Post by Reasoning through Questioning on Feb 2, 2007 10:09:51 GMT -5
Another week comes and I still can’t shake the feelin that I really didn’t kill that fella that I told Granny I did. Could it be I imagined all that? I’m not completely sure. That to me is not good at all. How can you not know if you killed someone, or should I say assisted the gators to a meal? I have no idea. Maybe I am a nut. That’s probably why I’m wearin this d*mn superhero getup when I wrestle. Do I miss being a kid so much that I’ve decided to start dressing like I did when I was 6 years old? I’m not sure what is goin on up in my head. I think I’ll just let Jack Daniels soothe me. It seems to help slightly. Slightly is the key word there. Petey looks at me knowing I’m troubled. His eyes have that look of worry that only loved ones have. I pat him on the head to let him know I’m thankful he’s by my side. Well it looks like it’s about time I got outta bed. I throw the cover off of me and the chill of the night hits me. I shoulda turned the heat up before I laid down. You don’t think about things like that when you’re drunk. The whiskey warms me so I guess I had no reason to worry about gettin cold. This room is a lot nicer that the last sh*thole I stayed in. Good beds. Plenty of space. Petey hates the small rooms. He’s used to space. He likes to be able to move. He’s getting old now. He doesn’t move around much, but when he does he likes his space. The carpet is soft on my feet. I like that too. My feet ache from drivin with my boots on all day. I like a soft carpet on my floors…and my women, well I prefer no carpet on my women but we can’t always get what we want. Speaking of snatch makes me think about my opponent I’m facing in the upcoming show. KD, one man who shoulda been given a snatch in exchange for his manhood after his less than admirable performance against a woman. That woman being Kira, who I think is doing rather well as of late. Enough about her though. My concentration should be on my opponents. For some reason I’m in another d*mn tag match this week. My partner is the Mexican Samurai. I’m comin off a win so hopefully the momentum will keep on rollin. Josh Dean bein the other part of the duo me and my wetback friend have to face. Forgive me Lord for using the word wetback. I use it in the nicest sense possible. Amen. Josh Dean and KD. I do believe I will refer to him as Katie from now on. Maybe Josh Dean the Queen. That fits. Now what was I in the middle of? I need to get movin. I’ve been sitting here thinkin about things and I haven’t even got dressed. I can’t wait for some breakfast. I get dressed and shave and what not. I finish packin up my bags and I hear a knock at the door. If that is the f*ckin desk clerk tellin me I need to be checked out before 12 I am goin to punch his f*ckin nose through his face. I walk over and answer the door. Surprisingly there is a woman at the door, a very beautiful woman. She also looks to be an expensive woman.
Malice: Hello. Can I help ya?
Woman: Well that all depends on who you might be. Are you Johnny Malice?
Malice: Well that all depends on who is asking. What do you want?
Woman: Your cousin has hired me to give you some of my time. He said to tell you thank you for bailing him out. I reckon he felt obliged to buy you the best c*nt he could possibly afford.
Malice: Well if he bought me the best he could afford where is she? Cause I know your way outta his price range. Unless you happened to only cost about ten bucks.
Woman: I am her. I don’t how he got his money to pay me with but I have been paid in full for two hours of what ever you want to do. My name is Dahlila.
Malice: Well Dahlila, I happen to be Johnny Malice. Pleased to meet ya. Come inside. Say hello to Petey. He’s my sidekick on this adventure we call life.
Dahlila: Hello Petey. How are you?
Petey: Woof (I would be better if you would hurry up with your business so I could get some f*ckin breakfast.)
Malice: I think he likes you.
Dahlila: Well he is the cutest coon dog I believe I have ever seen. Just so ya know I’m not into anything with animals.
Malice: Well I never thought such a thing about ya.
Petey: Bark Bark (Can’t say that the thought didn’t’ cross my mind.)
Malice: I think he is about as hungry as me. We were heading out to get some breakfast. But since you’re here I think I will pay you an extra $200 to go to the store and pick up some stuff. I did pay for a room with a kitchenette so I might as well get some use out of it. Can you cook?
Dahlila: Yes sir, I can. Get me a list and the money and I will be back shortly.
I’ll be d*mned. I wake up hungry with a hard on and I get surprised by a Southern Belle who as been paid to accompany me for a few hours. Here I am so hungry that the eagerness I should have to receive her services is halted so she can make me some f*ckin breakfast. I ready the list and send her on her way. I get slightly aroused at the sight of her leaving. Her rear is tight like two freshly packed bags of sugar. Why am I not utilizing her skills to their fullest potential? She makes it down the stairs and I close the door. I can’t believe Hank did this for me. That sorry sack of sh*t never does nothing but cause me problems. Well maybe he’s gonna straighten out. I sure as hell hope so. She should be back soon. I need to get my mind off my dreadful match I have to take place in.
Malice: You believe this Petey? Here we were goin out to eat breakfast at some grease bucket and now a beautiful lady is gonna cook it for us. I’m glad cookin ain’t the only thing that she is here to tend to. I think I might need my crank shaft oiled. But enough about that. I reckon I’ll have a drink and ponder the possible combinations in which I could dismantle my opponents in the most effective way. What do you think about it?
Petey: Bark Bark (I think I need me a b*tch to take out my stress on while your gettin your wonder weasel worked out, you old drunk.)
Malice: Well Petey I’m glad you think I’m gonna win. I knew you had confidence in me. What do you think of the Crimson Crusader get up? Should I keep it? I’m not real sure. No need to have a disguise if I don’t need one. Then again I’m not sure if I need it. I’m not completely confident that I helped those gators to a snack. I guess it will come to me in time. About the outfit, what ya think?
Petey: Wuff Wuff (I think that you look f*ckin nuts in it. I’d say you’re queerer than a 3 dollar bill if I hadn’t known ya your whole life. And I wish you wouldn’t put me in a matching outfit and parade me down to the ring with ya. But ya do. So I guess with me lettin you dress me up in as goofy lookin of a f*ckin outfit as you I’m just as nuts. God Bless the fact you can’t understand me because you would probably cry if you knew what I really thought. You dumb son of a b*tch. )
Malice: So you think I should keep it? Good call I think your right. It makes me feel tough, like Superman or something.
Petey: Woof (Well it makes you look tough… like Clay Aiken. Maybe you should retire from wrestling and get a job on Bravo.)
I hear a knock on the door sounding much like her knock before. I look out the peep hole to make sure and in fact it is her. Groceries in hand. I open the door and help her carry the food into the cookin area. She looks sexier than before for some reason. I think it is because I am looking at her imagining she is nude. She bends over to sit a bag on the floor and I feel my pecker flutter like a pigeon having a heart attack. My stomach rumbles about a second later reminding me I need to eat first or I may pass out in the middle of things. That would be a rather unpleasant and embarrassing situation. I smack her round bottom to get her warmed up. I hope to hell she can cook worth a d*mn. Petey is liable to go catch him a cat if he doesn’t eat soon. The day is goin good. Breakfast, “vigorous exercise”, and then I’ll be on way towards my next destination, the location of my next victory. The conquering of Katie and The Queen Josh Dean. Hopefully my luck will continue on from this morning’s pleasant surprise. She starts to cook my breakfast and the smell quickly catches my attention. She looks like an angel, a devious angel who is about to rock my world, but an angel no less. She finishes the task of preparing my meal and prepares me a plate. I gobble it up like a vagabond that hasn’t seen any remnants of food in days. She finishes Petey’s meal and puts it a bowl for him and also prepares a bowl of milk for him. Spoiled dog. Everybody treats him good. Always have. He also digs into his meal almost crazily. My haste is for different intentions. I finish up and move his bowl into the restroom so I can proceed with my morning plans of making wild monkey love to this striking broad seated at the foot of my bed. She looks at me with fiery passion in her eyes and we race to remove our clothes.
2 ½ hours later I am done doing every thing physically possible to be done to a woman. We are sweatier than two race horses after the Kentucky Derby. I move Petey back out into the room and me and Dahlila partake in a shower together. We finish up and get dressed.
Malice: Thanks for the breakfast. I’m sorry I made ya but you did say whatever I wanted. I’ll pay ya more for the extra time that our “venture” went over if you would like.
Dahlila: Don’t worry about it. Being with a man like you is payment enough.
Malice: Do you hear that noise?
Dahlila: What noise?
Malice: It’s like a beeping noise. Like an alarm clock.
Dahlila: It’s time to wake up.
Malice: Wake up? NO!!!
Her words fade out as she disappears and light invades my weary eyes. I awake to a f*ckin alarm clock screaming like a banshee. All my happiness is soon crushed in the reality that I dreamt everything that just happened to me. I knew it was too good. Hank buying me a high class whore should have been my first clue I was dreamin. My hunger hits me like a knife in the side. I look down and also notice that there is a teepee standing. Great my joy was fake and short lived. I get out of bed. Get dressed and pack up my things.
Malice: Well Petey you would not believe the dream I had last night. It was amazingly realistic.
Petey: Bark (Unless it involves one hot mama named Dahlila and her sexy poodle Betsy I don’t want to hear about it. I am hungry and very pissed that Betsy and me were interrupted by that d*mned alarm clock. Lets just get on down the road and get some food.)
Malice: I won’t bore you with details but it involved a hooker named Dahlila and she cooked us breakfast and then did things unfit to speak of to me. But enough of that. We gotta head out. Something greasy awaits it’s digestion in my stomach.
Petey : Woof ( I am slightly saddened that we suffer the name disappointment this morning. Of course I am also scared that we are dreaming about the same thing. Hopefully you were with Dahlila and not Betsy in your dream.)
We pile in the truck and make our way towards another horizon. Hopefully along the way I will find a “Dahlila” and dip my wick in something. I need to get some so I can get it off my mind. I have a match to worry about. These thoughts of unholy acts with a woman may hinder my ability to kick the sh*t out of the two peckerwoods I have to face along with my hispasian friend. I hope he’s ready cause I don’t know how ready I will be if I don’t catch some poon sometime fast. I turn up the radio to hear my hero Johnny Cash singing about the train rolling round the bend at Folsom. My eyes focus on the road ahead and my thoughts concentrate on one thing. Onward towards victory and embarrassment of two well deserving opponents!
Malice: Hello. Can I help ya?
Woman: Well that all depends on who you might be. Are you Johnny Malice?
Malice: Well that all depends on who is asking. What do you want?
Woman: Your cousin has hired me to give you some of my time. He said to tell you thank you for bailing him out. I reckon he felt obliged to buy you the best c*nt he could possibly afford.
Malice: Well if he bought me the best he could afford where is she? Cause I know your way outta his price range. Unless you happened to only cost about ten bucks.
Woman: I am her. I don’t how he got his money to pay me with but I have been paid in full for two hours of what ever you want to do. My name is Dahlila.
Malice: Well Dahlila, I happen to be Johnny Malice. Pleased to meet ya. Come inside. Say hello to Petey. He’s my sidekick on this adventure we call life.
Dahlila: Hello Petey. How are you?
Petey: Woof (I would be better if you would hurry up with your business so I could get some f*ckin breakfast.)
Malice: I think he likes you.
Dahlila: Well he is the cutest coon dog I believe I have ever seen. Just so ya know I’m not into anything with animals.
Malice: Well I never thought such a thing about ya.
Petey: Bark Bark (Can’t say that the thought didn’t’ cross my mind.)
Malice: I think he is about as hungry as me. We were heading out to get some breakfast. But since you’re here I think I will pay you an extra $200 to go to the store and pick up some stuff. I did pay for a room with a kitchenette so I might as well get some use out of it. Can you cook?
Dahlila: Yes sir, I can. Get me a list and the money and I will be back shortly.
I’ll be d*mned. I wake up hungry with a hard on and I get surprised by a Southern Belle who as been paid to accompany me for a few hours. Here I am so hungry that the eagerness I should have to receive her services is halted so she can make me some f*ckin breakfast. I ready the list and send her on her way. I get slightly aroused at the sight of her leaving. Her rear is tight like two freshly packed bags of sugar. Why am I not utilizing her skills to their fullest potential? She makes it down the stairs and I close the door. I can’t believe Hank did this for me. That sorry sack of sh*t never does nothing but cause me problems. Well maybe he’s gonna straighten out. I sure as hell hope so. She should be back soon. I need to get my mind off my dreadful match I have to take place in.
Malice: You believe this Petey? Here we were goin out to eat breakfast at some grease bucket and now a beautiful lady is gonna cook it for us. I’m glad cookin ain’t the only thing that she is here to tend to. I think I might need my crank shaft oiled. But enough about that. I reckon I’ll have a drink and ponder the possible combinations in which I could dismantle my opponents in the most effective way. What do you think about it?
Petey: Bark Bark (I think I need me a b*tch to take out my stress on while your gettin your wonder weasel worked out, you old drunk.)
Malice: Well Petey I’m glad you think I’m gonna win. I knew you had confidence in me. What do you think of the Crimson Crusader get up? Should I keep it? I’m not real sure. No need to have a disguise if I don’t need one. Then again I’m not sure if I need it. I’m not completely confident that I helped those gators to a snack. I guess it will come to me in time. About the outfit, what ya think?
Petey: Wuff Wuff (I think that you look f*ckin nuts in it. I’d say you’re queerer than a 3 dollar bill if I hadn’t known ya your whole life. And I wish you wouldn’t put me in a matching outfit and parade me down to the ring with ya. But ya do. So I guess with me lettin you dress me up in as goofy lookin of a f*ckin outfit as you I’m just as nuts. God Bless the fact you can’t understand me because you would probably cry if you knew what I really thought. You dumb son of a b*tch. )
Malice: So you think I should keep it? Good call I think your right. It makes me feel tough, like Superman or something.
Petey: Woof (Well it makes you look tough… like Clay Aiken. Maybe you should retire from wrestling and get a job on Bravo.)
I hear a knock on the door sounding much like her knock before. I look out the peep hole to make sure and in fact it is her. Groceries in hand. I open the door and help her carry the food into the cookin area. She looks sexier than before for some reason. I think it is because I am looking at her imagining she is nude. She bends over to sit a bag on the floor and I feel my pecker flutter like a pigeon having a heart attack. My stomach rumbles about a second later reminding me I need to eat first or I may pass out in the middle of things. That would be a rather unpleasant and embarrassing situation. I smack her round bottom to get her warmed up. I hope to hell she can cook worth a d*mn. Petey is liable to go catch him a cat if he doesn’t eat soon. The day is goin good. Breakfast, “vigorous exercise”, and then I’ll be on way towards my next destination, the location of my next victory. The conquering of Katie and The Queen Josh Dean. Hopefully my luck will continue on from this morning’s pleasant surprise. She starts to cook my breakfast and the smell quickly catches my attention. She looks like an angel, a devious angel who is about to rock my world, but an angel no less. She finishes the task of preparing my meal and prepares me a plate. I gobble it up like a vagabond that hasn’t seen any remnants of food in days. She finishes Petey’s meal and puts it a bowl for him and also prepares a bowl of milk for him. Spoiled dog. Everybody treats him good. Always have. He also digs into his meal almost crazily. My haste is for different intentions. I finish up and move his bowl into the restroom so I can proceed with my morning plans of making wild monkey love to this striking broad seated at the foot of my bed. She looks at me with fiery passion in her eyes and we race to remove our clothes.
2 ½ hours later I am done doing every thing physically possible to be done to a woman. We are sweatier than two race horses after the Kentucky Derby. I move Petey back out into the room and me and Dahlila partake in a shower together. We finish up and get dressed.
Malice: Thanks for the breakfast. I’m sorry I made ya but you did say whatever I wanted. I’ll pay ya more for the extra time that our “venture” went over if you would like.
Dahlila: Don’t worry about it. Being with a man like you is payment enough.
Malice: Do you hear that noise?
Dahlila: What noise?
Malice: It’s like a beeping noise. Like an alarm clock.
Dahlila: It’s time to wake up.
Malice: Wake up? NO!!!
Her words fade out as she disappears and light invades my weary eyes. I awake to a f*ckin alarm clock screaming like a banshee. All my happiness is soon crushed in the reality that I dreamt everything that just happened to me. I knew it was too good. Hank buying me a high class whore should have been my first clue I was dreamin. My hunger hits me like a knife in the side. I look down and also notice that there is a teepee standing. Great my joy was fake and short lived. I get out of bed. Get dressed and pack up my things.
Malice: Well Petey you would not believe the dream I had last night. It was amazingly realistic.
Petey: Bark (Unless it involves one hot mama named Dahlila and her sexy poodle Betsy I don’t want to hear about it. I am hungry and very pissed that Betsy and me were interrupted by that d*mned alarm clock. Lets just get on down the road and get some food.)
Malice: I won’t bore you with details but it involved a hooker named Dahlila and she cooked us breakfast and then did things unfit to speak of to me. But enough of that. We gotta head out. Something greasy awaits it’s digestion in my stomach.
Petey : Woof ( I am slightly saddened that we suffer the name disappointment this morning. Of course I am also scared that we are dreaming about the same thing. Hopefully you were with Dahlila and not Betsy in your dream.)
We pile in the truck and make our way towards another horizon. Hopefully along the way I will find a “Dahlila” and dip my wick in something. I need to get some so I can get it off my mind. I have a match to worry about. These thoughts of unholy acts with a woman may hinder my ability to kick the sh*t out of the two peckerwoods I have to face along with my hispasian friend. I hope he’s ready cause I don’t know how ready I will be if I don’t catch some poon sometime fast. I turn up the radio to hear my hero Johnny Cash singing about the train rolling round the bend at Folsom. My eyes focus on the road ahead and my thoughts concentrate on one thing. Onward towards victory and embarrassment of two well deserving opponents!
