Post by kaymack00 on Dec 19, 2006 23:03:33 GMT -5
I awoke from my kitten Smokey jumping on my stomach. I opened my eyes slightly and looked at the clock on my bed stand. “It’s noon already?” I said in an annoyed voice. I sat up slowly and pulled Smokey into my arms. “Smoke, are you ready for something to eat?” She looked up at me for a second then jumped out of my arms and headed for her food bowl. I rose up out of bed and followed her into the kitchen. I grabbed the bag of cat food from the counter and poured it into her bowl. She rubbed up against my legs for a minute, almost if she was thanking me for her food, and then ran off to eat.
I walked back into my bedroom, grabbed clothes from my closet, and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. As I took my shower I thought about the meeting I was going to have with Cole. I knew he was going to be pissed at me for not going to the last appointment. I had forgotten that I had an appointment with him when I made plans to go see Derrick. Not like I really cared, I didn’t want to deal with him and his bullsh*t that day anyways. I had won the match against KD, and right now that was the only thing that mattered. It gave me hope that I might actually win another match.
By the time I was out of the shower and dressed it was a little after 1:00. I picked up my keys from the coffee table and headed out the door. As soon as I opened the door I smelled weed. I knew it was coming from next door, I think all they do over there is smoke pot. I got into my car and drove off towards Cole’s office. I knew I couldn’t be late today; I didn’t want to piss him off anymore than he already was. I parked my car quickly, and sat there for a few minutes.
My hands were shaking and my eyes began to water. I don’t know why I was so scared of everything, I hated when people were mad at me. I got out of the car and dragged my feet as slowly as I could. When I reached the door, it opened before I could grasp the doorknob. I saw Cole standing there with a look in his eyes that scared me. I closed my eyes and when I opened them they were locked on the ground.
Cole: Kira! I’m so happy you came today. I was worried about you when you didn’t show up at our last appointment. Didn’t I need to write for your medication on your last appointment?
Kira: Yes, but I had enough to last me till’ today. I wish you wouldn’t worry about me so much. I’m doing so much better, why can’t you understand that?
Cole: Please don’t take it that way Kira. I meant I was worried you wouldn’t have your meds. I knew you had a match coming up, and I wasn’t sure if you could go through with it, without the medication you require.
Kira: Cole, I know when I need my meds ok? I’m not stupid and I don’t want you to treat me like I’m a little kid who has no idea what’s going on.
Anyways can we please just go inside? It’s freezing out here and I don’t need to get sick before my next match.
Cole’s eyes got huge as he starred into mine. I could tell he was surprised I was actually sticking up for myself. He turned around and held the door open for me. I walked in and the same smell overpowered me. When I was still living with my mother, this is how my home always smelled. Now the smell of Lilac makes me sick. I don’t want to remember my past but this always brings me back. I walked up the steps quickly; I wanted to get this meeting over as fast as I could. I came into his room and sat down in the same place as always. He walked in behind me, closed the door and sat down across from me.
Cole: So tell me Kira, How did the match go between you and...
Kira: The match was between me and KD. I bet you won’t believe me, but I won.
Cole: Of course I believe you Kira. I thought you had won; the way you talked to me outside, it was absolutely amazing. You are slowly building up your confidence. If you’re lucky here soon you won’t need you medication anymore.
I sat up a little straighter and smiled at the thought of not taking meds.
Kira: That would be great! I hate taking this medication; I just want to be normal like everyone else. Yet I’m not sure about the match next week against KC McGrath, all I have to go on right now is that he lost his last match against Calvin Lee last week.
Cole: Well Kira all I can tell you is try your best. But if you happen to lose, I really hope you won’t let that hurt your confidence. No one can win every match, you know this right?
Kira: Of course I know that Cole. I know he is good, and at this point I might not be ready to beat him. And if I don’t that fine with me, I’m not going to let it ruin everything I have worked so hard for.
Cole: Well I’m happy that you won’t let that get you down. And since you have gained so much confidence, I have a little surprise test for you. Something that will help you get over your social anxiety.
He rose up out of his chair and opened the door. He walked out and within minutes came back with a woman at his side. My eyes began to water again, why did he had to do this to me when I was doing so well.
Cole: Kira, this is Leslie. I though you two could talk for a little while. I will be back in a few alright.
He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Leslie sat down next to me on the couch.
Leslie: Hi Kira, How are you doing today?
My mind drew a blank as I tried to remember what she had said. My heart began racing and my arms refused to quit trembling. Once again I tried to concentrate on what she had said, but nothing came to me. My thoughts were jumbled inside my head, and there was nothing I could do about it.
She starred at me for a second with a confused look on her face. She got up quickly, almost if she thought I was going to attack her. She opened the door and walked out. Cole came back into the room less then a minute after she had left.
Cole: Are you alright Kira? I’m sorry; I didn’t think it would be too much on you. But I can see I was wrong.
Although I could hear him taking I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. I began sobbing into my hands. He came over to me and tried to put his arm around me. I pushed him away and ran out of the room, down the stairs and to my car. I got in my car and started in as quickly as I could. I needed to go somewhere I could think. I backed up and headed for the graveyard. It was the only place I knew of were no one would bother me.
I walked back into my bedroom, grabbed clothes from my closet, and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. As I took my shower I thought about the meeting I was going to have with Cole. I knew he was going to be pissed at me for not going to the last appointment. I had forgotten that I had an appointment with him when I made plans to go see Derrick. Not like I really cared, I didn’t want to deal with him and his bullsh*t that day anyways. I had won the match against KD, and right now that was the only thing that mattered. It gave me hope that I might actually win another match.
By the time I was out of the shower and dressed it was a little after 1:00. I picked up my keys from the coffee table and headed out the door. As soon as I opened the door I smelled weed. I knew it was coming from next door, I think all they do over there is smoke pot. I got into my car and drove off towards Cole’s office. I knew I couldn’t be late today; I didn’t want to piss him off anymore than he already was. I parked my car quickly, and sat there for a few minutes.
My hands were shaking and my eyes began to water. I don’t know why I was so scared of everything, I hated when people were mad at me. I got out of the car and dragged my feet as slowly as I could. When I reached the door, it opened before I could grasp the doorknob. I saw Cole standing there with a look in his eyes that scared me. I closed my eyes and when I opened them they were locked on the ground.
Cole: Kira! I’m so happy you came today. I was worried about you when you didn’t show up at our last appointment. Didn’t I need to write for your medication on your last appointment?
Kira: Yes, but I had enough to last me till’ today. I wish you wouldn’t worry about me so much. I’m doing so much better, why can’t you understand that?
Cole: Please don’t take it that way Kira. I meant I was worried you wouldn’t have your meds. I knew you had a match coming up, and I wasn’t sure if you could go through with it, without the medication you require.
Kira: Cole, I know when I need my meds ok? I’m not stupid and I don’t want you to treat me like I’m a little kid who has no idea what’s going on.
Anyways can we please just go inside? It’s freezing out here and I don’t need to get sick before my next match.
Cole’s eyes got huge as he starred into mine. I could tell he was surprised I was actually sticking up for myself. He turned around and held the door open for me. I walked in and the same smell overpowered me. When I was still living with my mother, this is how my home always smelled. Now the smell of Lilac makes me sick. I don’t want to remember my past but this always brings me back. I walked up the steps quickly; I wanted to get this meeting over as fast as I could. I came into his room and sat down in the same place as always. He walked in behind me, closed the door and sat down across from me.
Cole: So tell me Kira, How did the match go between you and...
Kira: The match was between me and KD. I bet you won’t believe me, but I won.
Cole: Of course I believe you Kira. I thought you had won; the way you talked to me outside, it was absolutely amazing. You are slowly building up your confidence. If you’re lucky here soon you won’t need you medication anymore.
I sat up a little straighter and smiled at the thought of not taking meds.
Kira: That would be great! I hate taking this medication; I just want to be normal like everyone else. Yet I’m not sure about the match next week against KC McGrath, all I have to go on right now is that he lost his last match against Calvin Lee last week.
Cole: Well Kira all I can tell you is try your best. But if you happen to lose, I really hope you won’t let that hurt your confidence. No one can win every match, you know this right?
Kira: Of course I know that Cole. I know he is good, and at this point I might not be ready to beat him. And if I don’t that fine with me, I’m not going to let it ruin everything I have worked so hard for.
Cole: Well I’m happy that you won’t let that get you down. And since you have gained so much confidence, I have a little surprise test for you. Something that will help you get over your social anxiety.
He rose up out of his chair and opened the door. He walked out and within minutes came back with a woman at his side. My eyes began to water again, why did he had to do this to me when I was doing so well.
Cole: Kira, this is Leslie. I though you two could talk for a little while. I will be back in a few alright.
He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Leslie sat down next to me on the couch.
Leslie: Hi Kira, How are you doing today?
My mind drew a blank as I tried to remember what she had said. My heart began racing and my arms refused to quit trembling. Once again I tried to concentrate on what she had said, but nothing came to me. My thoughts were jumbled inside my head, and there was nothing I could do about it.
She starred at me for a second with a confused look on her face. She got up quickly, almost if she thought I was going to attack her. She opened the door and walked out. Cole came back into the room less then a minute after she had left.
Cole: Are you alright Kira? I’m sorry; I didn’t think it would be too much on you. But I can see I was wrong.
Although I could hear him taking I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. I began sobbing into my hands. He came over to me and tried to put his arm around me. I pushed him away and ran out of the room, down the stairs and to my car. I got in my car and started in as quickly as I could. I needed to go somewhere I could think. I backed up and headed for the graveyard. It was the only place I knew of were no one would bother me.
