Ascension RP - "Need To Watch" POISON's Ascension RP

First of, I'm glad to have you back in the fold! The WFWF is sorely needing a monster-like character so I'm glad you decided to give POISON another shot!

Secondly, as your opponent it's only right that I be the first to leave feedback on this RP. I enjoyed the premise! I'm a sucker for found-footage/analog horror-type stuff so I liked this approach! It truly presents POISON as a sick and twisted monster which, as stated above is sorely needed in the WFWF. I loved the fact that he's literally having thumbtacks stabbed into his chest and he's no selling it. BEAST.

My one negative point would be the lack of research. While I get that you were trying to make Mesh look strong and put her agility over, she's not the same Mesh from before so I would've had POISON focus on that and the fact that Mesh is damaged goods at the moment. I would've said something along the lines of, "Mesh is like a broken toy. Once a toy is broken, it never functions the same. And I will make sure that Mesh stays broken at Ascension" or something to that effect. POISON is a monster who seems to enjoy afflicting pain on his opponents and he's twice as big as her. Instant heat would be for POISON to talk about the bullseye that is her damaged skull. That's just me though.

All in all, I enjoyed this and I'm excited to get the chance to work with you! 

Hey man,

First off, I'm glad you decided to come back. I always thought the POISON character had a lot of potential, same with your past characters like Gotch. What stuck out to me was the coding presentation. I think the purple and orange works for you.

As for the content, I do like that you established POISON as a monster type of character in the sense of his motivation is to destroy. Monster characters don't need to be seven footers if the presentation is done correctly. I think you're on your way in that regard. There is something humanizing about POISON when mentioning disappointing your mentor, which is always good. Kyzer used a similar blueprint with Tugrain Zmey that I think you can use to draw inspiration from.

I do agree with Mesh about the missed opportunities in the promo. Mesh has enough of a character catalog that you have plenty of ammunition to use. I tend to look at promos as you are selling your audience on why you should be seen as a threat. I think you got that message across as a whole, and it's a tricky balance of putting over their strengths while using their strengths against them.

Overall, I think you did a solid outing, and you have the distinction of being the first poster in the reboot. That's pretty cool and no one can take that away from you.

BTW, check your inbox.

So as a wrestling promo, I loved it. I liked the visual presentation, I liked the pacing of the mentor mutilating him (Look what they did to my boy!) interspersed with his monologue. If the objective were to write a straightforward television wrestling promo where you've got two-five minutes to make your point, I think the brevity here would be appropriate and overall would make a concise point. In that context, the juxtaposition of what POISON is allowing be done to himself, how he is seeking a win that has meaning, and how he feels everyone expects MESH to win all coalesce together and, as with any good promo, really ties these threads together between the line "I asked the question earlier is she a machine or is she human...at WFWF Ascension I'll make sure to find out if she bleeds oil or blood.", the visual of the cross stuck to his chest, and the final line “I WILL ASCEND!”. If I were watching that on television, I would come away with a strong impression that this guy is a little twisted, is willing to go a lot farther than most, sees going to those lengths as a means to self-actualization, has a bit of a bone to pick with how he feels he has been overlooked, and sees defeating MESH as a means of resolving that sense of invalidation as well as realize his own, warped aspirations. So as a stand-alone piece, were it to have been a segment that aired on this show, it would be perfect and stand out.

As a RP, I think it maybe left a few things on the table that if incorporated could have really strengthened those core points. To reiterate;

- POISON is a warped individual who not only is willing to go a lot farther than most in what he will endure, but sees doing so as his means to achieving his goals.
- POISON has a bone to pick with being overlooked and sees defeating MESH as his means of resolving that invalidation and the next step in achieving his warped aspirations.

So the first thing I would point out is these ideas could very effectively tie together. POISON is practicing in self-mutilation as a means, it appears, of strengthening his resolve. One could imagine there being a parallel between that physical harm and the psychological harm of being seen as an enhancement guy, being overlooked and dismissed. Maybe he could have seen this as equal part of his strange, masochistic idea of what it takes to ascend, as he sees it. What if, in his mind, the feeling of dismissal, the neglect, being overlooked, is in some sense another vessel for what nailing that cross to his chest is intended to accomplish? In that sense, the work achieves a broader thematic goal of suffering as a means to glory. Tying that all together, his conclusion could be that while he perceives her as entering this match to have a fun, entertaining wrestling match, he is entering this match not only willing to suffer any hardship imaginable, but with every additional hardship will become stronger, more formidable. In that sense MESH can never actually hurt him, she can only make him stronger.

Secondly, I think the framing device of the mail room technician could have been a useful avenue to cement the impact of POISON's message. Imagine if at the beginning, we got a few paragraphs showing his life. He is a lowly mail room technician. Nobody knows his name, everybody ignores him. He takes the bus home, he goes back to his crummy apartment. A meaningless, unfulfilling job held by someone leading an overlooked, invisible life. He watches this tape. We go back to the mail room guy at the end and we see him having been impacted. Perhaps we see him look to a nearby thumbtack and stick it in his forearm. POISON's message may not have reached the officials in the WFWF, but it has transformed someone who is, in a sense, parallel to himself. Maybe we end with the inner thoughts of this guy who now is willing to do something he wasn't going to do before. Maybe he will finally pursue that dream of running a novelty pool noodle emporium.

So overall, I liked it and again, judging it in its face I think it worked really well. I also liked the presentation, the formatting, all of that. The orange and purple are striking, I dig it. The only reason I went into such depth on where I think it could have been expanded upon is for food for thought for future efforts. Overall this left me really intrigued about this character, where you plan on taking him, and where we can factor in what this RP is bringing to the table to his on-screen presentation. I'll definitely be hitting you up about that soon.