FDS RP Worthy

This was perhaps the funniest/funnest rp that I have ever written. There was something to it and I just like it.

Alright, I really hate the multiple colors. Personal preference, yes. But man, do I find it looks goofy.

Description was fine. You’ll probably get the “need to expand more” replies (and I’d be hard pressed to disagree), but the reader got the picture.

I don’t like how you’d take something from the description and put it in the dialogue (in this case, the conscience). I’m talking about the usher hat. There’s no need to mention it being “stupid/goofy” twice, it comes off as you, when writing it, found it funny and want everyone else to see the humor in it.

You did one of the things I really hate in roleplays, and that’s the monologue/dialogue combination roleplay. It really doesn’t work. When you write the monologue roleplay, it’s with the impression the character is talking in front of a camera. That’s fine. When you do the dialogue roleplay, it’s with the impression it’s two (or more) people talking, either with or without or a camera documenting it. Also fine. But when you combine the two it’s unnatural. Why would someone talk about their opponents, then film something personal (in this case, owning a movie theatre)?

In terms of the actual dialogue, it was alright. You can’t take awkward breaks and start talking about something no for reason



If you’re there to talk about your opponent, then why would Yukio Blaze even bring any of that up? Or if he’s there to talk about the movie theatre, then why would he bring up his opponents?

The conscience thing is cool, as was the emphasis on worthy. The only thing is that you didn’t go into it enough, and at points it was just as if all you were doing is bolding the word worthy. Personally, I think you should have gone a different approach in terms of talking about your opponents. It really had no overall point with the roleplay, and you didn’t have much to say about them. By the time I finished reading it, the overall point I got was that Yukio Blaze now owns a movie theatre. When that’s the case, talking about your opponents ends up just being filler.

The quotes were cool. Since I’ve been back, you’ve always been the best one at using them.

I think you should have gone into a longer thing with Yukio Blaze and the two paramedics. It was really underdeveloped and took away from potentially good dialogue. Plus, you have to kind of wonder why two people would opt to work in a movie theatre as opposed to being paramedics.

It was an alright roleplay. I just thought you paid more attention to the unnecessary instead of what the roleplay was actually about.

I like this.

You have stuck with ya title Worthy and i do belive you are a worthy winner. Good luck in the match