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Post by Markw on Nov 3, 2023 11:47:56 GMT -5
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Post by Markw on Jan 11, 2023 7:34:44 GMT -5
Not sure how it might affect an American company with more diverse athletes, but it's common for big football clubs such as Manchester City and PSG to be owned by Saudi companies and while there was initially these same concerns, it has not damaged their reputations and if anything has made them even better, stronger clubs. The Saudi PIF actually owns my team Newcastle United and the response has been amazing. We're a good team again and the feelgood factor around the team and city has gone through the roof. Man City’s owners are from the UAE.
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Post by Markw on Aug 17, 2022 15:04:50 GMT -5
When Shuggy threatened Trace, I felt that and that's the gravity and weight of the match at Scars & Stripes. It's a non-title but sooooooooooooo much is on the line! It's also not happening
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Post by Markw on Aug 17, 2022 14:55:26 GMT -5
The new era of Vince Russo booked WFWF continues to knock it out the park.
Titus/Diabolos was everything it promised to be and more. The continued double turn teasing of Johnny/Mesh is being excellently done, I genuinely feel worried for Mesh reading it, cannot wait to see where that goes at S&S.
DGX’s abuse of Werner has given me some of my absolute favourite moments of this tour.
Trace’s commercial was such a great idea, and executed perfectly. ‘sponsored by the good people at Trace Demon’s BBQ’s, where we use only the freshest meat and cook everyone, oh wait, I mean everything, on an open flame right in front of your face.’ What a brilliant bastard.
The EBR love-in was equal parts hilarious and nauseating, as a fan watching I would want Josh to win this so sooo much. Beautiful stuff.
The whole show was great, again, top to bottom. I’m so glad I was guilt-tripped into starting to read them properly.
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Post by Markw on Aug 17, 2022 2:42:40 GMT -5
Mainly just want to echo what’s already been said, this is definitely a step forward. Writing against a character that hasn’t been seen here for a long time, and that you have no history with, is a really difficult task, one that people who’ve been doing this a lot longer than you struggle with. You created a situation that let you work with what you did have really nicely to address the match and Ripp, really good work. Seeing someone address their opponents actual wrestling weaknesses was a really cool unique thing, it’s not something that would work for lots of people because a sane person isn’t sending in their strategy for a match to the WFWF and risking letting their opponent know that right? But POISON isn’t a sane person, and so you had the freedom to do that with this piece, I think it worked really well.
This is not to criticize anything about this as an individual piece. But I did feel like it shifted away from the really sinister view of the character we’ve had so far just a little bit. The last two pieces were him having thumbtacks pushed into him and the blood stained letter with the implication that POISON is going to kill and/or hurt Matt, it was all really mysterious twisted stuff. We had flashes of it with say the attack of the trainee and the headbutting the camera, but I’m just not sure this piece fit that vibe particularly overall.
And I think the main thing I’d say a few pieces in, is to build on a couple of the comments Mesh made in your last two RPs that I think apply here to. Sometimes, to me as a reader, the points POISON makes and the things he says don’t always fit with the way he acts and is portrayed.
So as an example “I want to prove to the world that my ways of training and thinking are the only correct way to do professional wrestling.” – I feel like that’s the sort of point I’d expect from a character who’s all about the art of wrestling, the sport. It doesn’t really feel like a natural thing for a violent sinister character to be concerned about to me? Not sure if that’s fair comment, but, yeah I just feel like there’s still some work to do to find POISON’s voice. I think taking some time between tours to do a deep dive in your own planning, into who POISON is, how you want to portray him and what would be his natural response to situations so that there’s a real consistency to who the character is (which of course can evolve and change over time), would help you.
But all in all this is an exciting step forward, really enjoying seeing your progress.
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Post by Markw on Aug 11, 2022 1:04:54 GMT -5
Thanks all, really appreciate the feedback. Just wanted to give my thoughts on a couple of points. It's not really a critique and more of a faint suggestion, but with the brevity of the closing monologue and the RP being written in a first person perspective it's possible you could combine the two, but admittedly if the closing monologue is supposed to function as a promo aired for the masses then that probably doesn't work very well. Honestly, and this won’t reflect well at all, but I don’t really know what the monologues are. I’ve always felt like they should be public knowledge/an opponent should know they happened and be able to retort – but I don’t know in my head how they’re shared. I started writing monologues essentially because everyone else did, originally with settings and description but I struggled to make that believable and the people whose work I was really enjoying here were doing setting-less closing monologues. So I just stole that and people really responded to them positively/they always seemed to be a strength so I was reluctant to worry too much about it. It’s something I probably need to give some more thought so I at least have an answer to that second point. My other issue is the monologue felt a little more like, conclusive in Shuggy's mental state than the scenes seemed to leave him in. I really liked how the previous scene was mostly consumed by his regret, his feelings of responsibility and then the monologue was ultimately him telling us of a resolve he's found as opposed to really showing us him getting there. Very fair. I think the issue there’s kind of two-fold, one part is that I cut some bits because I wanted to really flesh out the scenes on the back of the previous feedback and my time management wasn’t good enough to do it for what I originally planned. Although I’m not sure it would have made a huge amount of difference because the second is, that it feels like I’ve failed to convey where I wanted Shuggy to be at in that second scene. I don’t know if that’s because I leant too much into Joe’s anger, or if the dialogue was a bit off or if I just leant on the guilt side a bit too much. But really I wanted Shuggy to be very much as angry as Joe (just maybe not as pessimistic), with like a side order of guilt about the whole situation to. Whereas I think what I ended up conveying flipped those. The first is, the premise of a showcase match isn't really to be about the opponent because their opponent is a complete jobber. So there is a degree where cutting a promo on Karate Steve is a little like someone cutting a promo on SD Jones, Duane Gill, etc... I do disagree with this for a few reasons (And obviously I kind of don’t like the idea of uncompetitive E-Fed matches so that’s colouring my view a little). Partly because, this fed has a history of comedy and joke characters winning matches they would never have been expected to. I’m sure Hugh Jass had at least a couple of victories to his name against serious opponents. We had a hobo tag team lead to one of the most successful champions in the promotion’s history. Why shouldn’t we take them seriously? I know that now the position is going to be that if there’s a no-show the match doesn’t happen or the serious opponent is replaced, but that’s not been the case for almost all of the fed's existence and in my mind three weeks of that approach isn’t going to have changed the mindset when the fans have been used to seeing those mainly no-show induced shocks before. I think they're waiting for one of these matches to end in a big upset personally. And then there’s also that, I think there’s a big part of Shuggy that thinks he has been brought in to do the same role. He’s 5’6”, little physique, has no experience in other feds, has been told throughout his training by Joe that he’s a joke who shouldn’t be near a wrestling ring and was told by his trainer Andy that he’s getting everything too fast and that he’s not ready for it. His record from his first run wasn’t great. There’s an uber confident, extrovert side to him, but I don’t think he’s oblivious to the fact that he’s not very good. And so I don’t see why he should be treating anybody like they’re his jobber. In Shuggy’s mind he's a showcase wrestler who’s hopefully going to surprise some people like he did with Johnny.
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Post by Markw on Aug 10, 2022 12:20:25 GMT -5
Ok first thing’s first, I am going to be (and have already been) obsessing for far too long over whether the words outside of the span tags have a meaning. 'Broken-down three an come have no never-ending ago question lastly four-foot' Is what I have, not sure if I’m missing any? What does it mean?! But oh yeah, the RP. Definite step forward I think. If your last RP didn’t feel like a very real (or at least common enough for me to have experienced it) therapy encounter, this one was the complete opposite. The WEMWBS style survey, the agonising over whether to be honest with the answers or not, the minute long encounter with a stranger meaning a ton more to Mason than it would to someone in a healthier state of mind. Just all very real, believable stuff that makes it so easy to empathise with him. I’m intrigued to see how you handle bringing Ava back into the picture assuming that will happen. My main advice is just to reiterate to keep reading as much as possible, but this was a big positive step and I’m looking forward to reading your RP for the match with Mesh. I love the dynamic the two of you have going on right now.
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Post by Markw on Aug 10, 2022 9:49:25 GMT -5
Another wonderful show. The void stuff is getting really good now, love those graphics. Mesh and Mason is developing into a really interesting feud. I am becoming increasingly in love with Kay Fabe, what a hero she is. DGX’s backstage stuff was great and really helped put over and set up a lot of different stuff, that’s really cool to see. I love the way the show was structured with Trace not showing up, that feeding into a lot of cool angles and then giving us that horrible show ending.
This bit popped me so much knowing what was coming. Wonderful stuff.
Definitely bringing my TITUS! sign to S&S.
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Post by Markw on Aug 10, 2022 2:02:08 GMT -5
Right I'm sorry it's taken me so long to read and reply to this, and also sorry that I don't have anything new to really add. I would just say that this is absolutely exquisite, and anybody who has been as lazy as me and not read it yet, should do and should take notes.
You really did a great job of reintroducing Sheila in a way that it worked as an introduction to me as a new reader of your stuff, but in a way that definitely wouldn't have felt odd to an older reader. And a really impressive introduction(?) of Vivian and German, they are all instantly unique feeling interesting characters.
This whole RP was filled with some fantastic humour, and everything was done with such purpose. I popped so hard at 'SHE is hurting feelings.' just a really fantastic example of introducing an element naturally, and then using it to insert humour and get across EBR's point of view in a way that's really engaging.
I think you did the best job of dealing with being in a showcase match with an opponent who doesn't give you a huge amount to feed off this show. You addressed the match well and fit it seemlessly into the wider story you wanted to tell, really nicely done.
Yeah, just superb, I can't wait to read more.
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Post by Markw on Aug 8, 2022 15:52:20 GMT -5
WFWF Knuckles Up in Boston – How Good Would It Feel? July 19th 2022He'll Kick You Apart! He’ll Kick You Apart! Was such an amazin’ night. The adrenaline, the glamour, the drama. Honestly, was of the biggest rushes o’ ma life.
An’ it dawned on me, maybe this is ma calling.
Maybe this is who a was always meant to be.
Shuggy.
The Royal Scottish Country Dancer. Rory O’Connor: So glad ye could make it. Shuggy: Aye, me too. Honestly? Wasnae gonna miss this for the world. Rory O’Connor: Glad to hear it. Gives me a great big pat on the back. No’ gonna lie these lads and lasses have meant to be doing this for years, but yous look round and it’s just a bit tame. I mean just all circling each other round a great big hall really. Anyone could do it.
Now me, I know it’s day one an’ all. But I’ve already got plenty o’ moves mastered. I got the Robot, the Carlton, even been known to bust out the Moonwalk. I’ll prolly save that one for a special occasion, but f*** me, I’m gonna blow their minds. Rory O’Connor: Ok now everyone grab a partner and stand two feet apart. They flock to me, course the do. Eventually find masel standing across from a nice old lady who can hardly believe her luck.Rory O’Connor: Now first you’ll want to step towards each other and when you meet link your right arms. Starting off with some easy stuff. Ok, that’s cool, donnae want to show ma hand too quick anyhow.Rory O’Connor: Then turn 180 de… Wonder how long it’ll take them to work out I’m a natural.Rory O’Connor: …loop twice, then switch to… Isnae gonna be long surely. Rory O’Connor: Ok, let’s go. The music starts, an’, wait what am I sposed ta be doin’?
Argh f***, well they’re getting improvising. And what an improvised routine it was, everyone staring an' so theys should be.
Ah bugger phone, just when I was starting to find my groove.Shuggy: Sorry folks gotta take this, be back with yer in a minute. Kyle: Hey bro, yer on speaker. We need you to settle an argument. Shuggy: Wha’ is it this time? Kyle: Trace did knock you oot right. Kelsie: He did not. Kyle: Totally did. Shuggy: What? Kyle: It’s all over the dirtsheets, some fans saw you passed out, apparently Trace knocked you oot after the show. Shuggy: At nae point last night did I lose consciousness. I think.Kelsie: Told you! Shuggy: Or… if I did… it were definitely the alcohol, not any fight. Kyle: So he knocked you oot. Wee c*** sounds so proud of himsel’Kelsie: For f*** sake.Shuggy: You have totally made this up ya fanny, Trace didnae attack me after the show. At least I donnae think he did? Did he? I mean anything coulda happened after tha’ show to be honest.Kelsie: I knew it. Kyle: Proves nothing, Shugs was clearly off his face, prolly just doesnae remember it. I’m sure I would remember.Kelsie: Pay up. Seriously?Shuggy: Yous bet on this? Kyle: I ain’t payin’, this proves nothin’. Shuggy: There wasnae any fight. Trace doesnae like me a whole lot, and tonight wouldnae have helped, but it’s just wrestling. He wouldnae just attack me out of the blue. Now shut up and pay her you bawbag. There prolly wasnae a fight to be fair.Shuggy: An’ for the love o’ God focus on yer training the pair of yous. Kelsie: Uh, yeah, of course, sorry. Kyle: This is so unfair. Shuggy: I’m hanging up now, gotta get back to the dancin’, behave yersels. Kyle: Danci-*beep* I didnae have the pair o’ em getting even more irritating when I’m not living with ‘em on ma bingo card.
Right where was I? Oh yeah, ma dancing. Time to show these folks they’re dealing wi’ a pro.
I moonwalk my way back into the hall like an absolute badass, an’ instantly insert myself into the moves, they’re all doing more o’ the same old same old boring s*** an’ I’m f***in’ stealin’ the show as per. Donnae seem that enthusiastic about it, but guess they’re just jealous.Rory O’Connor: Thank you Shuggy, maybe you could just sit this one out and pick up again at the next routine? Shuggy: Gotcha pal, say no more. Must admit, there is a wee part o’ me startin’ to think maybe I amnae cut out for this country dancing s*** after all. Like Back To The Future innit? They’re just not ready for me yet. Maybe I just been a bit home sick an’ this were a wee moment of crisis tha’ got outta hand?
Aye, you know what? F*** it. This sucks baws sober.---August 2nd 2022Most of the time, you make a mistake, an error of judgement, an’ honestly? Doesnae matter.
You can completely misjudge someone an’ frankly the worst that usually happens is yous get your feelings hurt. Isnae nice, but, at the end o’ the day? Who gives a s***.
You move on with yer life.
But I’ve made a mistake that I cannae just move on from.
I assumed tha’ we were having a wee professional spat.
I thought tha’ Trace just wanted an easy victory to kick things off and then to go hunting the title again, an’ you know what? I coulda lived with that.
I didnae think, not even for a second, tha’ it was this personal. That he was gonna do anything like this.
And now, here I am, sat across from Joe, separated by my, thankfully finally sleeping, friend. Her face bandaged up, her spirit completely sapped.Joe: I’m going to f***ing kill him. Shuggy: Get in the queue. Frankly donnae think we’re the only two in it, maybe just the most enthusiastic.Shuggy: I donnae get why? Why’d he do it? Joe: He doesn’t see human beings. He sees toys. Shuggy: What a f***in’ piece of s***. Joe: That’s Trace Demon. Would have been a good idea not to get involved. Shuggy: I’m sorry. F***, I’m so sorry.Joe: It’s done. I’m just going have to make him pay for it now. Shuggy: Let me. He half laughs, an’ it hurts a wee bit, but it’s fair.Shuggy: Poppy needs you. I know I amnae near his level, but I donnae need to be wrestling wise, just needa make him suffer. You know Trace, you can help me, but there isnae much point you doin’ it and not bein’ here to support her. He looks like he’ll at least give it a bitta thought.Shuggy: I mean like, I’ve got the advantage of bein’ an active wrestler, I can do what needs to be done an’ get away wi’ it. Joe: I suppose. Bing Joe looks at his phone and lets out a derisive snigger.Shuggy: Wha'? Joe: They’ve suspended him. Shuggy: Well good. Joe: Really? That’s what you were hoping for? A suspension? Bet it came with a pretty nasty slap on the wrist too. Shuggy: Well they cannae just fire him outright I guess? Gotta be legal stuff or some s***? Joe: Legal stuff? He threw a fireball, into her face. Cannae argue with that.Joe: They won’t fire him. They won’t do a f***ing thing. If you think Bobby Abadi is any different from the rest of them you’re in for a nasty wake up call Hugh. They don’t care about people. They care about profit, and they know people are gonna pay big money to see Trace now, if they weren’t already. Shuggy: Depressing. Joe: Yep. But that’s the way it is. He’ll be back in no time at all, no real punishment, no hope of him learning any lesson. They don’t give a s*** about that. They’ll suspend him long enough for the sponsors to forget it and then bang back before you know it. Honestly, hard to disagree.Joe: I guess we’ve just got to make sure you’re ready when he does. Shuggy: I will be. He doesnae look amused.Joe: Trace has been doing this since you were watchin’ the WFWF in your ET pyjamas… Since Loaded?Joe: If you shut up and listen to every ounce of insight I can give you on that man, then you might have a one in a hundred chance of being ready for this. Shuggy: Got it. Joe: And believe me, it’s not gonna be easy. I nod.Shuggy: I’m so sorry. I know I shoulda listened to you, shoulnae have come back to this place, put Poppy and Ellie around these people. I’m so f***in’ sorry. He doesnae say a word, and why should he? It’s true. This is on Trace Demon, but it’s on me too.
I’ve made a mistake that I cannae move on from.
And Trace, so have you. ---I havnae got a problem with you Steve. Dinnae really give a s*** about ya to be honest.
But the thing is, at Knuckles Up, yer gonna be the victim o’ some real poor timing.
See I will nae be stepping into the ring with Karate Steve.
At Knuckles Up yer gonna be playin’ the part o’ Trace Demon. From now until I get ma hands on tha’ prick in the middle of tha’ squared circle, every match is a dress rehearsal. Every match is ma preparation for making him pay for what he’s done to Poppy, to Joe, to Me.
And mostly for my daughter. I’m gonna have to live with seein’ her scream at our telly, tears bawling doon her face, beggin’ for her Mummy. Beggin’ for that man to stop hurting her mum.
Feeling f***in’ powerless to do anythin’ ‘bout it.
Knowin’, that there’s a wee bit of it, on ma heed.
Every match is about me getting masel to a point where I can face that man in the ring, and do what he does better than him.
Make him f***in’ suffer for thinkin’ that his f***in’ pride is more important than people’s lives.
Believe me bud, if we were doin’ this a couple of weeks ago, I’d have been right up for a bit of fun. I’d a been throwin’ my money at NFTs. I’d a been explaining in great depth why yer wrong about Lucky Charms. I’d a been googlin’ Paul Walker so I could tell yous all whether or no’ I give a s***.
But not now, sorry bud, woulda been fun, but I cannae be that person now.
At Knuckles Up, yer Trace Demon, an’ believe me, that isnae who you wanna be, right now, against me.
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Post by Markw on Aug 7, 2022 4:05:30 GMT -5
Sorry for the delayed response Josh.
I enjoy Josh and Wayne's dynamic, I'm really excited to see how that plays out and I love that you're using an established character to be that support for Josh. Your base of support characters is set up really nicely that you've got someone for Josh to lean on in any situation he finds himself that feels natural which is a great position to be in. The transitions were really cool and the writing structured in an interesting way.
I did find this quite dry a lot of the time. I don't know if it's an American/British cultural difference, or if it's just because I'm uncultured, but a lot of the refrences didn't land for me so it was a bit of a 'do I assume this is a red haired character and move on or do I google them' but either way not ideal. And yeah, on top of it not really landing for me, it then felt like it was just quite overdone to me. And then after that a lot of the humour didn't really hit, and things felt a bit slow moving at times which combined with my terrible attention span just stopped it really engaging me as much as it could. That's not like exclusive to you, a lot of great writers we've had here I just struggled with because there was too much I didn't get or that didn't click for me, and I'm not sure you even need to do anything with the information because it feels like it's probably not an issue many readers are finding, but just throwing it out there. And yeah, the only other thing I'd say is, as with Alex's RPs at the minute, I want more relevance to the specific match personally.
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Post by Markw on Aug 5, 2022 10:33:42 GMT -5
Think this is all really important stuff to raise (and I am going to get round to Josh & E sorry for the delay).
I definitely think there are things newer readers & wrtiers can offer that the more experienced can't. Sometimes you feel like you have to be able to diagnose a problem if you've been doing this a while to raise it and are reluctant to mention if you can't precisely put your finger on it or if there are other things you want to raise that you do have suggestions for. So there's some freedom in not knowing why but just saying 'this section wasn't as enjoyable to me' and let the writer work out why that is and what if anything they need to do, or it might just make something click for someone else who can go in off the back of it and say 'I think maybe that's because of x'. Anything you can add to the dialogue around a piece will help. It can be intimidating but everyone's pretty relaxed, most of us will always appreciate feedback, postivie, negative or neutral.
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Post by Markw on Aug 2, 2022 10:35:17 GMT -5
So I mean overall this was really good stuff again. I think you’re writing Alex’s existential crisis incredibly well, your style is really engaging, you’re setting things up really nicely and taking your time taking us through Alex’s story. The whole intro section was wonderful, as was the closing monologue which told it’s story about where Alex is in a really cool abstract way.
I struggled with the Q&A session to be honest. I’m pretty sure the odds of those name checked coming back is quite slim and feuding with you slimmer still, so it’s just sort of planting seeds that are never gonna grow. I get that it was important to show the battle inside Alex between the self-conscious, ‘do people remember or care’ about me side and the still arrogant self-righteous side of him, and that blurring the lines and writing how you feel can be powerful, but I don’t know I just felt a bit ‘uh we’re doing this about all of these people, here, for quite a long time huh’ reading it. I would have preferred to read an honest cathartic inside the mind of your own and then this RP get the point about Alex’s state of mind in a more subtle way and in a way that relates more to characters who you might conceivably come up against down the line. But they were my thoughts after reading it. Based on the comments it looks like I’m alone in that so you’re probably cool.
Gunnar absolutely bulls***ting Alex about the crowd only knowing him as Showtime when those asking questions care about Shawn Malakai, wear Mesh shirts, and think of Obo as Schneider is very fun and really does make you dislike him. But I do wonder why Alex isn’t getting bigger audiences and receptions to this, unless the narration we’re getting is just Alex’s perception of it and he is(?), but if that is the case I’m not sure how clearly it comes across – not that clearly to me anyway.
And yeah, obviously my feelings about it needing to get more relevant to the current state of the WFWF and the matches Alex is involved in for me to really love it apply here as well.
But just to reiterate because there’s lots of negative points in there, I overall really enjoyed reading this and I am so hyped for when you kick into gear in competitive matches.
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Post by Markw on Aug 2, 2022 3:58:42 GMT -5
F**K YOU SHUGGY HOW DARE YOU I'm as cut up about Shuggy's heel turn as you believe me.
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Post by Markw on Jul 18, 2022 15:24:46 GMT -5
Absolutely fantastic read from top to bottom. Got to echo the love for the commentary team and I'm so enjoying following Mesh/Mason at the minute. Really top stuff from everyone, great show.
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Post by Markw on Jul 16, 2022 16:47:36 GMT -5
Who's leading the mutiny?
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Post by Markw on Jul 16, 2022 13:18:18 GMT -5
Has anyone sent you an invite to the Discord? Most chat and a lot of updates tend to end up on there now.
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Post by Markw on Jul 13, 2022 9:55:24 GMT -5
I've always believed strongly in the idea that, in a competitive environment, if you can't do something as well as the best, finding something you can be the best at that they don't do as well. In a sense the old Eric Bischoff if they're selling Mercedes, sell Harley Davidsons argument. It sounds like with Aphantasia it would probably be very hard for you to write in a more visually-centered way and, in that sense, I think the way you have developed your writing style is a really cool way of essentially doing something really well that doesn't require you to have to do that less well. I think it's a balance that I'm not on the right side of here. I definitely can bring more life into the scene, more movement/action where it's required but still narrated in this style which I can write. Where I struggle more, and tend to switch off, with both reading and writing is the eloquent third person narration that like Brennan as a prime example would write. It's obviously objectively good but it definitely loses a lot if you're not holding, or trying to form, a picture of the scene in your head while reading. There's no reason I can't do the scene setting and visual stuff in the way that say Drakz and Trace do where it's first person narration that's very much focused on the character's perception of things and in many ways a continuation of their monologue, it's just an area I've realy neglected because I've always had this frustration with scenes that probably stems from trying to write third person narrative previously. And just general laziness because monologues are so much easier for me to write without needing to think much at all. Thanks for the feedback Alex/Trace much appreciated.
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Post by Markw on Jul 13, 2022 9:39:08 GMT -5
So I mean first thing's first, I don’t think any non-Drakz RP has made me laugh this much before, your humour really hits with me like Drakz’s does and that’s such a huge thing as a reader.
I thought this was awesome. You pulled Trace apart beautifully in that coffee interview with Werner and then hammered it home beautifully in the closing monologue. Just really really enjoyable stuff, exactly the sort of thing I love reading.
Favourite lines (just echoing EBR on two of these it seems but they were awesome)
‘Just…the Crier thing. It uhh, it needs to go through’
‘Huh, Alex and his underwhelming and underendowed organ seem to have left another disappointed red head with that distinct cocktail of disappointment and hint of distaste’
‘Random Starbucks patron: Yeah Wien, do you know what that means?!’
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Post by Markw on Jul 13, 2022 8:22:39 GMT -5
She stands four foot eleven, weighing in at around one hundred pounds. I thought this was just such a good line. Funny, helps to establish the idea that Johnny’s frame of mind is that he’s working against her rather than with her, keeps the scene feeling relevant to pro wrestling. I thought that was a really nice touch. There were a few other things in that scene that are quite off my experience of therapy and didn’t feel that realistic, but that may well just be an America/Britain difference. What I would say is if you have experience of something like that and it’s relevant then it’s great to include, if you don’t then spend a lot of time researching how therapists/psychiatrists are trained to talk to people (or go get some therapy, everyone needs therapy) before you write about it. But again it’s probably just that Americans are crazy, therapists are upping drug dosages without asking patients how they feel about it and not talking through why someone feels suicidal, I don’t want to believe that but I definitely could. Edit: Ok based on Alex's response it's not an America thing, so yeah, write what you know and if you don't know it find out before you write it. Agree with EBR on the monologues. I thought the first was really strong at setting the scene, letting us into Mason’s mindset and where he’s been at. The second could have done with fleshing out more. It’s perfectly valid for Mason to be looking past Shuggy, but there were still areas where expanding on points could have helped. Eg. Saying ‘My opponent for the next show reminds me of you quite a bit actually’ but then not expanding on it is a real missed opportunity, how/why does he? That can lead into really easily making points about both your current and future opponent (and should be easy enough to do, because he’s right, there are a ton of similarities there to play on – but I’m left just guessing what in particular he’s referencing). I did really like the Bleeding Red Man line too. You’ve got some good lines, know how to write an interesting monologue, just keep expanding on the points you make because they’re good and you want to highlight your strengths as much as you can. Overall good stuff, looking forward to seeing more from you and very excited for the clash with Mesh.
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