Anyone who you couldn't help no matter what?
Dec 6, 2022 18:08:57 GMT -5
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Post by saintegenevieve on Dec 6, 2022 18:08:57 GMT -5
Guess I needed to log on. Need a distraction and to reply to a few posts...
So I got news a few days ago about what I long suspected: dad is homeless, sleeping in his truck. He has been doing that for a good year. We texted for 2 hours. Longest we ever talked.
He got in a divorce with his borderline personality disorder wife - same woman who broke up my mother's marriage. I never held that against them. My family did. I got singled out a lot by my mom and brother as a nut when I'm the only one who's not crazy. It's now starting to make sense. I have to be a nut since I never let what my dad did be a mark of my victimhood. My mother is bitter 30+ years later. What did that get her? Brother is a hard alcoholic
From what I gathered, she got him evicted on a domestic violence pretext since he called her a b* after she was cursing a storm and not letting him sleep. Then, while he was gone, she used the Home Owners Association fines as leverage to bankrupt him: unauthorized trash on curb ($100 for each violation), froze and had sodas explode, rotted meat in refrigerator. He found out 8 months later, while he was staying in hotels, that she moved out months before. By that point, the HOA accrued on him $20,000 in fees. He didn't have the money. He got forced out. Foreclosed. Done
Lost his kid for a year over Covid closing the courts. Paying a grand in child support, alimony to her, Social Security partially garnished, and he has to pay storage fees where he's parked in front as he's homeless.
He's refusing my help. Could be out of pride. I told him that's a cardinal sin. Could be guilt that he was never there for me. Sure, but when he was, I learned a lot. He's the only one of my family to have ever treated me well
I think he might be worried that he's dying. Why? He contacted my mom, who HATES him. She told me everything. She's laughing. She suffers from wrath. That caused a rift because I know and she knows that she enabled my brother's every vice because she could blame ALL of his vices on my dad's not being present. You want to know to what extent she does? My brother did sexually abuse me a few times. I told her that a few years ago. She never brought that up to him, blames me, says my brother has high blood pressure so what I say could hurt his health, doesn't believe that that happened to me (just like she didn't with a pedo either), among many other things. She used to even let him pick my birthday presents. Couldn't listen to music. He controlled EVERYTHING when I was growing up. Yeah, wrestling is weird even if I find magic shows seductive. Why I got into it is it was the only thing my brother was into that I could watch and make a bond over. (And he would still whine if I had Pillman beat Sid with the Galoob toys!)
I feel infinite love towards my dad despite his flaws. We were once at a steakhouse. I told him - I'm like 14 - that if I ever make it, I'm going to look out for him. He went red. He gave me my first alcoholic drink. I'd sit on his lap and his grizzly whiskers would burn my face. He got me informed about the world. He taught me how to drive when all my mom did was SCREAM at me for driving at 5 mph in an empty park parking lot. He taught me in 30 minutes. Dude kills Jeopardy too. I loved being with him.
Husband and I are going to hire a PI. He told me he's working at a convenience store. I want intel on where he works and where he's going. Then, next month, we're going to fly across the country as I beg him to move to an apartment. I'll pay his security deposit. We'll cosign. We'll pay 6 months of rent. I'll get him a mattress since he's developing edema in his leg from poor circulation. He's eating at McDonald's every morning. He's eating chili from Wendy's at night
Husband is telling me not to but I'm probably going to sell my collection. I came to peace that I just want 80s and 90s characters. Nothing modern. But we are going to have to pay out the butt in the hope that he lets us bail him out
I feel very very helpless. Honestly, I'm scared because he's probably going to go to Hell. (He has a pornography account online and I know he watches it almost every day.) I haven't seen him in 15 years. He keeps me from his life. I met his son once when he was 3 or 4. He's now in high school and wants to become a ROTC in the Marines. My dad is a vet, retired, did stints in Africa after retirement
What kills me is that we may never be able to hang out again. Why call my mom unless he's desperate? Trying to cleanse his conscience in case he dies?? I want him to live with us when we get a house. I don't care. He can go chase women and drink gin all day. Wouldn't care. I love that guy
Has there ever been anyone you wanted to help but couldn't?
So I got news a few days ago about what I long suspected: dad is homeless, sleeping in his truck. He has been doing that for a good year. We texted for 2 hours. Longest we ever talked.
He got in a divorce with his borderline personality disorder wife - same woman who broke up my mother's marriage. I never held that against them. My family did. I got singled out a lot by my mom and brother as a nut when I'm the only one who's not crazy. It's now starting to make sense. I have to be a nut since I never let what my dad did be a mark of my victimhood. My mother is bitter 30+ years later. What did that get her? Brother is a hard alcoholic
From what I gathered, she got him evicted on a domestic violence pretext since he called her a b* after she was cursing a storm and not letting him sleep. Then, while he was gone, she used the Home Owners Association fines as leverage to bankrupt him: unauthorized trash on curb ($100 for each violation), froze and had sodas explode, rotted meat in refrigerator. He found out 8 months later, while he was staying in hotels, that she moved out months before. By that point, the HOA accrued on him $20,000 in fees. He didn't have the money. He got forced out. Foreclosed. Done
Lost his kid for a year over Covid closing the courts. Paying a grand in child support, alimony to her, Social Security partially garnished, and he has to pay storage fees where he's parked in front as he's homeless.
He's refusing my help. Could be out of pride. I told him that's a cardinal sin. Could be guilt that he was never there for me. Sure, but when he was, I learned a lot. He's the only one of my family to have ever treated me well
I think he might be worried that he's dying. Why? He contacted my mom, who HATES him. She told me everything. She's laughing. She suffers from wrath. That caused a rift because I know and she knows that she enabled my brother's every vice because she could blame ALL of his vices on my dad's not being present. You want to know to what extent she does? My brother did sexually abuse me a few times. I told her that a few years ago. She never brought that up to him, blames me, says my brother has high blood pressure so what I say could hurt his health, doesn't believe that that happened to me (just like she didn't with a pedo either), among many other things. She used to even let him pick my birthday presents. Couldn't listen to music. He controlled EVERYTHING when I was growing up. Yeah, wrestling is weird even if I find magic shows seductive. Why I got into it is it was the only thing my brother was into that I could watch and make a bond over. (And he would still whine if I had Pillman beat Sid with the Galoob toys!)
I feel infinite love towards my dad despite his flaws. We were once at a steakhouse. I told him - I'm like 14 - that if I ever make it, I'm going to look out for him. He went red. He gave me my first alcoholic drink. I'd sit on his lap and his grizzly whiskers would burn my face. He got me informed about the world. He taught me how to drive when all my mom did was SCREAM at me for driving at 5 mph in an empty park parking lot. He taught me in 30 minutes. Dude kills Jeopardy too. I loved being with him.
Husband and I are going to hire a PI. He told me he's working at a convenience store. I want intel on where he works and where he's going. Then, next month, we're going to fly across the country as I beg him to move to an apartment. I'll pay his security deposit. We'll cosign. We'll pay 6 months of rent. I'll get him a mattress since he's developing edema in his leg from poor circulation. He's eating at McDonald's every morning. He's eating chili from Wendy's at night
Husband is telling me not to but I'm probably going to sell my collection. I came to peace that I just want 80s and 90s characters. Nothing modern. But we are going to have to pay out the butt in the hope that he lets us bail him out
I feel very very helpless. Honestly, I'm scared because he's probably going to go to Hell. (He has a pornography account online and I know he watches it almost every day.) I haven't seen him in 15 years. He keeps me from his life. I met his son once when he was 3 or 4. He's now in high school and wants to become a ROTC in the Marines. My dad is a vet, retired, did stints in Africa after retirement
What kills me is that we may never be able to hang out again. Why call my mom unless he's desperate? Trying to cleanse his conscience in case he dies?? I want him to live with us when we get a house. I don't care. He can go chase women and drink gin all day. Wouldn't care. I love that guy
Has there ever been anyone you wanted to help but couldn't?
