Post by thesouthsidekid on Apr 24, 2007 22:01:23 GMT -5
Psalms 23: 1-6
”The Lord is my Shepard: I shall not want. He maketh me to lie in down in green pastures: he leadth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest me a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou annointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”
Amen
The scene starts out on a winding road. Yeah, I know, same story of my life. Anyway, this road is a four lane interstate road. On the road at this near dusk setting is a variety of different cars driving along, some trying to get home to their families, some going out for a fun night. Some just wandering………………
Searching.
This is where I come into play. My journey here to WFWF has been one of ups and downs, like the winding road that I am currently driving on. Amongst everything and everyone I’ve talked to about this situation, the situation of finally dealing with my mentor’s death, I’ve heard the same constant. Go to the graveyard. See the graveyard. See his grave. Face reality and get closure on the situation. With the state of mind I’m in, I need it.
The recurring dreams……….. the dreams that haunt me still to the core everyday. The same dreams that make me wake up in a cold sweat and cry like an infant. The day of which I was involved in a horrific day that my mentor was killed in the car accident. The accident that I was witness to. The accident that should’ve killed me.
What is really sticking in my mind is the conversation a few days before with Horror. It was nice to see things from a perspective of someone not in Robbie’s training. He provided an outsider’s approach that started to click. But it didn’t solve yet what was happening to me.
The recurring dream……………
No matter how much I try to keep myself busy, it is still there…………..
Eating at me……………..
Affecting my mind……………..
Affecting my sleep……………..
Slowly tearing my soul apart…………..
The thing that keeps coming back up is one sentence that Horror said to me as we had our conversation that one day in the locker room.
Go to the graveyard…………..
Let go of the past…………
But could I let go of the past?…………..Could I let go of the fact that I was in the car accident that killed my trainer, while he got hardly any scratches? I have been tossing and turning with it for six years, but especially hard for the last five months. It affected my performance in the ring and made me physically and mentally tired. Finally, I realized to finally move on, and get back to the level that I know I can be at I had to do this. I had to finally see the end result of a freak accident that I couldn’t let go of.
I didn’t want to go, but yet I found myself here…………..at the graveyard.
I step out of the car. Immediately on the dusky April night, I’m overtaken with the chill in the air. Death and spirits were definitely amongst me. Some of them were kind spirits, while others weren’t as much. I opened the gate of the graveyard and make my way inside. The chill in the air was a lot like a cold chill of anxiousness before a big match. There is no doubt that I’ll feel this at Forever Unscarred. I continued to walk, searching to find the grave sight, the one that has been over my head like a dark stormy rain cloud. In my career, I’ve had pretty good success. But with that success, I’ve never been able to enjoy it because of the pain inside.
As I walked, I looked at all the neighboring gravesites. Their tombstones are decorated with flowers. These people were loved, just like I loved Robbie like a father. I peered towards the back, and there it is…………….the grave site of my trainer. I stops me as I look at it from a far. It is exquisitely decorated with flowers and flags. Robbie was loved by the people he came in contact with, no doubt that these were gifts sent from the other students in his school. I started to make my way toward the gravesite again. But then I stopped myself.
” I can’t do this. I just can’t. “
All of sudden a quick flashback of Robbie’s last words play in my head.
Robbie: Josh, remember what I said…….*cough* and remember that as ……………..*cough* you go on…………..*cough*………………align yourself with the right people………….*cough*…………………and know that I’m watching over you………………. *cough*
I look at the gravesite, and Robbie’s voice echoes out. It’s hard, but I never thought it would be this hard. I’ve come this far, I’m mere feet away from it. I need this closure.
It’s time.
I slowly start to make my way to the grave itself, I inch closer and closer. Finally, after fighting with myself, I am here. I look at the tombstone; it’s extravagant lettering on the face. It must have cost a fortune.
“Here lies Robert “Eagle” Anderson”
Birth: September 1, 1960
Death: January 18, 2001
Mentor, Husband, father.
Words can’t describe how beautiful it was to see. A smile came across my face, something that I haven’t done in the five years since Robbie’s passing. It was a feeling of comfort. It was just me and him again, like old times. But what do I say? How do I approach this? I knelt down to one knee and ran my hand across the tombstone, feeling every crevice of it, taking it all in. A sharp wind blew at my back, it caused me to lose my balance only momentarily. I regained it and I ran my fingers through my hair.
”Hello Robbie. It’s been a long time, but I’ve finally made it. Robbie can you believe it? I’ve finally grown up now. And I’ve become a man.”
It was off to a good start, nothing bad has happened yet. I continued to stay knelt. There is more that I’ve got to say.
”Robbie, since the accident, I’ve been all around the world. I’ve wrestled hundred of promotions, won ****loads of championships, sold out Pay Per Views, made millions of dollars. I went back to Salem, and I talked to Marty. He said that you would be proud. I know you would be. Despite all of it Robbie, I’m still miserable.”
As I continued to talk, the tears began to well up in my eyes. I tried to hold it back, but they were starting to stream down my face almost uncontrollably. The wind started to blow in the opposite direction. It was like a cold bite on my face. The reality was hitting me.
”I’m miserable because you’re not here! You’re not here to take it in with me. After everything that you have done for me Robbie, and this is how I repay you? You took me off the streets, gave me a home, showed me love that I never knew existed, taught me this wonderful, wonderful craft that I have used to gain more money than I ever thought possible! And how do I repay you? I cause you to wreck the car over a hillside and I put you in the ground!”
By this point, my speech has become so slurred from my hysteria. I was openly crying now. I couldn’t hold it back. Six years I’ve been waiting to get this off my chest. I continued to cry.
”Robbie, you taught us that failure is not an option in the business. You taught us to watch who we aligned ourselves with. But you didn’t teach us there would be heartbreak along the way! You didn’t us that Robbie! Everything around me has crumpled, and I have no one to turn to, no alliance to trust!
I adjusted and found myself rocking back and forth on both knees. My head was down as the tears continued to flow. I was angry at him, I was angry at myself. I was angry at the world. I dealt with my anger in that moment the only way I could, I cried. I cried for everything, I cried at the gravesite for six years of pain that I had let build up inside like a wall, never letting anyone near me. I cried for the people that I had caused pain to over the years, the people that I used to get to the top, the people that I hurt when they tried to get close to me. I cried for Amy, who lost her husband, her life mate, her tag team partner.
” And it’s all my fault Robbie! It’s all my fault that you aren't here! Because I cussed you, I told you I hated you and that I would never make it and I’m sorry! I’m SORRY ROBBIE!!!! I’m sorry, because I should’ve died along with you!”
I felt face down in the grass and cried. I cried for my fears, I cried for my insecurities. I cried for it all. Just then a calm wind came down over me. It wasn’t cold like the rest it was like a warm wind, a kind wind. It touched the back of my right shoulder. It felt so real, like a human touch. I raised up, while still on my knees. I turned around and saw an outline of a man. The man made his way closer to me and he became more visible to me. He was about 6 feet tall, about 215 pounds. He had a full beard and long, dark brown hair. Was I hallucinating? Or was it really him? I turned and wiped the tears from my eyes as I stood up. The man came closer to me, and I finally got to see his face. It was him……..
”Robbie?”
Robbie: Josh.
”I thought you died?”
Robbie: I did, you were there with me. You saw. I’ve been waiting for this day for six years.
I was confused. What did he mean he had been waiting for this day? How could he be if he was dead?
”What do you mean?”
Robbie began to close in near me. I felt the presence. It was so strong. He became more visible as he approached. He motioned for me to have a seat on the ground, so I did. He walked over and sat down next to me. He put his arm around me and he felt so real again, like he had just come back from the dead.
Robbie: Look Josh, I know that my death has torn you up inside. But it’s like I told you that night, I’d always be with you. Now Josh, you have a match that is one of the biggest in your career against Reckless. And right now, I don’t know if you have the mindset to beat him.
”Robbie, what the hell are you saying?”
Robbie: Josh, you are beating yourself up over something that happened six years ago. It was something that you couldn’t control. We wrecked and I died. God had a plan for me that night. Do I regret anything, hell no I don’t. I had a good run, accomplish my dream of being a professional wrestler; and I my family, a wife, and a son.
As soon as Robbie said that, my ears perked up. Did he just refer to me as his son? I wanted to ask him, but he kept talking, so I kept listening.
Robbie: God had a plan for you that night. His plan was for you to take the advice I’d given you and make yourself into a champion. He wanted to see how strong your will to go on was. You’ve managed to survive, but something has always held you back from getting to where you are capable of going, to where I knew you could make it. It has been this. The blame that you’ve place on yourself for what happened. To beat Reckless, you need to forget about what happened because it isn’t your fault. You need to forget about what happened the first time you met him in the ring. Clean slate. Everyone over the past six years has been trying to tell you that you need closure to get over this hump you’ve set for yourself. . And now you have closure. But I want you to just remember something for me Josh. One thing. That’s it.
I looked over at my mentor. He was right about everything. I listened more contently than ever to everything that Robbie was telling me. It was all starting to finally make sense now.
Robbie: I just want you to remember that I’m proud of you, and I love you. It may not have been biologically, but you are my son.
Tears welled up in my eyes. I was so happy at that moment. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. A burden that I carried for six years was all of a sudden vanished. The pain I had inside, was gone. It was truly a miracle. I stood up from the tombstone. Robbie stood up as well. He opened his arms and I embraced him in a hug. It was so real. Like he was there the whole time. I was overjoyed and I began to cry as I spoke, still hold Robbie in the hug.
”Thank you for everything. Thank you for teaching me this craft. Thank you for taking me off the streets. Thank you for being…………..my father.
We broke apart from our hug and he patted me on the shoulder. The cold breeze of wind came through that took me back almost with the bite and the chill. The reality was setting back in, that soon Robbie would have to go back. He started to vanish a little bit. But as he faded away, he spoke once again.
Robbie: Just remember, I’m always with you. I’m in your heart. Listen to it, and you won’t go wrong. Goodbye for now, my son.
Just like that he vanished. He was gone again. Was I ok? Yeah, I’m ok. It’s for the better, and it is for the greater plan. I looked in the sky; it was clear as the stars were shining brighter than they have been recently. But there was one star, right next to the moon, which shined the brightest. I knew which one that was. In a symbolic motion, I saluted that star. With a tear in my eye, I felt the need to speak.
”I love you too. Goodbye for now,……….Dad.”
I looked down and I turned away from the gravesite. I began to walk back to my car. I felt a relief, a weight being removed. My mind was finally focused on the task at hand. And now, now is the time to complete what I started.
Message to Reckless
Reckless, we meet again. The stage couldn’t be set any better. The finals of the New Breed Reign Tournament. It was almost like it was meant to be this way. God has a mysterious way of working, just like his plan for me that day six years ago, he has a plan for this. I came into this with a mission, and that was to win, and I am one win away from completing my mission.
Understand something Reckless, I too respect you as much as you respect me. You are one of the finest competitors I’ve ever stepped into the ring with, and you’ve pushed me to a limit that few can say they have. I can’t forget what happened in, but just like that car accident six years ago, I can’t beat myself up over it. You beat me that night, because on that night, you were the better man. But that was then this is now.
Just like I had to visit my trainer’s gravesite to get closure over what happened that time long ago, is just like the importance of this match. I need to beat you to get closure that what happened last time was a fluke. That scar needs to be healed so that I can move on. I’ve trained, I’ve studied, and I have given everything I have to win this match. And if somehow Reckless, you do manage to get the best of me again, then I will accept the fact that you are the better man than me. But in my heart of hearts do I think it will happen, no.
Reckless I wish you luck at the Pay Per View, where I know we will tear the house down because we will leave it in the ring. But for now, I’m not gonna give you anything else to think about, because you’ve got your mind full enough already. See you at Forever Unscarred.
”The Lord is my Shepard: I shall not want. He maketh me to lie in down in green pastures: he leadth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest me a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou annointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”
Amen
The scene starts out on a winding road. Yeah, I know, same story of my life. Anyway, this road is a four lane interstate road. On the road at this near dusk setting is a variety of different cars driving along, some trying to get home to their families, some going out for a fun night. Some just wandering………………
Searching.
This is where I come into play. My journey here to WFWF has been one of ups and downs, like the winding road that I am currently driving on. Amongst everything and everyone I’ve talked to about this situation, the situation of finally dealing with my mentor’s death, I’ve heard the same constant. Go to the graveyard. See the graveyard. See his grave. Face reality and get closure on the situation. With the state of mind I’m in, I need it.
The recurring dreams……….. the dreams that haunt me still to the core everyday. The same dreams that make me wake up in a cold sweat and cry like an infant. The day of which I was involved in a horrific day that my mentor was killed in the car accident. The accident that I was witness to. The accident that should’ve killed me.
What is really sticking in my mind is the conversation a few days before with Horror. It was nice to see things from a perspective of someone not in Robbie’s training. He provided an outsider’s approach that started to click. But it didn’t solve yet what was happening to me.
The recurring dream……………
No matter how much I try to keep myself busy, it is still there…………..
Eating at me……………..
Affecting my mind……………..
Affecting my sleep……………..
Slowly tearing my soul apart…………..
The thing that keeps coming back up is one sentence that Horror said to me as we had our conversation that one day in the locker room.
Go to the graveyard…………..
Let go of the past…………
But could I let go of the past?…………..Could I let go of the fact that I was in the car accident that killed my trainer, while he got hardly any scratches? I have been tossing and turning with it for six years, but especially hard for the last five months. It affected my performance in the ring and made me physically and mentally tired. Finally, I realized to finally move on, and get back to the level that I know I can be at I had to do this. I had to finally see the end result of a freak accident that I couldn’t let go of.
I didn’t want to go, but yet I found myself here…………..at the graveyard.
I step out of the car. Immediately on the dusky April night, I’m overtaken with the chill in the air. Death and spirits were definitely amongst me. Some of them were kind spirits, while others weren’t as much. I opened the gate of the graveyard and make my way inside. The chill in the air was a lot like a cold chill of anxiousness before a big match. There is no doubt that I’ll feel this at Forever Unscarred. I continued to walk, searching to find the grave sight, the one that has been over my head like a dark stormy rain cloud. In my career, I’ve had pretty good success. But with that success, I’ve never been able to enjoy it because of the pain inside.
As I walked, I looked at all the neighboring gravesites. Their tombstones are decorated with flowers. These people were loved, just like I loved Robbie like a father. I peered towards the back, and there it is…………….the grave site of my trainer. I stops me as I look at it from a far. It is exquisitely decorated with flowers and flags. Robbie was loved by the people he came in contact with, no doubt that these were gifts sent from the other students in his school. I started to make my way toward the gravesite again. But then I stopped myself.
” I can’t do this. I just can’t. “
All of sudden a quick flashback of Robbie’s last words play in my head.
Robbie: Josh, remember what I said…….*cough* and remember that as ……………..*cough* you go on…………..*cough*………………align yourself with the right people………….*cough*…………………and know that I’m watching over you………………. *cough*
I look at the gravesite, and Robbie’s voice echoes out. It’s hard, but I never thought it would be this hard. I’ve come this far, I’m mere feet away from it. I need this closure.
It’s time.
I slowly start to make my way to the grave itself, I inch closer and closer. Finally, after fighting with myself, I am here. I look at the tombstone; it’s extravagant lettering on the face. It must have cost a fortune.
“Here lies Robert “Eagle” Anderson”
Birth: September 1, 1960
Death: January 18, 2001
Mentor, Husband, father.
Words can’t describe how beautiful it was to see. A smile came across my face, something that I haven’t done in the five years since Robbie’s passing. It was a feeling of comfort. It was just me and him again, like old times. But what do I say? How do I approach this? I knelt down to one knee and ran my hand across the tombstone, feeling every crevice of it, taking it all in. A sharp wind blew at my back, it caused me to lose my balance only momentarily. I regained it and I ran my fingers through my hair.
”Hello Robbie. It’s been a long time, but I’ve finally made it. Robbie can you believe it? I’ve finally grown up now. And I’ve become a man.”
It was off to a good start, nothing bad has happened yet. I continued to stay knelt. There is more that I’ve got to say.
”Robbie, since the accident, I’ve been all around the world. I’ve wrestled hundred of promotions, won ****loads of championships, sold out Pay Per Views, made millions of dollars. I went back to Salem, and I talked to Marty. He said that you would be proud. I know you would be. Despite all of it Robbie, I’m still miserable.”
As I continued to talk, the tears began to well up in my eyes. I tried to hold it back, but they were starting to stream down my face almost uncontrollably. The wind started to blow in the opposite direction. It was like a cold bite on my face. The reality was hitting me.
”I’m miserable because you’re not here! You’re not here to take it in with me. After everything that you have done for me Robbie, and this is how I repay you? You took me off the streets, gave me a home, showed me love that I never knew existed, taught me this wonderful, wonderful craft that I have used to gain more money than I ever thought possible! And how do I repay you? I cause you to wreck the car over a hillside and I put you in the ground!”
By this point, my speech has become so slurred from my hysteria. I was openly crying now. I couldn’t hold it back. Six years I’ve been waiting to get this off my chest. I continued to cry.
”Robbie, you taught us that failure is not an option in the business. You taught us to watch who we aligned ourselves with. But you didn’t teach us there would be heartbreak along the way! You didn’t us that Robbie! Everything around me has crumpled, and I have no one to turn to, no alliance to trust!
I adjusted and found myself rocking back and forth on both knees. My head was down as the tears continued to flow. I was angry at him, I was angry at myself. I was angry at the world. I dealt with my anger in that moment the only way I could, I cried. I cried for everything, I cried at the gravesite for six years of pain that I had let build up inside like a wall, never letting anyone near me. I cried for the people that I had caused pain to over the years, the people that I used to get to the top, the people that I hurt when they tried to get close to me. I cried for Amy, who lost her husband, her life mate, her tag team partner.
” And it’s all my fault Robbie! It’s all my fault that you aren't here! Because I cussed you, I told you I hated you and that I would never make it and I’m sorry! I’m SORRY ROBBIE!!!! I’m sorry, because I should’ve died along with you!”
I felt face down in the grass and cried. I cried for my fears, I cried for my insecurities. I cried for it all. Just then a calm wind came down over me. It wasn’t cold like the rest it was like a warm wind, a kind wind. It touched the back of my right shoulder. It felt so real, like a human touch. I raised up, while still on my knees. I turned around and saw an outline of a man. The man made his way closer to me and he became more visible to me. He was about 6 feet tall, about 215 pounds. He had a full beard and long, dark brown hair. Was I hallucinating? Or was it really him? I turned and wiped the tears from my eyes as I stood up. The man came closer to me, and I finally got to see his face. It was him……..
”Robbie?”
Robbie: Josh.
”I thought you died?”
Robbie: I did, you were there with me. You saw. I’ve been waiting for this day for six years.
I was confused. What did he mean he had been waiting for this day? How could he be if he was dead?
”What do you mean?”
Robbie began to close in near me. I felt the presence. It was so strong. He became more visible as he approached. He motioned for me to have a seat on the ground, so I did. He walked over and sat down next to me. He put his arm around me and he felt so real again, like he had just come back from the dead.
Robbie: Look Josh, I know that my death has torn you up inside. But it’s like I told you that night, I’d always be with you. Now Josh, you have a match that is one of the biggest in your career against Reckless. And right now, I don’t know if you have the mindset to beat him.
”Robbie, what the hell are you saying?”
Robbie: Josh, you are beating yourself up over something that happened six years ago. It was something that you couldn’t control. We wrecked and I died. God had a plan for me that night. Do I regret anything, hell no I don’t. I had a good run, accomplish my dream of being a professional wrestler; and I my family, a wife, and a son.
As soon as Robbie said that, my ears perked up. Did he just refer to me as his son? I wanted to ask him, but he kept talking, so I kept listening.
Robbie: God had a plan for you that night. His plan was for you to take the advice I’d given you and make yourself into a champion. He wanted to see how strong your will to go on was. You’ve managed to survive, but something has always held you back from getting to where you are capable of going, to where I knew you could make it. It has been this. The blame that you’ve place on yourself for what happened. To beat Reckless, you need to forget about what happened because it isn’t your fault. You need to forget about what happened the first time you met him in the ring. Clean slate. Everyone over the past six years has been trying to tell you that you need closure to get over this hump you’ve set for yourself. . And now you have closure. But I want you to just remember something for me Josh. One thing. That’s it.
I looked over at my mentor. He was right about everything. I listened more contently than ever to everything that Robbie was telling me. It was all starting to finally make sense now.
Robbie: I just want you to remember that I’m proud of you, and I love you. It may not have been biologically, but you are my son.
Tears welled up in my eyes. I was so happy at that moment. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. A burden that I carried for six years was all of a sudden vanished. The pain I had inside, was gone. It was truly a miracle. I stood up from the tombstone. Robbie stood up as well. He opened his arms and I embraced him in a hug. It was so real. Like he was there the whole time. I was overjoyed and I began to cry as I spoke, still hold Robbie in the hug.
”Thank you for everything. Thank you for teaching me this craft. Thank you for taking me off the streets. Thank you for being…………..my father.
We broke apart from our hug and he patted me on the shoulder. The cold breeze of wind came through that took me back almost with the bite and the chill. The reality was setting back in, that soon Robbie would have to go back. He started to vanish a little bit. But as he faded away, he spoke once again.
Robbie: Just remember, I’m always with you. I’m in your heart. Listen to it, and you won’t go wrong. Goodbye for now, my son.
Just like that he vanished. He was gone again. Was I ok? Yeah, I’m ok. It’s for the better, and it is for the greater plan. I looked in the sky; it was clear as the stars were shining brighter than they have been recently. But there was one star, right next to the moon, which shined the brightest. I knew which one that was. In a symbolic motion, I saluted that star. With a tear in my eye, I felt the need to speak.
”I love you too. Goodbye for now,……….Dad.”
I looked down and I turned away from the gravesite. I began to walk back to my car. I felt a relief, a weight being removed. My mind was finally focused on the task at hand. And now, now is the time to complete what I started.
Message to Reckless
Reckless, we meet again. The stage couldn’t be set any better. The finals of the New Breed Reign Tournament. It was almost like it was meant to be this way. God has a mysterious way of working, just like his plan for me that day six years ago, he has a plan for this. I came into this with a mission, and that was to win, and I am one win away from completing my mission.
Understand something Reckless, I too respect you as much as you respect me. You are one of the finest competitors I’ve ever stepped into the ring with, and you’ve pushed me to a limit that few can say they have. I can’t forget what happened in, but just like that car accident six years ago, I can’t beat myself up over it. You beat me that night, because on that night, you were the better man. But that was then this is now.
Just like I had to visit my trainer’s gravesite to get closure over what happened that time long ago, is just like the importance of this match. I need to beat you to get closure that what happened last time was a fluke. That scar needs to be healed so that I can move on. I’ve trained, I’ve studied, and I have given everything I have to win this match. And if somehow Reckless, you do manage to get the best of me again, then I will accept the fact that you are the better man than me. But in my heart of hearts do I think it will happen, no.
Reckless I wish you luck at the Pay Per View, where I know we will tear the house down because we will leave it in the ring. But for now, I’m not gonna give you anything else to think about, because you’ve got your mind full enough already. See you at Forever Unscarred.
