Rp Debut-- C-Dog-

I can't say I'm not impressed, because honestly, I am. You've got a good core roleplay here. There are MANY things that definately could use improving, but the fact that the base that you produced is solid is a good thing.

First thing's first. Don't use an arena for a roleplay setting. It's really unoriginal and uncreative and takes away from your roleplay. It's unpersonal. Make your stuff personalized. Can't really do that with an arena. Best suggestion is to find a setting that works well with your roleplay and use it as your setting.

Here's where I pat you on the back. Your backstory. It's good. You're not just some gimmick. You're a real person, who has a real life. He's here for a reason. My only wish is that you would have left yourself a slight enigma. Tell enough to get the reader interested and wanting to read more, but not so much that they can tell what's going to happen next. That's one of the keys to becoming a good roleplayer and you seem to definately have a grasp on it.

I'd also suggest to not call out any one and every one. It doesn't work well, for the most part, because there's ALWAYS someone out there bigger and badder than you and a better writer. Definately not a good idea to do so with your first roleplay, but I'd never suggest it. Setting your goal is good, but don't be so blunt and direct. Again, stay an enigma. Less is more.

But really, you've got a good base. A diamond in the rough, if you will.