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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 14, 2016 19:23:13 GMT -5
I'll go ahead and comment on this now, as I've read the opening segment already. It should be added shortly. Maxwell Dachs is the character that every wrestling show needs to have, and for some reason it seems to have been quite some time since we had the eccentric weasel-esque character. I'm interested to see where the character will go. You know what they say about big hands.. Bishop and Alexander had big, momentum shifting wins here. The tragedy of Wolf getting the three count without the ref lol. The main event was solid, and I really liked the segment of the end. Drakz v. Dean III is seeming inevitable. And it really leaves great doubt over the tag division. Solid show, with the opening segment plugged in. This, especially the part about Bishop and Cross/Alexander. Those were massive wins. Nitta and Tyme/Crowe have been on some solid runs recently and with both Bish and Alexander bringing great efforts, they both are in line for some high profile bouts. The show was a little match heavy, but still a sexuh set of results nonetheless. SuperBrawl, here we come. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 13, 2016 16:32:34 GMT -5
Good show. Guess Rated R didn't have the time to spin what I sent him into a pre match seg. Shame, would have added a lot imo. But I couldn't really write his character for him, could only write my bit and hope he shaped the rest Honestly man it completely slipped from my mind. The last month has been one of the busiest of my life prepping for the short film we're about to make as well as some stuff at the BBC and the film festival it went in one side and out the other. As Shawn will tell you from experience when I'm in these busy spells you've got to hound the crap out of me because I'll read something and forget about it within hours, especially right now when I can't go an hour without a phone call from someone about work. Long story short, being an adult is busy ass work. Truth! |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 13, 2016 8:39:18 GMT -5
I'm gonna sit this show out I think but I'll have something cooked up for it. This for me as well. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 8, 2016 15:56:23 GMT -5
Take it from someone who used to get regularly panned for the Hallmark family stuff bro, find a different angle to take on the relationship aspect. Not so much the lovey dovey stuff, but present them as real people. And that could be as simple as fleshing out who Kristina is, since she is becoming a part of Dex's character. I had the same problem when introducing Nikki, but it helped that Erica wrote Nikki and it gave me something to work off.
Listen man, no one is denying that you have a boatload of talent, and to be honest you get panned harder than most because of your World Title reign (but take it as a compliment that much is expected of you), but I really think your struggles come from trying too hard. Whether it's trying to stack multiple adjectives where they aren't needed or the things you've been commented on before, it's only because we want to see you improve as a writer, in turn making it more fun for you. So relax and slow down.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 5, 2016 16:11:38 GMT -5
That avatar is full of win. Does anyone know what Sid promo that's from?
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 4, 2016 20:39:43 GMT -5
I agree with Trace on pretty much everything he said, and it seems pretty obvious losing your work hurt you big time here. Now what you were able to pull out had some bright spots, which is commendable for being rushed and basically in full on panic mode.
I think you did the best you could to step up given the circumstances, and I want to see you build on this no matter the result. You and Frank have the makings of legit top tier team.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 4, 2016 19:39:57 GMT -5
I tend to agree with Dex and Richius here brother. For me the highlight was breaking down Dex something proper. Very powerful and natural. The thing I noticed with the David Brennan character is that you do take a formulaic approach, but see I don't mind that when it's well written like this.
I do think this is a good piece though. I can't really critique on a lot here.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 4, 2016 18:41:07 GMT -5
Future is right on here bro, and I am digging the direction you're taking Joe Bishop. Kinda disillusioned still, but stripped away from the side show portion of the business and being very much focused on the pure athletic part of proceedings. Very political approach as he pointed out. We already know you're one of the best monologue guys in the game and now the clean, concise scenes are bringing your work up a notch. That makes you a tougher out than you already were before your break.
Nice work dude.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 4, 2016 17:57:16 GMT -5
I still need to get mine into you guys (sorry), just need to add finishes and commentary so it should be done tomorrow. I'd completely forgotten how much I struggle with/don't enjoy match writing during my break. I've always said that match writing is an acquired taste. Hell I enjoy writing matches and I'm glad the matches were covered this show, because I can tell you that I needed a break from them. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 4, 2016 15:45:05 GMT -5
Future is right about an actual setting. I think it would've really accented it as a stand alone piece. Like him, I dig your writing style and am glad to see that it's carried over from the work you did as Mak Cross. If this is indeed a preamble to something bigger, I can't wait to see what you do in upcoming shows.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 4, 2016 12:48:51 GMT -5
A pretty strong monologue here bro. I actually like the fact you used all the high praise everyone has given you over the years, especially when you flipped it. There's a certain amount of honesty there that I can really appreciate. What I think hurts the overall monologue is that there wasn't a whole lot on Quentin as far as presenting any new info. But you managed to still cover the bases you needed.
It's a participation piece and I doubt you'll say anything to the contrary. But it was good for what it is.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 4, 2016 12:34:28 GMT -5
I could definitely tell you were having a tough time here bro, but I think you managed to pound out a pretty solid piece. The writing is there, as I thought this was well written. But it seems like the scenes suffered from wanting to surprise everyone with the split. We know it's coming and I'm glad you're taking your time with it, because it is a critical story for Lucas where Tyme has always been a part of the narrative.
Not much else to say. You know you got a tough match coming up, and I think you'll be in fine form.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 2, 2016 14:41:17 GMT -5
There's only one I want... Hey buddy...we miss you! |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 2, 2016 14:10:03 GMT -5
Trace hits my talking points man, and I really think that this is certainly a story that needs to be planned out and executed to the fullest extent. We're talking about a father's death without closure and then deciding ton head up a wrestling school, both of which could be their own individual storylines. Now that you've already put that information out there, what I'd like to see is you go back and show us how we arrived at that point. There have to be changes in Bison's mind and heart that leads him there.
Overall, it's still pretty solid writing for a piece that might've been done as a backup (you lost your original rp, right? Might've been someone else.) I still think you got the goods to be a big name player here, and I want to see you start putting it together.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jun 30, 2016 23:59:19 GMT -5
Do we possibly have ourselves a SuperBrawl match? |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jun 30, 2016 15:45:29 GMT -5
Future pretty much covered my talking points bro, in that I think what hurts the overall product is that there isn't much on Future but a couple barbs. You showing the ability to craft a dark and compelling story makes me think that you will bring that part of your writing up to par with the rest. I'm a sucker for properly used language throughout the course of an rp, and I think you've got that part down pretty well. I love how dark and vague these rp's are, and it's almost as if you're writing them in vignette format (again something else I love) and nailing it. Find a way to relay it back to the match though and you have the goods to really start making some noise.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jun 30, 2016 12:50:34 GMT -5
Get in line. I've been with this fed off and on for 15 years and I've never held a title. Which is still a travesty, although the way you've come back firing on all cylinders that shouldn't be the case much longer. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jun 30, 2016 12:48:34 GMT -5
I think I'm gonna give this a try As I told bad guy™ im always ready to try something new Good deal man. Welcome! |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jun 30, 2016 2:21:01 GMT -5
You guys accepting new applications into the roster? All the time. Just go over to the sign up section and look at the different profiles for how to fill one out. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jun 30, 2016 0:45:08 GMT -5
Shady alias, "legal drugs", cowbell. I needed more.
On the writing portion of the subject, I think you might've found something to run with that would be funny, but could be serious as well with this. The writing is coming along, but man this was funny.
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