
luckily for me though, i was born an only child, so i kindof enjoy being by myself, but it just hurts a bit when i really think deep into it ya know
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Post by Ian from 616Entertainment. on Nov 4, 2013 20:06:03 GMT -5
Then get new friends. I'm a strange case because I have a lot of friends but I also love being alone. I've had no alone time these past few days and it's annoying. Three days straight I've had people over and we hang out until the sun comes up, which is always fun, but it leaves me no time for myself. My work schedule is pretty light this week so I should be able to keep up with friends and catch up on being a shut in, haha. It's not out of the uncommon to get the text, "hey, we hanging out or are you being a hermit?" All of my friends know I get a little weird sometimes and spend a few days editing video or plowing through a whole book. If your friends aren't cool with you and what you do, they're not your friends. Not really anyone here knows this because I never bring it up but I'm Straight Edge, too. I'll hang out with my friends who drink and smoke and when I'm on my third bottle of water one of them is bound to say "woah, buddy, you driving tonight? Take it easy." Get new friends, man. Not having people to talk to, bounce ideas off of, hang out with, etc., is no way to live your life. I'm a loner, I be me, not phony  s and people don't like me for who I am unless they want a laugh and for me to imitate something so a teacher yells at me. Yea, you sent that message with the other post. That's why I said to get new friends. New friends who are into you and what you do. those other dummies. |
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Post by King of Kings on Nov 4, 2013 20:11:03 GMT -5
I haven't read any of the other posts in this topic so I can't really address those, but I read the original post and TC let me tell you, it's not you. It seems to me that you're fresh out of high school, and in high school you had this group of friends who you did a lot with. High School is where your social identity starts to grow. You're around these people all day, in class, at lunch, after school...you had the same common interests including the big reason why you were brought together: you went to high school.
Now you're working. Maybe you should make friends at work, and form a new social circle. Find somebody at work who enjoys what you like. You go to the gym, find people who go to the gym. Maybe strike up a conversation AT the gym. Something so minor as, "Hey, is that the iPhone 5? How do you like it?"
Few people stay friends with their high school friends forever, so don't feel as if you're the problem. There's nothing wrong with you. You've just got to find friends or social groups in which you aren't left out, because you're feeling left out. Do you drive? If you don't drive that could be a considerable part of the problem. There's a difference between being a friend and being an inconvenience of a friend. Keep your head up.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2013 21:10:14 GMT -5
I recently had a falling out with a longtime "friend" over something stupid but I honestly feel a lot better off without him. I don't know why but I just feel better not having him around at all, like I have more energy.
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poolshostage
Superstar
Joined on: Apr 28, 2013 19:37:54 GMT -5
Posts: 752 
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Post by poolshostage on Nov 4, 2013 21:15:00 GMT -5
I'm a loner, I be me, not phony s and people don't like me for who I am unless they want a laugh and for me to imitate something so a teacher yells at me. Yea, you sent that message with the other post. That's why I said to get new friends. New friends who are into you and what you do. those other dummies. Yeah good point, not much at my school, I'm fine with having few friends, because they get bullied like me so together we are all pals. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2013 21:19:03 GMT -5
Jerk more.
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mrassbillygunn
Main Eventer
WF 10+ Year Member
Joined on: Jul 23, 2011 19:35:48 GMT -5
Posts: 4,298
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Post by mrassbillygunn on Nov 4, 2013 21:30:54 GMT -5
Hey guys I have found myself in an odd situation. Over the last year or so I have found myself not hearing from my friends that much. I'm in college right now and the days that I don't have class I work. I enjoy spending my free time at the gym for about 2 hours a day, but when it comes to a social life,mine seems damn near non existent right now. I have 2 good friends that I will run to the mall with to get something or whatever see a quick movie. But alot of friends I had in high school and met in my college classes, I never hear from half the time. I know they are buisy sometimes, but not even a "hey how's it going man" text..nothing. I send those out just to keep in touch. So here is my rundown. I don't drink or anything like that, but I will go on Facebook/Twitter and see that my friends will on occasion have people over for the game or have a bonfire and I never get a phone call or anything saying hey stop over tonight and hang out. Nothing! I made a little checklist in my head of all the times I went out with these guys and realized that like 95% of the time I had made plans and drove. Never is it ever vice versa. I know I'm doing the right thing by working and going through college for my bachelors at a junior college to save alot of money. I bought myself a car last year that I always wanted for year. But when it comes to my friends I'm damn near tired of them never inviting me anywhere and it isn't like I'm a complete ass to them. It's like the guy that does everything for people, but never gets something in return. Has this happened to any of you before? I do a little "what have you done for me lately" in my head sometimes with them and I'm like ya know what, peace out dudes and trying to make new friends at a community college is like making friends at a train station. It's hard when everyone is on the go either going to class and then straight home. Forget the humanoids buddy. There's no better friend than a 26 point articulation, highly detailed, authentic looking action figure with a great paint app in the form of a Mattel Elite. Now that is a friend you can rely on! |
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Post by Hammersmith Hardman on Nov 5, 2013 4:58:50 GMT -5
I often found my friends doing this in regards to them going for a night out, then I say to myself because I don't drink they probably don't expect me to say yes I'd go out with them.
It used to bother me but now it really doesn't. Would much rather do stuff on my own which I know I'm going to enjoy, still keep in contact with my friends obviously but will only see them rarely.
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Post by K5 on Nov 5, 2013 12:56:51 GMT -5
it's up to you to create opportunities for new experiences, not wait on them to be presented. join some kind of club, start going out to the bars or school events, focus on being social and meeting people, and maybe for next year/semester move in with some random guys. sure, you take a risk that they could be douchebags, but without risk there is no reward.
reach out at the gym, maybe you'll find some like minded people.
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Post by Brad on Nov 5, 2013 14:56:00 GMT -5
it's up to you to create opportunities for new experiences, not wait on them to be presented. join some kind of club, start going out to the bars or school events, focus on being social and meeting people, and maybe for next year/semester move in with some random guys. sure, you take a risk that they could be douchebags, but without risk there is no reward. reach out at the gym, maybe you'll find some like minded people. Good advice here |
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Post by Jack on Nov 6, 2013 2:57:57 GMT -5
it's up to you to create opportunities for new experiences, not wait on them to be presented. join some kind of club, start going out to the bars or school events, focus on being social and meeting people, and maybe for next year/semester move in with some random guys. sure, you take a risk that they could be douchebags, but without risk there is no reward. reach out at the gym, maybe you'll find some like minded people. I do agree with this. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2013 6:16:43 GMT -5
I don't talk to annnybody I talked to and saw a lot in high school. It's cool, you'll find new people. If not, cats are cool.
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Post by The Real Valbroski on Nov 6, 2013 11:45:13 GMT -5
When I started working full time I completely lost touch with my group of friends. I haven't had an active social life since 18 or 19, I'm 20 now. I plan on going back to school though so I figure that's my last chance of making friends to actually hang out with again.
I don't feel too bad about it though, I was always kind of a homebody to begin with. The only reasons why I became outgoing/social with people was pretty much because of drinking/smoking but if that's the only way you can actually engage yourself with people then you probably need to work stuff out with yourself before putting yourself out there.
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Post by RybackV1 on Nov 6, 2013 14:47:55 GMT -5
It's so much harder to make new friends AFTER high school than it is to make them while still in school. Whether it be just starting, switching locations, either way it is very hard to make friends in the real world unless you actually TRY.
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Post by DgenerationX092 on Nov 6, 2013 16:23:28 GMT -5
In your situation where you seem to care enough to make the topic about it because its clearly rattling your mind, Id definitely say just bring it up to them. Like someone else said, tell them you feel left out, wanna know where you stand with them, etc. If theyre really your friends theyll be glad you said something and things should change. If not, you take the hint and move on because you dont need them in your life.
Heres how my stuff breaks down:
I have two life-long best friends - Ones gone in the army, the other moved because he started a family. I see them when possible, but it left me no choice but
to develop friendships with others
I hangout with coworkers now. From high school my group of friends still for the most part hang out, and only one person really invites me out whenever plans are made. When I go, everyones happy to see me but nobody thought to invite me. Or maybe formal invitations just werent sent and its word of mouth? Idk.
The one that really bugs me is when someone is like "you never text/call me". I admit im not the best at staying in touch, but thats a two way street. If someone was trying to get a hold of me id notice and return the calls or texts and set something up. But when one random person is like "Bro! you dont text me!" its like really? You have my number too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2013 16:55:14 GMT -5
Your hand can never leave |
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Post by ~ Cymru ~ on Nov 6, 2013 17:48:33 GMT -5
I've found that a lot of my friends who we dont bother inviting out were the ones who
a) ignored invites
b) said yeah i'll come, then backed out on the day all the time
c) always said they couldn't be bothered because it was too much effort or was too tired.
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