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Post by jdfranchise on Aug 6, 2016 21:01:50 GMT -5
He's been a major player for a while. He just has to roll out when he starts to get hot. I know he's been a major player for a while, so let me ammend my statement a little more accurately. Now that he's worked on the holes in his game and with time permitting, we're on the verge of witnessing something special happen with the Joe Bishop character (and I think you know what I'm alluding to). |
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Post by jdfranchise on Aug 6, 2016 16:59:14 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure you talked to both of us about it. When you mentioned the development and direction you wanted to take, it reminded me of Steve Corino (remind me if that sounds familiar, because I was certainly thinking it).
I love that you can play the middle effectively with this new direction, and it seems like you already are. You know I've always been high on your writing technique, but now that you've worked on your scenes and have a cast of characters to interact with, we're seeing you take the next step. As you start interacting with more people in WFWF again, that's when you'll truly be able to use your experience and really turn some heads around here.
Watch out fellas, we've got a major player on our hands.
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Post by jdfranchise on Aug 5, 2016 22:06:49 GMT -5
You already know.
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Post by jdfranchise on Aug 5, 2016 17:28:06 GMT -5
I agree with the guys, there is definitely potential here. A "country boy" gimmick is an easy target sometimes for an opponent's promo, but I like the fact you already are showing more to him than just a moonshiner. While that could be a central part of your early rps, I think you can see by the feedback that you can expand on some of the little snippets you gave us. You have a nice flow to your work too, which makes me interested in how you progress.
Good job on your first outing.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 30, 2016 1:01:14 GMT -5
I counted 9/16 with Nitta, Bison, and Vass all saying they got something coming. So if they all turn in 12/16. Pretty respectable turnout.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 29, 2016 18:05:50 GMT -5
I don't think you necessarily need a hard reboot for Frank Lynn, and I worry that killing off your supporting cast in this fashion is a bit of a risky move. I hope in this arch you have some characters you plan on introducing.
That said, you really did a good job with the visceral emotions that come with loss. Your writing is very strong with its technique, word choices, and voice. What hurt you against Drakz and I was the overwhelming amount of content that could've been spread out and tightened down to reach full effect. I'm glad you shortened it up this time around, as the concise nature really drove home the main point, which is always what you want.
Nice work man.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 26, 2016 17:13:11 GMT -5
I'll write Future/Vass 2 unless either of those guys want it.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 22, 2016 12:20:06 GMT -5
I'm a well wisher, in that I don't wish this fed or any of you any specific harm. Well... as long as it's not specific, I guess I can live that. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 22, 2016 12:04:00 GMT -5
I want to say that I've spent some time reading some role plays just to understand the lay of the land. There are some really talented writers here. Let's not kid ourselves. I judged the book by its cover. I wasn't expecting quality that some places that have flashy sites wish they could have. I expected Stone Cold clones- boy was I wrong. This isn't a dedicated efed forum and yet I see guys here that have been writing role plays and results that are of a professional quality. You have a mix of writing talent and instead of crapping all over people who are learning the craft of creative writing there is positive feedback and constructive criticism. Staff seems laid back and people aren't up each other's asses about results. Life is first. Kudos all from a pair of fresh eyes but also someone who spent a lot of years in trenches of efeding. Comments like this make me proud to be a part of this fed. Thanks for that brother. 12 years in this fed and I still enjoy it as much, if not more, than when I started. , bad guy™ , Rated R , Deep Figure Value, and Prophet of Ash can all agree with me when I say the quality of our product is what we take our greatest pride in. It's what we stress to new guys and vets alike, with pretty much everyone that comes through here buying into that philosophy. We've created a culture that I'm glad you're digging and are a part of. Also, echoing the sentiments on the fedding game. Been doing since the early 2000's and I enjoy it now more than ever. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 22, 2016 11:54:34 GMT -5
McLargehuge has a point with the censor deal, and that is the first thing I'd suggest. I also saw some grammar, comma usage, and run on sentences that could've been cleaned up as well. Not a lot mind you, but enough to be noticeable (it's an English teacher thing).
Otherwise this is a solid promo style rp, and a pretty strong indicator that you know what you're doing in this game. And even though he hasn't posted yet, Brennan is one of the toughest draws here and you did a good job addressing him. Not sure how experienced you are, but you do know your way around trash talking.
I want to see what you do moving forward as you bring us into the world of Dachselmania. Looks like it's gonna be a fun ride.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 21, 2016 12:00:35 GMT -5
He skurrd of da big dawgs. real talk; the big dog backed out of a potential Superbrawl dream match, because he still has way too much going on to even attempt a one off. Sincerest apologies to Ante. And now I think I'm going to cry with that knowledge in mind. Why must you break my heart Prophet of Ash? |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 21, 2016 11:54:27 GMT -5
So ok, I read this and it's pretty obvious to me you can write. I thought this was pretty funny, and it is how I imagine an encounter with Sid actually going down. No complaints. Thank you for reading. I appreciate the praise. This was the first role play or creative writing piece I've done in about four years. There is a lot of issues I had to work on. Bad habits with word choice and grammatical technicals. I mixed up one or two tenses. Some descriptors could have been cleaner. Also this isn't a serious character but I didn't want to give a bad product just because the character is as deep as a puddle. We are own worst critic. But thank you, you thought it was funny, mission accomplished. Yeah, I saw some grammatical stuff that needed cleaned up. That's the intriguing part about writing a character who isn't meant to be taken seriously, that balance between showing off your writing chops and keeping it light hearted. So far so good on navigating it. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 20, 2016 18:14:37 GMT -5
So ok, I read this and it's pretty obvious to me you can write. I thought this was pretty funny, and it is how I imagine an encounter with Sid actually going down.
No complaints.
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 20, 2016 18:12:08 GMT -5
Well Shawn did, but I'm glad you're here. Lie. Not me  |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 20, 2016 18:02:47 GMT -5
Only kidding. Won't be too long until my nine year (as I assume you meant) anniversary here then. You've made me feel old. You've also taken significant time off here and there. I'd say you're close to sixish in total. I think someone else mentioned this before, but I've gotten to the point where the only way I've remembered things that happened irl is because of my fedding timeline. God I've been doing this way too long. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 20, 2016 17:59:19 GMT -5
Second biggest noob behind Sizzle then.  You rang? Well Shawn did, but I'm glad you're here. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 20, 2016 17:51:44 GMT -5
I've been here nine years. Minus six or so. *Does the math, carrying the one* Awww, I'm still a noob. The biggest noob. Well I've been with WFWF a little under four years in total. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 20, 2016 15:48:20 GMT -5
Only kidding. Won't be too long until my nine year (as I assume you meant) anniversary here then. You've made me feel old. You've also taken significant time off here and there. I'd say you're close to sixish in total. I've been here nine years. Minus six or so. *Does the math, carrying the one* Awww, I'm still a noob. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 19, 2016 15:36:52 GMT -5
So many new faces, holy sh*t, haha. And no Ante. |
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Post by jdfranchise on Jul 18, 2016 12:17:19 GMT -5
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