WFWF Ascension Tour 2022 - Official Press Conference!
Jun 2, 2022 16:12:52 GMT -5
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Post by Swarm on Jun 2, 2022 16:12:52 GMT -5
We fade in to the standard setting for a press conference. The lights are dimmed and the mixed crowd of journalists and fans speak in assorting murmuring awaiting the beginning of this event. On the stage in the center is your usual podium set-up with an assortment of microphones facing where the speaker will be standing. Wires run from the bottom of the podium over to its left where a long table is set up. Though it is clear there are a number of individuals seated at this table, the dimmed lights prevent us from getting a clear glimpse at who they are. Stage hands hurry themselves tending to the finishing touches before eventually the stage is cleared and the lights raise prompting a round of applause from the crowd in attendance. An unfamiliar face steps out from behind the table; A man of distinctly large proportions clad in a spiffy blue silk suit who is of east Asian ethnicity. He makes his way to the podium waving to the crowd in attendance.
Daehyun Moon: Gooooooooooooooooooooood evening ladies and gentleman!
The gentleman's voice booms with a resonant low end. Both ladies and gentlemen feel tingles.
Daehyun Moon: Pleeeeaaase welcome the new president OF the W-F-W-F...... booooooOOOOOOBBBYYYYY aaaaaaaaAAAAABADI!
This thunderous introduction lights a fire under the crowd in attendance, the fans hooting and hollaring while the media remains professional though clearly enthused. As expected, the new president of the WFWF Bobby Abadi steps out from behind the table and approaches the podium, politely waving to the crowd in attendance haunted by the GettyImages watermark follows him everywhere.
As he nears the podium he shakes hand with the large gentleman who introduced him. They swap places, the sleekly fitted man taking a standing position several feet behind the podium while Bobby Abadi takes center stage.
Bobby Abadi: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the beginning of THENEWWFWF!!
Yayy!
Bobby Abadi: I think the best place to start is to introduce the guy that introduced me who is the man behind me and he is our new ring announcer... Daehyun Moon!
Daehyun Moon nods and waves with the precise amount of humility but coolness that indicates a deep well of smoothness. He's just... anyway...
Bobby Abadi: You see while a lot of things are going to stay the same there are going to be a lot of changes in this new WFWF... one could say this is the beginning of a new... AGE... for WFWF!
A brief moment of murmuring commences before everyone collectively gets the pun prompting a mostly polite response for the attempt.
Bobby Abadi: With that in mind let me begin by announcing our new on-air staff!
This announcement cues a projector screen behind Abadi to come to life. Figuratively speaking, not in a Cronenberg kind of way.
Bobby Abadi: First off... Please give a round of applause as joining Kay Fabe as part of our correspendance team welcome back Ryan Riddel and Stacy Grey!
A graphic of both pops up on screen which to be candid I did not have time to finish but this is a great time to practice using our imaginations!
Great job! Abadi continues.
Bobby Abadi: And while we're at it let's welcome another former broadcaster back to the announce team because joining Alecia Matthews please welcome our new analyst PLEASE WELCOME MATTHEW WERNER!
Ya know tbh I used Milo Ventimiglia at one point... Then the guy that played Faraday in LOST so ya know, we'll narrow down that pic base soon enough but something along those lines. Anyway Matthew Werner is back and people react excitedly! Yaaayyyy!
Bobby Abadi: Let's give our new broadcast team a round of applause! The crowd obliges. ... Yeah! Now having said that...
Hold on just one second!
A voice booms out from seemingly no source which is either some sort of supernatural spectre like in the Book of Daniel ready to hand down prophecies of doom or an unseen individual with a microphone.
Bobby Abadi: In a very badly acted faux-surprised tone. ... Whhaaaat? Who could that be?
A very round, very red-faced man appears from behind the stage prompting Abadi to very poorly perform further surprise.
Bobby Abadi: Wait... is that... is that... KUUUURRRT BURTTOOONNN?
Honestly I really wasn't sure.
Kurt Burton: OH YOU KNOW IT IS THE ONE AND ONLY TRUUUEEE ROCK STAR OF THE WFWF! Heavy audible breathing as he nears the podium. I KNOW YOU DID NOT FORGET TO ANNOUNCE THE REEEAALLL MAIN EVENT OF THIS PRESS CONFERENCE... BOBBO~!
Bobby Abadi: Ohhhh... that's right! I guess I forgot to tell you all that joining the WFWF broadcast team is WFWF Hall of Famer and legend the rock star who is now our new color commentator KURT BURTON!
The fans in attendance cheer uproariously and the press in attendance provide a very respectful round of applause for the returning legend which is probably for the best as he appears to be catching his breath.
Kurt Burton: YEAHH WELL JUST REMEMBER ONE THING FOLKS! breathes. KURT BURTON DOESN'T TAKE *bleep* FROM ANYBODY SO I'M GONNA CALL THINGS JUST AS THEY ARE! WFWF... PREPARE TO BE ROCKED TO YOUR CORE!
Kurt Burton fist bumps and there is a tangible t-shirt cannon vibe in the building. Him and Abadi slap hands then Burton makes his way to his seat at the table on the stage.
Bobby Abadi: Show some love for Kurt Burton everybody!
We all love us some Kurt Burton. =)
Bobby Abadi: With that said, we've still got a bunch of the best the WFWF has to offer waiting to speak to you all! But before we get to that, I've got some official business to attend to and that is our upcoming schedule!
Exciting!
Bobby Abadi: As we announced before, the WFWF will be operating as a touring entity from here on out. Our first tour was announced just a couple of weeks ago!
Behind Abadi the graphic for the WFWF Ascension Tour 2022 pops up.
Bobby Abadi: We will be running five live events over the next three months. The first four will air as hour-long television specials on Pluto TV on the Outdoor Adventure Channel!
The crowd is perplexed by this choice of distribution.
Bobby Abadi: ... Well sometimes our shows are outside...
Fair enough.
Bobby Abadi: We will be concluding this tour with a pay per view event but I will speak more on that later! For now, please take a look at the screen BECAUSE THIS IS THE WFWF ASCENSION TOUR 2022!
Bobby Abadi: As you can see we will be kicking things off in Baltimore, Maryland for our return show... WFWF Ascension!
Yayy!
Bobby Abadi: Then on July 15th we head to the nation's capitol for WFWF He'll Kick You Apart! He'll Kick You Apart!
Pretty dated joke at this point but sure.
Bobby Abadi: Then we are heading to New York City as we bring back for one night only... WFWF Loaded!
I memba Loaded!
Bobby Abadi: And for our final television event we make our way to Putting on an insufferable faux Boston accent. BAWSTUHN for KNUCKLES UP IN BOSTON!
The graphic for that one is a lot of fun ya'll are gonna like it!
Bobby Abadi: Let's all give one more round of applause for THE ASCENSION TOUR 2022!
I'm hyped, yo.
Bobby Abadi: But enough from me! Let's hear from some of the WFWF's best! Mr. Moon, can I do the honors?
Moon nods in a way that is just like... so supportive... like he's just so confident but in that like, warm way, you know?
Bobby Abadi: Feeling the love. IN THAT CASE PLEASE WELCOME.... SHHHUUUGGGYYYY!
"The Wee Green Man" Shuggy makes his way up to the podium, receiving a polite round of applause from those in attendance. The Scot, whose first run with the WFWF came in the second half of 2018, is sporting an Alien facehugger face mask which attracts a lot more attention than his slight frame.
Shuggy: Thank yous, thanks.
Shuggy pauses for a moment waiting for the applause to settle down.
Shuggy: I cannae tell ya how excited I am to be here. Stepping into a WFWF ring for the first time was prolly the proudest moment of ma life, an’ the chance to do it again, there isnae a thing in this world I want more.
Shuggy pauses, nodding assuringly.
Shuggy: Four years ago I wrestled ma last match in the WFWF. I didnae think for one second that ma then one year old daughter Ellie would ever get to see me in tha’ ring, live in the flesh an’ really appreciate it. One year ago, I couldnae see me watching another WFWF show, let alone steppin’ in tha’ squared circle masel.
Aww!
Shuggy: I dinnae know how long it’s gonna last, but I’m gonna make sure my wee girl sees her Dad at his absolute best.
Shuggy takes a moment to bring his enthusiasm under control before again addressing the WFWF fans.
Shuggy: Now I amnae kiddin’ masel, people arnae ‘ere to listen to this wee ginger prick bang on. Naebody is ‘ere to hear from Shuggy. An’ I amnae particularly interested in talkin’ too long. I’m here, like all of yous, to hear from the EBRs, the Josh Deans, the DGXs. I couldnae be more excited to see these legends come back, to listen to what they’ve gotta say and I cannae wait to step in the ring wi’ ‘em and learn as much as I can. The WFWF is a place for legends, for the likes of Drakz, Kyzer, Phillip Schneider. I amnae there yet, I prolly never will be, but the chance is something I just couldnae pass up.
What a nice guy!
Shuggy: I wanna thank AGE and all a yous WFWF fans for makin’ ma dream a reality again.
The Glaswegian youngster throws up the Vulcan Salute before heading toward the back. As he begins to exit the frame, Daehyun Moon approaches the podium. The crowd's polite applause for Shuggy is broken when suddenly he is shoved aside, almost falling clean off the stage as a crimson flash charges past him, instantly recognizable as the one, the only, the "King of Demons" himself, Trace Demon. He storms to the podium, jet black hair streaked with crimson.
Daehyun Moon: Pppplllleeeeeaaaaaaaaseeee welcome.... THE KING. OF. DEMONS..... TrrrrrrrRRRAAAAAACCCCEEE DEMMMOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Moon, ever present at all times recognizes Trace Demon's need for space and swiftly navigates out of Demon's path. Like he doesn't feel the need to be confrontational cos he just like... knows himself... wow. Anyway, Trace Demon centers himself at the podium.
Trace Demon: Good evening WFWF!
There’s a polite cheer from the crowd and a round of applause, Trace smiles, and then just like that the smile flips, Trace glaring out at the crowd in disgust.
Trace Demon: Oh shut the hell up, do you really think I came out here to deliver a cheap bloody pop?
And just as quickly as the cheering began it turns to boos, a sound that Trace is much more familiar with.
Trace Demon: You know what, I wasn’t even going to come up here because quite frankly I don’t give a damn about all this, but the new boss man wanted me to come out to this thing and do some press photos, sound snippets, the usual crap that I’d usually tell them where to stick it. But here I am, because business is business, but still, I didn’t want to talk to you freaks and yet here I am, so why? Why is that?
He paces around the stage, frustration boiling up.
Trace Demon: You see I was back there, minding my own business, causing no trouble because that’s my way, when I hear some Scottish guy chatting a load of rubbish. Honestly, most of it I couldn’t even understand, not sure if he was talking English or whatever they talk in that made up country but one thing I did pick up on was the list of names he brought up. Now see this boy starts name dropping harder than Shawn god damn Malakai trying to make himself feel relevant, but clearly I must have had temporary hearing loss because I missed the part where he mentioned the greatest god damn wrestler to ever step foot in the WFWF.
Trace Demon pauses, mostly to seethe.
Trace Demon: This boy, and I call him that because I ain’t got a damn clue what his name is and I’m not actually sure if he’s a wrestler, an announcer or a random crackhead off the street which would make a hell of a lot of sense, is reeling off these names and somehow left off Trace Demon. I know, I couldn’t believe it either! But believe me, you play it back later and I promise you, somehow he listed an irrelevancy like Josh Dean and didn’t mention me.
The crowd audibly ooh's at this shot sent across the bow of the WFWF Champion.
Trace Demon: And you know what, I could’ve let that go, I could’ve reasoned to myself well Trace, this boy is clearly suffering from a traumatic brain injury and can’t be held accountable for his bad taste. But then I heard the name of a man who’s biggest claim to face was being a damn hobo hackjob and I think to myself well that’s a step too far.
Insert obligatory trademarked under the half-life server joke.
Trace Demon: Let me make this clear to you boy, and everyone else who is even thinking about making their return to the WFWF. There might be new owners around here, but this is still my house, this is still my kingdom, and you best damn believe that I ain’t gonna let disrespect go unpunished. So let’s make this official, Trace Demon is back in the WFWF, Trace Demon is back to remind everyone that without me there ain’t no such thing as a Mount Rushmore of professional wrestling, without me there ain’t even a company worth buying and putting on tour!
Trace Demon pauses, allowing his point to sink in.
Trace Demon: If you don’t know by now, I’m gonna make sure you never forget that in future, you put my name at the top of your list, you make my name the only name on your list because it’s the only one that deserves and needs to be there, because I am the be all and end all, I am the King of Demons, I am the WFWF.... The sooner you all realize that, the better.
Trace Demon exits with an emphatic shove of the podium nearly knocking the entire thing over. As expected, Daehyun Moon approaches the podium once more, this time with an unfolded sheet of paper in hand.
Daehyun Moon: Before I announce our next participant, I have been informed that he will be abstaining from making an declarative statements at this time and will simply be making himself available to answer any and all questions from the media in attendance. With that said... ppPPPPPLEEEEAAAAAASE WELCOMMMMMEEEE.... DDDDDDD...... GGGGGG....... EEEEXXXXXXXX!
The whirring click of cameras consumes the frame as media take on the arrival of the Sovereign of WFWF DGX. Dressed smartly in a grey Brioni suit and a mint green tie, his blonde hair combed back. He approaches the podium with the same intentional but swift pace he approaches everything with. DGX gestures toward Matthew Werner who approaches "The Sovereign". DGX briefly takes a moment to confer with Werner who, after a few moments, nods in accordance with DGX's wishes and takes the podium.
Matthew Werner: Alright, we’ll open the floor to the media here. Uhh... Werner scans the room. ...Kerry go ahead.
Kerry Hogg: Hi DGX, Kerry Hogg with the Wrestling Observatory Newsletter. What are your feelings about the relaunch of the WFWF?
DGX: Just broadly?
Kerry Hogg: Sure, how do you feel about the company being bought out and given a new start.
DGX: I think it’s a great thing. Wrestling is a great sport with a history and tradition that should be preserved. I’m very happy that we were acquired by Mr. Abadi and AGE. Personally, I’m excited to get started again.
DGX nods his head to show he is finished. Werner looks around before making the next call.
Matthew Werner: Alright... Jackson, what do you got?
Jackson Wagner: DGX, Jackson Wagner the Wrestling Herald. Before the acquisition of the company, you and others of WFWF were initially set to work in a scheduled event in Saudi Arabia. Given the strong political ramifications of such shows it’s wondered what your feelings were on the “Blood Money” event Kris Kash had put together.
DGX: Very pertinent question Jackson, I am an independent contractor with WFWF and as such I feel the need to disclaim that the feelings and practices of the company that I work with don’t always reflect my own beliefs or opinions. We are entertainment true but I believe that we also need to set an example and be held to a public standard especially in North America where we do most of our business. I was not personally thrilled to partake in such an event due to political factors however I am foremost a businessman and as such would have worked the show had it happened.
Jackson Wagner: So, if the money was right you would have worked the event regardless of the implications of support to an established anti-West regime?
DGX: Not exactly what I said Jackson, I said I’m a businessman. You immediately leapt to money however my feelings on the matter are more tied to good faith business practices. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. I find in business having a valued word is paramount to success.
Jackson Wagner: Yes but...
Matthew Werner: That’s enough Jackson. Alright, Heidi you’re up.
A bookish, slightly mousy looking woman with thick glasses stands.
Heidi Willows: DGX, Heidi Willows from the Pro Wrestling Tribune. As a Canadian I wondered what your feelings were about the AGE company and specifically it’s CFL team the Saskatchewan Roughriders!
DGX visibly smiles at the question.
DGX: Well, I know this is a great opportunity to schmooze the new boss and sing the praises of Rider and Three Down nations however as I did allude earlier, I am an honest man. As such I must disclose that I’m actually a Stampeders fan. Calgary and Regina have a long-standing rivalry and I will admit it turns my stomach a little to be working with our rival. But I content myself that since the aughts the Stamps have accumulated twice the great cup trophies the Riders have and I fully believe that dominance will continue.
DGX grins fairly cocky as his impassioned football fan wears off and he reverts to his normal posturing.
Matthew Werner: Alright, two more here. Ashley, you’re up.
Ashley Johnson: Hi DGX, Ashley Johnson Grappling Gazetteer. How do you feel about the proposed touring format of WFWF?
DGX: Great question! I have always enjoyed touring formats throughout my entire career. It’s very easy to fall into a grind of a television to pay per view schedule, in allot of ways it’s very quick one offs before you’re on to the next town and that’s fine. But when you get to tour, there’s a set number of dates, an established travel itinerary and in allot of ways we get to enjoy the venues that enjoy us. It’s more ‘circus comes to town’ type feeling and have a better time that way. Helps locker room morale I’ve always found. Plus going on tour, we get to work allot of towns that don’t normally get to host us which makes for a very appreciative and raucous crowd. I’m a big fan of it!
Matthew Werner: Last one. Holly, take us home!
Holly Hunt: Hey D, Holly Hunt of the Squared Circle. With WFWF going on tour and starting up soon, what does the future in WFWF hold for DGX?
DGX: Well Holly, I think I’ll continue to compete. I’ve got a couple of good years left I think and I plan to maximize them under this new regime. My return to WFWF to this point has been noteworthy, victories over WFWF luminaries such as Reverend Shadow and a blue-chip legacy up and comer like Scarlett Quinn are a great springboard to only greater things. I believe before long I will be in serious consideration for title contention. Whether that is the international championship or even the WFWF championship itself I am a prize fighter and I believe before too much more time passes I’m going to be in thick of the contention for one if not both of those prizes.
Matthew Werner: That’s all for this one folks!
DGX nods to Werner and stands, nodding his head to Holly Hunt as he exits the stage. Matthew Werner is not far behind him making his way toward the table. Before Daehyun Moon can approach the podium, Bobby Abadi makes a quick jog to it and waves off the sauve ring announcer.
Bobby Abadi: WOW! THIS IS EXCITING HUH!?
The crowd agrees!
Bobby Abadi: I wanted to take center stage again here because... oh man... I have a huge surprise for you all!
Bobby Abadi: I said we were bringing in faces old and new and there is no face more recognizable.... no face more iconic... no face more influential to the WFWF than this face for the guy I am about to announce who I have signed because making his return to the WFWF after almost eleven years... ladies and gentlemen take a look at the face of ALLLEEEEEXXXX SSSEEEAAAANNNN!
"Monster" by Kanye West blares over the PA system and a startingly less recognizable-faced Alex Sean steps out from behind the stage. Like we're glad to see him but he's aged a lot so it's kind of sad and really it's just plumbing the depths of our deeply repressed fears of mortality because he was young once and now he isn't and we're all gonna... anyway it's Alex Sean wow!
Bobby Abadi: Clapping. GIVE IT UP FOR THE CONSTANT! YEAH!
Sean politely, almost meekly waves to the crowd looking mostly just happy to be here. He shakes Bobby's hand then takes center stage at the podium.
Alex Sean: Wow.... man I really hadn't thought about it but that nickname is... Sigh. ... It doesn't matter... How's everybody doing?
Heyyy!
Alex Sean: Yeah man... wow.... loooooong pause. .... Well... it's um... it's been a while!
That it has. I can't wait to hear Alex Sean deliver a classic, sharp as a tack promo like we all know and remember him for!
Alex Sean: Yup... His eyes dart around the stage caught in a sort of half-squint one imagines due to the flashbulbs. ... Man maybe I shoulda just prepared something like D... Well anyway um... Yeah... I'm back and uh... ya know... Pause. ... I guess I'm just looking forward to um... getting back into the mix of things again! Sean smiles optimistically.
There is a long pause, like everyone's kind of waiting for more but it's sort of clear there won't be, you know?
Alex Sean: Oh! I actually... Sean turns to Bobby. ... Should I announce the thing? Abadi nods. ... So folks mark your calendars because uh... on July... 1st, right? Abadi concurs. I will be stepping in the ring for the first time in... goddamn... it's been a while... but anyway in my hometown of Baltimore I will be main eventing WFWF Ascension!
Hey howboutdat!
Alex Sean: I'm really excited I think it's gonna be a.... Sean is distracted by something. ... um... what are you...?
Sean's eyes focus on in Bobby Abadi who is doing as poorly of a job acting surprised as he did before.
Bobby Abadi: Wait a second... do I see... A MONSTER COMING TO CHALLENGE THE MONSTER!?
Alex Sean: Wicked perplexed. ... Um... what?
After a few moments, the bit becomes clear as a man dressed in the Steely McBeam mascot for the Pittsburgh Steelers walks out from behind the stage pointing intently at the WFWF Legend.
Alex Sean: Ya know that was really more of a XWA thing...
STEELY WILL NOT BE DETERRED AS HE WALKS WITH PURPOSE PICKING A FIGHT WITH ALEX SEAN!
Bobby Abadi: Oh my! I guess you're gonna have to take this guy out, huh? He is just... so delighted by this.
Sean stares at Abadi, his face somewhere between...
... and...
Steely approaches ever closer, pantomiming sliding his sleeves up his forearm and lifting his dukes. At this point the fans in attendance have broken out into a "KNOCK HIM OUT! KNOCK HIM OUT!" chant of which Bobby Abadi is actively participating. Sean places his hand over one of the microphones in the array however he neglects to account for the half dozen others.
Alex Sean: You want me to like... hit this *bleep*ing guy? Hearing himself through the speakers. Oh... sorry...
Abadi nods assuringly as Steely approaches. Finally Sean shrugs his shoulders and approaches Steely McBeam. In an almost defeated manner, he turns to the crowd and shakes his fist pantomiming what is to come. He then turns to Steely and throws a wild, mostly-for-show haymaker which Steely takes a bump for way too early. It pretty much looks embarrassing and awful but we love Alex Sean, right!? Yeeeahhhh! Abadi jumps to the podium.
Bobby Abadi: LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALEX SEAN!!!
Yayyy!! The fans in attendance roar in approval which is juxtaposed by the crowd of journalists preparing their think-pieces about knowing when its time to move on. On that note, Sean politely waves to the audience and makes his way behind the stage leaving Bobby Abadi at the podium once again.
Bobby Abadi: This has been a tremendous night here at this kick-off event for the WFWF Ascension Tour!
They agree!
Bobby Abadi: Who's pumped for the return of the WFWF?! I can't believe that I get to book this company with so many of my favorites across the company's history ... Somebody pinch me!
A stage hand playfully pinches Bobby Abdi's arm and he jumps up.
Bobby Abadi: Ok, it's real!
Oh Bobby.
Bobby Abadi: F*cking right! One thing this company has over many of the wrestling companies around is a rich, proud heritage of champions. Champions who carry the company to new heights, both financially and with the dignity befitting of the title! We've seen a few of them tonight, and we're not done yet. Without further adieu, allow me the pleasure of introducing the man who could very well lead WFWF into the future! He is the REIGNING, UNDISPUTED, WFWF HEAYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! "THE ARCHITECT" JOSH DEAN!
I got a song filled with sh*t for the strong willed
When the world gives you a raw deal
Set you off 'til you
Scream, "piss off, screw you"
When it talks to you like you don't belong
Or tells you you're in the wrong field
When something's in your mitochondrial
'Cause it latched on to you, like!
As the beat to Venom kicks in, the stage illuminates with red and white light as the camera focuses in. Fans in the crowd begin chanting "Ar-chi-tect! Ar-chi-tect!" Josh Dean strolls out onto the stage, all smiles as he scans the crowd. His hair is tied up in a neat man bun as the champ is supporting a grey suit jacket, blue jeans, and a pair of original Air Jordans. He has the WFWF Championship draped over his shoulder. He steps up to the podium and slowly raises the title over his head as his smile fades. With some assistance from the stage hand, red and gold pyros shoot straight up for a few seconds as Josh looks dead ahead, his icy blue eyes locked in and focused. He turns his gaze toward Bobby Abadi while holding the title high. As he lowers the title, he gives Bobby Abadi a nod and the music dies down. He sits the WFWF Championship on the podium and leans into the mic.
Josh Dean: You know the last time I attended one of these things, someone flew off the stage through a table.
Fans in the crowd roar at the mention of the highly controversial SuperBrawl press conference. This draws a smile on the champion's face.
Josh Dean: Seems like every time one of these things go down, I end up whipping somebody's a**. I can't make any promises that won't happen again, Bobby. But tonight, I'll do my very best to make sure everyone makes it out in one piece.
He nods at Bobby Abadi, who is enjoying himself a hearty laugh. Josh looks at the title and his smile fades.
Josh Dean: But seriously, if you would've told me a year ago that I'd be standing here, excited to beat the company drum, I would've probably laughed at you.
He sighs.
Josh Dean: I didn't want to come back after everything that happened, and I wasn't going to. I thought I proved my point, until I really looked at this.
Josh grabs the WFWF Championship. He turns it to look at the faceplate, where his name is on the bottom of the title's face. He becomes entranced by it.
Josh Dean: Every champion has to ask themselves a question. That question is... what do I want to contribute to this title's legacy? Honestly, that answer varies. I had to think about it for a long time. As Bobby can tell you, I was hesitant about coming aboard. I didn't make it easy on him either, so much so that it took him multiple meetings to finally get my signature on a contract. But I needed to see if he was sincere, if his intent and that answer to my own question aligned.
He takes his eyes off the WFWF Championship and scans over to Bobby Abadi.
Bobby Abadi: Thankfully, they did.
Josh turns to face the crowd.
Josh Dean: Thankfully, they did indeed. The mission statement has been made abdunantly clear tonight, to restore WFWF to the glorious times you people remember so fondly. Which brings me back to the answer of the question I had to ask myself. What do I want to contribute to this title's legacy? There was one answer that came to mind, which caused me to make a rather easy decision.
Josh grabs the WFWF Championship and hoists it high into the air as the crowd rises with a loud roar of cheers.
Josh Dean: I'm going to change how this title and the people holding it have been perceived! Gone are the days of sociopaths and junkies! With every last breath I have in me, I will carry this title with the true honor it deserves!
Fans in the crowd once again begin chanting "Ar-chi-tect! Ar-chi-tect!"
Josh Dean: Sorry to inform you, Bobby, but what you thought a true champion was is factually incorrect, and I'll prove it! I couldn't lead by example if I sat at the house!
Josh lowers the WFWF Championship down onto his shoulder. He stares down Bobby Abadi, who is clapping along with the crowd.
Josh Dean: So I guess the question is... who's up first?
Josh steps back from the podium, hoisting the WFWF Championship high above his head soaking in the moment. At his own pace, Josh Dean lowers the title then navigates his way toward the table near the podium. He gives a polite note to Alecia Matthews as he takes a seat, carefully placing the WFWF World Heavyweight Championship on the table; Its center medallion glimmering in the photographers' flashbulbs. With the audience of reporters hushed after Josh Dean’s words, Bobby Abadi steps to the podium and breaks the silence.
Bobby Abadi: Wow... powerful words from our World Champion ... Anyway, we have one last surprise planned for tonight! Here to help us announce the last official member of the WFWF roster AND the man who will be FIRST and will be challenging for Josh Dean’s World Championship...
Naturally, this piques the attention of everyone in attendance, none more so than Josh Dean.
Bobby Abadi: ... Please, turn your attention towards the stage behind you...
Everyone does, in which for the first time the home-made bandstand occupied with a band becomes apparent.
Bobby Abadi: ...Ladies & gentleman, please put your hands together for Grammy winning record artist Billy Ocean!
Standing in the middle of the stage is,in fact, seventy two year old Billy Ocean. The band begins to play “Caribbean Queen”.
The brief confusion among all of the attendees subsides and they give in to - if not embrace - the soulful sound emanating through the room and into their souls. Particularly, the exhilaration hits once the sax player to Mr. Ocean’s left begins to play.
The camera scans around the room, getting the reactions from all of its occupants. The reporters in attendance, Bobby Abadi, and even some of the fellow wrestlers clap along in enthusiasm before it catches a glimpse of Josh Dean, stone-faced and still. The camera quickly cuts back to the group of reporters.
For the first time, the camera cuts to the door on the left of the room. On the side of the door are two cheap spark machines, which after the effort of a WFWF employee, begin to go off. Golden sparks fly for several moments until the door bursts open, and the room is greeted with the man who will be challenging for the World Heavyweight Championship - EBR.
The room of reporters collectively clap as the band continues to play.
After a moment, EBR enters through the door and walks between the sparks, waving to the reporters in acknowledgement as the WFWF employee from earlier waits for him to clear the area before quickly extinguishing the spark machine. Now in the room, EBR heads towards the podium, nonchalantly walking past the expressionless Josh Dean to reach the steps that are placed on the opposite side. Ascending the steps, EBR points to Billy Ocean and bows in appreciation as he finishes his performance and EBR takes a seat next to Bobby Abadi. Both look at one another and exchange a few words and chuckles before EBR leans into the microphone.
EBR: Feels good to be home, man... first off, can we just give it up to Bobby for putting this together?
He begins to clap, which gets the room to join.
EBR: What a big press conference this is. I walked in and said “wow, what a big press conference” ... I consider it an honor to be a part of this moment. Where we are now, from where we were ten months ago ...really, all credit goes to Bobby and his passion for this company. I hope I don’t embarrass him by telling you this, but when he got in touch with me a couple of months ago about his plans to purchase the WFWF and how he wanted to see if I was interested in returning, it took maybe .. I dunno, five minutes before I was completely sold and one hundred percent all in. Just to see that level of passion, and excitement ... which is the same level of passion and excitement I had for this company last year ... it rekindled that spark that I thought I may have lost during this company’s ... I guess it was a sabbatical?
He waits for an answer he doesn’t get.
EBR: The point is ... that kind of attitude is contagious, and I believe that behind Bobby’s leadership he can take the WFWF back to the heights it used to soar. Frankly ... I’d like to be a part of that flight. So here I am. To paraphrase from the great LL Cool J - “don’t call it a comeback”.
The crowd laughs cause it’s a good song.
EBR: Anyways, if y’all have questions ...
Jackson Wagner: So just to confirm; you’ll be competing for the World Championship?
Bobby Abadi leans in to the microphone array before EBR can answer.
Bobby Abadi: Yep. And it’s going to happen... at the pay-per-view event that will close the tour whichwillbe SCARS & STRIPES!
There’s a brief gasp presumably as much due to Abadi's increasingly intense response as well as the announcement of the return of Scars and Stripes!
Bobby Abadi: That’s right! For the first time in almost eight years Scars & Stripes will be making its return! For years it’s been one of the most in-demand shows and I look forward to bringing it back! And with such a monumental show, there was only one match that could headline it!
EBR: That’s true. It’s a big match. I even told Bobby, I said “wow, what a big match that is”. Get your popcorn ready.
Josh continues to stare silently, possibly because he’s been largely ignored despite sitting to Bobby’s left this entire time.
Bobby Abadi: Turning to EBR And now I don’t want to embarrass you, but this is a thrill for me. As I said, I grew up watching the WFWF. EBR was my favorite wrestler. I saw EBR’s entire career, all the way back to his debut in ... what was it, 2002?
EBR: Yeah I’m pretty old. American Idol used to have two hosts and I remember that.
Bobby Abadi: I had the EBR shirts, I had the EBR DVD collection, I played as EBR in the WFWF video games.
EBR: The 2008 one?
Bobby Abadi: Yeah that was one of them.
EBR: Sick. I heard that was for me what Tecmo Bowl was for Bo Jackson.
Bobby Abadi: Point is, I watched your entire career unfold, and to get the chance to work with you, and promote your involvement in what will be one of the biggest matches in the WFWF’s history, in one of the biggest shows in the WFWF’s history, all as we make our triumphant return and plant our stake in the ground as THE place for professional wrestling is the realization of a childhood dream. EBR; you make dreams come true!
EBR: ... Oh word?
The group of reporters clap for EBR helping to fulfill fantasies, while Josh looks on, for the first time his stoic expression changing to perplexment.
Bobby Abadi: This is just the beginning of a new era of the WFWF, and I’m ecstatic for you and everyone else to be along for the ride! Let’s do it! Let’s! Do! It!
The room erupts in cheers. His passion and enthusiasm really is contagious.
Bobby Abadi: I think this just about wraps it up for now ... but one last thing before we go ... turning to EBR Do you want to tell them or do you want me to?
EBR: This is your thing, go ahead.
Bobby Abadi: That last surprise I mentioned earlier ... that wasn’t just to announce EBR. Nope ... in fact, I want you all to look under your seats ...
The reporters do, many of them bringing out small ticket stubs.
Bobby Abadi: Thanks to EBR’s generosity ... you can exchange those tickets on your way out for a free ice cream sandwich, all personally paid for by him!
The group of largely 30-50 year old reporters begin to cheer and chant EBR’s name in unison.
EBR: I just figured people like ice cream sandwiches.
Bobby Abadi: Thanks for joining us today, and we’ll see you on July 1st in Baltimore for our return show WFWF ASCENSION!
And with that, stock music begins to play and the lights dim as we close the book on the opening press conference for the WFWF Ascension Tour 2022!
Daehyun Moon: Gooooooooooooooooooooood evening ladies and gentleman!
The gentleman's voice booms with a resonant low end. Both ladies and gentlemen feel tingles.
Daehyun Moon: Pleeeeaaase welcome the new president OF the W-F-W-F...... booooooOOOOOOBBBYYYYY aaaaaaaaAAAAABADI!
This thunderous introduction lights a fire under the crowd in attendance, the fans hooting and hollaring while the media remains professional though clearly enthused. As expected, the new president of the WFWF Bobby Abadi steps out from behind the table and approaches the podium, politely waving to the crowd in attendance haunted by the GettyImages watermark follows him everywhere.
As he nears the podium he shakes hand with the large gentleman who introduced him. They swap places, the sleekly fitted man taking a standing position several feet behind the podium while Bobby Abadi takes center stage.
Bobby Abadi: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the beginning of THENEWWFWF!!
Yayy!
Bobby Abadi: I think the best place to start is to introduce the guy that introduced me who is the man behind me and he is our new ring announcer... Daehyun Moon!
Daehyun Moon nods and waves with the precise amount of humility but coolness that indicates a deep well of smoothness. He's just... anyway...
Bobby Abadi: You see while a lot of things are going to stay the same there are going to be a lot of changes in this new WFWF... one could say this is the beginning of a new... AGE... for WFWF!
A brief moment of murmuring commences before everyone collectively gets the pun prompting a mostly polite response for the attempt.
Bobby Abadi: With that in mind let me begin by announcing our new on-air staff!
This announcement cues a projector screen behind Abadi to come to life. Figuratively speaking, not in a Cronenberg kind of way.
Bobby Abadi: First off... Please give a round of applause as joining Kay Fabe as part of our correspendance team welcome back Ryan Riddel and Stacy Grey!
A graphic of both pops up on screen which to be candid I did not have time to finish but this is a great time to practice using our imaginations!
Great job! Abadi continues.
Bobby Abadi: And while we're at it let's welcome another former broadcaster back to the announce team because joining Alecia Matthews please welcome our new analyst PLEASE WELCOME MATTHEW WERNER!
Ya know tbh I used Milo Ventimiglia at one point... Then the guy that played Faraday in LOST so ya know, we'll narrow down that pic base soon enough but something along those lines. Anyway Matthew Werner is back and people react excitedly! Yaaayyyy!
Bobby Abadi: Let's give our new broadcast team a round of applause! The crowd obliges. ... Yeah! Now having said that...
Hold on just one second!
A voice booms out from seemingly no source which is either some sort of supernatural spectre like in the Book of Daniel ready to hand down prophecies of doom or an unseen individual with a microphone.
Bobby Abadi: In a very badly acted faux-surprised tone. ... Whhaaaat? Who could that be?
A very round, very red-faced man appears from behind the stage prompting Abadi to very poorly perform further surprise.
Bobby Abadi: Wait... is that... is that... KUUUURRRT BURTTOOONNN?
Honestly I really wasn't sure.
Kurt Burton: OH YOU KNOW IT IS THE ONE AND ONLY TRUUUEEE ROCK STAR OF THE WFWF! Heavy audible breathing as he nears the podium. I KNOW YOU DID NOT FORGET TO ANNOUNCE THE REEEAALLL MAIN EVENT OF THIS PRESS CONFERENCE... BOBBO~!
Bobby Abadi: Ohhhh... that's right! I guess I forgot to tell you all that joining the WFWF broadcast team is WFWF Hall of Famer and legend the rock star who is now our new color commentator KURT BURTON!
The fans in attendance cheer uproariously and the press in attendance provide a very respectful round of applause for the returning legend which is probably for the best as he appears to be catching his breath.
Kurt Burton: YEAHH WELL JUST REMEMBER ONE THING FOLKS! breathes. KURT BURTON DOESN'T TAKE *bleep* FROM ANYBODY SO I'M GONNA CALL THINGS JUST AS THEY ARE! WFWF... PREPARE TO BE ROCKED TO YOUR CORE!
Kurt Burton fist bumps and there is a tangible t-shirt cannon vibe in the building. Him and Abadi slap hands then Burton makes his way to his seat at the table on the stage.
Bobby Abadi: Show some love for Kurt Burton everybody!
We all love us some Kurt Burton. =)
Bobby Abadi: With that said, we've still got a bunch of the best the WFWF has to offer waiting to speak to you all! But before we get to that, I've got some official business to attend to and that is our upcoming schedule!
Exciting!
Bobby Abadi: As we announced before, the WFWF will be operating as a touring entity from here on out. Our first tour was announced just a couple of weeks ago!
Behind Abadi the graphic for the WFWF Ascension Tour 2022 pops up.
Bobby Abadi: We will be running five live events over the next three months. The first four will air as hour-long television specials on Pluto TV on the Outdoor Adventure Channel!
The crowd is perplexed by this choice of distribution.
Bobby Abadi: ... Well sometimes our shows are outside...
Fair enough.
Bobby Abadi: We will be concluding this tour with a pay per view event but I will speak more on that later! For now, please take a look at the screen BECAUSE THIS IS THE WFWF ASCENSION TOUR 2022!
Bobby Abadi: As you can see we will be kicking things off in Baltimore, Maryland for our return show... WFWF Ascension!
Yayy!
Bobby Abadi: Then on July 15th we head to the nation's capitol for WFWF He'll Kick You Apart! He'll Kick You Apart!
Pretty dated joke at this point but sure.
Bobby Abadi: Then we are heading to New York City as we bring back for one night only... WFWF Loaded!
I memba Loaded!
Bobby Abadi: And for our final television event we make our way to Putting on an insufferable faux Boston accent. BAWSTUHN for KNUCKLES UP IN BOSTON!
The graphic for that one is a lot of fun ya'll are gonna like it!
Bobby Abadi: Let's all give one more round of applause for THE ASCENSION TOUR 2022!
I'm hyped, yo.
Bobby Abadi: But enough from me! Let's hear from some of the WFWF's best! Mr. Moon, can I do the honors?
Moon nods in a way that is just like... so supportive... like he's just so confident but in that like, warm way, you know?
Bobby Abadi: Feeling the love. IN THAT CASE PLEASE WELCOME.... SHHHUUUGGGYYYY!
"The Wee Green Man" Shuggy makes his way up to the podium, receiving a polite round of applause from those in attendance. The Scot, whose first run with the WFWF came in the second half of 2018, is sporting an Alien facehugger face mask which attracts a lot more attention than his slight frame.
Shuggy: Thank yous, thanks.
Shuggy pauses for a moment waiting for the applause to settle down.
Shuggy: I cannae tell ya how excited I am to be here. Stepping into a WFWF ring for the first time was prolly the proudest moment of ma life, an’ the chance to do it again, there isnae a thing in this world I want more.
Shuggy pauses, nodding assuringly.
Shuggy: Four years ago I wrestled ma last match in the WFWF. I didnae think for one second that ma then one year old daughter Ellie would ever get to see me in tha’ ring, live in the flesh an’ really appreciate it. One year ago, I couldnae see me watching another WFWF show, let alone steppin’ in tha’ squared circle masel.
Aww!
Shuggy: I dinnae know how long it’s gonna last, but I’m gonna make sure my wee girl sees her Dad at his absolute best.
Shuggy takes a moment to bring his enthusiasm under control before again addressing the WFWF fans.
Shuggy: Now I amnae kiddin’ masel, people arnae ‘ere to listen to this wee ginger prick bang on. Naebody is ‘ere to hear from Shuggy. An’ I amnae particularly interested in talkin’ too long. I’m here, like all of yous, to hear from the EBRs, the Josh Deans, the DGXs. I couldnae be more excited to see these legends come back, to listen to what they’ve gotta say and I cannae wait to step in the ring wi’ ‘em and learn as much as I can. The WFWF is a place for legends, for the likes of Drakz, Kyzer, Phillip Schneider. I amnae there yet, I prolly never will be, but the chance is something I just couldnae pass up.
What a nice guy!
Shuggy: I wanna thank AGE and all a yous WFWF fans for makin’ ma dream a reality again.
The Glaswegian youngster throws up the Vulcan Salute before heading toward the back. As he begins to exit the frame, Daehyun Moon approaches the podium. The crowd's polite applause for Shuggy is broken when suddenly he is shoved aside, almost falling clean off the stage as a crimson flash charges past him, instantly recognizable as the one, the only, the "King of Demons" himself, Trace Demon. He storms to the podium, jet black hair streaked with crimson.
Daehyun Moon: Pppplllleeeeeaaaaaaaaseeee welcome.... THE KING. OF. DEMONS..... TrrrrrrrRRRAAAAAACCCCEEE DEMMMOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Moon, ever present at all times recognizes Trace Demon's need for space and swiftly navigates out of Demon's path. Like he doesn't feel the need to be confrontational cos he just like... knows himself... wow. Anyway, Trace Demon centers himself at the podium.
Trace Demon: Good evening WFWF!
There’s a polite cheer from the crowd and a round of applause, Trace smiles, and then just like that the smile flips, Trace glaring out at the crowd in disgust.
Trace Demon: Oh shut the hell up, do you really think I came out here to deliver a cheap bloody pop?
And just as quickly as the cheering began it turns to boos, a sound that Trace is much more familiar with.
Trace Demon: You know what, I wasn’t even going to come up here because quite frankly I don’t give a damn about all this, but the new boss man wanted me to come out to this thing and do some press photos, sound snippets, the usual crap that I’d usually tell them where to stick it. But here I am, because business is business, but still, I didn’t want to talk to you freaks and yet here I am, so why? Why is that?
He paces around the stage, frustration boiling up.
Trace Demon: You see I was back there, minding my own business, causing no trouble because that’s my way, when I hear some Scottish guy chatting a load of rubbish. Honestly, most of it I couldn’t even understand, not sure if he was talking English or whatever they talk in that made up country but one thing I did pick up on was the list of names he brought up. Now see this boy starts name dropping harder than Shawn god damn Malakai trying to make himself feel relevant, but clearly I must have had temporary hearing loss because I missed the part where he mentioned the greatest god damn wrestler to ever step foot in the WFWF.
Trace Demon pauses, mostly to seethe.
Trace Demon: This boy, and I call him that because I ain’t got a damn clue what his name is and I’m not actually sure if he’s a wrestler, an announcer or a random crackhead off the street which would make a hell of a lot of sense, is reeling off these names and somehow left off Trace Demon. I know, I couldn’t believe it either! But believe me, you play it back later and I promise you, somehow he listed an irrelevancy like Josh Dean and didn’t mention me.
The crowd audibly ooh's at this shot sent across the bow of the WFWF Champion.
Trace Demon: And you know what, I could’ve let that go, I could’ve reasoned to myself well Trace, this boy is clearly suffering from a traumatic brain injury and can’t be held accountable for his bad taste. But then I heard the name of a man who’s biggest claim to face was being a damn hobo hackjob and I think to myself well that’s a step too far.
Insert obligatory trademarked under the half-life server joke.
Trace Demon: Let me make this clear to you boy, and everyone else who is even thinking about making their return to the WFWF. There might be new owners around here, but this is still my house, this is still my kingdom, and you best damn believe that I ain’t gonna let disrespect go unpunished. So let’s make this official, Trace Demon is back in the WFWF, Trace Demon is back to remind everyone that without me there ain’t no such thing as a Mount Rushmore of professional wrestling, without me there ain’t even a company worth buying and putting on tour!
Trace Demon pauses, allowing his point to sink in.
Trace Demon: If you don’t know by now, I’m gonna make sure you never forget that in future, you put my name at the top of your list, you make my name the only name on your list because it’s the only one that deserves and needs to be there, because I am the be all and end all, I am the King of Demons, I am the WFWF.... The sooner you all realize that, the better.
Trace Demon exits with an emphatic shove of the podium nearly knocking the entire thing over. As expected, Daehyun Moon approaches the podium once more, this time with an unfolded sheet of paper in hand.
Daehyun Moon: Before I announce our next participant, I have been informed that he will be abstaining from making an declarative statements at this time and will simply be making himself available to answer any and all questions from the media in attendance. With that said... ppPPPPPLEEEEAAAAAASE WELCOMMMMMEEEE.... DDDDDDD...... GGGGGG....... EEEEXXXXXXXX!
The whirring click of cameras consumes the frame as media take on the arrival of the Sovereign of WFWF DGX. Dressed smartly in a grey Brioni suit and a mint green tie, his blonde hair combed back. He approaches the podium with the same intentional but swift pace he approaches everything with. DGX gestures toward Matthew Werner who approaches "The Sovereign". DGX briefly takes a moment to confer with Werner who, after a few moments, nods in accordance with DGX's wishes and takes the podium.
Matthew Werner: Alright, we’ll open the floor to the media here. Uhh... Werner scans the room. ...Kerry go ahead.
Kerry Hogg: Hi DGX, Kerry Hogg with the Wrestling Observatory Newsletter. What are your feelings about the relaunch of the WFWF?
DGX: Just broadly?
Kerry Hogg: Sure, how do you feel about the company being bought out and given a new start.
DGX: I think it’s a great thing. Wrestling is a great sport with a history and tradition that should be preserved. I’m very happy that we were acquired by Mr. Abadi and AGE. Personally, I’m excited to get started again.
DGX nods his head to show he is finished. Werner looks around before making the next call.
Matthew Werner: Alright... Jackson, what do you got?
Jackson Wagner: DGX, Jackson Wagner the Wrestling Herald. Before the acquisition of the company, you and others of WFWF were initially set to work in a scheduled event in Saudi Arabia. Given the strong political ramifications of such shows it’s wondered what your feelings were on the “Blood Money” event Kris Kash had put together.
DGX: Very pertinent question Jackson, I am an independent contractor with WFWF and as such I feel the need to disclaim that the feelings and practices of the company that I work with don’t always reflect my own beliefs or opinions. We are entertainment true but I believe that we also need to set an example and be held to a public standard especially in North America where we do most of our business. I was not personally thrilled to partake in such an event due to political factors however I am foremost a businessman and as such would have worked the show had it happened.
Jackson Wagner: So, if the money was right you would have worked the event regardless of the implications of support to an established anti-West regime?
DGX: Not exactly what I said Jackson, I said I’m a businessman. You immediately leapt to money however my feelings on the matter are more tied to good faith business practices. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. I find in business having a valued word is paramount to success.
Jackson Wagner: Yes but...
Matthew Werner: That’s enough Jackson. Alright, Heidi you’re up.
A bookish, slightly mousy looking woman with thick glasses stands.
Heidi Willows: DGX, Heidi Willows from the Pro Wrestling Tribune. As a Canadian I wondered what your feelings were about the AGE company and specifically it’s CFL team the Saskatchewan Roughriders!
DGX visibly smiles at the question.
DGX: Well, I know this is a great opportunity to schmooze the new boss and sing the praises of Rider and Three Down nations however as I did allude earlier, I am an honest man. As such I must disclose that I’m actually a Stampeders fan. Calgary and Regina have a long-standing rivalry and I will admit it turns my stomach a little to be working with our rival. But I content myself that since the aughts the Stamps have accumulated twice the great cup trophies the Riders have and I fully believe that dominance will continue.
DGX grins fairly cocky as his impassioned football fan wears off and he reverts to his normal posturing.
Matthew Werner: Alright, two more here. Ashley, you’re up.
Ashley Johnson: Hi DGX, Ashley Johnson Grappling Gazetteer. How do you feel about the proposed touring format of WFWF?
DGX: Great question! I have always enjoyed touring formats throughout my entire career. It’s very easy to fall into a grind of a television to pay per view schedule, in allot of ways it’s very quick one offs before you’re on to the next town and that’s fine. But when you get to tour, there’s a set number of dates, an established travel itinerary and in allot of ways we get to enjoy the venues that enjoy us. It’s more ‘circus comes to town’ type feeling and have a better time that way. Helps locker room morale I’ve always found. Plus going on tour, we get to work allot of towns that don’t normally get to host us which makes for a very appreciative and raucous crowd. I’m a big fan of it!
Matthew Werner: Last one. Holly, take us home!
Holly Hunt: Hey D, Holly Hunt of the Squared Circle. With WFWF going on tour and starting up soon, what does the future in WFWF hold for DGX?
DGX: Well Holly, I think I’ll continue to compete. I’ve got a couple of good years left I think and I plan to maximize them under this new regime. My return to WFWF to this point has been noteworthy, victories over WFWF luminaries such as Reverend Shadow and a blue-chip legacy up and comer like Scarlett Quinn are a great springboard to only greater things. I believe before long I will be in serious consideration for title contention. Whether that is the international championship or even the WFWF championship itself I am a prize fighter and I believe before too much more time passes I’m going to be in thick of the contention for one if not both of those prizes.
Matthew Werner: That’s all for this one folks!
DGX nods to Werner and stands, nodding his head to Holly Hunt as he exits the stage. Matthew Werner is not far behind him making his way toward the table. Before Daehyun Moon can approach the podium, Bobby Abadi makes a quick jog to it and waves off the sauve ring announcer.
Bobby Abadi: WOW! THIS IS EXCITING HUH!?
The crowd agrees!
Bobby Abadi: I wanted to take center stage again here because... oh man... I have a huge surprise for you all!
Bobby Abadi: I said we were bringing in faces old and new and there is no face more recognizable.... no face more iconic... no face more influential to the WFWF than this face for the guy I am about to announce who I have signed because making his return to the WFWF after almost eleven years... ladies and gentlemen take a look at the face of ALLLEEEEEXXXX SSSEEEAAAANNNN!
"Monster" by Kanye West blares over the PA system and a startingly less recognizable-faced Alex Sean steps out from behind the stage. Like we're glad to see him but he's aged a lot so it's kind of sad and really it's just plumbing the depths of our deeply repressed fears of mortality because he was young once and now he isn't and we're all gonna... anyway it's Alex Sean wow!
Bobby Abadi: Clapping. GIVE IT UP FOR THE CONSTANT! YEAH!
Sean politely, almost meekly waves to the crowd looking mostly just happy to be here. He shakes Bobby's hand then takes center stage at the podium.
Alex Sean: Wow.... man I really hadn't thought about it but that nickname is... Sigh. ... It doesn't matter... How's everybody doing?
Heyyy!
Alex Sean: Yeah man... wow.... loooooong pause. .... Well... it's um... it's been a while!
That it has. I can't wait to hear Alex Sean deliver a classic, sharp as a tack promo like we all know and remember him for!
Alex Sean: Yup... His eyes dart around the stage caught in a sort of half-squint one imagines due to the flashbulbs. ... Man maybe I shoulda just prepared something like D... Well anyway um... Yeah... I'm back and uh... ya know... Pause. ... I guess I'm just looking forward to um... getting back into the mix of things again! Sean smiles optimistically.
There is a long pause, like everyone's kind of waiting for more but it's sort of clear there won't be, you know?
Alex Sean: Oh! I actually... Sean turns to Bobby. ... Should I announce the thing? Abadi nods. ... So folks mark your calendars because uh... on July... 1st, right? Abadi concurs. I will be stepping in the ring for the first time in... goddamn... it's been a while... but anyway in my hometown of Baltimore I will be main eventing WFWF Ascension!
Hey howboutdat!
Alex Sean: I'm really excited I think it's gonna be a.... Sean is distracted by something. ... um... what are you...?
Sean's eyes focus on in Bobby Abadi who is doing as poorly of a job acting surprised as he did before.
Bobby Abadi: Wait a second... do I see... A MONSTER COMING TO CHALLENGE THE MONSTER!?
Alex Sean: Wicked perplexed. ... Um... what?
After a few moments, the bit becomes clear as a man dressed in the Steely McBeam mascot for the Pittsburgh Steelers walks out from behind the stage pointing intently at the WFWF Legend.
Alex Sean: Ya know that was really more of a XWA thing...
STEELY WILL NOT BE DETERRED AS HE WALKS WITH PURPOSE PICKING A FIGHT WITH ALEX SEAN!
Bobby Abadi: Oh my! I guess you're gonna have to take this guy out, huh? He is just... so delighted by this.
Sean stares at Abadi, his face somewhere between...
... and...
Steely approaches ever closer, pantomiming sliding his sleeves up his forearm and lifting his dukes. At this point the fans in attendance have broken out into a "KNOCK HIM OUT! KNOCK HIM OUT!" chant of which Bobby Abadi is actively participating. Sean places his hand over one of the microphones in the array however he neglects to account for the half dozen others.
Alex Sean: You want me to like... hit this *bleep*ing guy? Hearing himself through the speakers. Oh... sorry...
Abadi nods assuringly as Steely approaches. Finally Sean shrugs his shoulders and approaches Steely McBeam. In an almost defeated manner, he turns to the crowd and shakes his fist pantomiming what is to come. He then turns to Steely and throws a wild, mostly-for-show haymaker which Steely takes a bump for way too early. It pretty much looks embarrassing and awful but we love Alex Sean, right!? Yeeeahhhh! Abadi jumps to the podium.
Bobby Abadi: LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALEX SEAN!!!
Yayyy!! The fans in attendance roar in approval which is juxtaposed by the crowd of journalists preparing their think-pieces about knowing when its time to move on. On that note, Sean politely waves to the audience and makes his way behind the stage leaving Bobby Abadi at the podium once again.
Bobby Abadi: This has been a tremendous night here at this kick-off event for the WFWF Ascension Tour!
They agree!
Bobby Abadi: Who's pumped for the return of the WFWF?! I can't believe that I get to book this company with so many of my favorites across the company's history ... Somebody pinch me!
A stage hand playfully pinches Bobby Abdi's arm and he jumps up.
Bobby Abadi: Ok, it's real!
Oh Bobby.
Bobby Abadi: F*cking right! One thing this company has over many of the wrestling companies around is a rich, proud heritage of champions. Champions who carry the company to new heights, both financially and with the dignity befitting of the title! We've seen a few of them tonight, and we're not done yet. Without further adieu, allow me the pleasure of introducing the man who could very well lead WFWF into the future! He is the REIGNING, UNDISPUTED, WFWF HEAYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! "THE ARCHITECT" JOSH DEAN!
I got a song filled with sh*t for the strong willed
When the world gives you a raw deal
Set you off 'til you
Scream, "piss off, screw you"
When it talks to you like you don't belong
Or tells you you're in the wrong field
When something's in your mitochondrial
'Cause it latched on to you, like!
As the beat to Venom kicks in, the stage illuminates with red and white light as the camera focuses in. Fans in the crowd begin chanting "Ar-chi-tect! Ar-chi-tect!" Josh Dean strolls out onto the stage, all smiles as he scans the crowd. His hair is tied up in a neat man bun as the champ is supporting a grey suit jacket, blue jeans, and a pair of original Air Jordans. He has the WFWF Championship draped over his shoulder. He steps up to the podium and slowly raises the title over his head as his smile fades. With some assistance from the stage hand, red and gold pyros shoot straight up for a few seconds as Josh looks dead ahead, his icy blue eyes locked in and focused. He turns his gaze toward Bobby Abadi while holding the title high. As he lowers the title, he gives Bobby Abadi a nod and the music dies down. He sits the WFWF Championship on the podium and leans into the mic.
Josh Dean: You know the last time I attended one of these things, someone flew off the stage through a table.
Fans in the crowd roar at the mention of the highly controversial SuperBrawl press conference. This draws a smile on the champion's face.
Josh Dean: Seems like every time one of these things go down, I end up whipping somebody's a**. I can't make any promises that won't happen again, Bobby. But tonight, I'll do my very best to make sure everyone makes it out in one piece.
He nods at Bobby Abadi, who is enjoying himself a hearty laugh. Josh looks at the title and his smile fades.
Josh Dean: But seriously, if you would've told me a year ago that I'd be standing here, excited to beat the company drum, I would've probably laughed at you.
He sighs.
Josh Dean: I didn't want to come back after everything that happened, and I wasn't going to. I thought I proved my point, until I really looked at this.
Josh grabs the WFWF Championship. He turns it to look at the faceplate, where his name is on the bottom of the title's face. He becomes entranced by it.
Josh Dean: Every champion has to ask themselves a question. That question is... what do I want to contribute to this title's legacy? Honestly, that answer varies. I had to think about it for a long time. As Bobby can tell you, I was hesitant about coming aboard. I didn't make it easy on him either, so much so that it took him multiple meetings to finally get my signature on a contract. But I needed to see if he was sincere, if his intent and that answer to my own question aligned.
He takes his eyes off the WFWF Championship and scans over to Bobby Abadi.
Bobby Abadi: Thankfully, they did.
Josh turns to face the crowd.
Josh Dean: Thankfully, they did indeed. The mission statement has been made abdunantly clear tonight, to restore WFWF to the glorious times you people remember so fondly. Which brings me back to the answer of the question I had to ask myself. What do I want to contribute to this title's legacy? There was one answer that came to mind, which caused me to make a rather easy decision.
Josh grabs the WFWF Championship and hoists it high into the air as the crowd rises with a loud roar of cheers.
Josh Dean: I'm going to change how this title and the people holding it have been perceived! Gone are the days of sociopaths and junkies! With every last breath I have in me, I will carry this title with the true honor it deserves!
Fans in the crowd once again begin chanting "Ar-chi-tect! Ar-chi-tect!"
Josh Dean: Sorry to inform you, Bobby, but what you thought a true champion was is factually incorrect, and I'll prove it! I couldn't lead by example if I sat at the house!
Josh lowers the WFWF Championship down onto his shoulder. He stares down Bobby Abadi, who is clapping along with the crowd.
Josh Dean: So I guess the question is... who's up first?
Josh steps back from the podium, hoisting the WFWF Championship high above his head soaking in the moment. At his own pace, Josh Dean lowers the title then navigates his way toward the table near the podium. He gives a polite note to Alecia Matthews as he takes a seat, carefully placing the WFWF World Heavyweight Championship on the table; Its center medallion glimmering in the photographers' flashbulbs. With the audience of reporters hushed after Josh Dean’s words, Bobby Abadi steps to the podium and breaks the silence.
Bobby Abadi: Wow... powerful words from our World Champion ... Anyway, we have one last surprise planned for tonight! Here to help us announce the last official member of the WFWF roster AND the man who will be FIRST and will be challenging for Josh Dean’s World Championship...
Naturally, this piques the attention of everyone in attendance, none more so than Josh Dean.
Bobby Abadi: ... Please, turn your attention towards the stage behind you...
Everyone does, in which for the first time the home-made bandstand occupied with a band becomes apparent.
Bobby Abadi: ...Ladies & gentleman, please put your hands together for Grammy winning record artist Billy Ocean!
Standing in the middle of the stage is,in fact, seventy two year old Billy Ocean. The band begins to play “Caribbean Queen”.
The brief confusion among all of the attendees subsides and they give in to - if not embrace - the soulful sound emanating through the room and into their souls. Particularly, the exhilaration hits once the sax player to Mr. Ocean’s left begins to play.
The camera scans around the room, getting the reactions from all of its occupants. The reporters in attendance, Bobby Abadi, and even some of the fellow wrestlers clap along in enthusiasm before it catches a glimpse of Josh Dean, stone-faced and still. The camera quickly cuts back to the group of reporters.
For the first time, the camera cuts to the door on the left of the room. On the side of the door are two cheap spark machines, which after the effort of a WFWF employee, begin to go off. Golden sparks fly for several moments until the door bursts open, and the room is greeted with the man who will be challenging for the World Heavyweight Championship - EBR.
The room of reporters collectively clap as the band continues to play.
After a moment, EBR enters through the door and walks between the sparks, waving to the reporters in acknowledgement as the WFWF employee from earlier waits for him to clear the area before quickly extinguishing the spark machine. Now in the room, EBR heads towards the podium, nonchalantly walking past the expressionless Josh Dean to reach the steps that are placed on the opposite side. Ascending the steps, EBR points to Billy Ocean and bows in appreciation as he finishes his performance and EBR takes a seat next to Bobby Abadi. Both look at one another and exchange a few words and chuckles before EBR leans into the microphone.
EBR: Feels good to be home, man... first off, can we just give it up to Bobby for putting this together?
He begins to clap, which gets the room to join.
EBR: What a big press conference this is. I walked in and said “wow, what a big press conference” ... I consider it an honor to be a part of this moment. Where we are now, from where we were ten months ago ...really, all credit goes to Bobby and his passion for this company. I hope I don’t embarrass him by telling you this, but when he got in touch with me a couple of months ago about his plans to purchase the WFWF and how he wanted to see if I was interested in returning, it took maybe .. I dunno, five minutes before I was completely sold and one hundred percent all in. Just to see that level of passion, and excitement ... which is the same level of passion and excitement I had for this company last year ... it rekindled that spark that I thought I may have lost during this company’s ... I guess it was a sabbatical?
He waits for an answer he doesn’t get.
EBR: The point is ... that kind of attitude is contagious, and I believe that behind Bobby’s leadership he can take the WFWF back to the heights it used to soar. Frankly ... I’d like to be a part of that flight. So here I am. To paraphrase from the great LL Cool J - “don’t call it a comeback”.
The crowd laughs cause it’s a good song.
EBR: Anyways, if y’all have questions ...
Jackson Wagner: So just to confirm; you’ll be competing for the World Championship?
Bobby Abadi leans in to the microphone array before EBR can answer.
Bobby Abadi: Yep. And it’s going to happen... at the pay-per-view event that will close the tour whichwillbe SCARS & STRIPES!
There’s a brief gasp presumably as much due to Abadi's increasingly intense response as well as the announcement of the return of Scars and Stripes!
Bobby Abadi: That’s right! For the first time in almost eight years Scars & Stripes will be making its return! For years it’s been one of the most in-demand shows and I look forward to bringing it back! And with such a monumental show, there was only one match that could headline it!
EBR: That’s true. It’s a big match. I even told Bobby, I said “wow, what a big match that is”. Get your popcorn ready.
Josh continues to stare silently, possibly because he’s been largely ignored despite sitting to Bobby’s left this entire time.
Bobby Abadi: Turning to EBR And now I don’t want to embarrass you, but this is a thrill for me. As I said, I grew up watching the WFWF. EBR was my favorite wrestler. I saw EBR’s entire career, all the way back to his debut in ... what was it, 2002?
EBR: Yeah I’m pretty old. American Idol used to have two hosts and I remember that.
Bobby Abadi: I had the EBR shirts, I had the EBR DVD collection, I played as EBR in the WFWF video games.
EBR: The 2008 one?
Bobby Abadi: Yeah that was one of them.
EBR: Sick. I heard that was for me what Tecmo Bowl was for Bo Jackson.
Bobby Abadi: Point is, I watched your entire career unfold, and to get the chance to work with you, and promote your involvement in what will be one of the biggest matches in the WFWF’s history, in one of the biggest shows in the WFWF’s history, all as we make our triumphant return and plant our stake in the ground as THE place for professional wrestling is the realization of a childhood dream. EBR; you make dreams come true!
EBR: ... Oh word?
The group of reporters clap for EBR helping to fulfill fantasies, while Josh looks on, for the first time his stoic expression changing to perplexment.
Bobby Abadi: This is just the beginning of a new era of the WFWF, and I’m ecstatic for you and everyone else to be along for the ride! Let’s do it! Let’s! Do! It!
The room erupts in cheers. His passion and enthusiasm really is contagious.
Bobby Abadi: I think this just about wraps it up for now ... but one last thing before we go ... turning to EBR Do you want to tell them or do you want me to?
EBR: This is your thing, go ahead.
Bobby Abadi: That last surprise I mentioned earlier ... that wasn’t just to announce EBR. Nope ... in fact, I want you all to look under your seats ...
The reporters do, many of them bringing out small ticket stubs.
Bobby Abadi: Thanks to EBR’s generosity ... you can exchange those tickets on your way out for a free ice cream sandwich, all personally paid for by him!
The group of largely 30-50 year old reporters begin to cheer and chant EBR’s name in unison.
EBR: I just figured people like ice cream sandwiches.
Bobby Abadi: Thanks for joining us today, and we’ll see you on July 1st in Baltimore for our return show WFWF ASCENSION!
And with that, stock music begins to play and the lights dim as we close the book on the opening press conference for the WFWF Ascension Tour 2022!