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Post by Ace Bennett on Jun 19, 2013 22:23:24 GMT -5
Honestly, by the sounds of it, you aren't trying to save a friendship but instead are trying to create a relationship. A relationship that will never be there. I hate to be that guy, but by the sound of your guys' interactions I don't even really think she wanted to be your friend let alone your boyfriend. It sounds like she was just being nice so she wouldn't hurt your feelings, and then you took it to the level that you did and she did what she had to do.
She's not worth your love man, she isn't gonna show it in return, and the ship has sailed for a friendship too.
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Post by HHH316 on Jun 19, 2013 23:28:54 GMT -5
Yes, the situation sucks, but it could be far worse for you. There's people on here who have lost marriages & fiancés.
Sounds like you have been chasing something that isn't there. Of course its going to leave a bad taste in your mouth, but it sounds like it would be in your best interest to cut your losses.
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Deleted
Joined on: May 5, 2024 20:46:05 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2013 23:48:27 GMT -5
Say goodbye because she's gone man.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2013 23:59:33 GMT -5
No body ever wants to get rejected, it's always a crappy feeling.
With that being said. the best advice is to move on from this girl. If a girl isn't going to reply to your messages and you have to ALWAYS be the aggressor you aren't that much of a friend or someone she sees as a suitable mate. You don't want to feel like a breadcrumb but if she is going to treat you like one, she ain't worth your time!
There is someone out there for everyone. Grow from this experience. PArt of being an adult is learning and growing from adult situations. You spent 4 years trying to build a friendship/romance with this female who had full control of the situation. She had all the power. She could do anything she want on her time. Once you are friend zoned, it's game over. But grow from this experience!! Relationships are a two way street. You get what you put in, but you also get what she puts in. Both individuals deserve to be treated well! Don't let a chick run you over!
I have the most beautiful and difficult girl right now! She even told me she went out with me to "friend zone" me, but I literally refused to let it happen by learning from past experiences. I was a gentleman and just went with the punches, but refused to be zoned! LOL Be yourself, be polite and be the person that you are, that is how you are going to impress a girl and have a successful relationship! You will learn your strengths and weaknesses of an individual. Be strong and don't let a girl drag you by the balls. You can grow from this experience!! Good luck
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Post by Nick the Quick on Jun 20, 2013 1:14:29 GMT -5
I talked to her a lot throughout the first year and a half of knowing her, we were both in college then, I told her how I felt about her, but nothing changed, she considered me a friend still like she did before. ...and that's exactly why you got friendzoned. That's not accurate, I was friendzoned by default, she had a boyfriend when we met. I didn't know that though. I'm moving on now, may have a date set up in the near future with another girl. This girl hasn't called me the dreaded "F-word" yet. I sort of know her, I'm friends with her best-friend and she's been around hanging out with our group of friends on some occasions. I'm not going to be so forceful this time around, or any time in the future, I'm just going to go with the flow and hope for the best, if it doesn't work out, no big deal.
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Post by fattic on Jun 20, 2013 2:23:14 GMT -5
I know a lot of people already replied, but let me give you female advice. If a girl is "busy"/"has a lot going on"/"will check her schedule", she's not into it. She doesn't want to be mean and hurt you, and as a result, she isn't being straight up with you. Mostly everyone in this thread said going to her work was too much, which is was, and you must learn from this and grow. Start over, try not to make the same mistakes, and move forward with someone else.
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Billy the Kid
Main Eventer
Joined on: Oct 5, 2004 19:43:31 GMT -5
Posts: 1,302
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Post by Billy the Kid on Jun 20, 2013 2:55:54 GMT -5
...and that's exactly why you got friendzoned. That's not accurate, I was friendzoned by default, she had a boyfriend when we met. I didn't know that though. I'm moving on now, may have a date set up in the near future with another girl. This girl hasn't called me the dreaded "F-word" yet. I sort of know her, I'm friends with her best-friend and she's been around hanging out with our group of friends on some occasions. I'm not going to be so forceful this time around, or any time in the future, I'm just going to go with the flow and hope for the best, if it doesn't work out, no big deal. Guys are never put into the friendzone by default. My girlfriend and other girl-friends (friends that are girls) have said before when they meet a guy for the first time, if the initial physical attraction isn't there, they will never think of in any other way OTHER than a friend. And if you were the one always making the attempts and contacting her, she was trying to make it obvious that she didn't think of you as a friend either especially after you poured your heart out to her. I'm not trying to sound mean, I am just being brutually honest. The best advice I can give is just play it cool around girls you like/love. Nothing good comes from trying to force a relationship or rush into one with a new girl. Good luck with this new girl, you're young, you have plenty of opportunities. From age 21 to 24, I enjoyed life quite a bit, maybe too much but I don't regret one single bit of it.
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Post by Valbroski on Jun 20, 2013 7:54:14 GMT -5
Yeah, not trying to be a dick but It seems like you were way too pushy and came off to her as clingy/needy. Best bet at this point would be to just let it go.
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Post by Hulkamaniac on Jun 20, 2013 9:51:07 GMT -5
Yeah, not trying to be a dick but It seems like you were way too pushy and came off to her as clingy/needy. Best bet at this point would be to just let it go. From reading the post I got clingy/needy as well as creepy. Showing up at someone's work when they have expressed no interest in you and haven't even told you where they work is really crossing the line almost into stalker territory. I don't blame her at all for being flipped out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2013 15:33:50 GMT -5
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Ben
Main Eventer
WF 10 Year Member
Hi.
Joined on: Aug 1, 2009 22:41:23 GMT -5
Posts: 3,800
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Post by Ben on Jun 20, 2013 16:11:30 GMT -5
whoa..this is something else. wow. i don't even know what to say.
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Post by MacReady on Jun 20, 2013 22:07:46 GMT -5
Wow, you creep. No girl wants to be with the stalker, you blew it. Move on and stop hiding under her bed at night.....
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Post by Nick the Quick on Jun 21, 2013 0:49:23 GMT -5
Wow, you creep. No girl wants to be with the stalker, you blew it. Move on and stop hiding under her bed at night..... That last part is a little extreme (I have no idea where she lives, nor do I want to find out, because I don't care), but I know you're being sarcastic. It was one isolated incident, that only happened because I wasn't believing her story about being "too busy." If she would have set something up the first time I asked, like she said she would, none of this would have happened. I know what I did wasn't right, I just have to accept that she's gone, which will suck at first, but will be far better off in the long-run.
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Post by Nick the Quick on Jun 21, 2013 0:54:06 GMT -5
That's not accurate, I was friendzoned by default, she had a boyfriend when we met. I didn't know that though. I'm moving on now, may have a date set up in the near future with another girl. This girl hasn't called me the dreaded "F-word" yet. I sort of know her, I'm friends with her best-friend and she's been around hanging out with our group of friends on some occasions. I'm not going to be so forceful this time around, or any time in the future, I'm just going to go with the flow and hope for the best, if it doesn't work out, no big deal. Guys are never put into the friendzone by default. My girlfriend and other girl-friends (friends that are girls) have said before when they meet a guy for the first time, if the initial physical attraction isn't there, they will never think of in any other way OTHER than a friend. And if you were the one always making the attempts and contacting her, she was trying to make it obvious that she didn't think of you as a friend either especially after you poured your heart out to her. I'm not trying to sound mean, I am just being brutually honest. The best advice I can give is just play it cool around girls you like/love. Nothing good comes from trying to force a relationship or rush into one with a new girl. Good luck with this new girl, you're young, you have plenty of opportunities. From age 21 to 24, I enjoyed life quite a bit, maybe too much but I don't regret one single bit of it. I don't necessary believe that is true, most girls may say that, but I don't believe anyone who is in a relationship will meet someone and think about having sex or not when they already have someone, thus defaulting said person to the friendzone immediately. Relationships take time to develop, and sometimes come from someone you may have blown off at first, but became attracted to over time.
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Billy the Kid
Main Eventer
Joined on: Oct 5, 2004 19:43:31 GMT -5
Posts: 1,302
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Post by Billy the Kid on Jun 21, 2013 3:44:47 GMT -5
Guys are never put into the friendzone by default. My girlfriend and other girl-friends (friends that are girls) have said before when they meet a guy for the first time, if the initial physical attraction isn't there, they will never think of in any other way OTHER than a friend. And if you were the one always making the attempts and contacting her, she was trying to make it obvious that she didn't think of you as a friend either especially after you poured your heart out to her. I'm not trying to sound mean, I am just being brutually honest. The best advice I can give is just play it cool around girls you like/love. Nothing good comes from trying to force a relationship or rush into one with a new girl. Good luck with this new girl, you're young, you have plenty of opportunities. From age 21 to 24, I enjoyed life quite a bit, maybe too much but I don't regret one single bit of it. I don't necessary believe that is true, most girls may say that, but I don't believe anyone who is in a relationship will meet someone and think about having sex or not when they already have someone, thus defaulting said person to the friendzone immediately. Relationships take time to develop, and sometimes come from someone you may have blown off at first, but became attracted to over time. If I make a pass, directly or indirectly and the girl blows me off at first I will never attempt a pass again. RELATIONSHIPS take time to develop, yes. But it only takes a couple of minutes or hours to determine if you would ever sleep with someone. I have been with my girlfriend for a little over 4 years and whenever I meet a girl for the first time, especially if I think she is pretty, I will make a determination (in my own mind) if I am attracted to her or not. Now, acting on those attractions is different. I would never and have never done so, but have I met girls who I was physically attracted to while with my girlfriend? Of course I have. And while I maintain a friendship with those girls, if I was single and they were interested in me, I would go for it. It sounds like a real douchebag thing to do, but basically what I am doing is planning for the future if things with my girlfriend don't work out (I hope they do, though). Whether it done subconsciously or blatantly, I think everyone does it to an extent.
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PudgieTheSheep
Superstar
Joined on: Jun 6, 2012 16:41:55 GMT -5
Posts: 651
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Post by PudgieTheSheep on Jun 21, 2013 5:04:20 GMT -5
Wait whoa whoa whoa. Where does she work? If it's WalMart or somewhere with public access then I'd say that wasn't too weird. If it's an office and you'd really need to make an effort then it's a bit creepy.
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Post by Hulkamaniac on Jun 21, 2013 6:30:21 GMT -5
Wow, you creep. No girl wants to be with the stalker, you blew it. Move on and stop hiding under her bed at night..... That last part is a little extreme (I have no idea where she lives, nor do I want to find out, because I don't care), but I know you're being sarcastic. It was one isolated incident, that only happened because I wasn't believing her story about being "too busy." If she would have set something up the first time I asked, like she said she would, none of this would have happened. I know what I did wasn't right, I just have to accept that she's gone, which will suck at first, but will be far better off in the long-run. Dude, you went way over the line. She was politely telling you she wasn't interested by saying she was too busy. Rather than just accept that you go ask around and find out where she works. Then you show up there unexpectedly for some sort of confrontation. How is that not creepy and stalkerish? And now you're turning around and blaming her saying, "If she had just agreed to go out with me I wouldn't have stalked her." That's ridiculous.
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Post by Nick the Quick on Jun 21, 2013 10:53:30 GMT -5
That last part is a little extreme (I have no idea where she lives, nor do I want to find out, because I don't care), but I know you're being sarcastic. It was one isolated incident, that only happened because I wasn't believing her story about being "too busy." If she would have set something up the first time I asked, like she said she would, none of this would have happened. I know what I did wasn't right, I just have to accept that she's gone, which will suck at first, but will be far better off in the long-run. Dude, you went way over the line. She was politely telling you she wasn't interested by saying she was too busy. Rather than just accept that you go ask around and find out where she works. Then you show up there unexpectedly for some sort of confrontation. How is that not creepy and stalkerish? And now you're turning around and blaming her saying, "If she had just agreed to go out with me I wouldn't have stalked her." That's ridiculous. "I'm not interested in meeting up with you" and "I'm too busy to meet up with you right now" are two different things. If she didn't want to see me she should have just said so directly, not saying "I'm really busy right now" because that would be a lie, and I don't tolerate being lied to. She's "too busy" yet can tweet constantly and post vine videos hanging out with other friends, and post pictures of just a relaxing day. I never said what I didn't wasn't creepy and stalkerish, because it was, I'm just saying it's something that could have been avoided, as crazy and I'm sure that sounds, this easily could have been avoided.
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Post by Nick the Quick on Jun 21, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Wait whoa whoa whoa. Where does she work? If it's WalMart or somewhere with public access then I'd say that wasn't too weird. If it's an office and you'd really need to make an effort then it's a bit creepy. A restaurant
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Post by Valbroski on Jun 21, 2013 11:34:55 GMT -5
Dude, you went way over the line. She was politely telling you she wasn't interested by saying she was too busy. Rather than just accept that you go ask around and find out where she works. Then you show up there unexpectedly for some sort of confrontation. How is that not creepy and stalkerish? And now you're turning around and blaming her saying, "If she had just agreed to go out with me I wouldn't have stalked her." That's ridiculous. "I'm not interested in meeting up with you" and "I'm too busy to meet up with you right now" are two different things. If she didn't want to see me she should have just said so directly, not saying "I'm really busy right now" because that would be a lie, and I don't tolerate being lied to. She's "too busy" yet can tweet constantly and post vine videos hanging out with other friends, and post pictures of just a relaxing day. I never said what I didn't wasn't creepy and stalkerish, because it was, I'm just saying it's something that could have been avoided, as crazy and I'm sure that sounds, this easily could have been avoided. I don't know you personally so I could be completely wrong about this but even if she told you straight up she wasn't interested instead of making up an excuse that she's busy, you'd still probably confront her about it instead of moving on. Like people have said before, she was trying to spare your feelings. Girls are never straight forward if they are trying to spare your feelings. You mentioned another girl in a few posts above and possibly having a date. Don't even think about getting a date with this girl. Stop putting so much thought into getting a girlfriend. Hang out with her, become her friend and let things flow. Don't rush into telling her how you feel. Gain more experience in talking to girls to get better at telling the differences between being friendly and being flirty.
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