Scars and Stripes RP - an explanation.

Uhh.....what do you mean? I didn't reference VOID at all in my RP.......

This RP was an interesting mixed bag of a thing. I think Mesh's monologue/dialogue was some of the better stuff you've written in her voice. This felt a lot more natural, like something someone would actually be saying. Unfortunately, I think this RPs adherence to this setting-less monologue style leaves her words resting in kind of empty space. This wouldn't really be so glaring of a shortcoming if we weren't watching a person kind of implode right in front of us in what is intended to be a very clear and visual way. I think this would have felt so much more immersive with description of her setting and of her body language. She indicates later she's being followed, are her curtains drawn? Is it dark in the room as a result? Does that cause the glow of her computer screen to be illuminating her face in blue light? Are her eyes looking around the room unsteadily or is she fixed on the red light? All of this stuff would give us such a clearer, more immersive sense of what you were specifically going for.

Further, I think a lot of the concepts/ideas presented here are interesting. The complete fracture of her relationship with her mother, her rekindling her relationship, her apparently being followed by... something. We've personally talked about a lot of this stuff and from what you've told me, these are all leading to interesting places. But unfortunately this RP basically took the form of telling us about interesting things happening off-screen as opposed to showing us those interesting things. I'm not saying there's never room for that but I think, in this particular instance, since it was the primary subject of what is going on in her life, this RP would have been substantially improved by showing us those things.

So altogether I liked a lot of the ideas here and I do think there's some real improvement in regard to her dialogue but I think it was diminished by the lack of placing her conversation in a physical space and the reliance on exposition to tell her story.

Between this and you sticking up for me when Josh Dean hit Mason in the mouth with a microphone from 2020! It’s nice seeing someone on Johnny’s side.

Especially against evil Mesh!

I'm in the same boat as Al and E in that I would have liked some description to go along with the monologue. I like the setting of the vlog, as it fits so well with what we know about Mesh, and where she comes from before wrestling, so I know the description would be limited to her sat in a room, but that said I'd like to know more about her body language, her surroundings etc.

Whilst "show don't tell" is generally the way to go with writing, I do like that with everything happening away from the RP it gives a sense of ambiguity. Like E said, I don't know how much of what Mesh is telling us is real, and I dig that.

She's torn, and she's suffering. That can make for a great heel or a great face, so which ever way you go from here will be very interesting indeed.

I said this on Mason's RP as well, but I'd like to repeat it here: it's been a real pleasure seeing you and Mason feud and build a story yourselves. It's been exciting "on screen" and has helped the pair of you as writers as well, which is just great to see.