WWE Destruction

Wow.. this is... interesting.

Please reply to WWE: 2k7.

Haha.

Good to see a comedic diary on the boards.

Bill Gates vs Triple H - Wrestlemania 25.

I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or be completely offended.

lol, this Is going to be Interesting to say the least....

I think the term 'vivid imagination' would be quite the understatement.

UPDATES A PLENTY

WWE HQ.

Linda McMahon has sent the 8 WWE Champions to Bill Gates' office for a meeting.

It's a tiny, tiny, tiny office. Bill is sitting behind his desk, which is HUGE. The rest of the room is occupied by Batista, John Cena, Trish Stratus, Carlito, Orlando Jordan, Animal & Heidenreich, Paul London, Rosey, & The Hurricane, who is suspended from the ceiling.

Bill Gates: "Bloody hell. I didn't realise there were so many champions in this darn company. A bit silly, is it not?"

He looks around.

"Hey you - blonde chick! Yeah, you...."

Trish Stratus appears from behind Rosey.

"What are you a champion of?"

"I am the Women's Champion, sir..."

"No, no, we can't be having that...hand that title over..."

Trish hands her belt to Bill. He presses a button on the desk, which opens the huge window behind him. He throws the belt over his shoulder, and it flies out the window.

"You may leave now."

Trish, dejected, leaves.




"You in the basketball jersey...."

John Cena steps forward, and slaps his hands onto the desk. The gold clock around his neck smacks against the desk also, and almost comes back at his own face.

"Sup Billy!! It's good to meet ya."

".....Where's your suit?"

"I.....I don't wear one. It's my gimmick."

"Gimmicks are for in the ring and during shows. Any other time, you wear a suit."

"But....but it's my character man, Vinnie Mac said....."

"No, Vinnie Mac's DEAD. Get over it. Wear a suit.

"In fact, for being so brash with me, I want you to wear a suit ALL the time now. Even when you're in action."

"You.....you're being serious."

"You damn skippy hippy. Now, get to steppin' - So I can't...see....you."

John Cena puts his title back on his shoulder, and walks out the room.




"Look at this guy. The first thing I told all the wrestlers when I met them first was, no dark characters. No black gimmicks. Get rid of it."

He's looking at Orlando Jordan. He steps forward. He looks nervously at everyone else. Gates is reading files. He never looks up.

"Erm, sir.....I don't think you realise.....this is my....skin colour."

Gates doesn't seem to be paying attention.

"I'm sorry, but it'll have to go. From now on, you're white."

There are shocked murmours around the room. Jordan steps back, and stares back at Gates.

"Do I....."

"YES, I'll pay for the operation. Now, get out."




"Gah, I'm bored. You all look like freaks. You better all shape up, because I want results! There are too many champions here, look - two sets of tag champions??! It makes NO SENSE! I will make SURE that it makes sense.

"I will deal with the rest of you later."

The remaining superstars walk out the room in disbelief.
___________________________________________________

.....WWE News.....WWE News.....WWE News.....


- WWE Chairman Bill Gates has decided to close down Ohio Valley Wrestling. He gave no real reason why, except for, 'It had a really stoopid name'.

- The OVW Training Center has been renamed The WWE Training Center, and Tommy Dreamer has been placed at the helm.

- Heat and Velocity have been canned. With OVW out, management felt there was no need for more undercard shows. I don't understand the logic, but I'm sure they do....

- Orlando Jordan is distraught at the new gimmick he's been given. He will re-debut on television as a man who has had his skin colour changed from black to white. We have no idea if this is going to develop into a Michael Jackson-like weirdo character, and we don't know what "special effects", if any, are being used to portray Jordan as a whitey. Car crash television coming up, methinks...

- John Cena's profile has been edited to say Johnathan Cena. We also hear this is against his will.

- As we speak, Bill Gates is going to Death Valley to hold a meeting with The Undertaker. After Bill's comments about dark characters in the WWE, Takers' long relationship with the company could be in major jeopardy...

- The following have been released due to the OVW closure. Deep breath now...

Big Vito
Blaster Lashley
Brent Albright
B. Black
B. Carlucchi
C. Toland
C. Jablonski
C. Cage
D. Inferno
D. Jablonski
D. Neikirk
Desire
F. Kazarian
G. Cade
G. Groothius
Hiroko
J. Riggs
J. Riggs
J. Jeter
J. Smith
K. Anderson
K. Doane
M. Johnson
M. Wright
M. McCool
M. Hettinga
M. Mondo
M. Shane
M. Taylor
R. Reeves
S. Gaspard
S. Lewington
T. Toland
T. Straddin
T. Rhodes

- ABOUT BLOODY TIME TOO! WWE have released Mark Henry. It cost them 98 big ones, but to be honest, I'm sure Bill Gates shits all over 98 big ones....

- Phone call transcript exclusive:



"Hello?"

"Hello, is a Mr.Scott Taylor there?"

"That's me."

"Hello. I am Bill Gates. I am the chair in WWE now."

"Oh.....oh yes! Wow sir, what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh-ho-ho, the pleasure is allllll mine....I've watched a few of your matches on tape today and I....I can't get that move you do out of my head....you know..."

"Ahhhh - I assume you mean The Worm. Great crowd pleaser."

"Yes....that must be it. I like the 'WOO! WOO! WOO! bit....but there's one bit I'd have changed if I were you."

"Oh....oh yes? What's that?"

"I think, from now on, you should change the W! O! R! M! bit......

"......to F! I! R! E! D!"

"Huh?"

"You heard me. The worm. THE WORM??! It's f'n AWFUL! And it went out of date SIX YEARS AGO!!!

"GET A NEW JOB, TAYLOR!"

The phone is slammed down.
____________________________________________________

Linda, Shane and Stephanie McMahon, along with Triple H and the entire WWE roster, are at Vince's funeral.

Bill Gates however, unbeknownst to Linda, is presenting a press conference to the media to make an announcement.....








Bill Gates: "Hello!

"As you all know, my partner Linda McMahon vowed to make sure that WWE programming remains as successful as it has been these last few years.

"You people have been treated to great things this last year, including attempted rape storylines, a Legion of Doom recreation, and Hulk Hogan matches.

"This trend will continue.

"People come up to me in the street and say things like, 'Hey dude, y'gotta go out there and pick up and stars like The Amazing Shed, and Jar-Jar Styles', and so on........but you know, the WWE family is fine as it is.

"Well, now that I got rid of that developmental territory.

"In fact, I won't go out there and make ludicrous signings. I won't make rash decisions, and I won't make completely nonsensical decisions either.

"I've only made one teeeeeeeeeny-weeenie change......

"The two remaining WWE shows, Raw and SmackDown!, were managed on screen by a Mr. Eric Bischoff, and a Mr. Theodore R. Long.

"Not any more.

"I thank Mr. Bischoff and Mr. Long for their efforts. But the problem for me was that these two have no real rivalry. No real ambition to beat the other.

"I wanted Raw and SmackDown! to be spear-headed by two men who dislike each other. Two men who despise each other. Two men who pure, flat-out, hate each other! If both men were fit enough to compete in a ring, they would.

"But that's not possible.

"So, I've decided to offer them billion-dollar contracts to become the new commissioners of the two shows. They shall compete against each other for the managements approval, and they can do whatever they please to try and defeat the other in the sports entertainment stakes.

"So, without further ado, please let me welcome to you all, the brand new Raw Manager..........






















"....'STONE COLD' STEVE AUSTIN!!"

Stone Cold shakes hands with Gates, and sits down to his left. He has that smug grin he usually has on.

"Thank you Steve."

Austin: "Who's the SmackDown! guy then? Stone Cold demands to know. Bill.....Bill, if you introduce the next person, and Debra comes out, I'm going to stand up, slap her clean in the teeth, and walk out of your stinking billion-dollar contract....."

Bill: "Whoa whoa, don't count your chickens before they.....erm, cross the road."

Austin: "Get on with it then....."

Bill: "Ahem. And now, let me introduce the man who will spear-head SmackDown! into a new era!

"Get ready to cum in your pants, as they say.

"That man is......



















".....DWAYNE 'THE ROCK' JOHNSON!!"

Austin stands up in disbelief! The Rock walks up to Gates and shakes his hand. He walks up to Austin, and stares him right in the eyeballs.

The Rock offers a hand, and after a few seconds, Austin accepts. It's a hard handshake. The Rock smiles.

Bill Gates: "There you have it! You could say, that this is WWE: The New Class. You know, like in Saved By The Bell, when Screech went from a geeky pupil to, like, an assistant to the boss, and......."

The Rock and Austin stare at Bill Gates.

"Erm, yes. You get the picture, I'm sure.

"Because I am a trillion-dollar man, I will only answer ONE question from the media. Make it a good one.

Reporter: "Dan Fullard, Daily Post Whore: Does Linda know about this?"

Bill Gates stands up and straightens his tie.

Bill Gates: ".......And that will be all with the questioning. Thank you all for your time."

Bill Gates make a sharpish exit, leaving Rocky and Austin to awkwardly find their own way out.

Lol.

Thanks man.