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Post by Drakz on Jul 28, 2022 14:27:55 GMT -5
I'm gonna make a point from now on of not reading other folks' comments before I write my own, so sorry if I repeat anything that's already been touched on.
This was excellent, and for a different reason to usual. Usually I just enjoy reading your work because it makes me laugh and flows in a way that isn't a chore to read at all, but this (whilst there were bits that made me laugh) was far more about a theme, and a short story told within the confines of a single RP. As soon as I saw the "SHE" thing, I was literally saying to myself "please flip that on its head., please flip that on its head" and you nailed it. This was such a great insight into E's relationship, and one that had a reason for us to be a fly on the wall. We saw the impact the relationship and Sheila's success is having on him, but we also saw how E refuses to give into his previous bad habits, and that just adds another layer to him as a character.
One thing I will say, and I know some people will probably have said the total opposite to my opinion on this, is I wasn't much of a fan of German. He was just a bit too much of a cookie cutter, flamboyant/glitzy show biz guy for me to get invested in anything he was saying or doing. I dunno if he'll ever even show up again, but yeah, that was the only bit of this RP that I didn't 100% enjoy.
Besides that this was a total homer, and tbh it's ridiculous you put something like this out for a jabroni match.
Some of my favourite lines:
"Nothing. Just waited as the weeks turned into months and the months approached a year, and subsequently the realization began to creep in that this may be it and this is how it ends, not with credits rolling but simply the discovery that they ran out of film before the third act."
"He misses one show and an historic venue gets trashed. It is evident that EBR is the locker room leader."
"the man they call HANDLECATCH."
"Though it does remind him he needs to upload that bis & tris superset routine he recorded as part of his “EBArms” series."
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Post by Drakz on Jul 18, 2022 8:23:26 GMT -5
"Folks better um... watch out... I guess."
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Post by Drakz on Jul 17, 2022 13:13:08 GMT -5
*cough* join the Discord. *cough* Discord aint my cup of tea You should get that cough checked out. Mesh is covid
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Post by Drakz on Jul 17, 2022 7:09:52 GMT -5
I wasn't going to say it, but I think it's worth saying, I was little put out that Sleater appears as she did in this RP, after I made her such a central part of my last few RPs before our lay off. I mean she was in Drakz's corner in the SB main event. Drakz practically saved her from her self destruction.
I don't have an issue with her banging Trace, but if I ever decide to bring Drakz back in, I now need to ret-con that pretty integral part of his story, or at least work around it. Which again I don't mind doing, but I would have appreciated at least a heads up before hand so we could have hashed out the details of where she's at as a character.
It feels like a dumb thing for me to take issue with, as she was an on screen character, not one of my own creations, but yeah. I guess maybe you didn't read those last few RPs etc anyway as you weren't around at that point I don't think?
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Post by Drakz on Jul 17, 2022 5:42:27 GMT -5
Well this was just great. A nice introduction of sorts for people to know where DGX is coming from, his personality and why he does hat he does. Like Markw said, you've got a good handle on humour without the RP just becoming a slapstick mess. No one is taking D any less seriously at the end of it. Favourite lines: "Ummm…yeah. Sovereign sure. Just…the Crier thing. It uhh, it needs to go through. I have bud, he’s real into togas and public speaking…uhh Steve! His name!" "Barista: Venti Expresso for D and Grande Caramel Macchiato for Wiener? "
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Post by Drakz on Jul 17, 2022 5:04:14 GMT -5
My main bit of constructive criticism was going to be what Markw touched on. Having "Matt" appear so many times in the description parts made it start to read a bit like a list. I like the letter as a method of getting Posion into the RP, and I liked the little cliff hanger at the end.
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Post by Drakz on Jul 17, 2022 4:58:56 GMT -5
'kin hell that was fun
"Lol high school"
"i can't remember if there were four pumps or three"
You write a brain dead stoner very well, even your replies to your own RP were in kayfabe
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Post by Drakz on Jul 17, 2022 4:54:07 GMT -5
My main gripe with this was I just wanted some more. I was just getting my teeth into it and then it was over. I dunno if that was down to the word limit or not though?
One overall emotion I took away from this, and one that was well written across the entire RP, was just despair. Not in an overly melodramatic way, but bubbling there below the surface was just a sadness and a sense that Mason has been left all on his own. I can dig that.
Like E said, I enjoyed that your monologue wasn't a scathing cut down of your opponent, because in his current mindset I don't think that would fit the character. He's a good guy that's been dealt a bad hand, and he wants his opponent to simply know: it's not you, it's me.
Very pleased you've stuck with us, considering the huge down time we had this last year mate.
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Post by Drakz on Jul 17, 2022 4:42:06 GMT -5
Not much to say that hasn't been covered here mate. Shuggy is about as pure of a babyface as we've ever seen here, and I love that. It could be boring to read, but because of your skill as a writer I enjoyed it all. I think writing in the Scottish vernacular helps that as well, for me at least. As a fan of Irvine Welsh I've always loved reading in that Scottish voice, as it immediately helps me settle into the character.
I thought the Mesh interaction was great, short but great, as it ties into what's going on with her as a character at the moment, and that continuity is something I'm a real sucker for.
Some of my favourite lines:
"Trace isnae the only WFWF wrestler who could pick a fight alone in a locked room"
"They’re create-a-wrestlers, you literally made me tha’ s*** you bawbag."
"This is now a much more polished wee alien enthusiast who is prolly just about ready."
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Post by Drakz on Jul 17, 2022 4:16:38 GMT -5
Good stuff mate.
I really enjoyed the Eddie stuff. He felt like an alien or something, tumbling into Trace's world not really knowing how to act around him, or for that matter how to be a functioning human being. Loved that.
Always dig a reference to someone else's RP, so the Alex convention stuff landed for me as well.
Unlike Alex I don't think it's as necessary to spell out exactly who all these different moving parts are, because I think that could harm the flow of the RP myself. Thankfully I knew who everyone was, and I know enough about XWA to understand the Rated X and DGX references there.
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Post by Drakz on Jul 8, 2022 10:15:17 GMT -5
Sounds neat and tidy to me boss
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Post by Drakz on Jul 5, 2022 13:34:17 GMT -5
Kurt Burton: LOOK, I DONT LIKE DGX! I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH DGX!
Long pause.
Alecia Matthews: .... but?
Kurt Burton: What? That was it.
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Post by Drakz on Jul 5, 2022 13:05:11 GMT -5
Stacked card
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Post by Drakz on Jun 30, 2022 7:06:11 GMT -5
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Post by Drakz on Jun 30, 2022 5:11:43 GMT -5
Not sure what else to say that hasn't already been said tbh. This was a great reintroduction to Alex, and really set up where he's at. Like Markw I was never a part of XWA, so any knowledge I have of events there is at best 2nd hand, so getting that scene out there really helped show me (and other's in my position) the man Alex used to be, and his relationships at that time. You've got a nice writing style that balances bleak, serious prose with stuff that made me laugh. That for me is what makes an enjoyable RP in WFWF. Always has. Couple of my favourite bits: "chuckles diabetically" - the best adverb I've ever seen "Sean stares at Kraig whitely." - until this one Well done son. I'm proud of ya kid.
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Post by Drakz on Jun 28, 2022 9:40:45 GMT -5
I should have it done hopefully in the next couple hours, work has been hectic lately. All hope is dead
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Post by Drakz on Jun 21, 2022 1:23:27 GMT -5
Excellent write ups
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Post by Drakz on Jun 19, 2022 15:43:04 GMT -5
I know her from Trainspotting
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Post by Drakz on Jun 16, 2022 16:06:27 GMT -5
I don't have an issue saying it cause I'm not talking about anyone here currently and my examples are primarily from the 2007-2012 era, but the concept of just posting a RP with character's personal life but nothing to do with the WFWF, but then tacking on a monologue about your opponent are what we should be trying to steer away from. I'm talking the type where characters are getting divorced or whatever so their character behaves one way, followed by a monologue that feels like it's a completely different character speaking. Multiple scenes are my preferable form of story telling, but if the scenes aren't specifically designed for where the character is at currently in the WFWF, then IMO, the RP ultimately failed to accomplish what it set out to do - tell a cohesive and informative story about the character. 1000 times this Also, not only is the lack of consistency in the character jarring (at best), I personally don't give a f*ck about your character's divorce
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Post by Drakz on Jun 16, 2022 16:02:07 GMT -5
Good to see Joe is still as churlish and miserable as ever
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