WFWF Suprebrawl Revenge: I'd Never Crucify Myself

Unknown number huh.

…

?: Hello…?

Man. Good.

Rosa: Good afternoon, who am I speaking to?

?: Jake Williams, I’m calling on behalf of the WFWF, who’s this? I was hoping to talk to Joe Bishop…

Rosa: This is Rosa de Vera. I represent Joe.

Jake: Oh, is Joe there?

A whole room away doesn’t really count as there.

Rosa: I’m afraid not, you said you’re from the WFWF?

Jake: Yeah, we wanted to put the feelers out to see how Joe would feel about a return to the com… What? Oh sorry promotion.

I love that someone corrected him for Joe’s sake. Like I give a s***.

Jake: Kris, Mr. Kash is very keen to bring Joe back. Can you get him to give me a call when he’s free?

Rosa: Oh that won’t be necessary. Joe’s very happy for me to represent him in all contractual matters. He really likes to focus on the sport you know.

Jake: Oh, umm, okay. We will need him to confirm anyt…

Rosa: That won’t be a problem.

Jake: Ok great.

Rosa: So why now?

Jake: Why not? Joe’s a great talent. We want him back under our roof.

Rosa: Yeah, cut the bulls***. Superbawl’s coming round soon huh, how’s the buy rate looking?

Jake: There’s always room for improvement.

Hmm I bet.

Rosa: You need names?

Jake: We want more star power, sure. We’re talking to a number of talents about Superbrawl and beyond.

Okay sure.

Nice and desperate. Just how I like ‘em.

Rosa: Okay, well look, I’m not saying Joe isn’t open to a return. But he’s very happy where he is at the moment. So it’s going to have to be a very good offer.

Jake: We’d be offering a sizeable increase on Joe’s previous terms.

Rosa: I’m not just talking money. We have a plethora of demands.

Jake: And what are Joe’s demands?

Rosa: Our demands.

Jake: What are your demands?

Rosa: Shall we start with my contract?

---



Joe: What’s that?

Rosa: ‘Toward A Cosmpolitan Ethics of Mobility’

Joe: Get you.

Rosa: It’s important stuff to know. Required reading for all citizens of earth.

Joe: Do I have to?

Rosa: I’ll give you the synopsis some time.

Joe: Bless.

Quite useful when you’re planning to become an immigrant too. I should tell him that’s happening really.

Rosa: There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.

Joe: Yeah?

Rosa: We had a call.

Joe: Oh?

Rosa: Yeah. They want us in the WFWF.

Joe: Oh.

Could show a bit more excitement.

Joe: Both of us?

Rosa: Of course both of us! … You wouldn’t want to go there without me would you?

Joe: I’m not sure I wan…

Rosa: I drove a hard bargain of course, they caved in the end.

Joe: Okay.

Rosa: Exciting huh? Back to the WFWF. Back home.

Joe: Yeah, sure.

That’s more like it.

Rosa: And it’ll be my home too now. They just want you to work Superbrawl, and then after that we’ll both be on the roster. Isn’t it great.

He nods. Seems a bit overwhelmed, can’t blame him.

Rosa: This is so exciting.

---



The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I don’t think anything, except maybe politics, encapsulates that better than the WFWF.

I left the WFWF three years ago, my knee shattered and my resolve to keep fighting an unwinnable war, my desperation to change this place, waning. I had given so much of myself to this cause. I had ‘invested’ everything I had, physically, emotionally, professionally, into changing it. And no matter what I tried, no matter how much I gave…

Nothing… NOTHING would F***ING change.



And here we are.

Three years on.

Lila Sleater gone, but Kris Kash in, serving almost identical self-interests. Doing whatever he thinks is right, and when I say right I, obviously, mean profitable.

A plethora of new champions added to the history books, but they’ve taken us right back round to Drakz cheating his way through the roster and Josh Dean mistakenly thinking he’s got it in him to represent professional wrestling as its world champion.

And me.

Back to fight for something, that honestly, I’m beginning to doubt I’ll ever see come to fruition

Maybe it is a sign of madness.

Maybe it’s a waste of time.

This isn’t leading anywhere. I’m not going to deny it.

Coming back to this place, and expecting to make it better, would be bat-s*** f***ing crazy.

And I know the logical next question is ‘so why do it’?

And I’m only not asking it because…

I don’t have a logical answer.

I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know how I keep ending up back here.

I thought I’d made peace with the fact that the WFWF would do its thing and milk people, use its massive marketing budget and resource to profit from it’s sub-par product. I thought I’d learned to accept that. To just do what I could to make the better alternatives as well known as possible so that real wrestling fans could find them and invest their time in something worthwhile.

And now, like that, I’m back here. Taking their money. Turning up for their big show and its big pay day.

And preparing for another run as an employee, contributing to the product, of, a business.

Ugh.

Back home.

Huh.

I am a wrestler first and foremost, and wherever I end up I’ll give everything I have to win wrestling matches. Everything and more. That’s not going to change. And I’ll try to drag the rest of this roster up, because honestly, what else could I do?

But I’m not coming back with much hope of achieving the change I’d like to see.

Honestly, the only reason I’ve agreed to do it, is that Rosa deserves it.

Because my God she is a natural, and it’s a sin that there are so many wrestling fans out there who haven’t heard of her. My expectations of this are simple really, I’m going to win matches and give everything I have, and Rosa is going to do the same and gain fans, and then once she comes to the same conclusion I have, we’ll move on and take those fans to a sporting institution that deserves them.

I know that’s not what the ‘WFWF fanbase’ wants to hear. But it’s what wrestling fans want to hear. And it’s the truth.

The wheel will keep turning, business people will keep profiting from people putting their lives on the line for a relative pittance. That’s never gonna change.

But I will make my point. So will Rosa. It won’t be comfortable for most of you. I’m really not interested in making you comfortable though.

I’m interested in promoting my sport and winning wrestling matches.

Starting with Wayne McGurk.

---



It’s been a while since we’ve seen Joe. He’s been very focused on wrestling as per, and we’ve all been up to our eyes with Ellie. Who’d have known that looking after a toddler would be so much work.

But today, the wonders of skype are taking us to the United States.

Oh…

Poppy: Hi…

Joe: Hey guys, how is everyone?

Someone say something please.

Shuggy: Aye, we’re good ta Joe. Yous?

Joe: Yeah can’t complain. This is my girlfriend Rosa, Rosa - Andy, Shuggy, Poppy and Els.

Some warning would have been nice Joe.

Rosa: Hello

Andy: Hey

I didn’t realise he was capable of love.

Shuggy: Y’awright

Poppy, if you cry on camera, I’m gonna f***ing kill you.

Poppy: Hi, nice to meet you.

I mean not actually, but you have to say that don’t you?

Shuggy: Ells, d’ya wanna say hello?

That cute little shake of the head. I needed that.

Poppy: Excuse her, she’s very shy.

Joe: That sounds genetically improbable.

Couldn’t resist snorting as he said it either.

Poppy: Very funny.

Shuggy: So how long you been hiding Rosa?

Joe: A few months, we’ve been working the same shows for a little while.

Shuggy: Well I’m really happy for yous.

I’m not.

Rosa: Thanks! It’s great to be part of the family.

Two people isn’t a family. Keep smiling.

Andy: So, excited to be back in the WFWF?

Rosa: Oh we’re so excited aren’t we Joe?

Joe: Yeah, can’t wait.

Andy: Right back in the deep end too. Superbrawl.

Rosa: I know! Joe’s so ready for that, aren’t you hun.

The lap dog nods. Not sure what happened to his spine.

Andy: Wayne McGurk huh? We should touch base Joe, sure there’s still a few tips I can give you.

Joe: Sounds good.

Poppy: So how’d you get into wrestling Rosa?

Rosa: Oh so I went to Oxford Uni to do International Relations and a friend invited me to the Wrestling Society. It’s sort of snowballed from there.

What a c***

Poppy: Oh Oxford, very impressive.

Rosa: Thanks. What did you study?

Poppy: Media studies.

Rosa: Oh that’s amazing, whereabouts?

Poppy: Kent.

Rosa: What did you get?

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Poppy: 2:1

Rosa: Oh that’s great, congratulations, you must be so proud Andy?

Andy: Uh… sure.

This is never going to end is it?

Poppy: I’m just going to nip to the little girl’s room.

To piss on our router.

---



So here I am, the WFWF.

And you know, the reality is, I really should not have had to wait this long.

I should not be taking a back seat at Superbrawl.

And I certainly shouldn’t be getting the gig because I’m Joe Bishop’s girlfriend.

I should have been here a year ago, and I should be looking at the Superbrawl main event right now.

But that’s fine. That’s how the world works. Women have to work that bit harder, wait that bit longer and fight that bit more ferociously.

I’ve always been very good at working hard, and fighting ferociously.

It’s the waiting I struggle with.

But I’ve found a path towards where I deserve to be now, and I can finally start making moves towards the spot within the WFWF I deserve, as opposed to just fighting for a spot on the roster.

I’ll get where I deserve to be. Am I a little bit bitter about the wait? Sure.

But the really key thing to note, is that I do deserve to be here. Have I cut a corner? Yes. But it’s one that shouldn’t exist.

That’s, I guess, the key difference between me and say a Scarlett Quinn or a Penny Shannon. Nepotism’s gotten me here too, sure, but with me, it shouldn’t have taken that.

My string of victories across the UK indies, my prowess at such a young age, my cv, should all have been enough. But I’m not particularly busty and my Daddy wasn’t a world champion so I guess I can’t expect to have a spot on the WFWF roster.

I’m here now. And I don’t intend to just make up the numbers.

I’m not a Vanessa McGurk or a Scarlett Quinn or a Penny Shannon. I’m not the ‘wife of’, or the ‘daughter of’, or the ‘friend of’.

I’m not here, to be the ‘girlfriend of Joe Bishop’.

I’m hear to be Rosa.

I don’t go into anything, with a view to accepting being okay, or good, or even just great at it. I certainly am not going into anything to do it second best to anyone.

And I’m not going to let anyone get away with seeing me as just Joe Bishop’s valet.

I’m so much f***ing more than that.

I am a professional wrestler and a really quite exceptional one.

One who isn’t going to accept being limited, in any way, shape or form, by my gender.

One who isn’t setting their sights any lower than the top.

And one who, very soon, will be everyone’s focus

---



Andy: What is your angle here Joe? You’re coming back for a big pay day against a has been at SuperBrawl? Really? That’s what’s become of this revolutionary?

Joe: You can’t see how a match against Wayne McGurk is worthwhile? Is an opportunity to fight for our cause? Guy’s the innovator of nepotism.

Andy: Hmm, and you wouldn’t know anything about that...

Joe: What’s that supposed to mean?

Andy: They’ve given Rosa a contract on merit have they?

Joe: Yep. Why shouldn’t they?

I can think of one very good reason.

Andy: Come on Joe, don’t play dumb.

Joe: I’m not playing anything. We’ve been working the same Indy shows, they probably liked what they saw.

Andy: You think the WFWF has people watching London indies?

Joe: I imagine so. They certainly should.

Behave.

Andy: They should. We both know they don’t.

Well this silence sounds a lot like a concession.

Joe: How’s the new school going?

Andy: Fine. Don’t change the subject.

Joe: Whatever, I just don’t think this argument’s getting us anywhere.

Andy: Having arguments that don’t go anywhere is your whole thing.

May have been a bit below the belt, but it’s true and he knows it.

Andy: I just don’t see how you can say you care about this sport so much, so often, and go back to that place? How you can call out the nepotism of Wayne McGurk and completely ignore the fact that there’s no way your green as f*** girlfriend has been given her contract on merit.

Joe: I really don’t need your crap any more Andy. We’ve long since established that I know an awful lot more about what I should be doing than you do. You’re not part of the revolution any more, enjoy watching it from the sidelines.

Andy: Fine, you don’t want my help? That’s fine. But don’t call it a revolution, it’s not. Not even you believe that any more. That’s just a word you use to mask your hypocrisy.

---



Shuggy: Y’awright Pops?

‘cause ye sure dinnae look it. Poor lass is in flood o’ tears.

Shuggy: She were a bit of a cow weren’t she?

Poppy: Was she?

Shuggy: Ah come on, I’ve never met anyone more condescending in mah life..

Genuinley.

Shuggy: an ave met Joe.

Least I can still make ‘er laugh.

Poppy: Yeah, she’s a c***, but that’s not why I’m… like this.

Shuggy: What is?

Poppy: Ugh it’s, it’s stupid

Shuggy: I’m an expert in the field, spit it out ya daftie.

Poppy: I… oh God. I love him.

An’ the award for least shocking revelation ah the year goes to...

Shuggy: You tit.

Prolly shouldnae ‘a said that.

Poppy: I know.

Shuggy: Why didya nae tell him?

Poppy: … I … umm… there was never a good time…

Shuggy: Really?

Poppy: Okay, honestly, because I’m an idiot.

Eh, join the club lass.

Tha’ said, nay sure it’s not saying that makes her an ijit, think it’s feeling it in the first place.

Shuggy: I’m sorry.

---



You know I’m starting to feel like there’s a bit of a theme emerging.

Yukio Blaze, The Future, Wayne McGurk.

Superbrawl, the place where Joe Bishop puts washed up wrestlers out of their misery.

But I guess there is a difference. Yukio, Future, they were never more than part of the supporting cast, were they?

When they decided to show up to Suprebrawl, nobody really batted an eyelid, because… honestly… neither had much of a career to tarnish.

You’re different Wayne.

You have a legacy that, at the moment, is worthy of respect.

In a lot of ways I could understand Yukio Blaze, I could understand The Future. I could understand that need to try and have a ‘Suprebrawl moment’, that need to keep throwing themselves into it in the vain hope that one day they’d achieve something in this sport they dedicated there lives to.

But you? Wayne McGurk?

You don’t need this.

I know it. Scarlett knows it. Vanessa knows it. You know it. Everybody knows it.

And, it’s… well I’ve gotta admit. It’s difficult not to look at this and see the same old story. The legend who decides to cash in on their fame. The returning wrestler not motivated by a love of the sport, but a love of all of the bulls*** that comes along with it.

I hope I’m wrong. I really do. I hope you come out at SuperBrawl still the same champion you once were. Still with that desire to go out and prove something.

I just really doubt it.

I know I need to be switched on. You’re Wayne McGurk. You’ve got enough natural talent that even a half arsed performance poses some challenges that anyone. But the thing about me is, I’m never switched off.

If you want to beat me, now, then sure you need that talent. But it’s far from the most important element. You need a real hunger to win. You need that drive to be the best in the sport. You need an overwhelming desperation not to see the other guy’s hand raised.

You’ve had that, of course you have. But is it still there?

I guess I’m questioning that, mainly, because it’s been so long Wayne.

If you still had that drive. If you cared about being the best.

Why haven’t you been in the ring week in week out?

Why haven’t you been competing in that ring, bettering yourself week in week out. Why have you just been sitting on the side-lines clapping your little girl and her best buds and sparring with them or giving them a few tips. Why haven’t you been in that ring with them, beating them. Why haven’t you been wrestling competitively, somewhere?

I look at you Wayne, and I don’t see the athlete I saw on my TV when I was just getting started. I don’t see the wrestler I used to look up to. I just see a washed up, old, celebrity, who wants back in on the limelight. Who wants the big return and the pay day that comes with it. And who, in a few days time, will waltz away from the WFWF win, lose or draw, without really, honestly, giving a s*** which it was.
Honestly, it’s heart breaking.

To see someone, who I thought at least cared about their own place in the sport as much as I do about mine, doing this.

And I hope, oh man I hope, that you’ll hear these words and that they’ll light a fire in you.

That instead of the ‘legend’ vs. the serious wrestler.

I’ll get a Wayne McGurk who, if not the same physical specimen, at least had the heart and the desire of the old Wayne McGurk.

And that we’ll have a proper f***ing contest.
But, I’ve never been one to kid myself. It’s not happening.

You were once a symbol of everything that’s good about professional wrestling. You were a proper f***in’ wrestler. Someone I could look up to.

Then you started getting jobs for the boys. And that tarnished it a little, but I forgave it, because if anyone’s legacy warranted excusing an error of judgement it was yours. And because, eventually, Scarlett grew into her spot. And even later, Penny started to as well. And I thought, sure they didn’t deserve the job when they got it, but f*** they belong now.

But this, what does this do to the legacy of Wayne McGurk.

Because that’s all we’re talking about. Legacy. This isn’t the resurrection of Wayne McGurk’s career. There will be no miraculous second run for this old man.

There will be a Superbrawl defeat. And a lot of money. And probably some merchandise opportunities.

Oh and the flaming wreckage of a once respectable, admirable, even enviable, legacy.

What a cause to martyr yourself for.

Hope it’s worth it.