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Post by Manson's inverted cross on Feb 13, 2016 2:28:32 GMT -5
I'm bored out of my mind as I sit here typing this. I'm just in the middle of playing a few matches of my figure fed, which I feel is sorta lame for me to be doing as I'm 30 years old. But I don't have much else to do. I've spent the last few years, since 2012, spending most of my time hanging out with two different guys, both of whom are currently out of my life. So I have no friends at the moment and I'm super bored. I've posted about it before here: forum.wrestlingfigs.com/thread/283165/friends-using-me-useOne of these guys I am almost certainly done with for good. He made is pretty clear that he was only using me for drugs, which I have been clean of since June 2015. After that he just became totally bunk and stopped wanting to do anything but drink and smoke. He would make plans with me and then cancel with excuses like "I'm too tired" or "too hungry" (yes, seriously). Behind my back he would call up my other buddy, who was right there with me, and tell him that it's bunk hanging out with me and try to schedule plans with him just because he has drugs, even though he had cancelled on me earlier. After a few times of this happening, I confronted him about it and gave him a piece of my mind, and we basically decided to go our separate ways after a nasty argument. Haven't heard from him since. As for my other friend... Here are some details about what's been going on: - He usually just sits there playing with his phone when he's with me, no matter what we're doing, and even ignores me when I speak if he's too busy with his phone. His phone addiction is to the point that he was even using it in the middle of a Marilyn Manson concert *I* took him to. - I've taken him to a good number of hockey games (very expensive here), ordered him an uncountable number of pizzas, given him gifts like hockey jerseys and an electronic cigarette, all met with barely a thank you or any kind of appreciation or return. - Has made it pretty clear that he too was only using me for drugs. Back then he would come over almost every night and smoke up and then pathetically lie on my bed playing with his phone. When I stopped the drugs, he stopped coming as much, until he barely ever would hang out with me. - He appears to be selfish, loud, rude, cheap, and uses people. Everyone has a problem with him and thinks he needs major help, including his family, but he thinks everyone else is the one with the problem and is judgmental towards him. I guess I should have known something was wrong when I made that other post back in 2013, but I just couldn't handle being alone. And I still don't know if I can. Now the issue with this friend is that we made a deal - I would spend $600 on hockey tickets for us to go to a very important game, 2 seats. The deal was, if I took him to this game, he would watch every episode of my favorite TV show with me, a show he claims to love as well. That's all I asked. We got through nearly a season of the show, which he spent a good portion of watching while playing with his cell phone. The deal was we would watch at least one episode every time we hang out. Well, after a few episodes, it was perfectly clear that he was avoiding hanging out with me so that he didn't have to watch an episode. He was spending all his time with other people, or using work as an excuse, when none of that was happening before we made that deal. It all came to a head when two nights in a row he told me he was going to bed early, only to post on FB that he's hanging out with buddies at his house. When I confronted him about it, he said they had shown up there out of the blue and that he "didn't have a choice". When I confronted him about the deal we made, he claimed nothing was wrong, that he was busy with work, and essentially insulted me for not being able to work and being on disability. When I demanded a further explanation, he began ignoring me, and it's been that way for 3 weeks now. This isn't the first time he's played the ignoring game with me either, ignoring all my calls and messages. But he claims he'll pay back the $160 he still owes me "sometime this month". Words can't describe how angry I am. I'm so angry that I've sold our hockey tickets, even though I lost $200 on them. I don't know what I should do with this "friend" of mine. Is all I know is that if I ditch him, I'm going to have many more nights like this where I'm bored to the bone and lonely. I don't really have any other friends. He's the last. Besides that, is all I got going on in my life is WWE, action figures, TV shows, movies, a few video games, my dog, and music. What should I do with this guy? Do I tell him off? Do I let everything slide? Part of me wants to give him a piece of my mind next time I see him and lay down some ground rules. Part of me also wants to pretend like I never sold the hockey tickets and that we're still going. A good test for him would be to see what he does the day he shows up to go to the game, when I break it to him that there are no tickets. Any suggestions? |
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Post by ¡Twist Of Lime Green Jello! on Feb 13, 2016 3:56:50 GMT -5
Bang his mom. That'll make him pay attention to you.
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Post by theMOESIAH on Feb 13, 2016 4:46:07 GMT -5
I'm going to be blunt with you: You sound like a needy, clingy woman. With that said, I do understand loneliness so I get where you're coming from. But you can't bribe people to be your friend. I'd be weirded out if any of my friends started lavishing me with gifts. Maybe you weirded them out so they backed off in the friendship or maybe they are just jerks; I don't know. But either way it didn't sound like there is anything to salvage with either guy. My advise to you is to move on. Why waste your time and emotions on anyone who doesn't want to be in your life? They don't respect you, so don't give then the time of day. Get out there. Take a class in something you're interested in. Find some sort of hobby. You'll meet people that you have things in common with. And next time, don't come on so strong  |
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Ambrose-Asylum
Mid-Carder
Joined on: Dec 27, 2015 9:44:46 GMT -5
Posts: 126 
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Post by Ambrose-Asylum on Feb 13, 2016 4:57:59 GMT -5
Ignore him also.
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Post by Manson's inverted cross on Feb 13, 2016 5:39:12 GMT -5
I'm going to be blunt with you: You sound like a needy, clingy woman. And you sound like a snob, and not a very intelligent one if you think you can denote all that about me from my post. Where did I "bribe" anyone to be my friend? I did bribe him to watch my favorite show with me, basically because we weren't doing anything else to begin with other than watching him smoke pot and play with his phone. I took him to hockey games because I don't like to go out much, while he does, and we're usually spending time at my place, which is my choice. So I wanted him to feel like he's getting something out of hanging out with me as well. The real problem was that even when we would hang at my place, we weren't doing anything I'm interested in doing either. Um, the gifts were: 1) a $40 hockey jersey (a replica) off ebay because he really wanted one. 2) one of my own hockey jerseys from my own personal collection that I no longer needed. (another replica) 3) an electronic cigarette because he wanted to quit smoking and I wanted to see him succeed. That's all, besides hockey tickets. I did take him to games, but for a time I enjoyed it as well, and I needed someone to go with and do the driving. All in all those gifts were given over a long period of time. No, try again. What you say just doesn't fit the timeline at all. If anything the one guy backed off me because he was using me and felt like he wasn't getting anything from me anymore. The other guy actually gave me some gifts too, in possibly a weirder way, always wanted to hug, etc. I appreciate some of this, and you're probably right that I shouldn't waste my time with these people. But finding other things to do is easier said and done. I don't like being around a lot of people and I do have issues. For 2 years straight I had to be stoned pretty much 24/7 just so I wouldn't feel like inflicting physical wounds on myself (and yes, I do see doctors about this stuff). I despise being out in public. Classes won't work for me as I always hated school and have problems learning things unless I'm really, truly interested. I have plenty of hobbies, but they're all fairly loner-esque. I'm not sure I want to meet new people, either, since it's the same story all the time no matter who you meet and choose to be your friends. As I said, I'm 30 years old. I've tried pretty much everything, really I have. The only other thing I can think is to get a job again, but I'm not sure I'd be able to do that now with the shape I'm in. I feel like if it's not these people, I will done with friends, and there will be nothing left to do but sit in my room and do things by myself. It's one evil, or the other... |
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Post by screech on Feb 13, 2016 5:43:01 GMT -5
I'm going to be blunt with you: You sound like a needy, clingy woman. With that said, I do understand loneliness so I get where you're coming from. But you can't bribe people to be your friend. I'd be weirded out if any of my friends started lavishing me with gifts. Maybe you weirded them out so they backed off in the friendship or maybe they are just jerks; I don't know. But either way it didn't sound like there is anything to salvage with either guy. My advise to you is to move on. Why waste your time and emotions on anyone who doesn't want to be in your life? They don't respect you, so don't give then the time of day. Get out there. Take a class in something you're interested in. Find some sort of hobby. You'll meet people that you have things in common with. And next time, don't come on so strong This. I'm not trying to be mean but your post sounds kinda delusional and borderline pathetic. Why would you put up with any of this? You admit that these people are fake friends who are only interested in your gifts, yet you really need advice on what to do in the situation? The guy doesn't like hanging out with you clearly. He probably likes the free stuff but obviously is lying about why he can't hang out with you. I tend to agree that you also come across a little clingy and needy with these friendships. The last paragraph about laying down ground rules just sounds so weird. Either way, he's clearly just using you and you admit that yourself but somehow are still trying to overlook that entirely just to hold onto his fake friendship. He's not a true friend. You need to realize that you don't need a fake friendship like that, even if it is your only "friend" right now. That crapis just going to tear your self esteem up even more in the long run if you allow yourself to view that type of friendship as acceptable. Have some pride, man up, and drop that loser out of your life completely. |
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Post by Manson's inverted cross on Feb 13, 2016 6:01:22 GMT -5
I'm going to be blunt with you: You sound like a needy, clingy woman. With that said, I do understand loneliness so I get where you're coming from. But you can't bribe people to be your friend. I'd be weirded out if any of my friends started lavishing me with gifts. Maybe you weirded them out so they backed off in the friendship or maybe they are just jerks; I don't know. But either way it didn't sound like there is anything to salvage with either guy. My advise to you is to move on. Why waste your time and emotions on anyone who doesn't want to be in your life? They don't respect you, so don't give then the time of day. Get out there. Take a class in something you're interested in. Find some sort of hobby. You'll meet people that you have things in common with. And next time, don't come on so strong This. I'm not trying to be mean but your post sounds kinda delusional and borderline pathetic. Why would you put up with any of this? You admit that these people are fake friends who are only interested in your gifts, yet you really need advice on what to do in the situation? The guy doesn't like hanging out with you clearly. He probably likes the free stuff but obviously is lying about why he can't hang out with you. I tend to agree that you also come across a little clingy and needy with these friendships. The last paragraph about laying down ground rules just sounds so weird. Either way, he's clearly just using you and you admit that yourself but somehow are still trying to overlook that entirely just to hold onto his fake friendship. He's not a true friend. You need to realize that you don't need a fake friendship like that, even if it is your only "friend" right now. That crap is just going to tear your self esteem up even more in the long run if you allow yourself to view that type of friendship as acceptable. Have some pride, man up, and drop that loser out of your life completely. Thank you for being a little more honest. I will take what you said to heart. But the stuff the other guy said about "not coming on so strong" and freaking them out with gifts was totally false, and unnecessary. Been about 9 months since I last gave him any gifts. Laying down ground rules? Yeah, perhaps that is weird and I shouldn't do it. Taking the advice that's been given to heart, I think my current plan is to: 1) Be cool with him for a while and hang out with him on a limited basis until the hockey game. 2) When he arrives to my house to go to the game, I will begin ignoring him by not answering the door, not answering his messages and calls, etc. He'll be totally heart broken about this game. 3) A few weeks later I'll break it to him why I did what I did and I'll cut him out of my life from there. You're right, he definitely doesn't enjoy hanging out with me. My problem is that I'm an anti-social guy I guess, I've been through too many disturbing things in life that have made it hard for me to communicate with people. I think he finds me boring. I can see how I've been like a "****" that likes to get ****ed in that I've let all this BS continue on and on. Yes, it's pathetic. What bothers me most is what a bullshitter he is. 2 years ago one of his best friends died of an overdose, and he actually came to my house because he knew I'd console him. He said all this BS like "Oh, imagine if you died, I'd be so sad!". But it's all BS. It makes me so angry. In the past he cut me out of his life years at a time before, and he makes it seem like he'd give a damn if I died?? |
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Post by screech on Feb 13, 2016 6:20:09 GMT -5
Thank you for being a little more honest. I will take what you said to heart. But the stuff the other guy said about "not coming on so strong" and freaking them out with gifts was totally false, and unnecessary. Been about 9 months since I last gave him any gifts. No problem man. It sucks being depressed and feeling lonely, but I really think you need to completely rid that type of person out of your life, even if they're your only source of company at the moment. You're allowing someone to take advantage of your good friendship while they offer nothing in return and have even lied to get out of hanging out with you. I understand what you're saying about the gifts maybe not being as prevalent as we were thinking. However, the fact that you admit you had to make a deal with him in order for him to sit down with you to watch a show that he already likes anyways says it all dude. He's using you. Definitely don't lay any ground rules. And don't do any of that weird stuff either. That honestly sounds like something a crazy girlfriend would do to a cheating boyfriend or something. I don't know. My advice is to be a man and just be upfront and honest without being a creep about it. I would tell him that it's becoming clear that he only hangs around for the free gifts like Hockey tickets and you think it's bullcrap and tell him to  off. Seriously... none of that weird girly deceptive crap. Just be honest and cut the cord. It sounds like you're a back up friend to him. I don't think he completely dislikes you or he wouldn't come around even for the free stuff. Perhaps if you have some pride in yourself and tell him the truth without being creepy, he will actually respect you and find you a lot more appealing to be around in the process. Nobody likes to be around a constant self-loather. It's the truth. See, that's the thing about life. People are different and not everyone is compatible. Even if you're anti-social, there are still plenty of other people out there just like you. Have you tried online gaming or anything? That's a pretty easy way to meet people and sounds like a more comfortable setting for you. I do wanna add lastly that I think you're wrong about thinking he wouldn't care if you died. Like I said, I think he sees you as a backup friend but I don't think he completely dislikes you to the point where he wouldn't be bothered by your death. Either way, you need to cut the cord and be honest with him and gain your pride back in the process. Maybe he'll appreciate your new outlook and honesty and maybe your friendship will naturally rekindle itself. |
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Post by Manson's inverted cross on Feb 13, 2016 6:42:59 GMT -5
Exactly.
I've been thinking this for a long time.
I doubt it, it's been a broken friendship for 10 years now and I think it needs to die.
Unless some better advice comes a long, I'll probably do what you said. Next time I see him I'll tell him off and give him a piece of my mind. For better or worse, I can be very nasty at things like that, and I doubt he'll forgive me. Oh well.
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Post by Patrick Bateman (original) on Feb 13, 2016 12:17:50 GMT -5
This sounds weird. I have never had to bargain with any of my friends for a gift. I also have never had to confront any. If they are being jack offs, I just stop talking to them. Not worth my time to argue with them.
To me it sounds like you need to get some new hobbies and meet new people. The friends you have are friends you had when you were doing drugs. Go out to and meet new friends my man.
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Daniel F'n Bryan
Main Eventer
Joined on: Jun 16, 2014 14:37:32 GMT -5
Posts: 3,348
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Post by Daniel F'n Bryan on Feb 13, 2016 12:33:15 GMT -5
Bang his mom. That'll make him pay attention to you. Greatest advice in this thread. Don't even use protection |
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Deleted
Joined on: Sept 28, 2024 16:34:56 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2016 16:50:50 GMT -5
screw em, you dont need friends.
You sound really needy and odd. Im not that way, i could literally go live in the woods as a hermit by myself and be just fine. some people just need others constantly. my brother is that way.
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Post by Darkhawk on Feb 13, 2016 19:30:29 GMT -5
Dude you need a girlfriend, someone that will appreciate your gifts as well as hanging out with you.
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Post by Mongo Bears on Feb 13, 2016 21:26:10 GMT -5
i can't
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Post by mikey1974 on Feb 13, 2016 21:42:50 GMT -5
I'm going to be brutally honest here. If I offend you,or anyone else, I apologize in advance.
First off, yeah,your friends sound like bungholes. If they don't want to hang out with you, they should've just said so. and, honestly, making friends with people with the common interest being drugs or alcohol never works out. had a friend who basically used me to fall off the wagon ( he was in rehab before I met him, and I didn't know it. Then he'd come over my house to drink, cause he still lived with his parents and didn't want them to know he relapsed). He got so bad that he would want to drink every day, made threats against my wife when I told him I couldn't (blaming her for me not letting him come over), then going through the scariest time of my life (brain tumor) I was a b@tch because I couldn't hang with him because of tests and stuff. That woke me up to who he was and what he was doing, and I cut the cord shortly thereafter.
As far as yourself, yeah,I don't know you. But,again,honestly, your posts make you seem like someone who will do anything to have companionship,which is also not good. you shouldn't have to spend $600 for a "friend" to watch TV with you. That him using you, and you letting him. Friendship, real friendship is give and take, mutual respect/ That doesn't seem to be the case here. You are being used by someone who sees you're desperate for friendship, and will use it to his advantage. My friend Corey and I are doing a Tales From The Darkside marathon this Thursday at his place. He loves the show, and I enjoyed it back in the day too. He didn't have to buy me tickets to something to watch it with him, he didn't have to bribe me with anything. He wants to watch it, someone to watch it with, and I said let's do it. That's friendship. What you have isn't.
Best thing to do is jettison him. Seriously. then,if you want to,go online and look for people or groups near you who are interested in the same things as you.People who would appreciate what you bring to the table. Lastly, you have a home here, with people that have the same or similar interests as you. while we can't physically be there for you, we are here if you need to talk.
And definitely work on your self-asteem. You don't need to bribe people to be your friend. You just need to find real friends, which takes time and effort.
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Post by mikey1974 on Feb 13, 2016 22:00:20 GMT -5
Bang his mom. That'll make him pay attention to you. YES!!  Also, there's nothing wrong with being by yourself for awhile. |
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Post by The Yes Man on Feb 13, 2016 22:12:44 GMT -5
The problem is you're friends with people who use drugs. What do you expect?
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Post by Manson's inverted cross on Feb 13, 2016 22:19:18 GMT -5
Thanks guys, lesson well learned, not just about my friend, but about myself too.
No offense taken, except where I said it was. I'm just a bit disappointed in myself for allowing myself to be used like this.
I'll be telling him off for sure. We'll see what he says, but I don't expect it to be anything good, thus, we're probably finished. And I think now that's a good thing.
I'm still going to have some awkward moments in not having any friends, I know that much. But I've managed this sort of situation in the past. I'm actually more of a loner than you all think.
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Post by JC Motors on Feb 14, 2016 18:37:08 GMT -5
I personally wouldn't hang around with druggies
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Post by bad guy™ on Feb 14, 2016 19:05:49 GMT -5
Locking this because, well...some of these responses, for starters.
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