Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 8, 2013 9:51:11 GMT -5
Come on people, read and comment some rps. Some have, some will be, but I know the vast majority might be weird about giving feedback because they are new...etc. But insight is insight. Get this place active while results are pending!
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 7, 2013 12:55:11 GMT -5
Ok, I read all the rps...and wow...just a ing amazing showing. A lot of people tried hard to do things outside of their comfort zone; step it up, and yea, it was fantastic reads!
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 7, 2013 12:53:26 GMT -5
Yea, pretty much like the other...I cant really find anything to poke at that really matters. Great stuff; honestly.
Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 7, 2013 12:42:42 GMT -5
I really am having a bit of trouble finding any direct criticism on this piece. lol
It is sound, and a great read. Good luck!
-Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 6, 2013 22:37:50 GMT -5
I don't really have any complaints on this, it was solid all the way around. Good stuff.
Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 6, 2013 22:16:38 GMT -5
Awesome read.
Positive:
-You did more than a monologue this time, but the strongest point of your piece sat with it.
-You interacted with other WFWF superstars, in a way that forwards storylines, personally, and in show...etc.
-Your interaction was natural, felt easy; flowed.
Negatives:
-I feel like the only real stand out flaw here, is that you tried to do something emotional...and I think you fell short. It is like you had all the right ingredients, and put them together wrong. But I applaud what you were trying to accomplish.
- a minor one is that the monologue didn't really have the same feel as the rest of the rp to me either; so it felt like two completely diff. mindsets.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 6, 2013 21:47:21 GMT -5
I'm going to have to think about how I feel about this one honestly. Because part of me wants to love it for what it did, and the other part is more saying "what it tried to do." I still love it either way, but one is a very diff. reason than the other...if I figure it out, I will get back to you and edit this.
Goodluck
-Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 6, 2013 21:33:58 GMT -5
Ok, so really enjoyed reading this; here is my breakdown. Positives: -You interacted with other WFWF characters, in a way that both advances personal story, and storylines within the fed itself. -Your monologues were solid, well rounded, and covered your bases. -Your characters interacted naturally, which was great. Negatives: -Yea, there were a few, but honestly the good outweighed a few minor negatives. However, there was one, that I just cant ignore. It was driving my sense of flow nutso. VERB TENSES. You switched between Present, Past, and Past Perfect over and over. Everyone has a few errors, and past perfect is fine if you use is right, BUT you have to choose between narrating in the Present Tense or Future Tense as a whole. It just switched so much, I couldn't figure it out. Sorry if that seemed harsh...I don't mean...and am Literally trying to help you better your writing. Here is a link that might help, I also use to have a huge problem wit this. Grammarcheck.me also does a pretty good job of putting things in the most usual of tenses, Past Tense...but Present Tense is also a great way to tell a story. Link: www.lousywriter.com/verbs-tenses.phpGood Luck -Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 6, 2013 13:12:40 GMT -5
Anyone want to test their skill can ante up their title at the following Revolution...and I will gladly take it from them xD
Trace, I would be down for a small HS match.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 6, 2013 11:34:24 GMT -5
Honestly, is a persons rps that make them great, or not. The amount of titles, and times held, mean so little if you are going up against someone who is a genuinely better rper.
I have literally won only 2 titles, and I held them both for very short time frames...I believe both times, the first defense, I lost it. I cant claim what Thunder, Trace, Obo, and hell I think Malakai may have him on that...and numerous others...haha
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 5, 2013 21:25:10 GMT -5
I tried the first season of HIMYM, sometimes I felt like I was forcing myself to laugh, just so I felt like I got something out of it. That said, it does, in some respect, try to tell you a story.
Big Bang Theory is great to me, because it doesn't require religious watching, and it can get me laughing a good portion of the time. Do I think it is the greatest comedy, no, but I think it is a nice breather from my usual choices in TV
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 5, 2013 21:19:03 GMT -5
I feel like, but cant remember, that I have seen stuff much better out of you. I could be mistaken. BUT this wasn't terrible for a straightforward monologue. Good luck!
-Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 5, 2013 21:14:52 GMT -5
I thought this was ok, for what you put out. You and I have already talked about this, so I wont harp on you on here. But you know you have better in you. -Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 5, 2013 21:12:14 GMT -5
Everyone has a few irrationalities they believe, as long as they cause no one else direct harm, they shouldn't be treated like they are inept for society. A lot of my friends believe in all sorts of this or that, while condemning others for believing this or that. At the end of the day, I feel like everyone needs a few beliefs to get by; even if it is as simple as "I am great at what I am doing right now."
Some people NEED religion to remain in a world that has no inherent purpose or meaning. There is nothing wrong with that in my eyes, granted, as long as it isn't being used by that person to inflict direct harm on others. Generalizations, the past, and all other forms of grouping isn't a good enough reason to obliterate something that will probably always be in a portion of mankind; beliefs without proof.
For instance, I believe I am great writer, and that certainly isn't valid all the time and I cant prove it empirically. But I need that belief to keep me writing. :/
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 5, 2013 17:31:19 GMT -5
I hear a lot of people complaining about it, even though it isn't out yet. Personally, I will wait and see how this one goes. I actually enjoyed the first movie, and this one I will hold off and see if I enjoy it. Then again, I am not really into Spidey as a hero, and didn't care for the last set of his movies. We will see haha.
I did like the idea of Mech-Rhino, if only because visually and such , it fits better than a man in Rhino tights. lol
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 4, 2013 17:40:42 GMT -5
From what I have read thus far, this show has been truly impressive in the rp department. Except for the disappointment of the cancelation of the Drakz/Schneider match. xD I really wanted to see that one happen.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 4, 2013 16:23:09 GMT -5
I want to say outright, that this rp stands out. Not because it is necessarily without flaws, or the best thing ever. But more because what you attempted to do with it. Also, a fair amount of creativity, and thought were brought into this. Any time you test your boundaries, you always have a few hiccups in it.
Positives:
-I like the stable idea, though I will offhandedly say that it would be more interesting for more than just YOU and a group of YOUR characters to be in it. But over all, I love what you are trying to pull together in this roleplay.
-The description is solid, and has high points. To me it is a step up from your usual, and I think you did a great job of trying to shine in this rp. Your descriptions reflects that.
-Generally, your conversations seemed natural in comparison to your previous works. The comfort fact here is noticeable, and I have a give a nod to that.
Negatives:
-Some parts of this felt like story filler, and just felt like it was unneeded to have it all unloaded in a single rp. Your strength here is you were building a foundation to what is comings; the problem is you are pretty much only building foundation. Which to me is something that you would have been better off piecing out over numerous rps, or atleast not tried to cram it all into one PPV one; where you need focus on the match.
-You did talk about your match with Thunder, but I am not sure how I like how you did it. I am split between either seeing it as a positive creative use, or seriously relegating Demento to a side character, in a such an important match. In my mind you should have split this into two rps, with two diff. characters having interaction, but having some "star" power in their respective matches.
I think that is really all I want to say about this. Again, huge step in the right direction, little cluttered, a lot of foundation more than content. I am eager to see how you run this from there though, since the base is now there.
-Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 4, 2013 15:43:33 GMT -5
I think your story is fun, and I think as a writer you are definitely progressing here and finding your niche. But, I think Shawn pretty much nailed this one to the wall. Think about rping like any other writing project, you have creative freedom, but projects tend to come with some sort of guideline (only so many words, certain prompts, etc). Learning how to integrate what is needed, with what you want, will get easier though.
Good Luck, and glad to see you progressing along so well in the federation.
-Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 4, 2013 12:18:40 GMT -5
It has my vote for best Roleplay of 2013
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Dec 4, 2013 12:12:28 GMT -5
I want to first say, I am so glad I asked you for this match. You not only upped your game, but I seriously feel that "I don't know who is gonna take this" feeling. Last 3 shows have felt on edge for me, and I LOVE IT. HAHA sorry for the enthusiasm.
Onto the critical side..
Positives:
-The way you told the story, using the reporter as a protagonist was a wonderful idea.
-You covered your match WHILE telling and interesting story. For this being your second rp, that is a huge leap for a lot of people.
-Now delving into your character, I am getting so much more personality from him. His skewed sense of perception of life, and delusions are wonderfully added to him, without forcing them down our throat.
Negatives:
-The story felt rushed for the most part, and I don't mean you actually RUSHED. But the way you told it, and the sort of jumping in scenes were quick. Slow the pace down a bit, you started to at the end, but the short quips in speech from people felt too quick and choppy at times...that caused a speed in the pace for me. This could have been because you scrapped and rewrote quick, so I wont judge too harshly.
-The description felt a little bland at moments. That is also more of a personal preference thing to me. Novels can even get by on bland description, but there is a different between telling a story, and TELLING a story. That might sound a little loopy, but if you breath life into the narration of the tale; you can double the depth and fun of the telling.
-Scene Transitions could be better in my opinion, but it was nothing so bad that I will harp on it. xD
Anyways, happy to be having this match with you; good luck, and great job. I hope you stick around, so I can get to enjoy watching your character take shape. You have a great base here taking root.
-Revvie
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