Von Hooten
Main Eventer
The Innovator of Innovation
Joined on: Jan 23, 2012 13:13:14 GMT -5
Posts: 1,412
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Post by Von Hooten on Dec 19, 2012 17:13:15 GMT -5
I agree with everything you said there except the seperate checking accounts things. Having 1 checking account and it being "our" money was a huge thing for us. Both of our parents are divorced and all 4 of them said that was the biggest problem they had in their marrage. So, we decided that it just wasn't an option having seperate checking accounts. Especially when you factor in that I am staying home with the kids and only able to work about 15 hrs a week. She makes $1,000 for every $100 that I make. How do you split the bills like that? So, we just combine our money and pay the bills together. Whatever is left goes into savings, the kids savings, and our spending. I am not saying to separate your accounts by any means. I was just saying that you have a right to earn your keep. Trust me I know what it is like to not be the bread winner, infact, I never was in my relationship. I am a Store Manager who works 7 days a week during the holidays and I am still not the bread winner. But I will be damned if I am working 7 days a week to not enjoy my money a little.
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attitude85
Mid-Carder
Joined on: Nov 15, 2011 1:26:15 GMT -5
Posts: 432
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Post by attitude85 on Dec 19, 2012 17:15:39 GMT -5
I'm sorry about your situation jrjumpshot. I am not married with kids but I had a similar situation involving parents with collecting, which has since been resolved. This reminds me of an episode of Collector Intervention. But other people people on this thread listed some great things that can help you out and I hope things get better with you and your wife. Keep us posted!
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Post by marino13 on Dec 19, 2012 17:28:36 GMT -5
My wife isn't overly trilled that I collect, but she's grown to accept it. I spoil her so when the time comes for me to order stuff she's usually more understanding. One thing I'll suggest is to always tell her what you're spending money on. If I buy something I just tell her.
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gps
Main Eventer
Scalpers S**K
Joined on: Oct 4, 2012 17:53:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,171
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Post by gps on Dec 19, 2012 17:30:00 GMT -5
While this suggestion is amusing, I wouldn't do it if I were you. LOL. On a serious note. You gotta stick to your guns on this one in my opinion. I got engaged a year ago & when I moved in with her I stopped collecting wrestling figures because she thought it was childish. I also got rid of over 400 Jakks figures. During the time we were together I felt like something was missing from me. The relationship didn't last and, fortunately, I had not gotten rid of all of my figures(kept my Mattel figs.). I have gone back to collecting & am so much happier. The point is that you can't give up something that is that important to you unless you want to. If you do it just to make her happy you will regret it and possibly end up resenting her for it. If she loves you and you're happily married, which it sounds like you are other than this little quirk, she will be willing to listen and you guys can find a way to make it work.
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Post by thehardys4life on Dec 19, 2012 17:31:31 GMT -5
Tell her that wrestling figures have always been always been a part of you life and always will be, and if she can't except that well ..............................RKO her.
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Deleted
Joined on: May 14, 2024 19:09:29 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2012 17:41:51 GMT -5
I'm not married, but I have friends in the collecting community who are or who are in long term relationships and live with their significant other. One of these friends got divorced about 3 years ago, part of it supposedly being his collecting habits. Like your situation, she was mostly the bread winner, but there were other factors involved in the divorce on her end (such as some problems with alcohol abuse). With my other friends, there really has been no problem with the collecting and everyone is contributing, just as it sounds you are doing. Now, I do not know what type of collector you are (cherry picker or completist) but maybe just reevaluate your collection and think about what figures you really want to buy. Personally, I'm a cherry picker. I buy figs of the guys I like and that's about it, but I don't get every version that comes out. Best thing to do, just do your best to work it out with your wife. You clearly love each other or you wouldn't have gotten married and had a kid to begin with. Let her know that you are there to support her in whatever she does as much as she should be there to support you in the things you do.
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Post by qdogg on Dec 19, 2012 18:10:06 GMT -5
Yeah I try to be careful with my figure buying habits and that means having to wait for retail or scouring ebay or other online outlets for deals. I allow myself to buy a few (6 or so) of the more expensive exclusives from RSC or Matty that I want or older ones like elite 7 Swoggle which came out b4 I started collecting, which I got for 30 total on ebay. but really if there are more price increases I may bow out and only buy guys I really want like say a Hogan, Flair, Scott Hall etc.
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Post by fulgore on Dec 19, 2012 18:34:12 GMT -5
I CARE MORE ABOUT MY FIGURES THAN MY FAMILY SOME TIMES TO BE HONEST LOL BECAUSE THEY DONT TALK BACK TO ME .
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Deleted
Joined on: May 14, 2024 19:09:29 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2012 18:38:27 GMT -5
jr, I think you have every right to your hobby as would your wife if she has/had one. You both have to work, one at home and one out. so in the end it should all be fair to both of you.
when it comes down to it your hobby should be limited in funds. money should go to the family first. Kids and family come first, a hobby is just a hobby. but you shouldnt have to quit your hobby all together, either agree on an amount you can spend per month on your hobby, or start making customs and selling them to generate more hobby money.
hope that helps but remember if you lose your hobby you can always find a new one, isnt so easy if you lose your family, cheers
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Post by cordless2016 on Dec 19, 2012 19:10:42 GMT -5
Collecting should not be the reason for turmoil in your family. You shouldn't have to give up collecting, but no reason to buy overpriced figures online from RSC or go out and buy a bunch of figures at a time when you have a family to look after.
I'm not married but have a GF I've been with for years. I actually got her into the figure collecting thing (she hates wrestling), but we know to save our money and for me to not go crazy with spending like I could in the past. I get a figure once in a while, but never buy multiple figs at a time and never pay the above retail-prices online.
Given that you have a family to look after, you should talk to her and set a limit on how much you can spend for a certain amount of time. You are a stay at home dad, which is alot of work looking after kids and the home, but since your wife is the bread winner, I can understand why she might not be happy with the money going towards figures (my GF makes more money than me currently while I am finishing up college). Figure collecting is fun, but should not be the reason for turmoil in a family. Like another poster said, you can always find another hobby if figure collecting is unhealthy towards your family.
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Post by AlexWestCollects on Dec 19, 2012 19:11:22 GMT -5
That's tough bro. I think I would just be honest from now on. Tell her when u buy figs and explain how u feel. I think just b/c u stay at home she thinks it's not a job, when in fact it is. Just b/c u aren't getting paid doesn't mean she contributes more than u. Explain how u feel and tell her how important figs are to u and that if its not hurting ur bank account what's the issue. Do what u feel is best.
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Post by MachoManiac on Dec 19, 2012 19:19:53 GMT -5
BROTHER
i feel ya, but you gotta feel for her.. YOU ARE LUCKY.. i know i know full time parenting is THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD... but she still brings home the $$$ that makes YOUR WHOLE LiFE Possible.. right?
for example if her checks went from "$ whatever" every 2 weeks TO " $ zero " you guys would be F'd UP
brother, use your last bucks and buy a rose from the gas station, make a healthy dinner, put the kids to bed, pop a bottle of wine. thank her for how hard she works ... ( even tho we all know u work harder ) then eat the pie...eat the pie brother
you do that for the next two months, she'll be buying MOC sets from RSC..
Eat the Pie Brother
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Post by Nivro™ on Dec 19, 2012 19:27:38 GMT -5
Honestly, it depends if your priorities are straight. Are the bills paid? Are the kids fed/taken care of/medicated? Do you have "rainy day" money in case something bad happens unexpected? If all of these are clear then I dont see why you should have any problem spending a little on a hobby. Just make sure you understand a hobby isnt $100-$200 a week. I live alone with all my own bills but I budget myself $150 every 2 months on "hobby stuff". Whether its figures, Blu Rays or 49ers stuff. As long as you're pulling your weight around the house (while she's making all the money) then I dont see why its a problem.
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Post by MachoManiac on Dec 19, 2012 19:33:49 GMT -5
no nivro trust me BROTHER.. he needs to eat the pie.. read my whole post again.. and trust me talking from experience.. 15 hours a week at probably no more than $10 after tax is Hundred bucks a week.. he stated clearly she makes a grand for every hundred he does...
he is lucky..
i only hope he reads my post and buys the rose, the healthy dinner, the wine and eats the pie.
if Ebenezer M. was here, he would say " Nailed It"
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Post by Bandalero on Dec 19, 2012 21:51:19 GMT -5
like marino13 my wife's grown to accept it as my hobby - we've been married 6+ years now. Before that I was a pretty hardcore gamer and she really had issues with that, but by the time we had our kid I just couldn't dedicate 4-6 hours raiding every night. Wrestling and toy collecting is my recreation and she knows how much wrestling has meant to me growing up - hell I still have my torn-up Apter mags and scuffed up wrestling toys. You've got to have that crucial conversation with your wife ASAP - 1. start with the facts, i.e. the bills are paid, outstanding credit, she's the bread winner, you've already given up other hobbies on her request, you're a stay at home dad which is a full-time job itself, and you dedicate family time and give her her unwinding space. 2. tell your story, i.e. how much this hobby means to you and why it's important to YOU. 3. invite her into the conversation by asking her how she feels about your collecting considering what you've just told her. 4. be prepared to apologize where appropriate if she highlights where she might perceive you as being negligent with other things over your hobby 5. Test for safety by reminding her that your mutual purpose always remains that bills are paid and funds are put away for the girls. If she agrees that this is the case then invite her to open up about what really is the issue... My career is in Leadership and Organization Development, so I'm not pulling this stuff out my @$$, it really works. BTW - I'm not the bread winner in my family either; but I love my job
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Deleted
Joined on: May 14, 2024 19:09:29 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2012 21:51:58 GMT -5
I agree, buy her a rose, make her dinner then discuss a game plan that works for both of you, happy wife=happy life
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Joejitsu22
Main Eventer
Sexy Baked Potato
Joined on: Sept 15, 2011 8:12:28 GMT -5
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Post by Joejitsu22 on Dec 19, 2012 22:07:41 GMT -5
when my wife gets pissy she bitches about my collection. if its not that its my jiu jitsu, if its not that its video games, ect ect ect. She has her vices and hobbies too. We have hobbies together also. But the point is when the wife is mad, they are lashing out and using things they know you enjoy to attack and get under your skin. its just part of being married, anyone who says otherwise isnt married or is unrealistic (IMO). Best thing to do is talk about, let her know how you feel. If you are spending money you shouldnt on the hobby that takes away from bills ect, take a break. If you spend too much time on the boards or obsessing over figs, it could be an issue. Take a step back if needed. Be honest with yourself about these questions. if you ARE spending money you shouldnt or decided to hide it from her after saying you wouldnt, then yes theres a problem you need to address.
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Post by Joe/Smurf on Dec 19, 2012 22:22:36 GMT -5
I don't have much advice for you, man. I don't have a wife or a girlfriend; I live with roommates, and have no problem paying my bills in addition to fueling my figure collection. Certainly, being a loner has its downside, but the one major plus is I don't have to answer to anyone as it comes to how I spend my money.
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Post by Triple S on Dec 19, 2012 22:28:28 GMT -5
BROTHER i feel ya, but you gotta feel for her.. YOU ARE LUCKY.. i know i know full time parenting is THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD... but she still brings home the $$$ that makes YOUR WHOLE LiFE Possible.. right? for example if her checks went from "$ whatever" every 2 weeks TO " $ zero " you guys would be F'd UP brother, use your last bucks and buy a rose from the gas station, make a healthy dinner, put the kids to bed, pop a bottle of wine. thank her for how hard she works ... ( even tho we all know u work harder ) then eat the pie...eat the pie brother you do that for the next two months, she'll be buying MOC sets from RSC.. Eat the Pie Brother How you haven't been banned yet, is beyond me. Clearly added nothing to the discussion at all. Jr, sounds like she has a bit of a gripe. You're working those 15 hours a week, while she's doing full time hours... and with that money, you're buying wrestling figures. As many have stated, though... this is a tough one.
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robi2184
Superstar
THE CREAM OF THE CROP!
Joined on: Feb 19, 2007 19:06:21 GMT -5
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Post by robi2184 on Dec 19, 2012 22:32:17 GMT -5
Man I wish people understood figure collecting, I've never met someone who doesn't have a negative comment to make about it. My wife supports the hobby but every once in a while she will make a comment, especially since we are trying to have a baby, but when she does I usually put my foot down & remind her of all the negative habits people have. There are people who spend their money on cigarettes, booze, drugs, strip clubs & what not. That is when she realizes that my hobby of figure collecting is not such a bad thing
If it is not hurting you financially I suggest you talk to her in a civilized matter & try to make her understand just how much collecting means to you. Wear your heart on your sleeve bro.
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