Post by drippy on Aug 11, 2007 16:33:51 GMT -5
Barry Bonds did steroids, right? And our "proof" of this is the fact that now, at the age of 43, he's a huge, fat lard ass and what, 20+ years ago, he was a skinny, fresh-faced kid? Well, let's bring on the comparison photos:
THEN
NOW
Yeah, the proof is right there. People don't get fatter as they get older. Bonds is a CHEATER and this record is TAINTED.
OK, perhaps a bit outlandish of me to claim. After all, his weight wasn't the only thing to fluctuate after the age of 35. His stats also sharply peaked in the early 2000s. In 2001, he hit a record-breaking 73 homers. His previous best came the year before with 49. No player gets *better* as time goes on, right? Perhaps not. But look at the fact that he had 37 home runs in the strike-shortened season of 1994 in only 112 games. He was on pace to hit well over 50 that year. Steroids? At the age of 29?
Ignoring the Game of Shadows, Bud Selig's gay ass, and the chastisement of millions of "fans," I've lined up some proof that Barry Bonds did not, in fact, juice to produce. And if he did, so did these other LEGENDARY HALL-OF-FAMERS. Enjoy!
Exhibit A: Tony Gwynn, Hall of Fame class of 2007
Oh, Tony! We love you! You're a class act, have a cheerishly bright voice, and blocked the sun for thousands of Padres fans sitting in the bleachers for the better part of two decades. Generally seen as a class act and one of the best pure hitters of the last, oh, I don't know, 50 or so years, Gwynn joined the Hall this year along with fellow baldy Cal Ripken. But here's what they don't want you to see: Mr. Gwynn's 1983 rookie card.
Compare that with a more recent shot of our hero:
Mr. Gwynn, EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT THIS INSTANT. But, as it stands, let's look at the man's stats. That'll clear his name, right? Wrong. In 1997, near the end of his career, he hit 17 home runs. The next year, 16. The year after that? 10. 43 home runs in a 3-year span. This coming from a guy who only cracked double-digits twice before that. Huh. Take a look at his batting average in those three years. In 1997, Gwynn hit a whopping .372. But he's OLD! Old people can't play baseball well! Busted, Mr. Gwynn... busted.
Exhibit B: George Herman "Babe" Ruth, former all-time home run record holder
No, not the Babe! It can't be! Why yes. Babe Ruth took steroids even before the majority of them were invented. Just look at this 1915 shot of a young rookie Babe.
Well, I'd say that man is skinny. Maybe even a little trim. That's not the fat cat we're used to seeing, is it? I mean, where's the fat dude who snacks on hot dogs and drinks beer and womanizes? Where did he go?
Wait, there he is! This one taken only 7 years later in 1922, during the midst of his streak of amazingly powerful seasons where he hit 50+ home runs, drove in well over 130 runs, etc. So when Mr. Ruth quit pitching, did he start injecting his beef links with some growth hormone invented by Einstein? Who knows, really. But that 714 home run record seems pretty tainted to me.
Exhibit C: Hank Aaron, beloved former home run champ
Oh, Henry! Yes, Hank Aaron took steroids, banged women without a sheepskin, and pimped out Korean toddlers like they were loose change. He's a devil in a Braves cap, and he is no home run king. At least not in my heart. Google, the proof, please:
Little man, how's it hanging? Looking pretty fit there, Hanky. Looks like you didn't take anything... illegal, huh? Why, of course not, how could you? You're our favorite player ever! But oh wait, what's this?
Oh boy. After you hit 715, you looked a little doughier in the face, carried a little more weight, and had that big ole gut. Surely that's not celebratory beer, now is it? Hardly. Hank, you roided up piece of rat crap, admit that you juiced.
Your stats even prove it, so don't think you can weasel out of this one. Just look at your production after the age of 35.
Age 35: 44 homers
Age 36: 38 homers
Age 37: 47 homers
Age 38: 34 homers
Age 39: 40 homers
Yep. Way to slow down as you aged, Hank. We all know nobody can produce good, pure numbers into their 40s, and you just had to go and screw that up. And at the age of 37, you established career highs in on-base percentage AND slugging percentage. But... you're OLD! You're not supposed to be good!
So clearly, folks, Barry Bonds is injecting his ass with some steroids. I mean, it's impossible to be good as time goes on. Those players above prove that. Nobody can just be "good," no. They have to be cheaters if they're good. Aside from all the growth hormones Bonds surely takes, he probably takes pills to increase his vision, quicken his bat speed, and help his plate presence. But then again, big muscles hit the home runs, not bat speed, patience, or anything else.
Is it possible that Bonds is so accused because he's a jackass racist and not because he has been proven to do them? Hank Aaron was a class act, which is why nobody accuses him of anything. But Bonds is a fat, ignorant asshole, so what better way to taint the man than say his record is tainted.
So they wrote a whole book about the illegal things Bonds supposedly did. So the hell what. If one researches or presses hard enough, you could write a negative book about Dan Pasqua, and why each of his 117 career homers are tainted. The media hates Barry, and since America is practically dangling off the media's teat, they too hate Barry. The media has the ability to make people love or hate anyone they love or hate. Here's the kicker, folks...
...the same people that called Hank Aaron a nigger when he broke Babe's record are the ones calling Barry a cheater and supporting Hank now. It's all media.
THEN
NOW
Yeah, the proof is right there. People don't get fatter as they get older. Bonds is a CHEATER and this record is TAINTED.
OK, perhaps a bit outlandish of me to claim. After all, his weight wasn't the only thing to fluctuate after the age of 35. His stats also sharply peaked in the early 2000s. In 2001, he hit a record-breaking 73 homers. His previous best came the year before with 49. No player gets *better* as time goes on, right? Perhaps not. But look at the fact that he had 37 home runs in the strike-shortened season of 1994 in only 112 games. He was on pace to hit well over 50 that year. Steroids? At the age of 29?
Ignoring the Game of Shadows, Bud Selig's gay ass, and the chastisement of millions of "fans," I've lined up some proof that Barry Bonds did not, in fact, juice to produce. And if he did, so did these other LEGENDARY HALL-OF-FAMERS. Enjoy!
Exhibit A: Tony Gwynn, Hall of Fame class of 2007
Oh, Tony! We love you! You're a class act, have a cheerishly bright voice, and blocked the sun for thousands of Padres fans sitting in the bleachers for the better part of two decades. Generally seen as a class act and one of the best pure hitters of the last, oh, I don't know, 50 or so years, Gwynn joined the Hall this year along with fellow baldy Cal Ripken. But here's what they don't want you to see: Mr. Gwynn's 1983 rookie card.
Compare that with a more recent shot of our hero:
Mr. Gwynn, EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT THIS INSTANT. But, as it stands, let's look at the man's stats. That'll clear his name, right? Wrong. In 1997, near the end of his career, he hit 17 home runs. The next year, 16. The year after that? 10. 43 home runs in a 3-year span. This coming from a guy who only cracked double-digits twice before that. Huh. Take a look at his batting average in those three years. In 1997, Gwynn hit a whopping .372. But he's OLD! Old people can't play baseball well! Busted, Mr. Gwynn... busted.
Exhibit B: George Herman "Babe" Ruth, former all-time home run record holder
No, not the Babe! It can't be! Why yes. Babe Ruth took steroids even before the majority of them were invented. Just look at this 1915 shot of a young rookie Babe.
Well, I'd say that man is skinny. Maybe even a little trim. That's not the fat cat we're used to seeing, is it? I mean, where's the fat dude who snacks on hot dogs and drinks beer and womanizes? Where did he go?
Wait, there he is! This one taken only 7 years later in 1922, during the midst of his streak of amazingly powerful seasons where he hit 50+ home runs, drove in well over 130 runs, etc. So when Mr. Ruth quit pitching, did he start injecting his beef links with some growth hormone invented by Einstein? Who knows, really. But that 714 home run record seems pretty tainted to me.
Exhibit C: Hank Aaron, beloved former home run champ
Oh, Henry! Yes, Hank Aaron took steroids, banged women without a sheepskin, and pimped out Korean toddlers like they were loose change. He's a devil in a Braves cap, and he is no home run king. At least not in my heart. Google, the proof, please:
Little man, how's it hanging? Looking pretty fit there, Hanky. Looks like you didn't take anything... illegal, huh? Why, of course not, how could you? You're our favorite player ever! But oh wait, what's this?
Oh boy. After you hit 715, you looked a little doughier in the face, carried a little more weight, and had that big ole gut. Surely that's not celebratory beer, now is it? Hardly. Hank, you roided up piece of rat crap, admit that you juiced.
Your stats even prove it, so don't think you can weasel out of this one. Just look at your production after the age of 35.
Age 35: 44 homers
Age 36: 38 homers
Age 37: 47 homers
Age 38: 34 homers
Age 39: 40 homers
Yep. Way to slow down as you aged, Hank. We all know nobody can produce good, pure numbers into their 40s, and you just had to go and screw that up. And at the age of 37, you established career highs in on-base percentage AND slugging percentage. But... you're OLD! You're not supposed to be good!
So clearly, folks, Barry Bonds is injecting his ass with some steroids. I mean, it's impossible to be good as time goes on. Those players above prove that. Nobody can just be "good," no. They have to be cheaters if they're good. Aside from all the growth hormones Bonds surely takes, he probably takes pills to increase his vision, quicken his bat speed, and help his plate presence. But then again, big muscles hit the home runs, not bat speed, patience, or anything else.
Is it possible that Bonds is so accused because he's a jackass racist and not because he has been proven to do them? Hank Aaron was a class act, which is why nobody accuses him of anything. But Bonds is a fat, ignorant asshole, so what better way to taint the man than say his record is tainted.
So they wrote a whole book about the illegal things Bonds supposedly did. So the hell what. If one researches or presses hard enough, you could write a negative book about Dan Pasqua, and why each of his 117 career homers are tainted. The media hates Barry, and since America is practically dangling off the media's teat, they too hate Barry. The media has the ability to make people love or hate anyone they love or hate. Here's the kicker, folks...
...the same people that called Hank Aaron a nigger when he broke Babe's record are the ones calling Barry a cheater and supporting Hank now. It's all media.