Post by tnafan4life on Apr 1, 2008 0:38:17 GMT -5
From TNA's site..
ROCK N' RAVE INFECTION INK DEAL TO BE ON THE COVER OF NEXT "ROCK BAND" VIDEO GAME
Click on the thumbnails to see full-size photos:
TNA superstars The Rock N' Rave Infection have signed one of the most lucrative contracts in video game history, agreeing to appear on the cover of the next "Rock Band" release. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.
"It's like a nine or ten figure deal, much bigger than those lame seven figure deals that everyone always talks about," an inebriated Lance Hoyt told us after the band's latest set at Detroit's "Landing Strip" bar.
Hoyt then added "Buuuuuurrrp".
According to sources, Hoyt, Jimmy Rave and Christy Hemme were spotted at a popular Los Angeles club partying with one of the creators of the video game.
It is rumored that the upcoming game will include the world premiere of Rock N' Rave's latest single - "You Broke My Heart, So I Broke Your Face".
When reached for comment on the deal, the same videogame official offered the following:
"Are you %$#@& kidding me?! I signed THEM?! I was so tanked that night...I thought they were Velvet Revolver! I'll probably lose my job over this. Man, I gotta lay off the sauce."
VELVET SKY AND ANGELINA LOVE ANNOUNCE FIRST-EVER CHARITY EVENT FOR UGLY PEOPLE
TNA Knockouts Angelina Love and Velvet Sky have announced plans for the first-ever "Charity Event For Ugly People" to be held at the Marquee Club in New York City on Friday, May 23. The event, headlined by Angelina and Velvet - along with special appearances by Paris Hilton and Madonna - will help raise money to buy paper bags for ugly people around the world.
"We like TOTALLY feel so sorry for ugly people and really want to help them," Velvet Sky told TNAwrestling.com. "So, we're raising money to buy bags with photos of REALLY hot people on them that the less fortunate can wear in public."
Angelina Love commented: "For guys, you can choose from Brad Pitt, George Clooney or Tom Brady...and for girls, we have Pam Anderson, Jessica Alba and Beyonce.
"Plus, the bags are like COMPLETELY bio-degrain-able...and stuff!" Velvet added.
RELLIK APPARENTLY UNAWARE HIS NAME IS "KILLER" SPELLED BACKWARDS - DISCOVERS THE SHOCKING TRUTH AFTER WATCHING REPLAY OF "iMPACT!"
Sometimes...even angry, barbaric, blood-thirsty, horrific, evil and hate-driven monsters shed a tear. Take for instance TNA superstar Rellik, who recently discovered the shocking truth that his name is actually "Killer" spelled backwards after watching a replay of "iMPACT!". Actually, it was also Rellik's first time ever watching television.
According to the monster, his former keeper was too cheap to provide his boiler room with cable. "Plus, you know, being grotesque and all growing up, plus being chained to a wall...I didn't go to school very much."
Sad as it sounds, Rellik never learned to read or write and never questioned the name given to him by his former master. "I thought it was a throwback to some cool ancient warriors - but when Mike Tenay told the world it was actually 'Killer' spelled backwards...my whole life was turned upside down. Sure, I talk a good game about eating brains, tearing skin and torturing souls...but deep down...(sniff).....even monsters have feelings. I guess...(pauses)....I guess it just hurt that my keeper never told me the truth about who I really am."
However, Rellik has turned the tragic ordeal into a positive, as he recently started attending elementary school to get a proper education.
"I gotta say, I'm getting pretty good with writing on the chalk board," Rellik said. "But, not threatening to eat my classmates....I still have to work on that."
RESTRAINING ORDER PLACED ON SHARK BOY BY COMMUNITIES OF SEA MONKEYS AND SNORKS
TNAwrestling.com has learned that Shark Boy has...wait for it...landed in HOT WATER with Pacific Ocean authorities who have placed a restraining order on the TNA superstar. Shark Boy is no longer allowed to come within 100 Leagues of several communities of Snorks and Sea Monkeys after reports of verbal harassment.
When reached for comment, Shark Boy said the following: "Hell, they're lucky I don't stomp a waterhole in all of 'em! When I was a little Sharkie, I blew a whole month's allowance on Sea Monkeys thinkin' I was gonna have the coolest aquarium in town...but OH SHELL NO! I got so #$@% off when nuthin' but brine shrimp started swimmin' around that I just ate the little bastards! As far as the Snorks go - everyone knows they were just underwater Smurfs with drinking straws sticking out of their $#%& heads...and I was a huge fan of the Smurfs, so they just %$#& me off in general!"
AWESOME KONG BANNED FROM RETURNING TO JAPAN BY GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS
As many fans are aware, Awesome Kong competed in Japan prior to joining TNA in 2007. TNA officials knew she was a dominant force in the Land Of The Rising Sun, but they apparently underestimated the potential damage the TNA Women's Champion can do. Japanese government officials have officially banned Kong from ever returning to the country after what they describe as her "latest rampage" which racked up an estimated $700 million in structural and fire damage to downtown Tokyo.
"We've tried to warn TNA what she's capable of, but no one returns our calls, emails or faxes," a Japanese ministry official told TNAwrestling.com. "You cocky Americans think you've got Awesome Kong all figured out, don't ya? Well, don't come crying to us when she grows 300 feet tall and starts eating Los Angeles! She's just playin' now - you ain't seen nothin' yet!"
According to the same ministry official, the country has put Godzilla on standby in the event Kong attempts to cross back into Japan via the Pacific Ocean.
"We never want to see her again!" the ministry official said. "That b#%& is crazy!"
TNA REFEREES REACH BOILING POINT: PROMISE TO UNLEASH NEW POWERS IF PUSHED AROUND AGAIN
TNA referees Rudy Charles and Andrew Thomas are mad as hell - and they're not taking it anymore. Upset by constant abuse by wrestlers, Charles and Thomas are promising to unleash superhuman powers on anyone who doesn't respect their authority. For example, Rudy recently revealed he is a vampire and will no longer hesitate to drain the blood of unruly competitors.
"No more messing around," Charles said. "You either comply with the rules and regulations set forth by the TNA championship committee and the referees...or you join the undead. It's that simple."
In addition, Andrew Thomas has also promised to unleash a world of hurt on rulebreakers thanks to powers he gained after a boyhood accident involving a lethal dose of gamma-rays.
"Let's just say...you don't want to make me mad...and leave it at that", Thomas commented.
"COWBOY" JAMES STORM BUILDS TENNESSEE DREAM HOME IN THE SHAPE OF A BEER BOTTLE
Thanks to renoknowned Tennessee architect Cooter "Ringworm" Mackenzie(pictured), TNA superstar "Cowboy" James Storm now has his dream home.
"Ever since I downed my first 12-pack on my 9th birthday, I always wanted a house in the shape of a beer bottle," Storm told TNAwrestling.com. "Me and Cooter go way back, and he's made a fortune by building designer trailer parks around here. So when I got enough money together, I went right to Cooter and told him to build me the biggest beer-bottle home he could. With a little luck and about 300 rolls of duct-tape, that baby is all mine now!"
NASA REPORTS SIX-SIDED SHAPE FOUND ON SATURN - SUPER ERIC SPOTTED IN THE VICINITY
United States Space Agency NASA announced last year that they had found a strange, six-sided object on the planet Saturn. You can read the complete article by clicking here to visit the NASA.gov website...
www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/news.cfm?release=2007-034
This past week, when researchers used the Cassini satellite (currently orbiting Saturn) to focus its huge telescope on the strange formation, they noticed a tiny masked figure (dressed in yellow and red) setting up steel chairs around the planetary anomaly.
"Not only that, but he constantly kept looking around nervously...like he was being watched," a NASA official said.
TNAwrestling.com went straight to Super Eric to confront him over the rumors he has something to do with the strange shape.
"First of all, I want a refund for this invisibility cloak, because it obviously doesn't work," Super Eric told us. "Ok, so you guys caught me - but I swear it's gonna be really cool when it's done! It was supposed to be a surprise, but Saturn is almost ready for a TNA live event! I made room for the six-sided ring and I've already got all the chairs set up. All we need to do is to figure out how to get the merchandise and beer vendors up there and we're set for the biggest TNA event ever!"
When Super Eric was informed that TNA Wrestling has no plans to hold a live event on Saturn, the super hero became sad - but then quickly perked back up.
"OK, but just tell them if they change their minds, I'm their man! Anyway, I'm already working on my next mission, and that's to stop global warming. I just bought a new air conditioner...top of the line baby...and if everyone can chip in on my electric bill, we can nip this problem in the bud in no time!"
WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS APRIL FOOLS EDITION OF NEWS FROM TNA!
Here's the pictures -
I loled at the Storm picture.
ROCK N' RAVE INFECTION INK DEAL TO BE ON THE COVER OF NEXT "ROCK BAND" VIDEO GAME
Click on the thumbnails to see full-size photos:
TNA superstars The Rock N' Rave Infection have signed one of the most lucrative contracts in video game history, agreeing to appear on the cover of the next "Rock Band" release. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.
"It's like a nine or ten figure deal, much bigger than those lame seven figure deals that everyone always talks about," an inebriated Lance Hoyt told us after the band's latest set at Detroit's "Landing Strip" bar.
Hoyt then added "Buuuuuurrrp".
According to sources, Hoyt, Jimmy Rave and Christy Hemme were spotted at a popular Los Angeles club partying with one of the creators of the video game.
It is rumored that the upcoming game will include the world premiere of Rock N' Rave's latest single - "You Broke My Heart, So I Broke Your Face".
When reached for comment on the deal, the same videogame official offered the following:
"Are you %$#@& kidding me?! I signed THEM?! I was so tanked that night...I thought they were Velvet Revolver! I'll probably lose my job over this. Man, I gotta lay off the sauce."
VELVET SKY AND ANGELINA LOVE ANNOUNCE FIRST-EVER CHARITY EVENT FOR UGLY PEOPLE
TNA Knockouts Angelina Love and Velvet Sky have announced plans for the first-ever "Charity Event For Ugly People" to be held at the Marquee Club in New York City on Friday, May 23. The event, headlined by Angelina and Velvet - along with special appearances by Paris Hilton and Madonna - will help raise money to buy paper bags for ugly people around the world.
"We like TOTALLY feel so sorry for ugly people and really want to help them," Velvet Sky told TNAwrestling.com. "So, we're raising money to buy bags with photos of REALLY hot people on them that the less fortunate can wear in public."
Angelina Love commented: "For guys, you can choose from Brad Pitt, George Clooney or Tom Brady...and for girls, we have Pam Anderson, Jessica Alba and Beyonce.
"Plus, the bags are like COMPLETELY bio-degrain-able...and stuff!" Velvet added.
RELLIK APPARENTLY UNAWARE HIS NAME IS "KILLER" SPELLED BACKWARDS - DISCOVERS THE SHOCKING TRUTH AFTER WATCHING REPLAY OF "iMPACT!"
Sometimes...even angry, barbaric, blood-thirsty, horrific, evil and hate-driven monsters shed a tear. Take for instance TNA superstar Rellik, who recently discovered the shocking truth that his name is actually "Killer" spelled backwards after watching a replay of "iMPACT!". Actually, it was also Rellik's first time ever watching television.
According to the monster, his former keeper was too cheap to provide his boiler room with cable. "Plus, you know, being grotesque and all growing up, plus being chained to a wall...I didn't go to school very much."
Sad as it sounds, Rellik never learned to read or write and never questioned the name given to him by his former master. "I thought it was a throwback to some cool ancient warriors - but when Mike Tenay told the world it was actually 'Killer' spelled backwards...my whole life was turned upside down. Sure, I talk a good game about eating brains, tearing skin and torturing souls...but deep down...(sniff).....even monsters have feelings. I guess...(pauses)....I guess it just hurt that my keeper never told me the truth about who I really am."
However, Rellik has turned the tragic ordeal into a positive, as he recently started attending elementary school to get a proper education.
"I gotta say, I'm getting pretty good with writing on the chalk board," Rellik said. "But, not threatening to eat my classmates....I still have to work on that."
RESTRAINING ORDER PLACED ON SHARK BOY BY COMMUNITIES OF SEA MONKEYS AND SNORKS
TNAwrestling.com has learned that Shark Boy has...wait for it...landed in HOT WATER with Pacific Ocean authorities who have placed a restraining order on the TNA superstar. Shark Boy is no longer allowed to come within 100 Leagues of several communities of Snorks and Sea Monkeys after reports of verbal harassment.
When reached for comment, Shark Boy said the following: "Hell, they're lucky I don't stomp a waterhole in all of 'em! When I was a little Sharkie, I blew a whole month's allowance on Sea Monkeys thinkin' I was gonna have the coolest aquarium in town...but OH SHELL NO! I got so #$@% off when nuthin' but brine shrimp started swimmin' around that I just ate the little bastards! As far as the Snorks go - everyone knows they were just underwater Smurfs with drinking straws sticking out of their $#%& heads...and I was a huge fan of the Smurfs, so they just %$#& me off in general!"
AWESOME KONG BANNED FROM RETURNING TO JAPAN BY GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS
As many fans are aware, Awesome Kong competed in Japan prior to joining TNA in 2007. TNA officials knew she was a dominant force in the Land Of The Rising Sun, but they apparently underestimated the potential damage the TNA Women's Champion can do. Japanese government officials have officially banned Kong from ever returning to the country after what they describe as her "latest rampage" which racked up an estimated $700 million in structural and fire damage to downtown Tokyo.
"We've tried to warn TNA what she's capable of, but no one returns our calls, emails or faxes," a Japanese ministry official told TNAwrestling.com. "You cocky Americans think you've got Awesome Kong all figured out, don't ya? Well, don't come crying to us when she grows 300 feet tall and starts eating Los Angeles! She's just playin' now - you ain't seen nothin' yet!"
According to the same ministry official, the country has put Godzilla on standby in the event Kong attempts to cross back into Japan via the Pacific Ocean.
"We never want to see her again!" the ministry official said. "That b#%& is crazy!"
TNA REFEREES REACH BOILING POINT: PROMISE TO UNLEASH NEW POWERS IF PUSHED AROUND AGAIN
TNA referees Rudy Charles and Andrew Thomas are mad as hell - and they're not taking it anymore. Upset by constant abuse by wrestlers, Charles and Thomas are promising to unleash superhuman powers on anyone who doesn't respect their authority. For example, Rudy recently revealed he is a vampire and will no longer hesitate to drain the blood of unruly competitors.
"No more messing around," Charles said. "You either comply with the rules and regulations set forth by the TNA championship committee and the referees...or you join the undead. It's that simple."
In addition, Andrew Thomas has also promised to unleash a world of hurt on rulebreakers thanks to powers he gained after a boyhood accident involving a lethal dose of gamma-rays.
"Let's just say...you don't want to make me mad...and leave it at that", Thomas commented.
"COWBOY" JAMES STORM BUILDS TENNESSEE DREAM HOME IN THE SHAPE OF A BEER BOTTLE
Thanks to renoknowned Tennessee architect Cooter "Ringworm" Mackenzie(pictured), TNA superstar "Cowboy" James Storm now has his dream home.
"Ever since I downed my first 12-pack on my 9th birthday, I always wanted a house in the shape of a beer bottle," Storm told TNAwrestling.com. "Me and Cooter go way back, and he's made a fortune by building designer trailer parks around here. So when I got enough money together, I went right to Cooter and told him to build me the biggest beer-bottle home he could. With a little luck and about 300 rolls of duct-tape, that baby is all mine now!"
NASA REPORTS SIX-SIDED SHAPE FOUND ON SATURN - SUPER ERIC SPOTTED IN THE VICINITY
United States Space Agency NASA announced last year that they had found a strange, six-sided object on the planet Saturn. You can read the complete article by clicking here to visit the NASA.gov website...
www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/news.cfm?release=2007-034
This past week, when researchers used the Cassini satellite (currently orbiting Saturn) to focus its huge telescope on the strange formation, they noticed a tiny masked figure (dressed in yellow and red) setting up steel chairs around the planetary anomaly.
"Not only that, but he constantly kept looking around nervously...like he was being watched," a NASA official said.
TNAwrestling.com went straight to Super Eric to confront him over the rumors he has something to do with the strange shape.
"First of all, I want a refund for this invisibility cloak, because it obviously doesn't work," Super Eric told us. "Ok, so you guys caught me - but I swear it's gonna be really cool when it's done! It was supposed to be a surprise, but Saturn is almost ready for a TNA live event! I made room for the six-sided ring and I've already got all the chairs set up. All we need to do is to figure out how to get the merchandise and beer vendors up there and we're set for the biggest TNA event ever!"
When Super Eric was informed that TNA Wrestling has no plans to hold a live event on Saturn, the super hero became sad - but then quickly perked back up.
"OK, but just tell them if they change their minds, I'm their man! Anyway, I'm already working on my next mission, and that's to stop global warming. I just bought a new air conditioner...top of the line baby...and if everyone can chip in on my electric bill, we can nip this problem in the bud in no time!"
WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS APRIL FOOLS EDITION OF NEWS FROM TNA!
Here's the pictures -
I loled at the Storm picture.
ing stupid
