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Post by jrjumpshot on Dec 19, 2012 15:55:47 GMT -5
Before I get too wild with this post, I just have to say this will be a long read and I apologize for that. I just need to vent some frustration and this just feels like the best place to do so.
Now, to tell this story properly, I need to give you a little backstory on how my family operates. For the most part, I am the stay at home dad. My wife works full time and brings in a majority of our income. I do work part time though at a grocery store about 15 hours a week to bring in a little cash. For the most part though, we consider all the money we bring in "Our" money. We have 1 checking account.
So, today my wife snapped at me again when a package arrived with a couple new figures in it. In the last 6 months though, I've cut my collecting down by at least half already. Still, not enough I guess. She was mad mainly because I didn't tell her I had any new figures incomming. Not so much that I actually spent money on them. I really wasn't trying to keep it a secret from her or anything like that, but I've just found out from prior experiences, It's an arguement when I tell her I bought a new figure as well. So, It's a lose lose situation for me.
Now, since we have been married, I've already stopped collecting sports trading cards, which at the time was a much more expensive hobby. I did this in part because I just didn't enjoy it as much as I used to and part because my wife didn't support that hobby either. I've also found myself not watching near as much wrestling, basketball, or football games as I'd like to. Once again, because my wife either wants to watch something or she wants to spend more family time. Most of the time, I go with it because I just don't feel it is my place to make a stink about it because as stated above, I'm home with the kids all day and she deserves some time with them or some quite time watching a little mindless TV.
But, when it comes to my wrestling figure collection, I'm just not quite as willing to bend on them. I don't want to give up anymore than I have already done. I enjoy collecting them. The problem is, do I quit collecting figures and be unhappy by giving up yet another hobby of mine and making the wife happier or do I need to put my foot down on this one and just tell her the figures are not going anywhere and continue collecting the way that I am?
A huge part of me just feels like I should just quit collecting because having these arguements with her just makes collecting not near as fun as it used to be when I was growing up. The another part of me says she needs to just come to grip with it....Wrestling figures have been a part of my life since day 1. LJN, Hasbro, Galoob, Jakks, and now Mattel. I've grown up with all of them.
Now that I've spilled my personal problems to you guys, does anyone else have to deal with this same situation?
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Rob7274
Main Eventer
Joined on: Sept 3, 2010 5:46:16 GMT -5
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Post by Rob7274 on Dec 19, 2012 16:09:04 GMT -5
Hmmm it's a tough one...
In situations like these I've found the best way to sort problems like these are to be firm, confident and tell her exactly how you feel and proper for a big argument to end all the others.
I'm mean if you take the easy way out and give up in a couple of years you'll become a shell of the man you once where or want to be. You said yourself collecting is part of who you are.
In a relationship you have to give some things up....and it's sounds like you already have given up quite alot already. Your wife should understand that you still need something for just you...and wrestling is that for you.
She shouldn't make you feel guilty about it if its not hurting the bank balance too much (but I don't know your financial status exc...)
So I reckon you should find the right moment and think to yourself LETS DO THIS and get it out there.
Be prepared for the "what about something for just me" rant...
Oh that's another thing Be Prepared!
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Post by Ben - #6 Munchie on Dec 19, 2012 16:10:04 GMT -5
RKO her.
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tampatoys813
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Joined on: Apr 30, 2012 9:03:00 GMT -5
Posts: 909
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Post by tampatoys813 on Dec 19, 2012 16:16:37 GMT -5
I can honestly say that I certainly understand your frustrations. I would also assume your wife, like mine, does not have any extra-curricular activities, other than the "family". The problem you have my friend is two-fold. For starters, you are at a position of disadvantage, due to her being the "worker" of your household and having nothing or her own to apreciate (like a hobby or collection). Second, it sounds as if your wife is somewhat of a control freak who does not want you doing anything that is not "sanctioned" by her.
I will tell you off the top to NOT STOP COLLECTING. You have already made a mistake by stopping the cards, so now she thinks that by not endorsing the figures, you will eventually stop... This type of behavior just enables her to continue to feel like she can "sanction" what you do in your spare time. Us guys love to play games (me COD), collect figures, sports things they consider "immature".
The solution is simple: you have to tell her that this is something that is important to YOU, and come up with a monthly budget that both of you think is fair. You can also try and sell on ebay, while it is not THAT profitable, it could help pay for some of the figures and thus, at least end your financial dependence on her money (lets face it, your money is her money and her money is her money)
However, you are also fighting a battle you just cant win. She is mad you didnt tell her. HUH, she would have been mad if you told her from the get-go. "Oh its X-Mas time, oh we dont have extra money" SMFH. These women will come up with everything in the book.
SO ONCE AGAIN, I WILL RE-INTERATE. YOU MUST COME UP WITH A MUTUAL BUDGET NOW. That way there is no future arguements or discussions. The budget is set in stone and she will no longer have anything to say (I know, wishful thinking).
The only other solution is to find another job, making more money and then sneak around... I dont suggest this, but it is a last ditch effort.
Last I will say, you come first. I know, its somewhat selfish. But I never understood the point of being unhappy, in life or relationship. If you are not happy, than what kind of quality of life are u getting. Your wife should love u enough to respect at least some of your interests. I know a lot of u guys have kids, I dont, but still, you always have to put your feeling first or you will create a miserable life for yourself, and in some cases, a life not worth living.
My wife and I have had many arguements about me collecting. Sometimes she is on board, other times not so much. After we sat down and budgeted, I can take "x" amount of money and use it for collecting and I keep all my ebay money to re-invest in my figures. I can honestly say that since we did the budget, I have heard it from her maybe 2-3 times in the last year or so.
anyhow, good luck man.
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Post by jrjumpshot on Dec 19, 2012 16:17:11 GMT -5
Hmmm it's a tough one... In situations like these I've found the best way to sort problems like these are to be firm, confident and tell her exactly how you feel and proper for a big argument to end all the others. I'm mean if you take the easy way out and give up in a couple of years you'll become a shell of the man you once where or want to be. You said yourself collecting is part of who you are. In a relationship you have to give some things up....and it's sounds like you already have given up quite alot already. Your wife should understand that you still need something for just you...and wrestling is that for you. She shouldn't make you feel guilty about it if its not hurting the bank balance too much (but I don't know your financial status exc...) So I reckon you should find the right moment and think to yourself LETS DO THIS and get it out there. Be prepared for the "what about something for just me" rant... Oh that's another thing Be Prepared! Thanks. You made some valid points and that is kind of the route I am leaning towards. As for the financial situation, I'd NEVER put my family in debt over something like a hobby. Now, we don't have a bunch in the bank account, but at the same time we don't owe anyone any money and our credit is outstanding. So, to answer that, it isn't putting a strain on the finances. And as for her "hobbies", she does crafts. The thing that I think really rubs me wrong with the whole situation is that not once in the whole time I've known her have I ever said that I don't like it when she does her crafts. Not once, but every hobby I've had of have she has said that about. I just don't get any support for them. But I definately think that when she gets home from work tonight and we get the girls settled down for bed, I'm just going to tell her like it is and how much it bothers me that I don't get the same reaction from her for my hobby as she gets from me with her hobby. |
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acura143
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Joined on: Mar 29, 2007 13:25:43 GMT -5
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Post by acura143 on Dec 19, 2012 16:17:42 GMT -5
That's a tough situation because I don't think jeopardizing a family over action figures is worth it but you still have problems that needs to be fix with your wife if you decide to quit collecting. Giving in just to not argue is not healthy. Once you get married you going to need to compromise but you still need to have some enjoyment. I quit collecting for a while but I got back into it and still buy a few figures a month. I'm the only one that works and have a kid and one on the way. Collecting is the last on my list of things to buy
When you decided to stay home with the kids was it a mutual agreement?
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tampatoys813
Superstar
Joined on: Apr 30, 2012 9:03:00 GMT -5
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Post by tampatoys813 on Dec 19, 2012 16:18:56 GMT -5
Hmmm it's a tough one... Be prepared for the "what about something for just me" rant... Oh that's another thing Be Prepared! oh yeah, I had to coax my wife into collecting Barbies at first (which she no longer does). Now, I convinced her to do cheerleading at the school (and I use those days to hunt) she works at and found her some things on the computer to do. |
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Post by jrjumpshot on Dec 19, 2012 16:22:42 GMT -5
I can honestly say that I certainly understand your frustrations. I would also assume your wife, like mine, does not have any extra-curricular activities, other than the "family". The problem you have my friend is two-fold. For starters, you are at a position of disadvantage, due to her being the "worker" of your household and having nothing or her own to apreciate (like a hobby or collection). Second, it sounds as if your wife is somewhat of a control freak who does not want you doing anything that is not "sanctioned" by her. I will tell you off the top to NOT STOP COLLECTING. You have already made a mistake by stopping the cards, so now she thinks that by not endorsing the figures, you will eventually stop... This type of behavior just enables her to continue to feel like she can "sanction" what you do in your spare time. Us guys love to play games (me COD), collect figures, sports things they consider "immature". The solution is simple: you have to tell her that this is something that is important to YOU, and come up with a monthly budget that both of you think is fair. You can also try and sell on ebay, while it is not THAT profitable, it could help pay for some of the figures and thus, at least end your financial dependence on her money (lets face it, your money is her money and her money is her money) However, you are also fighting a battle you just cant win. She is mad you didnt tell her. HUH, she would have been mad if you told her from the get-go. "Oh its X-Mas time, oh we dont have extra money" SMFH. These women will come up with everything in the book. SO ONCE AGAIN, I WILL RE-INTERATE. YOU MUST COME UP WITH A MUTUAL BUDGET NOW. That way there is no future arguements or discussions. The budget is set in stone and she will no longer have anything to say (I know, wishful thinking). The only other solution is to find another job, making more money and then sneak around... I dont suggest this, but it is a last ditch effort. Last I will say, you come first. I know, its somewhat selfish. But I never understood the point of being unhappy, in life or relationship. If you are not happy, than what kind of quality of life are u getting. Your wife should love u enough to respect at least some of your interests. I know a lot of u guys have kids, I dont, but still, you always have to put your feeling first or you will create a miserable life for yourself, and in some cases, a life not worth living. My wife and I have had many arguements about me collecting. Sometimes she is on board, other times not so much. After we sat down and budgeted, I can take "x" amount of money and use it for collecting and I keep all my ebay money to re-invest in my figures. I can honestly say that since we did the budget, I have heard it from her maybe 2-3 times in the last year or so. anyhow, good luck man. Another great and helpful post. You nailed it in every word. That post was exactly what I was trying to say in my original post. It's like we live the same life. lol Thanks again. |
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Post by jrjumpshot on Dec 19, 2012 16:27:40 GMT -5
That's a tough situation because I don't think jeopardizing a family over action figures is worth it but you still have problems that needs to be fix with your wife if you decide to quit collecting. Giving in just to not argue is not healthy. Once you get married you going to need to compromise but you still need to have some enjoyment. I quit collecting for a while but I got back into it and still buy a few figures a month. I'm the only one that works and have a kid and one on the way. Collecting is the last on my list of things to buy When you decided to stay home with the kids was it a mutual agreement? No and yes for it being a mutual agreement. When we first found out we were expecting, I was working about 50 hrs a week on the overnight shift. Being that she was the one with the college education and making about 3 times as much as I was an hour, it was a no brainer that I would have to be the one to stay home with the kids. We both agreed though that day care just wasn't an option. Too expensive and we just didn't like the idea of someone else raising our kids for 8 hrs of the day when it wasn't needed. So that is part of the reason too why I have giving up my TV programs and sports card collecting to begin with. I sometimes feel she resents me because she is the one that has to go to work. Sometimes I feel the same was too because it was my choice to not go to college and earn a degree. |
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Post by Yambag Jones on Dec 19, 2012 16:29:42 GMT -5
Best thing to do is have a solid budget that leaves extra money for you both. Different thing work for different families, but that seems to work great for me and my wife. She gets more free money, but such is the price of marriage! lol
Regardless, I hope you guys are able to work something out so you can keep enjoying your hobby.
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MonsoonMan
Main Eventer
BITW 24/7-365. even leap years.
Joined on: Jan 1, 2012 22:47:05 GMT -5
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Post by MonsoonMan on Dec 19, 2012 16:33:10 GMT -5
it sounds like to me your wife is beginning to push you into depression. i know because i have been diagnosed and suffer from clinical depression. she is pulling your emotions down because of the radicals you experience. your figures bring you great joy, as your wife does as well im sure, BUT her scolding you and arguing with you is messing with your head thinking that the figures are the root of the problem when really she is. in all honesty, you just need to sit her down and talk it out with her. before you start, kindly ask her not to interrupt you until you have said your half and let her know that whatever is said is how you TRULY feel.
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Post by nunyabidness on Dec 19, 2012 16:34:37 GMT -5
Separate your income from hers and use your money on whatever you want. My wife complained, and that was one of the contributing factors for me divorcing her.you need to solidify that the money you made can be spent on whatever you choose.
Cheers,
Chris.
My mom bitches about me spending my birthday money on nothing but figs , but most people don't care,and I don't care what they gotta say bout it.
Brian.
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Deleted
Joined on: May 15, 2024 11:29:33 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2012 16:34:53 GMT -5
Well jrjumpshot sounds like your wife is kind of a c-u-n-t and like you have no b-a-l-l-s to keep putting up with that.
You could always say you are selling BCAs though, and then work out a deal, take people's money and not send out the BCAs to them. Oh wait, you do that already, my mistake.
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Post by Cooperman on Dec 19, 2012 16:40:37 GMT -5
As acura said, this isn't a game. It remains your family and you can not just break it for collecting. Be comprehensive and slow down a bit with figs. Don't totally stop buying but get like really few figs a year. I understand this won't be easy but yet...  I hope things get better soon man. |
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Post by Darkhawk on Dec 19, 2012 16:43:09 GMT -5
That is one tough situation. I collect a lot of stuff hopefully I find a good wife who doesn't mind me collecting. What the heck am I talking about I'm only 17.  |
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Von Hooten
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The Innovator of Innovation
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Post by Von Hooten on Dec 19, 2012 16:46:31 GMT -5
My wife and I have been together for 7 years. It doesn't happen often, but every now and then she will complain to me about spending money on figures but then I remind her of how the bills get paid first, then I buy what I want. I also remind her that I never say anything about the money she spends which isn't money well spent. Like giving money to her loser brother or loser friend. We have separate Bank Accounts and we go by "You stay out of my wallet and I'll stay out of your's" policy so this leaves very little room for money issues as long as bills get paid. Her problem, when she has a problem, is that she has no interest in anything that is collectable so she doesn't fully understand why I collect things. It took her a while but she is cool with it now. Infact, the other night I got home from a friend's house very late (3AM to be exact) and she asked where was I. I told her "I was with another woman" she said "BS, you were probably figure hunting at Walmart seeing what cases you can pick through, I am going back to bed." Oddly enough, she was 100% correct ;D Your situation maybe different because you are a stay at home dad and part of you may feel like you owe her since she goes out to work. Taking care of kids, however, is certainly not an easy job. I would know because I spent almost a year being a stay at home father myself. NTM if there are chores you are required to do. I would just confront her and tell her that this is something that isn't going to change. Remind her of all the good you do, as well as all the good she does. Remind her that you don't interfere with what she buys (I am just assuming you don't) Last, remind her of the sacrifices already made for the better of your family. If you, or your wife, are not allowing yourself to be "you" then it is only a matter of time before you find someone else who does. I know that is how my first marriage ended. Either way, I wish you luck and I hope you find out what works best for your situation. P.S. Tell her that "it's only figures. It isn't like I am doing drugs, or leaving you for a man or anything, so chill out" This line usually works for me.  |
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Post by jrjumpshot on Dec 19, 2012 16:47:22 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for their input.
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Post by jrjumpshot on Dec 19, 2012 16:53:43 GMT -5
My wife and I have been together for 7 years. It doesn't happen often, but every now and then she will complain to me about spending money on figures but then I remind her of how the bills get paid first, then I buy what I want. I also remind her that I never say anything about the money she spends which isn't money well spent. Like giving money to her loser brother or loser friend. We have separate Bank Accounts and we go by "You stay out of my wallet and I'll stay out of your's" policy so this leaves very little room for money issues as long as bills get paid. Her problem, when she has a problem, is that she has no interest in anything that is collectable so she doesn't fully understand why I collect things. It took her a while but she is cool with it now. Infact, the other night I got home from a friend's house very late (3AM to be exact) and she asked where was I. I told her "I was with another woman" she said "BS, you were probably figure hunting at Walmart seeing what cases you can pick through, I am going back to bed." Oddly enough, she was 100% correct ;D Your situation maybe different because you are a stay at home dad and part of you may feel like you owe her since she goes out to work. Taking care of kids, however, is certainly not an easy job. I would know because I spent almost a year being a stay at home father myself. NTM if there are chores you are required to do. I would just confront her and tell her that this is something that isn't going to change. Remind her of all the good you do, as well as all the good she does. Remind her that you don't interfere with what she buys (I am just assuming you don't) Last, remind her of the sacrifices already made for the better of your family. If you, or your wife, are not allowing yourself to be "you" then it is only a matter of time before you find someone else who does. I know that is how my first marriage ended. Either way, I wish you luck and I hope you find out what works best for your situation. P.S. Tell her that "it's only figures. It isn't like I am doing drugs, or leaving you for a man or anything, so chill out" This line usually works for me. I agree with everything you said there except the seperate checking accounts things. Having 1 checking account and it being "our" money was a huge thing for us. Both of our parents are divorced and all 4 of them said that was the biggest problem they had in their marrage. So, we decided that it just wasn't an option having seperate checking accounts. Especially when you factor in that I am staying home with the kids and only able to work about 15 hrs a week. She makes $1,000 for every $100 that I make. How do you split the bills like that? So, we just combine our money and pay the bills together. Whatever is left goes into savings, the kids savings, and our spending. |
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elrey82
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Post by elrey82 on Dec 19, 2012 16:55:55 GMT -5
I myself have been a stay home dad since I got laid off my job a year and a half ago. My girlfriend really doesnt care cus she knows I come through when its time to pay the bills!!! Now one thing you cannot do is let it take over your personal life or family and at the same time put your foot down and talk to her rationally!!! Now if shes paying all the bills then I can see where she can get a little mad but be carefull with what you do because collecting can become an addiction and not a hobby and it can ruin your relationship....I love my figures and theres times I sold and rebought when I had to!!! At the end of the day they are just toys even if we love collecting so much  !!! Good luck bro |
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Post by MrPerfect25 on Dec 19, 2012 17:13:06 GMT -5
wives collect shoes, purses, etc. guys watch sports and collect memorabilia, figures, etc. Plus being a stay at home mom/dad is a job in itself. everyone needs a hobby or an escape. A healthy one. And unless you start to buy figures instead of milk or diapers, that's when it becomes a problem.
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