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Post by jrjumpshot on Dec 19, 2012 22:32:20 GMT -5
BROTHER i feel ya, but you gotta feel for her.. YOU ARE LUCKY.. i know i know full time parenting is THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD... but she still brings home the $$$ that makes YOUR WHOLE LiFE Possible.. right? for example if her checks went from "$ whatever" every 2 weeks TO " $ zero " you guys would be F'd UP brother, use your last bucks and buy a rose from the gas station, make a healthy dinner, put the kids to bed, pop a bottle of wine. thank her for how hard she works ... ( even tho we all know u work harder ) then eat the pie...eat the pie brother you do that for the next two months, she'll be buying MOC sets from RSC.. Eat the Pie Brother LOL. Thanks, this made m laugh.
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Post by onleeone643 on Dec 19, 2012 22:40:59 GMT -5
Just file for divorce, that'll solve all your problems.
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Post by Halloween King on Dec 19, 2012 22:44:22 GMT -5
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things
That's from the bible.
I still collect toys, I love them. However though I think in your case you need to man up. Not meaning give up your hobby but at the very least get a fulltime job. If your wife nagged you about the figures it was because of the money.
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Post by onleeone643 on Dec 19, 2012 22:49:27 GMT -5
Just file for divorce.
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Post by BCizzle on Dec 19, 2012 22:52:14 GMT -5
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things That's from the bible. I still collect toys, I love them. However though I think in your case you need to man up. Not meaning give up your hobby but at the very least get a fulltime job. If your wife nagged you about the figures it was because of the money. I didn't know the bible had anything in it about wrestling figures - I learn something new everyday. And when you say at the "very least" get a fulltime job, what should he do at the very most? Get three fulltime jobs? Or quit collecting altogether? It reminds me of the 40-Year Old Virgin - the girl that got with Andy just wanted him to sell all his stuff for money and I'm not really sure what the point of the movie was - when you grow up all you care about is money money money and spend it on your wife not yourself? This thread also reminds me of my brother's marriage but it's the other way around - his wife spends way too much money and they always fight about it. Money is the number one cause of trouble between couples. So my advice is, I dunno. If you keep giving up the things you enjoy, soon you'll have nothing you enjoy left. But if you are pre-ordering figures from Ringside at jacked up prices, your wife has a right to be mad.
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Post by Halloween King on Dec 19, 2012 23:39:11 GMT -5
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things That's from the bible. I still collect toys, I love them. However though I think in your case you need to man up. Not meaning give up your hobby but at the very least get a fulltime job. If your wife nagged you about the figures it was because of the money. I didn't know the bible had anything in it about wrestling figures - I learn something new everyday. And when you say at the "very least" get a fulltime job, what should he do at the very most? Get three fulltime jobs? Or quit collecting altogether? It reminds me of the 40-Year Old Virgin - the girl that got with Andy just wanted him to sell all his stuff for money and I'm not really sure what the point of the movie was - when you grow up all you care about is money money money and spend it on your wife not yourself? This thread also reminds me of my brother's marriage but it's the other way around - his wife spends way too much money and they always fight about it. Money is the number one cause of trouble between couples. So my advice is, I dunno. If you keep giving up the things you enjoy, soon you'll have nothing you enjoy left. But if you are pre-ordering figures from Ringside at jacked up prices, your wife has a right to be mad. At the most he can give up collecting all together, get a full time job, and pamper the wife. Of course that's an extreme. When you grow up and live on your own money is very important. Think about it, 6 figures to a elite line. 6 x 20 = 120. Only he bought them online so they prob cost more, if not then he paid more for shipping. If you're spending 150 on figures and you need to pay rent, utilities, car notes, car insurance, fuel for the car, plus what you spend on eating and clothing yourself it all adds up. Those 40 dollars you spent on 2 action figures could have gone to paying the phone/light/gas/water bills. Or it could have gone to a nice dinner, or grocerys for the week. So if you work 15 hrs a week at, I imagine, 8 dollars an hr you only made 120 dollars. Of that you prob only took home around 80 to 90 dollars. Of that you spent at half on figures? Again im just taking a rough guess, maybe you make more per hr? Maybe you spent less on the figures? IDK. What I do know is that 15 hrs is nothing. You need a full time job. To put it in perspective, your week is 15 hrs worked, that's just 1 day for me. I can see why the wife would be ticked off. You not only dont contribute much as far as money but you also have the free time to play/collect wrestling figures. I love collecting figures. I love collecting all kinds of toys not just figures. but what I love more than any toy is the wife. I take more joy seeing my wife happy than I do in getting a new toy/figure. I would think that if you truely loved your woman you would want to see her happy.
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Post by Robert69 on Dec 19, 2012 23:48:15 GMT -5
I didn't know the bible had anything in it about wrestling figures - I learn something new everyday. And when you say at the "very least" get a fulltime job, what should he do at the very most? Get three fulltime jobs? Or quit collecting altogether? It reminds me of the 40-Year Old Virgin - the girl that got with Andy just wanted him to sell all his stuff for money and I'm not really sure what the point of the movie was - when you grow up all you care about is money money money and spend it on your wife not yourself? This thread also reminds me of my brother's marriage but it's the other way around - his wife spends way too much money and they always fight about it. Money is the number one cause of trouble between couples. So my advice is, I dunno. If you keep giving up the things you enjoy, soon you'll have nothing you enjoy left. But if you are pre-ordering figures from Ringside at jacked up prices, your wife has a right to be mad. At the most he can give up collecting all together, get a full time job, and pamper the wife. Of course that's an extreme. When you grow up and live on your own money is very important. Think about it, 6 figures to a elite line. 6 x 20 = 120. Only he bought them online so they prob cost more, if not then he paid more for shipping. If you're spending 150 on figures and you need to pay rent, utilities, car notes, car insurance, fuel for the car, plus what you spend on eating and clothing yourself it all adds up. Those 40 dollars you spent on 2 action figures could have gone to paying the phone/light/gas/water bills. Or it could have gone to a nice dinner, or grocerys for the week. So if you work 15 hrs a week at, I imagine, 8 dollars an hr you only made 120 dollars. Of that you prob only took home around 80 to 90 dollars. Of that you spent at half on figures? Again im just taking a rough guess, maybe you make more per hr? Maybe you spent less on the figures? IDK. What I do know is that 15 hrs is nothing. You need a full time job. To put it in perspective, your week is 15 hrs worked, that's just 1 day for me. I can see why the wife would be ticked off. You not only dont contribute much as far as money but you also have the free time to play/collect wrestling figures. I love collecting figures. I love collecting all kinds of toys not just figures. but what I love more than any toy is the wife. I take more joy seeing my wife happy than I do in getting a new toy/figure. I would think that if you truely loved your woman you would want to see her happy. I almost completely disagree with this, and I'm a romantic by my very nature. Normally I find myself agreeing with you Milincoln, but not on this. Your life is your own. If your wife can't accept your hobbies as part of who you are, she needs to take a serious look at the relationship from her perspective. I assume she knew you collected when you got involved? You guys sat down together and made the JOINT decision for her to keep working, because she made more, and for you to stay home so at least 1 parent was raising your child. I completely agree with this. But she has to understand that it is completely unfair to ask you to stop doing something you love doing as a hobby. You've given up enough. Sit down with her, work out a budget that you can both agree on, and talk about it maturely. Making her happy isn't about giving in and giving her what she wants just because she makes more money then you. If that's her problem, tell her to get f**ked. Obviously, you don't want to do that. And, sure, she DOES have a right to voice her opinion. But she should take your love of collecting into consideration, as much as you take the money and her opinion into consideration. Relationships are about compromise. On every level. That's the only way to ever be reasonably happy and make it last, man. If after you two talk, you still can't come to a compromise, this is a situation you need to take to a counselor, not a figure board. Or you 2 WILL end up resenting each other, and it can get very bad. It seems you want to make her happy, and you don't want things to go bad. Make sure to emphasize that to her. You want her to be happy, but you also want to be able to enjoy your hobby too. There's nothing wrong with that. And if you can't get as much because of money, that's fair.
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Post by Halloween King on Dec 20, 2012 0:02:13 GMT -5
At the most he can give up collecting all together, get a full time job, and pamper the wife. Of course that's an extreme. When you grow up and live on your own money is very important. Think about it, 6 figures to a elite line. 6 x 20 = 120. Only he bought them online so they prob cost more, if not then he paid more for shipping. If you're spending 150 on figures and you need to pay rent, utilities, car notes, car insurance, fuel for the car, plus what you spend on eating and clothing yourself it all adds up. Those 40 dollars you spent on 2 action figures could have gone to paying the phone/light/gas/water bills. Or it could have gone to a nice dinner, or grocerys for the week. So if you work 15 hrs a week at, I imagine, 8 dollars an hr you only made 120 dollars. Of that you prob only took home around 80 to 90 dollars. Of that you spent at half on figures? Again im just taking a rough guess, maybe you make more per hr? Maybe you spent less on the figures? IDK. What I do know is that 15 hrs is nothing. You need a full time job. To put it in perspective, your week is 15 hrs worked, that's just 1 day for me. I can see why the wife would be ticked off. You not only dont contribute much as far as money but you also have the free time to play/collect wrestling figures. I love collecting figures. I love collecting all kinds of toys not just figures. but what I love more than any toy is the wife. I take more joy seeing my wife happy than I do in getting a new toy/figure. I would think that if you truely loved your woman you would want to see her happy. I almost completely disagree with this, and I'm a romantic by my very nature. Normally I find myself agreeing with you Milincoln, but not on this. Your life is your own. If your wife can't accept your hobbies as part of who you are, she needs to take a serious look at the relationship from her perspective. I assume she knew you collected when you got involved? You guys sat down together and made the JOINT decision for her to keep working, because she made more, and for you to stay home so at least 1 parent was raising your child. I completely agree with this. But she has to understand that it is completely unfair to ask you to stop doing something you love doing as a hobby. You've given up enough. Sit down with her, work out a budget that you can both agree on, and talk about it maturely. Making her happy isn't about giving in and giving her what she wants just because she makes more money then you. If that's her problem, tell her to get f**ked. Obviously, you don't want to do that. And, sure, she DOES have a right to voice her opinion. But she should take your love of collecting into consideration, as much as you take the money and her opinion into consideration. Relationships are about compromise. On every level. That's the only way to ever be reasonably happy and make it last, man. If after you two talk, you still can't come to a compromise, this is a situation you need to take to a counselor, not a figure board. Or you 2 WILL end up resenting each other, and it can get very bad. It seems you want to make her happy, and you don't want things to go bad. Make sure to emphasize that to her. You want her to be happy, but you also want to be able to enjoy your hobby too. There's nothing wrong with that. And if you can't get as much because of money, that's fair. So your advice is for him to tell his wife to get ed? You realize that is his wife? You realize she is a living human being? Now think for a minute. You're seriously going to pick peices of plastic over a human being? A person who has picked YOU to spend the rest of your lives together? Im not saying he should give up what he likes. Im just saying he should work. Work will not only provide him with more money, it will also give him something a little more productive to do with his time other than order toys from online. I think the reason I dont have as many figures today, as opposed to when I was single, is because I work so much I dont have much time to shop for toys. Which is fine because when you finally do find a toy you like it's that much more enjoyable. My advice to the OP would be to think. Think about which you like better. Do you like a happy wife better? Or do you like toys and sports cards better? I know you like collecting, we all do if we're on this site, but you have to grow up eventually. If you pick the wife than try to make her happy. Maybe cut way back on collecting? Maybe enjoy the pieces you already have? Maybe dont spend money you dont have on toys? I say this because if she nagged it's obviously cause you spent money. If you pick collecting than maybe you rushed into a relationship? Maybe you arent ready to commit to being a man for your woman?
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Post by master of the WORLD! on Dec 20, 2012 0:06:14 GMT -5
Why aren't you working more than 15 hours a week if you have kids ?! Idk maybe it's just me but if I was in the same position and my gf or wife complained what can I really say since she's the one going out full time and making the money. Maybe find a way to make more money maybe?...
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Post by master of the WORLD! on Dec 20, 2012 0:17:24 GMT -5
I have a young daughter and me and my gf both work full time (her mother watches the baby when we work) and I get paid twice a month. I give her one full check a month and with the other check I pay bills and if I happen to hav extra afte then I will buy figures(I can usually spend 100-200 a month but I spend more reasonably usually) idk I personally would never be able to only work only 15 hours a week and think that's enough
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Post by jrjumpshot on Dec 20, 2012 1:12:43 GMT -5
There have bee some very great points in this thread. This is probably one of the best reads I have read on this board in months. Time to clear a few things up.
1. The reason I only work about 15 hours a week at the moment is because if I work anymore, there isn't anytime for "us" as a couple. She works 8-5 and I work 6-12 a couple nights a week. That leaves us with anywhere from 3 to 5 evenings a week to spend as a family. If you start working anymore than that, which I have, you start becomming more of roommates than a married couple. You get to pass each other in the hall way a few times a week. That's about it. Our parents live anywhere from a half hour to an hour and a half away and they all still work themselves. It isn't an option to drop the kids off with them at the moment so I can go to work full time.
2. We sat down and address this situation tonight after the kids went to bed. We both said a few things we probably didn't mean, but in the end I feel we settled on a fairly nice compromise. Hopefully we can stick to it because I think it is a win win for both of us.
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Joe Delta
Main Eventer
Generic Dad sells well
Joined on: Jan 28, 2005 16:30:07 GMT -5
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Post by Joe Delta on Dec 20, 2012 1:17:45 GMT -5
Foot her the bill for day care/child care. Bet her ass will shut the up.
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hollywoodryan
Main Eventer
nWo 4-Life
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Post by hollywoodryan on Dec 20, 2012 1:26:52 GMT -5
Next time a box arrives just tell her it was a back order item from a long time ago and you forgot it was coming or you would have told her.. Worked for me.. Until she left me in April.. Haha, now I just lie to myself about my obsession!
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Post by Robert69 on Dec 20, 2012 1:27:24 GMT -5
Halloween King, I absolutely did NOT say to tell his wife to get f**ked randomly. I said if she wants to hold things over his head and go out of her way to make him miserable, which is somewhat how he made it sound, then he should do so. Why would you want to keep someone and go out of your way to make them happy if they wouldn't do the same for you? My point was and remains to COMPROMISE. She should not get her way simply because she makes more money. And if they came to the mutual decision for one of them to stay home, then she is equally responsible for this situation. Which means she can not turn around and make him feel depressed or guilty for the situation she originally agreed too. She needs to be willing to sit down and listen to his point reasonably. If what you took from what I said was that I was telling him to just tell her to go screw herself, you greatly misjudged my point, my friend. Everything I said more than takes her emotion into account.
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Generic Theme
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Posts: 567
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Post by Generic Theme on Dec 20, 2012 1:59:36 GMT -5
It is always helpful to try to put yourself in someone else's shoes. As much as I love collecting, it would be strange to come home from a long day of work to my wife who is unboxing her 273rd and 274th Barbie. I am sure that in her mind, this is something that has no end, and if she brings the situation up to friends, what do you think they would say? I am sure that they would think that it is so bizarre that her husband collects toys and would give her advice based on that.
Family always has to come first. Maybe now would be a good time to rifle through some of your old figures and admire the collection that you have built, rather than think of the figures that you wish to acquire. You have to be happy, but so does your wife, and it sounds like she wishes for more financial security right now.
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austin81
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Post by austin81 on Dec 20, 2012 8:39:53 GMT -5
Before I get too wild with this post, I just have to say this will be a long read and I apologize for that. I just need to vent some frustration and this just feels like the best place to do so. Now, to tell this story properly, I need to give you a little backstory on how my family operates. For the most part, I am the stay at home dad. My wife works full time and brings in a majority of our income. I do work part time though at a grocery store about 15 hours a week to bring in a little cash. For the most part though, we consider all the money we bring in "Our" money. We have 1 checking account. So, today my wife snapped at me again when a package arrived with a couple new figures in it. In the last 6 months though, I've cut my collecting down by at least half already. Still, not enough I guess. She was mad mainly because I didn't tell her I had any new figures incomming. Not so much that I actually spent money on them. I really wasn't trying to keep it a secret from her or anything like that, but I've just found out from prior experiences, It's an arguement when I tell her I bought a new figure as well. So, It's a lose lose situation for me. Now, since we have been married, I've already stopped collecting sports trading cards, which at the time was a much more expensive hobby. I did this in part because I just didn't enjoy it as much as I used to and part because my wife didn't support that hobby either. I've also found myself not watching near as much wrestling, basketball, or football games as I'd like to. Once again, because my wife either wants to watch something or she wants to spend more family time. Most of the time, I go with it because I just don't feel it is my place to make a stink about it because as stated above, I'm home with the kids all day and she deserves some time with them or some quite time watching a little mindless TV. But, when it comes to my wrestling figure collection, I'm just not quite as willing to bend on them. I don't want to give up anymore than I have already done. I enjoy collecting them. The problem is, do I quit collecting figures and be unhappy by giving up yet another hobby of mine and making the wife happier or do I need to put my foot down on this one and just tell her the figures are not going anywhere and continue collecting the way that I am? A huge part of me just feels like I should just quit collecting because having these arguements with her just makes collecting not near as fun as it used to be when I was growing up. The another part of me says she needs to just come to grip with it....Wrestling figures have been a part of my life since day 1. LJN, Hasbro, Galoob, Jakks, and now Mattel. I've grown up with all of them. Now that I've spilled my personal problems to you guys, does anyone else have to deal with this same situation? i'm with you! my girl-friend hate me when i buy figures.... for her are waste of money.... they are for kid! But wrestling figures are my life.... i collect since i was 10 ...
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Post by ~ Cymru ~ on Dec 20, 2012 8:51:52 GMT -5
Bring to her attention all the other things you've cut out of your life for her, and spend only the money you make from working in the grocery store, I know you share money etc etc but just point out its coming from your own job so its not like she's working to fund your hobby. tell her that its something you've done since you were a child and its the only thing other than your family that interests you all that much.
remember: its not what you say, its how you say it. you cant go into an argument all guns blazing, but you cant be too nonchalant about it, you have to be firm but not closed minded. also when making points about it being something that really interests you, make sure you leave in some lovey stuff, saying that its the only thing that interests you is a no no, say something like other than you and the kids, its the only thing that interests me. outside of family life, its the only thing that really brings me joy etc etc.
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Post by Bandalero on Dec 20, 2012 8:51:59 GMT -5
this thread is amusing because it makes me reflect on how I handle the wife. See I buy/trade lots of parts to make fix-ups and I pick our son up from school in the afternoons, so that gives me about 2 hours to get dinner ready (I'm the cook) and hussle any quick fix-ups I can get done and throw out all the shipping packages. So while the pot's on the stove, I've got a cup in the microwave heating up to soak some figure or the other lol. I don't really have to "get rid of the evidence" but sub-consciously I guess I think if she sees me cracking torsos and packages laying around then it could be a problem. When she does get home we have dinner and do family stuff, so cooking/torso cracking is my unwinding time I guess
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2012 9:05:45 GMT -5
This hobby, like anything else, can be detrimental to family life and mental health if not done in moderation and balanced properly to match your lifestyle.
I've been off the hook in the past and still make expensive buys, but make it a point to try and rotate collection items, by selling off the lesser version if I buy something I deem superior. I made the decision to stop being a completist in favor of buying only what I really like..but I will also buy 2 of an item if I like it and immediately rid myself of an item if I decide I don't.
The only person to answer your question is you, as all of our personal situations may differ from yours.
Try to be understanding of her concerns and requests and ask her to do the same with yours. We all need something to focus on that makes us happy.
EDIT: Forgot to thank you for sharing the experience and being open about your experience. It's important that we share these, as I guarantee there are at least 20 other people in the same situation you are, that are afraid/embarrassed to openly share and your discussion may have helped them.
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tampatoys813
Superstar
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Post by tampatoys813 on Dec 20, 2012 9:10:21 GMT -5
when my wife gets pissy she bitches about my collection. if its not that its my jiu jitsu, if its not that its video games, ect ect ect. She has her vices and hobbies too. We have hobbies together also. But the point is when the wife is mad, they are lashing out and using things they know you enjoy to attack and get under your skin. its just part of being married, anyone who says otherwise isnt married or is unrealistic (IMO). Best thing to do is talk about, let her know how you feel. If you are spending money you shouldnt on the hobby that takes away from bills ect, take a break. If you spend too much time on the boards or obsessing over figs, it could be an issue. Take a step back if needed. Be honest with yourself about these questions. if you ARE spending money you shouldnt or decided to hide it from her after saying you wouldnt, then yes theres a problem you need to address. Yeah, I totally agree arguing and getting under each other skin IS a part of being married... So many guys I know have such a problem with this, especially the newlyweds lol.
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