Post by gravedigger3 on Oct 5, 2007 21:59:15 GMT -5
just to catch you up i didnt write this i got this from runboad.com from a guy named bnostoppinme .anyways these are FAKE interviews he has done .By the way all of this were made in 2005 also these are all written in role playing(efed) form
_____________________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS CHRIS BENOIT
BNO: Bnostoppingme here, and I'm in the presence of greatness (and not just my own!). Ladies and gentleman, the great Chris Benoit. Mr. Benoit, it's an honor.
CB: Good to be here.
BNO: First question: how do you feel about your MAJOR depush from the main event?
CB: It really doesn't bother me that much.
BNO: What?!? Are you 4 real?!?
CB: ...
BNO: Heh heh...heh. That...that was a joke. Y'know...cuz you used to say...*sigh*
CB: Moving right along?
BNO: Yes. You've said that you're favorite WrestleMania moment was your match at WM XX. What was going through your head during that match?
CB: Shawn Michaels' boot.
BNO: ...I see. Aside from your rivalry with Chris Jericho, have you really had ANY kind of storyline since losing the belt?
CB: Well, last month I was feuding with Rhyno over a slice of pizza.
BNO: ...
CB: ...
BNO: ...Excuse me?
CB: For over 18 years I've fought to be the best! For 45 minutes I waited for that delivery boy! I will not be denied!
BNO: ...Jeez, man. I can't believe--
CB: I believe!
*grabs bno*
I believe! I BELIEVE! And that's all that damn well matters!
BNO: I...holy crap...I think two drops of pee just came out...um...LOOK, BACKSTAGE POLITICS!
CB: *turns* Crap! Not again!
BNO: *Runs away*
________________________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS JOHN CENA
BNO: Hi John, it's a pleasure to have you here.
JC: RUNBOARD MAKE SUM NOIZ!!!
BNO: Ugh... First question: what are your thoughts on your upcoming WM 21 match against JBL?
JC: Yo, yo, yo, yo yo yo yo...
BNO: ...
JC: ...Yo. We on the way to Wrestlemania, ya boy's never looked cleaner. Cuz that WWE bling is gettin' rocked by John C--
BNO: Aight fvck this. You really think you're edgy, you're a fvckin visionary? Just shut your mouth and put away your hip-hop dictionary. You're thisclose to bein called a one-trick pony. "I got a spinny belt and poop jokes; I'm one slick homie!" Your Chocolate Shark is getting tired, write a motherfvckin new song. You've got a great flow, for ME TO MOTHERFVCKING POOP ON! You expect to be respected? Well, your ass has been rejected. You should ease up on the gimmick cuz your wrestling's been neglected. If you...John?
JC: Image
BNO: John...Did I hurt your feelings?
JC: *sniff* Damn straight!
BNO: ...Well, that's all for today
_______________________________________________________
BNO: Hello, Mr. Flair. It's truly an honor to have you here.
FLAIR: WHOOO!
BNO: ...Indeed. First question: what are your thoughts on Triple H, a man who seems to be your successor?
FLAIR: Triple H?!?
BNO: Yes, Trip--
FLAIR: Let me tell ya sumthin' about Triple H! He is the greatest wrestler alive! This man--hey kid, you alright?
BNO: ...Yeah, yeah. I just threw up in my mouth a little after you said that...please, continue.
FLAIR: He is the BEST the world has to offer! He's gonna win the belt 10 MORE times, and hold it for a million years cuz HE WILL NEVER DIE!
BNO: Um...don't you think that's a little--
FLAIR: Don't inturrupt me, boy! *takes off jacket* And it's like I said before: to BE tha man, ya gotta BEAT tha man! And NO ONE has EVER beaten Triple H!
BNO: Well, Chris Ben--
FLAIR: You shut your mouth! Chris Benoit is NOT tha man! That's not a man! That...is a MIDGET!
BNO: ...Excuse m--?
FLAIR: And to BE tha midget, ya gotta be this tall to BEAT tha midget!
BNO: Um, I'm gonna have to ask you to calm down and focus o--
FLAIR: Chop it like it's hot!
BNO: Ok, that didn't even make--
Flair: Errbody in this b!tch gettin tipsy! WHOO! *stumbles, then falls face-first*
BNO:...Thanks for your time, Mr. Flair.
________________________________________________-
BNO INTERVIEWS HBK
BNO: Hello again, bnostoppingme here, and this time around my guest is the Showstopper, Shawn Michaels. Thanks for coming, Shawn.
HBK: Good to be here bno! It's great to see that good ol' HBK's still got promo time!
BNO: Dude, quit shouting; I'm 3 feet away from you.
HBK: ...Sorry man. I get a little excited sometimes.
BNO: Like the time you wet yourself when you were tuning up the band?
HBK: Yeah, that was...wait WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?!?
BNO: Nobody; I was just guessing. HA! Okay, okay...first question: how do you feel about you're pay-per-view record over the past couple of years? You've lost to Kurt Angle, Edge, HHH, Chris Benoit...
HBK: It doesn't bother me that much. I mean, at this point in my career, I can lose a thousand times and not lose any crowd support.
BNO: Well Shawn, you're halfway there. So you're saying it DOESN'T bother you that the "Showstopper" gets owned on almost every major show that he's on?
HBK: ...I wouldn't say that I get owned. I mean, I put up a good--
BNO: C'mon man, let's be honest. You're charismatic, you're entertaining, but how much of a threat are you in the ring? Heck, I'm speaking softly right now because I'm afraid you'll bleed on my carpet if I yell at you.
HBK: Okay, THAT'S IT! *goes to the corner of the room*
BNO: Dude, you're not gon--
HBK: *STOMP*
BNO: Shawn, you know this doesn't work 9 times outta--
HBK: *STOMP*
BNO: *starts to get up from the sofa, with his back facing HBK* Look man I fricken HEAR it co--
HBK: *STOMP*
*bno turns around and ducks Sweet Chin Music, then b!tchslaps HBK as he turns around*
HBK: *bleeds* CRAP!
BNO: See, what'd I tell you?
HBK: emoticon I...
BNO: This interview is over... RING THE DAMN BELL!
*Chris Benoit comes out with a referee's shirt and takes HBK'S mic. A bunch of large men in black suits remove the furniture and camera equipment*
_______________________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS JR AND TAZZ
BNO: After a brief hiatus, bno is BACK and interviewing some of wrestlings biggest names. Today's guests are Tazz and Jim Ross, the voices of Smackdown and Raw! Good to have ya, guys!
TAZZ: Good to be here.
JR: Boomer Sooner!
BNO: Um...right. First question: how do you feel about the interpromotional match between Randy Orton and the Undertaker?
JR: Quite frankly I think Orton might've bit off a little more than he can chew. If he doesn't stay on top of the Deadman, the Legend Killer's gonna get taken to the woodshed!
TAZZ: We don't have woodsheds in Brooklyn.
JR: Well, you know what I mean.
TAZZ: ...Well uh...
JR: Randy needs to make hay while the sun is shining!
TAZZ: What the hell does that mean?
BNO: What about the other interpromotional match between HBK and Kurt Angle?
TAZZ: This one's gonna turn into a fight, plain and simple. These guys hate each other.
JR: It's gonna be Tuskeegee Oklahoma on a payday Saturday night!
TAZZ: ...What?
BNO: So, what are your thoughts on Wrestlemania 21 overall?
TAZZ: This is shaping up to be a great show; it's gonna be a rocketbusta!
JR: It's gonna be a helluva slobberknocker!
TAZZ: ...
BNO: ...Oh no...
TAZZ: Rocketbusta.
JR: Slobberknocker.
TAZZ: You want a piece a me, fatboy?
BNO: Guys...?
JR: I'll beat you like a government mule!
TAZZ: What the hell's a government m--?
JR: IT'S GO TIME BIATCH! *tackles Tazz*
TAZZ: What the--
JR: *punches the hell out of Tazz* JIM ROSS! JIM ROSS! JIM ROSS!
BNO: ...Um...thanks for your time guys.
_________________________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS UNDERTAKER-FUNNIEST INTERVIEW EVER LOL
BNO: Hello again, I'm here...waiting for my guest, the Undertaker. I hope he gets here soon, since I've been dying to ask him these questions. Ha! Get it? "dying" to ask...cuz he's the dead...*sigh* Screw you, that was funny.
*lights go out*
BNO: Crap, who let Vince Russo sign the checks to the electric company?!? ...Hey, it's getting kinda chilly in here...
*Lights are back, and Undertaker appears, with his back to bno*
BNO: ...?
UT: *looks around*
BNO: *taps shoulder* Over here.
UT: ...
BNO: ...Right. So, let me start b--
*Lights go out again*
BNO: What the...? Hey waitaminnit, who's touching my ass? WHO'S TOUCHING MY ASS?!?
PAUL BEARER: Ohhhh, yeeees!
BNO: Motherf*WHAM*
*lights are on again, as we return with bno, Taker, and an unconscious Paul Bearer*
BNO: And we're BACK... hm, dude's lost weight... Okay Taker, first question: how do you feel about the fans that call you a glory-hogging no-seller that needs to either step aside or retire?
UT: Fvck em.
BNO: Well, that's a...waitaminnit, you spoke! And you didn't even--
UT: Pfft! I'm a veteran. You can take that "character consistency" and shove it.
BNO: ...Well then. Next question: when you return to Smackdown, do you plan on going for another run with the title, maybe after beating current champion John Cena?
UT: Actually, I was gonna lose my next match against Cena, just to make the kid look like a strong champion.
BNO: Wow! With all due respect, I wasn't expecting that. So, I guess you're actually gonna let him shine.
UT: ...Somethin like that. See, I'll start beating the crap out of him for the first ten minutes of the match...maybe fifteen...well, until I get tired. I'll boot him, choke slam him, mix in a fujiwara armbar, a katajime, a Mitsubishi leglock, a Kawasaki sleeper, a Hyundai...
BNO: ...Um...you do realize that those last three aren't even moves, right? And besides, since when do zombies use--
UT: I'm the fricken Undertaker, b!tch.
BNO: ...Right. Kawasaki it is. So, you were saying...?
UT: Then, after a good, long squashing on Orton...
BNO: You mean Cena.
UT: Whatever. After about 5 to 20 minutes of beating the crap out of him...
BNO: He makes his heroic comeback?
UT: ...what? Uh, sure. Then I'll sit up after he hits me with his finisher, and--
BNO: Waitaminnit! You're just gonna sit up after Cena hits you with the devastating...hmm...nevermind. So... how does he actually win?
UT: Well, first the ref gets bumped, then half the locker room comes out to take me down. After I easily fight them off, Van Helsing shows up and shoots me with a crossbow.
BNO: Van Helsing? But you're not even a...*sigh*...okay...so that's you're plan for the finish?
UT: No, that's just one more thing I get to sit up from. After I pull the arrow from my chest and shove it down his throat, Kane comes back and hits me in the back of the head with a chair. After that, the OTHER half of the locker room comes out, drags me out of the arena and throws me into traffic to get run over by an 18-wheeler.
BNO: ...Well, at least he'll get to brag about beating you by count-out...
UT: ...Until I come back the next week and beat the crap out of him.
BNO: Wow... can't say I didn't see that one coming. Ruck Fules and Cuck Fena, eh?
UT: ...
BNO: Wow, you're even no-selling the JOKES in this segment...you ARE scary. Let me end this interview, before you kill my push. Thanks for your time, Taker.
_______________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS BOOGEYMAN
Matt: Welcome to todays interview with The Boo-
Boogeyman: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star How I wonder what you are. HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Matt: Yeah....Thanks. So moving on, How do you feel about your debut match against Simon Dean?
Boogeyman: Ring a Ring a Roses Pocket Full Of Poseys.
Matt: Ok you are kinda weird aintcha? So how do you feel about playing such a crappy character?
Boogeyman: Maary had a little lam- Wait what did you just say?
Matt: Well...We all know your Marty Wright.
Boogeyman: Oh Crap....I'm The Boogeyman and I'm Coming To Getcha
Smashes clock over his head and knocks himself out
_____________________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS CHRIS BENOIT
BNO: Bnostoppingme here, and I'm in the presence of greatness (and not just my own!). Ladies and gentleman, the great Chris Benoit. Mr. Benoit, it's an honor.
CB: Good to be here.
BNO: First question: how do you feel about your MAJOR depush from the main event?
CB: It really doesn't bother me that much.
BNO: What?!? Are you 4 real?!?
CB: ...
BNO: Heh heh...heh. That...that was a joke. Y'know...cuz you used to say...*sigh*
CB: Moving right along?
BNO: Yes. You've said that you're favorite WrestleMania moment was your match at WM XX. What was going through your head during that match?
CB: Shawn Michaels' boot.
BNO: ...I see. Aside from your rivalry with Chris Jericho, have you really had ANY kind of storyline since losing the belt?
CB: Well, last month I was feuding with Rhyno over a slice of pizza.
BNO: ...
CB: ...
BNO: ...Excuse me?
CB: For over 18 years I've fought to be the best! For 45 minutes I waited for that delivery boy! I will not be denied!
BNO: ...Jeez, man. I can't believe--
CB: I believe!
*grabs bno*
I believe! I BELIEVE! And that's all that damn well matters!
BNO: I...holy crap...I think two drops of pee just came out...um...LOOK, BACKSTAGE POLITICS!
CB: *turns* Crap! Not again!
BNO: *Runs away*
________________________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS JOHN CENA
BNO: Hi John, it's a pleasure to have you here.
JC: RUNBOARD MAKE SUM NOIZ!!!
BNO: Ugh... First question: what are your thoughts on your upcoming WM 21 match against JBL?
JC: Yo, yo, yo, yo yo yo yo...
BNO: ...
JC: ...Yo. We on the way to Wrestlemania, ya boy's never looked cleaner. Cuz that WWE bling is gettin' rocked by John C--
BNO: Aight fvck this. You really think you're edgy, you're a fvckin visionary? Just shut your mouth and put away your hip-hop dictionary. You're thisclose to bein called a one-trick pony. "I got a spinny belt and poop jokes; I'm one slick homie!" Your Chocolate Shark is getting tired, write a motherfvckin new song. You've got a great flow, for ME TO MOTHERFVCKING POOP ON! You expect to be respected? Well, your ass has been rejected. You should ease up on the gimmick cuz your wrestling's been neglected. If you...John?
JC: Image
BNO: John...Did I hurt your feelings?
JC: *sniff* Damn straight!
BNO: ...Well, that's all for today
_______________________________________________________
BNO: Hello, Mr. Flair. It's truly an honor to have you here.
FLAIR: WHOOO!
BNO: ...Indeed. First question: what are your thoughts on Triple H, a man who seems to be your successor?
FLAIR: Triple H?!?
BNO: Yes, Trip--
FLAIR: Let me tell ya sumthin' about Triple H! He is the greatest wrestler alive! This man--hey kid, you alright?
BNO: ...Yeah, yeah. I just threw up in my mouth a little after you said that...please, continue.
FLAIR: He is the BEST the world has to offer! He's gonna win the belt 10 MORE times, and hold it for a million years cuz HE WILL NEVER DIE!
BNO: Um...don't you think that's a little--
FLAIR: Don't inturrupt me, boy! *takes off jacket* And it's like I said before: to BE tha man, ya gotta BEAT tha man! And NO ONE has EVER beaten Triple H!
BNO: Well, Chris Ben--
FLAIR: You shut your mouth! Chris Benoit is NOT tha man! That's not a man! That...is a MIDGET!
BNO: ...Excuse m--?
FLAIR: And to BE tha midget, ya gotta be this tall to BEAT tha midget!
BNO: Um, I'm gonna have to ask you to calm down and focus o--
FLAIR: Chop it like it's hot!
BNO: Ok, that didn't even make--
Flair: Errbody in this b!tch gettin tipsy! WHOO! *stumbles, then falls face-first*
BNO:...Thanks for your time, Mr. Flair.
________________________________________________-
BNO INTERVIEWS HBK
BNO: Hello again, bnostoppingme here, and this time around my guest is the Showstopper, Shawn Michaels. Thanks for coming, Shawn.
HBK: Good to be here bno! It's great to see that good ol' HBK's still got promo time!
BNO: Dude, quit shouting; I'm 3 feet away from you.
HBK: ...Sorry man. I get a little excited sometimes.
BNO: Like the time you wet yourself when you were tuning up the band?
HBK: Yeah, that was...wait WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?!?
BNO: Nobody; I was just guessing. HA! Okay, okay...first question: how do you feel about you're pay-per-view record over the past couple of years? You've lost to Kurt Angle, Edge, HHH, Chris Benoit...
HBK: It doesn't bother me that much. I mean, at this point in my career, I can lose a thousand times and not lose any crowd support.
BNO: Well Shawn, you're halfway there. So you're saying it DOESN'T bother you that the "Showstopper" gets owned on almost every major show that he's on?
HBK: ...I wouldn't say that I get owned. I mean, I put up a good--
BNO: C'mon man, let's be honest. You're charismatic, you're entertaining, but how much of a threat are you in the ring? Heck, I'm speaking softly right now because I'm afraid you'll bleed on my carpet if I yell at you.
HBK: Okay, THAT'S IT! *goes to the corner of the room*
BNO: Dude, you're not gon--
HBK: *STOMP*
BNO: Shawn, you know this doesn't work 9 times outta--
HBK: *STOMP*
BNO: *starts to get up from the sofa, with his back facing HBK* Look man I fricken HEAR it co--
HBK: *STOMP*
*bno turns around and ducks Sweet Chin Music, then b!tchslaps HBK as he turns around*
HBK: *bleeds* CRAP!
BNO: See, what'd I tell you?
HBK: emoticon I...
BNO: This interview is over... RING THE DAMN BELL!
*Chris Benoit comes out with a referee's shirt and takes HBK'S mic. A bunch of large men in black suits remove the furniture and camera equipment*
_______________________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS JR AND TAZZ
BNO: After a brief hiatus, bno is BACK and interviewing some of wrestlings biggest names. Today's guests are Tazz and Jim Ross, the voices of Smackdown and Raw! Good to have ya, guys!
TAZZ: Good to be here.
JR: Boomer Sooner!
BNO: Um...right. First question: how do you feel about the interpromotional match between Randy Orton and the Undertaker?
JR: Quite frankly I think Orton might've bit off a little more than he can chew. If he doesn't stay on top of the Deadman, the Legend Killer's gonna get taken to the woodshed!
TAZZ: We don't have woodsheds in Brooklyn.
JR: Well, you know what I mean.
TAZZ: ...Well uh...
JR: Randy needs to make hay while the sun is shining!
TAZZ: What the hell does that mean?
BNO: What about the other interpromotional match between HBK and Kurt Angle?
TAZZ: This one's gonna turn into a fight, plain and simple. These guys hate each other.
JR: It's gonna be Tuskeegee Oklahoma on a payday Saturday night!
TAZZ: ...What?
BNO: So, what are your thoughts on Wrestlemania 21 overall?
TAZZ: This is shaping up to be a great show; it's gonna be a rocketbusta!
JR: It's gonna be a helluva slobberknocker!
TAZZ: ...
BNO: ...Oh no...
TAZZ: Rocketbusta.
JR: Slobberknocker.
TAZZ: You want a piece a me, fatboy?
BNO: Guys...?
JR: I'll beat you like a government mule!
TAZZ: What the hell's a government m--?
JR: IT'S GO TIME BIATCH! *tackles Tazz*
TAZZ: What the--
JR: *punches the hell out of Tazz* JIM ROSS! JIM ROSS! JIM ROSS!
BNO: ...Um...thanks for your time guys.
_________________________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS UNDERTAKER-FUNNIEST INTERVIEW EVER LOL
BNO: Hello again, I'm here...waiting for my guest, the Undertaker. I hope he gets here soon, since I've been dying to ask him these questions. Ha! Get it? "dying" to ask...cuz he's the dead...*sigh* Screw you, that was funny.
*lights go out*
BNO: Crap, who let Vince Russo sign the checks to the electric company?!? ...Hey, it's getting kinda chilly in here...
*Lights are back, and Undertaker appears, with his back to bno*
BNO: ...?
UT: *looks around*
BNO: *taps shoulder* Over here.
UT: ...
BNO: ...Right. So, let me start b--
*Lights go out again*
BNO: What the...? Hey waitaminnit, who's touching my ass? WHO'S TOUCHING MY ASS?!?
PAUL BEARER: Ohhhh, yeeees!
BNO: Motherf*WHAM*
*lights are on again, as we return with bno, Taker, and an unconscious Paul Bearer*
BNO: And we're BACK... hm, dude's lost weight... Okay Taker, first question: how do you feel about the fans that call you a glory-hogging no-seller that needs to either step aside or retire?
UT: Fvck em.
BNO: Well, that's a...waitaminnit, you spoke! And you didn't even--
UT: Pfft! I'm a veteran. You can take that "character consistency" and shove it.
BNO: ...Well then. Next question: when you return to Smackdown, do you plan on going for another run with the title, maybe after beating current champion John Cena?
UT: Actually, I was gonna lose my next match against Cena, just to make the kid look like a strong champion.
BNO: Wow! With all due respect, I wasn't expecting that. So, I guess you're actually gonna let him shine.
UT: ...Somethin like that. See, I'll start beating the crap out of him for the first ten minutes of the match...maybe fifteen...well, until I get tired. I'll boot him, choke slam him, mix in a fujiwara armbar, a katajime, a Mitsubishi leglock, a Kawasaki sleeper, a Hyundai...
BNO: ...Um...you do realize that those last three aren't even moves, right? And besides, since when do zombies use--
UT: I'm the fricken Undertaker, b!tch.
BNO: ...Right. Kawasaki it is. So, you were saying...?
UT: Then, after a good, long squashing on Orton...
BNO: You mean Cena.
UT: Whatever. After about 5 to 20 minutes of beating the crap out of him...
BNO: He makes his heroic comeback?
UT: ...what? Uh, sure. Then I'll sit up after he hits me with his finisher, and--
BNO: Waitaminnit! You're just gonna sit up after Cena hits you with the devastating...hmm...nevermind. So... how does he actually win?
UT: Well, first the ref gets bumped, then half the locker room comes out to take me down. After I easily fight them off, Van Helsing shows up and shoots me with a crossbow.
BNO: Van Helsing? But you're not even a...*sigh*...okay...so that's you're plan for the finish?
UT: No, that's just one more thing I get to sit up from. After I pull the arrow from my chest and shove it down his throat, Kane comes back and hits me in the back of the head with a chair. After that, the OTHER half of the locker room comes out, drags me out of the arena and throws me into traffic to get run over by an 18-wheeler.
BNO: ...Well, at least he'll get to brag about beating you by count-out...
UT: ...Until I come back the next week and beat the crap out of him.
BNO: Wow... can't say I didn't see that one coming. Ruck Fules and Cuck Fena, eh?
UT: ...
BNO: Wow, you're even no-selling the JOKES in this segment...you ARE scary. Let me end this interview, before you kill my push. Thanks for your time, Taker.
_______________________________________
BNO INTERVIEWS BOOGEYMAN
Matt: Welcome to todays interview with The Boo-
Boogeyman: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star How I wonder what you are. HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Matt: Yeah....Thanks. So moving on, How do you feel about your debut match against Simon Dean?
Boogeyman: Ring a Ring a Roses Pocket Full Of Poseys.
Matt: Ok you are kinda weird aintcha? So how do you feel about playing such a crappy character?
Boogeyman: Maary had a little lam- Wait what did you just say?
Matt: Well...We all know your Marty Wright.
Boogeyman: Oh Crap....I'm The Boogeyman and I'm Coming To Getcha
Smashes clock over his head and knocks himself out
did I just skim through?
